Mother in law experiences #4

[LouBug19]

Well my "mother in law" shall use quotations marks as she isn't any sort of mother to my partner, and today in the middle of morrisons she punched me in the nose. There's a massive backstory but she hates me just for dating her son who she gave up for adoption and then rejected him as an adult.

 

[Mollywobbles]

That is sooo weird. she doesn’t need to see her grown up son alone. Women like this give me the creeps. They need to let go

My son and I have time together, just the two of us. We used to meet up in London for a bit of sightseeing and lunch once a year. Now it tends to be more phone calls. Nothing sinister or secret , just mummy son time. Chatting about childhood times or family stuff that would bore anyone else.
On occasions he will come and stay overnight if he is down this way on business.
Just as his wife has time with her mum. She might go and stay with her and leave my son at home. Mummy daughter time. It not an issue.
If the family dynamic thing is ok, it’s a great thing to do.
One of the best times was when my DIL was down this way on business and asked if she could come and stay. I could never ever have stayed with my MIL so I was so thrilled when she asked.
The difference between being a loving mum and a controlling mum is that I have let go. He will always be my boy, but I know that his wife is number one in his life and that is how it should be. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

[DanDanTheIceCreamMan]

Funny at Easter she come round to drop eggs etc for the kids and couldn't find it within her to shout hello upstairs to me. Finds out about the baby a few days later and now she's asking my fella to send me love and give me a big kiss from her AND wants us to name the baby after her. Yeeeeeee righttttttt.

What is the deal with them wanting babies named after them? Mine tried that... (I must have told this story before)

I had MiniDanDan about a year after my Mum died, me and MrDanDan had a lot of discussions about whether her name would feature but decided against it because:

1. My dad (and myself) found it too upsetting
and
2. We knew MIL would demand equal billing on the birth certificate

So we chose a perfectly normal nice random name with no family history on either side.... We had the child (MIL was annoying in the run up and, without us giving her information, found the hospital we were in and spammed them with phone calls the entire time). My first interaction with the outside world was a midwife poking her head round the door 15 minutes after the fact and telling me my mum was on the phone (yes, she pretended to be my dead mum to get info but we'll gloss over that today lol).

Anyway, they arrived the next morning (uninvited) and when we spoke about the name she uttered the immortal words "I think 'MiniDanDan MILSurname-DanDanSurname' would be nice"

Yes... that's right. She wanted a double barrelled surname but with her maiden name. Nothing to do with me at all lol, we were all too stunned to speak and so it went unchallenged.

 

[Fisharr]

My Mil is the devil incarnate and textbook definition of a narcissist. She physically and mentally abused my husband when he was a child and if that’s not bad enough she never went to his school to report him being bullied and instead started to call him the names that the bullies called him at school 🥲 he left at 17 and joined military as if he didn’t he would’ve gone down a very wrong path. He has done so well for himself after leaving school with nothing, not once has she congratulated him. Even now she refuses to admit any wrongdoing and says he is over-reacting and needs to get over it! This has massively affected his entire life and for that I totally despise her. He has delayed PTSD which started 5 years ago once she came back to the uk from Spain and she deliberately goads him and just talks about herself constantly. She love bombs him and her grandsons only if we invite her to ours as she never makes any effort or goes out her way to do anything for us. If we didn’t invite her every weekend she would get the hunp and say he was abandoning her and she can’t do anything herself apparently!

She’s 73 and apparently a guy in his thirties is after her totally deluded to fuck. She has never bought a house in uk when she came back from Spain as she’s holding out for a lottery win to get the house she feels she deserves She claims to us she counts all her pennies but looks down her nose at absolutely everyone with her misplaced snobbery and I can’t stand people that think they are better than others.
She is very jealous of what we have but we’ve worked bloody hard for it. She hates me and constantly brings up stories about my husbands first wife even though apparently she never liked her,
She constantly nit picks at my husband and I for words we may not use correctly and apparently because I’m from Scotland I don’t use correct terms in some sentences FML!!! Anyway husband has now seen the damage she caused him clearly and has stopped speaking to her after their last argument when she stormed out our house.

