maytoseptember
VIP Member
If Clemmie Telford gets divorced it’ll be a couple of years later than everyone else, like everything else she does.
- Notice
pennypinchpam
VIP Member
I nominated myself as tribute and listened to her podcast so you don’t have to. Here are the cliff notes:
My ex my ex my ex my ex. They are so remarkable that she won’t use his actual name when referring to him.
Navigate, narrative, smorgasbord, lean in, papering over papercuts, juggernaut, midlife opportunity. All these words and phrases are officially icky now.
Matt and her apparently broke up last March and moved out and magpied. But supposedly they were pretty much over two years before that. But she cried and cried and cried and very very unhappy but there was no big bang or big affair but they made each other very unhappy and she cried and cried and there was nothing major. But they had to get divorced. And now they have both moved on finally. By moving on she means finding another partner. Because obviously, it’s not moving on unless you find someone else.
she got married because the world wanted her to get married. She found the nearest person to marry (nice!). She was a child (at 24) when she met her ex. Now she’s grown.
Her hot girl summer sounds really boring but she tries to sauce it up. Very lemon and herb.
olly Breton olly Breton dmd her on Hinge as she was about to delete the app out of frustration, not wanting “to give in to the algorithm”. How very sliding doors. He didn’t compliment her looks or boobs but said how much he loved what she did and how impressed he was. Olly Breton olly Breton.
The kids love him. He loves them. Matt and him have met. Everyone loves everyone. He is her person for the rest of her life (whom she met last September). This is their happy ending.
Whatever all of this bullshit means.
My ex my ex my ex my ex. They are so remarkable that she won’t use his actual name when referring to him.
Navigate, narrative, smorgasbord, lean in, papering over papercuts, juggernaut, midlife opportunity. All these words and phrases are officially icky now.
Matt and her apparently broke up last March and moved out and magpied. But supposedly they were pretty much over two years before that. But she cried and cried and cried and very very unhappy but there was no big bang or big affair but they made each other very unhappy and she cried and cried and there was nothing major. But they had to get divorced. And now they have both moved on finally. By moving on she means finding another partner. Because obviously, it’s not moving on unless you find someone else.
she got married because the world wanted her to get married. She found the nearest person to marry (nice!). She was a child (at 24) when she met her ex. Now she’s grown.
Her hot girl summer sounds really boring but she tries to sauce it up. Very lemon and herb.
olly Breton olly Breton dmd her on Hinge as she was about to delete the app out of frustration, not wanting “to give in to the algorithm”. How very sliding doors. He didn’t compliment her looks or boobs but said how much he loved what she did and how impressed he was. Olly Breton olly Breton.
The kids love him. He loves them. Matt and him have met. Everyone loves everyone. He is her person for the rest of her life (whom she met last September). This is their happy ending.
Whatever all of this bullshit means.
blurstoftimes
VIP Member
‘i think we might be remarkable’
of course we all knew this would be the most smug nauseating divorce ever but FUCK ME
of course we all knew this would be the most smug nauseating divorce ever but FUCK ME
RestingBunchFace
Well-known member
Continuing to work together... is that so you can write a 'how to divorce and still get along' book in a few months time and then a 'how to co-parent' book after that?
Helen from the Scummy Mummies took the 'scorned woman finds happy ending' divorce angle but they've got mileage in the his and hers advice angle if they keep working together.
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Also absolute lolz to the person who commented on his divorce post "my friend saw you on tinder so thought that was the case"
he's moved on already
Helen from the Scummy Mummies took the 'scorned woman finds happy ending' divorce angle but they've got mileage in the his and hers advice angle if they keep working together.
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Also absolute lolz to the person who commented on his divorce post "my friend saw you on tinder so thought that was the case"
he's moved on alreadysangariana
Chatty Member
Looking forward to her next column about introducing her new boyfriend to her kids.
