Mumsnet #64 New thread. NOW

[Wooh]

I'm going to come to you lot with my dilemma as posting on mumsnet would not be helpful in any way. What would you plan to wear to a summer wedding where the dress code is 'dress to impress'? I don't know if it means ball gowns, or just don't wear a tracksuit. Of course I could ask the bride but where's the fun in that. I'm a mumsnet certified fatty so maybe a sack dress would be a good idea

I love this dress of mine from a few years ago. I style it up or down and everyone loves that it still fits. I know I need to lose a couple of kilos here but I love burgers and this is just me! I dress to impress but I eat for me kisses bitches

 

[GBNI]

"Do you like my nails?" asks one poster today (hot pink/statement nail manicure). Among the usual, immediate nasty comments of women falling over each other to call it "tacky," this person seems to have once been attacked by a brightly-coloured nail art set and has unburdened herself on the thread as therapy:

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I’d say she’s also strict lights off missionary girl too. Once a month.

 

[qqwertyy]

Oh that train picnic thread is IMAGINE having a life where that’s become a tradition and then being bothered in the slightest that you can’t do it. IMAGINE laying out your antipasti on a grubby train table.

Someone has suggested they bring their own collapsible tray table. Someone has commented that they shouldn’t use wipes to wipe the surface as they’re bad for the environment. Someone is tut tutting at a poster disgusted by a drunk man throwing up on a train

Mumsnet gold.

 

[bread-pitt]

Yes, they shoehorn peri-menopause into everything. I saw a thread where the OP had a sore throat and was discussing soup recipes as all she felt like eating was soup. Along comes a poster telling her it’s “peri” and doesn’t even add any recipe ideas.

They have even said that the Salt Path people made up the story due to “peri” making her confused.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

This probably sounds really sterotypical and judgemental and I'm a terrible person, but this post does not sound like an 80 year old wrote it. Something seems off to me
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At 80 years old each, I wouldn't be booking a fuck off expensive holiday involving helicopters in the US for five months in the future, personally.

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

Someone will post in a minute that their sister died 3 years ago and then someone else's sister will have died 5 years ago from anorexia and she couldn't even go to a restaurant and people should be careful of the things they say.

Someone let me know when someone's sister died 10 years ago from choking to death on food someone else chose for her in a restaurant and I'll go and catch up from then.

Well at least they had a sister to lose, I have never even had one.

 

[Geetbo]

I'm going to come to you lot with my dilemma as posting on mumsnet would not be helpful in any way. What would you plan to wear to a summer wedding where the dress code is 'dress to impress'? I don't know if it means ball gowns, or just don't wear a tracksuit. Of course I could ask the bride but where's the fun in that. I'm a mumsnet certified fatty so maybe a sack dress would be a good idea

I got you babe

 

[ThatsNotMyKitten]

I've decided MN need to ban posters who respond to a query with "well I asked AI and". It's even worse than "well I asked DH and". Do they think the OP couldn't have asked ChatGPT? They aren't even doing it in the classic "let me Google that for you" pointed way. They genuinely think it's adding to the conversation.

 

[lilykestrel]

"This is a thread where we all have to pretend we actually really, really do answer the door girls and make up hilarious sitcom scenarios"

edit- although the dog comment made me genuinely laugh loudly!

Now I've got "Mormons in the street" to the tune of "Islands in the stream" in my head

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Tinkly laugh
Head tilt
Kindly, you need to move. NOW.

Aw, can we have Kindly, you need to move. NOW as next thread title? It's very MN!

 

[CrimsonCountess]

OP - FedEx delivered my parcel

First reply - who delivered the parcel?

 

[ChampagneBox]

Somebody's mithering about a date that turned up with wine, his dog (always a winner for me there), three leftover tomatoes and a packet of mozzarella.

Mumsnet is on fire. Again.


It would have been terrible had he bought a new packet instead of scrabbling around in the back of the fridge because;

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Too mild a criticism for you (and your eyes aren't bleeding from the spelling)?

Of course, people expecting more than a half eaten packet of golf balls are singlehandedly contributing to the end of Civilisation as we know it;


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Must have been a whole 30 calories there, of course they'd waste another 30 from being too full.


But it's the Patriarchy, you see -

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Nah, it's the massive age gap between them that's the problem -

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He's 69 and she's 60.

Is it just me or does this to normal people actually sound like an endearing first date story you’d tell the kids? Sounds like something out of those 90s British romcoms where the useless at real life but hot sad poet looking hugh grant character would bring to your house

 

[Iamthebosun]

Also from the McDonald's thread-

You can buy an organic chicken for £12 and it will last for 3 days if you make meals from the carcass/ stock.

 

[Iamthebosun]

It didn't take long for someone to come along and say that people should be grateful just being alive because her husband is handsome and DEAD

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She's just wasted her own time there because Mumsnetters would definitely rather be dead than ugly or old looking.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Typical fucking mumsnet. Cries behind the sofa - which coincidentally is made from the same fabric as their Bathsheba dress at the thought of a couple of stiff G&Ts, but sticks 2g of Columbia’s finest up their nostrils at the weekend fuelling their DCounty Lines and smuggled into the country up a peasant’s bumhole.

Because that’s how the high six-figure north Londoners roll.

 

[cowtastrophe]

They don’t say ‘breasts’ on MN, they say ‘norks’.

‘Large of nork’

But small of brain, love.

 

[Iamthebosun]

Speaking of fannies...

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Forget my last offering. I vote "You want your fanny tanned?" As the next thread title!





Not even on a long distance journey?! Why would you need a bigger seat if you're not stuffing your face with 1st class food?!




I'm obviously very dumb (it's ok though as I'm poor) because I read this and thought you meant he was dead (like "my late husband/wife" etc) .

Bloody Americans trying to get us to call out bums our fannys, it was inevitable after we allowed them to corrupt us with friends, Halloween and marshmallow fluff.

 

[WhyYouCry?]

There is a marvelous thread about someone being on holiday with another family and the op & her kid heard the other couple at it in the bedroom above. Several very shocked mnetters disgusted about it all and suggesting they must have been drinking.
I may have offered some very useful advice for the OP.
Thread called Friends night time noises

The line ‘have they taken alcohol OP?’ had me howling!

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

Oh darling, you're only married to one orthopaedic surgeon? I'm married to 4 of them

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The way she says "my income tops it up" like its a bit of pocket money, and then it turns out her income is 80K. Dick

And yes super brain, dropping your household income by 40% will probably mean you have less money if you quit your job.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Somebody's mithering about a date that turned up with wine, his dog (always a winner for me there), three leftover tomatoes and a packet of mozzarella.

Mumsnet is on fire. Again.


It would have been terrible had he bought a new packet instead of scrabbling around in the back of the fridge because;

Too mild a criticism for you (and your eyes aren't bleeding from the spelling)?

Of course, people expecting more than a half eaten packet of golf balls are singlehandedly contributing to the end of Civilisation as we know it;

Must have been a whole 30 calories there, of course they'd waste another 30 from being too full.


But it's the Patriarchy, you see -

Nah, it's the massive age gap between them that's the problem -

He's 69 and she's 60.