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

I'm furious about mine at the moment. I often am . She insists on booking weekends away ages (a year) in advance without consulting on whether we want to go, the destination, the proposed activities. It's just, we're going here for X nights, on this date and we're booking it now.

She said last July that she was going to book a weekend away for me and my husband, her and her husband and her husband's son and his partner for the first May bank holiday this year. My husband told her we couldn't commit at that time because two of his friends are getting married this year, and they hadn't yet set the dates. She said she'd hold off until he heard more, then two weeks later it's all well, we've got to book now because all the places are getting booked up. Then she books for an extra night and says we can just finish work early to get there!! I'm a news editor and we work on a shift basis, I can't just say ok, cool, let's just hold off on the news now, need to leave for a hostage situation weekend away.

The place is miles from us, my husband refuses to drive so it gets left to me, or we have to take multiple trains (which we're doing this time). It's got activities that none of us are interested in.

She sends a massive long email about the supermarket shopping - the first time I've been included in any of the comms about the weekend - and gives us a 1 May deadline to add what we need to the list. She then sent a shitty message to my husband on Sunday, 28 April, asking why we've not done the shopping list yet, why he's not confirmed what time we're arriving etc. "You've known about it for months, you should both take half a day off work to spend the whole weekend with us."

She's SO draining, SO demanding and SO controlling. She dominates conversations. Everything has to be a big group activity. We'll have to have a Skype conversation with her family in Australia while we're there, nine people plus a two year old on the line.

I've been very clear about my boundaries - I don't want things booked months in advance, and anything that is booked needs to be discussed, I don't want to be dictated to about where we're going and when - but they're repeatedly trampled on. Had a big blow up with my husband about it yesterday, I'm just dreading the weekend.

 

[Lucyxxxx]

Funny at Easter she come round to drop eggs etc for the kids and couldn't find it within her to shout hello upstairs to me. Finds out about the baby a few days later and now she's asking my fella to send me love and give me a big kiss from her AND wants us to name the baby after her. Yeeeeeee righttttttt.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

My baby was 5 weeks early, none of my partners side knew we were expecting and now my baby is a month old and no one’s even asked to see her.

 

[Rxt156]

My son and I have time together, just the two of us. We used to meet up in London for a bit of sightseeing and lunch once a year. Now it tends to be more phone calls. Nothing sinister or secret , just mummy son time. Chatting about childhood times or family stuff that would bore anyone else.
On occasions he will come and stay overnight if he is down this way on business.
Just as his wife has time with her mum. She might go and stay with her and leave my son at home. Mummy daughter time. It not an issue.
If the family dynamic thing is ok, it’s a great thing to do.
One of the best times was when my DIL was down this way on business and asked if she could come and stay. I could never ever have stayed with my MIL so I was so thrilled when she asked.
The difference between being a loving mum and a controlling mum is that I have let go. He will always be my boy, but I know that his wife is number one in his life and that is how it should be. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Mummy son time? Sorry that phrase made my face do this

 

[petitspois]

My Mil is the devil incarnate and textbook definition of a narcissist. She physically and mentally abused my husband when he was a child and if that’s not bad enough she never went to his school to report him being bullied and instead started to call him the names that the bullies called him at school 🥲 he left at 17 and joined military as if he didn’t he would’ve gone down a very wrong path. He has done so well for himself after leaving school with nothing, not once has she congratulated him. Even now she refuses to admit any wrongdoing and says he is over-reacting and needs to get over it! This has massively affected his entire life and for that I totally despise her. He has delayed PTSD which started 5 years ago once she came back to the uk from Spain and she deliberately goads him and just talks about herself constantly. She love bombs him and her grandsons only if we invite her to ours as she never makes any effort or goes out her way to do anything for us. If we didn’t invite her every weekend she would get the hunp and say he was abandoning her and she can’t do anything herself apparently!