“we took things slowly, as slowly as a bomb squad attempting to deactivate a bomb, when my youngest hurled herself to the floor screaming no mummy no, I tried to gather her broken pieces up with my thousand paper cut hands. And I looked her square in the eyes and said “you’re the reason I haven’t had a martini on ice in a dark bar since before the millennium,” the world swallowed us up, and outside I heard the toot of my children’s father’s car, pick up. Hand over. Blah blah blah
“we took things slowly, as slowly as a bomb squad attempting to deactivate a bomb, when my youngest hurled herself to the floor screaming no mummy no, I tried to gather her broken pieces up with my thousand paper cut hands. And I looked her square in the eyes and said “you’re the reason I haven’t had a martini on ice in a dark bar since before the millennium,” the world swallowed us up, and outside I heard the toot of my children’s father’s car, pick up. Hand over. Blah blah blah
skronkywildcat
VIP Member
Oh dear, she appears to be drunk on cock.
FrannyGallops
VIP Member
Maybe he was going to join the brand - ‘boyfriendpukka’? ‘partnerpukka’? ‘fuckboipukka’? ‘homewreckerpukka’? ‘stepdaddypukka’? ‘motherpukkafukka’? - but thought better of it.Just realised mr nice is the bar they’re in! But so think it’s a double whammy
how funny he’s back on private. Dipped his toe in the public profile life and thought better of it
Lilyofthevalley80
VIP Member
I don’t think that’s really for anyone to say. I’m sure there are people in sexless/affectionless (which is a very subjective, personal, measure in any event) marriages for any number of reason and quite happy with that. Or, if not “happy”, satisfied to such an extent that they don’t want to divorce. The issue arises when there is a mismatch of desires/expectations in a material way which is not resolvable. For any number of reasons: where to live/how many children to have etc. I think we should be careful about making really broad generalisations about what makes a successful relationship as it is so individual to each couple.
That’s part of the very toxic problem with influencers - their way or thing they want to flog is the “right” and only way/thing. It’s completely non-inclusive and makes a significant number of people consuming that content feel really quite shit about themselves.
We can see here that now we are going to have loads and loads of content about how to divorce “properly”/“happily”/“remarkably”. It’s just a natural progression from how to give birth/feed your baby/dress your toddler/dress yourself in horrid sweatshirts just like we do - the BEST way. Really taking advantage of a quite vulnerable group of consumers - new parents. Now moving onto another vulnerable group - the newly separated. The untrained/non-indemnified and unregulated pseudo psychologist/counsellor crew will be circling soon enough too. It’s all utterly unethical
skronkywildcat
VIP Member
I'm sorry but if you spend most of your adult life married to a city banker, living in a massive house and swanning around in new clothes you are hardly storming the bastille by waving a dildo around you mad old fuck.
maytoseptember
VIP Member
I have a visceral loathing for Scamp & Dude, mainly because I hate the stupid twee name but also the way they behaved when Asda ripped off one of their designs. I should have been on their side right? But no, something about the way all the top Instamums of the time assembled to roundly condemn Asda… it was like a special club of snooty righteousness. Every time I checked IG there they were, the white middle class Instamums waving the pitchforks…
But back to the name. I don’t know whether Scamp & Dude started it or whether they hopped on an existing trend, but even now you can’t avoid wanky boutique businesses with the X & Y name combo. I swear you can mash any two random words together and it’ll sound like a shop that sells matching Mummy & Toddler apparel:
Tiger & Bug
Alice & Ralph
Basket & Fork
Cactus & Bear…
I know this might be an extremely unpopular opinion and I'm prepared to get flamed for it. But it does feel to me that people get divorced *so* easily these days. Trust me, as the child of parents with an unhappy marriage I was MUCH better off when they finally split but then one of them was abusive and there's no fixing that.