She’s 73 and apparently a guy in his thirties is after her totally deluded to fuck. She has never bought a house in uk when she came back from Spain as she’s holding out for a lottery win to get the house she feels she deserves She claims to us she counts all her pennies but looks down her nose at absolutely everyone with her misplaced snobbery and I can’t stand people that think they are better than others.
She is very jealous of what we have but we’ve worked bloody hard for it. She hates me and constantly brings up stories about my husbands first wife even though apparently she never liked her,
She constantly nit picks at my husband and I for words we may not use correctly and apparently because I’m from Scotland I don’t use correct terms in some sentences FML!!! Anyway husband has now seen the damage she caused him clearly and has stopped speaking to her after their last argument when she stormed out our house.

Why on earth do you still have so much contact?

 

[Darlingbaby]

I'm on here again, few years after my first post! My MIL is extremely passive aggregate and jealous.

I had bought my son trainers a few weeks ago, quite expensive ones .. she trots into our home (unannounced, doesn't knock just straight through the door) sees son's traines on the floor and goes to my two year old..

'Ooh ... you've got nice trainers, nanny likes these trainers but she can't afford them, they're very expensive, mummy and daddy must have lots of money'
Then proceeds to say to her son, my partner ... 'you can buy me a pair for mother's day if you buy them for your toddler'

Safe to say i made it clear i bought them, not that it makes any difference. Could honestly go on, grinds my gears!!!!

 

[Hashtagged]

MIL has left me fuming today, well OH too but that’s another issue.
They took the kids out to the park in a car without any car seats in it, I actually cannot put into words how angry I am about it. Useless OH went along with this despite knowing how safety aware I am and how angry I would be. I found this out via my 4yo. I actually don’t know what to do/say. Any advice?

 

[DanDanTheIceCreamMan]

So... my MIL (who I haven't seen for over 20 years) likes to stalk us on FB (now she's too old to do it in real life).

Every so often I search for her name because she makes new profiles (presumably because people keep blocking her). I've just blocked the latest one, bringing the grand total to 10 blocked profiles.

thankfully she hasn't worked out that she could just make a profile in another name and I'd be none the wiser lol

 

[Shinealight]

I'm on here again, few years after my first post! My MIL is extremely passive aggregate and jealous.

I had bought my son trainers a few weeks ago, quite expensive ones .. she trots into our home (unannounced, doesn't knock just straight through the door) sees son's traines on the floor and goes to my two year old..

'Ooh ... you've got nice trainers, nanny likes these trainers but she can't afford them, they're very expensive, mummy and daddy must have lots of money'
Then proceeds to say to her son, my partner ... 'you can buy me a pair for mother's day if you buy them for your toddler'

Safe to say i made it clear i bought them, not that it makes any difference. Could honestly go on, grinds my gears!!!!

Imagine being jealous of a two yr old!
I have 5 grandchildren and sometimes go without stuff I want so I can buy for them, I wouldn’t dream of making any purchase their parents made all about me.
Self obsessed mare.

 

[Nosymum]

My Mil is the devil incarnate and textbook definition of a narcissist. She physically and mentally abused my husband when he was a child and if that’s not bad enough she never went to his school to report him being bullied and instead started to call him the names that the bullies called him at school 🥲 he left at 17 and joined military as if he didn’t he would’ve gone down a very wrong path. He has done so well for himself after leaving school with nothing, not once has she congratulated him. Even now she refuses to admit any wrongdoing and says he is over-reacting and needs to get over it! This has massively affected his entire life and for that I totally despise her. He has delayed PTSD which started 5 years ago once she came back to the uk from Spain and she deliberately goads him and just talks about herself constantly. She love bombs him and her grandsons only if we invite her to ours as she never makes any effort or goes out her way to do anything for us. If we didn’t invite her every weekend she would get the hunp and say he was abandoning her and she can’t do anything herself apparently!

She’s 73 and apparently a guy in his thirties is after her totally deluded to fuck. She has never bought a house in uk when she came back from Spain as she’s holding out for a lottery win to get the house she feels she deserves She claims to us she counts all her pennies but looks down her nose at absolutely everyone with her misplaced snobbery and I can’t stand people that think they are better than others.
She is very jealous of what we have but we’ve worked bloody hard for it. She hates me and constantly brings up stories about my husbands first wife even though apparently she never liked her,
She constantly nit picks at my husband and I for words we may not use correctly and apparently because I’m from Scotland I don’t use correct terms in some sentences FML!!! Anyway husband has now seen the damage she caused him clearly and has stopped speaking to her after their last argument when she stormed out our house.