I think it's a bit disingenuous of her to make out that this is an amazing happy thing and just another step on their parenting journey. It will be sad for their kids, there's no escaping that. I remember being a kid with parents who had split and it was fucking hard and sad and often still feels that way twenty odd years down the line. My parents shouldn't have stayed together, they made the right choice, but equally are we meant to pretend that divorce doesn't negatively affect kids?
I think it's a bit disingenuous of her to make out that this is an amazing happy thing and just another step on their parenting journey. It will be sad for their kids, there's no escaping that. I remember being a kid with parents who had split and it was fucking hard and sad and often still feels that way twenty odd years down the line. My parents shouldn't have stayed together, they made the right choice, but equally are we meant to pretend that divorce doesn't negatively affect kids?
pennypinchpam
VIP Member
Terribly cringe. Her even saying “I thought I’d try out being bisexual but soon figured it wasn’t for me” is just so horribly callous. There are countless people who struggle coming to terms with the sexuality, and here we have this very privileged woman going on record saying “I thought I’d give it a go” like it’s a new pizza place listed on ubet eats.
ugh. The whole thing screams “I’m FINE, I never wanted to marry my EX in the first place, hah, and now I’m with my person and I’m multi faceted because I’m a lion in parliament and a tigress in the bedroom, I am everything any man (and woman) would want, I am coquettish and cerebral, a nymph and a prophet. I am everything. Worship ME.”
pass me the vom bucket.
blurstoftimes
VIP Member
someone help, i'm dying of second hand embarrassment
I totally agree. It’s very old fashioned to say but having two committed parents who live together is best for kids if all else is equal. I would never like to think of someone staying in a marriage where they are truly miserable or unsafe, but if it’s just that they’ve grown apart or can’t find “Anna and Matt” any more, well I’d just get on with that and see if we could find Anna and matt a bit later when this parenting thing calms down a bit.
Essentially I think when you choose to have kids you do choose to broadly put their happiness and well-being before your own. Marriage is a bit of a slog sometimes, and? Are we all owed unbridled happiness?
Essentially I think when you choose to have kids you do choose to broadly put their happiness and well-being before your own. Marriage is a bit of a slog sometimes, and? Are we all owed unbridled happiness?
QuiteTheChin
Well-known member
“Piercing the nighttime silence with sobbing that no embrace can stem” 
This reminds me of the 11+ creative writing tasks I grade
This reminds me of the 11+ creative writing tasks I grade 
Howdy
VIP Member
Yes! All of this. She said the pain of postnatal and lockdown stuff damaged their romantic whole or something like that. You know what? Romance can go out the window when there are awful stresses in your life - Christ, sex has gone awol for us the last few years because of young kids, I was then very ill with covid, had to give up work, find new appropriate work etc etc. A clusterfuck of hard times! And too right your marriage gets hit because you are not your best self - we've said we're never giving up, that we'll get back to romance and passion, because we are a brilliant team who laugh every day despite the shit. Still always affectionate and loving but romance, it'll return when I am in a better place. Splitting because the romance has gone but you're still best friends with young kids? Nah. There has to be more to it. I don't buy that they are that close.
Mochalatte
Chatty Member
Remember when Matt was the love of her life, they were strong, they were parenting like a crisp packet in the wind, he was her rock……well that didn’t age well…..so why does she not learn and realise that maybe wait a while? Although looking at the guy and the fact he’s partaking in all this (most men I know wouldn’t) does give me desperate fame hungry vibes. As someone said he’s very “the apprentice wannabe” 
Lilyofthevalley80
VIP Member
Do you like my new Olly Breton? I wear it under my gilet
Without wanting to sound like a nutso christian fundamentalist type, if there is no abuse of any kind on either side, and if you once had a fulfilling sex life, chemistry and affection with your partner, then generally you can get that stuff back again if you are willing to work on the relationship.
Unfortunately I think it is symptomatic of our culture of instant gratification that people actually don't want to put the work in to relationships any more and instead would rather just kick the can down the road and get into a new relationship, where a decade down the road they'll likely find themselves in the same situation.