She would never be invited to my house, I hope your husband finds the strength to to go non contact there’s no coming back from being treated like that. She doesn’t deserve to be in your lives.

 

[Shinythings]

Things had been good for a while with the MIL. She has been acting like a normal person for ages. I thought maybe she'd turned a corner. Then suddenly she out-cunts herself from nowhere this weekend.

She's never been a dick to me personally but her behaviour is shitty in general and towards other people.

I used to think my FIL was a doormat but I've come to learn she's quite subtly emotionally abused him into submission and her actions recently made it really obvious.

 

[amiallowedtoexpressmyview]

Rant incoming.

I have posted before about mother in law not respecting our boundaries.

She out did herself yesterday, all went for a meal insisted upon by her even though it’s stressful with a toddler and a baby.
her other grandchild was up too staying with her.
she tells our toddler he’s going to the park with her and the other grandchild
When I say no, cue huge meltdown from our toddler which causes her to cry in the street outside and she insists on holding his hand whilst I’m holding him as she said ‘I’m letting him down’ he wants me.
when I explained he quite often has huge tantrums like this and it’s because she’d caused due to telling him he’s going to park she said she’d never said it!
who cries over their grandchild having a tantrum? If anyone should have cried it would be me as he was kicking and scratching me in the face! She’s not the full ticket.

 

[Fisharr]

Well my "mother in law" shall use quotations marks as she isn't any sort of mother to my partner, and today in the middle of morrisons she punched me in the nose. There's a massive backstory but she hates me just for dating her son who she gave up for adoption and then rejected him as an adult.

That is absolutely horrendous I hope there were witnesses, if you managed to restrain yourself and not punch her back, I’d definitely get her charged or use it as a way to get a restraining order to keep her out of both your lives! What a vile individual

 

[petitspois]

What would happen if you declined? not this weekend (because it would be very awkward to drop out now), but a future one when it's booked as it's no convenient...

Yeah, don't go next time. It's your husband's burden, not yours.

 

[heythere!]

MIL has left me fuming today, well OH too but that’s another issue.
They took the kids out to the park in a car without any car seats in it, I actually cannot put into words how angry I am about it. Useless OH went along with this despite knowing how safety aware I am and how angry I would be. I found this out via my 4yo. I actually don’t know what to do/say. Any advice?

This is a massive issue I have with my MIL too. Insists my 3 years old legs are too long to rear face. I have lost count how many times I've had my OH speak to her about it. One time she started by saying. I think XX should forward face and before she could even get the next word out her mouth I said no, she will rear face. I feel she gets on to my OH about it as he questioned it with me and I ended up showing him pics showing that my daughter was clearly comfortable rear facing and there was no issue with her legs. The no car seats is crazy. I don't think I'd allow my daughter back in the car if my MIL done this. Why can't they just do as they are asked? They forget the are grandparents and not parents and try to make the decisions.

 

[JustmeKC]

Rant incoming.

I have posted before about mother in law not respecting our boundaries.

She out did herself yesterday, all went for a meal insisted upon by her even though it’s stressful with a toddler and a baby.
her other grandchild was up too staying with her.
she tells our toddler he’s going to the park with her and the other grandchild
When I say no, cue huge meltdown from our toddler which causes her to cry in the street outside and she insists on holding his hand whilst I’m holding him as she said ‘I’m letting him down’ he wants me.
when I explained he quite often has huge tantrums like this and it’s because she’d caused due to telling him he’s going to park she said she’d never said it!
who cries over their grandchild having a tantrum? If anyone should have cried it would be me as he was kicking and scratching me in the face! She’s not the full ticket.

I have my adult child, partner & grandchild living with me, as a result, I don’t get to do as much ‘fun’ stuff as the other grandparents but I take a lot from having the benefit of a snatched few minutes are various points in the day & am very careful to not overstep my boundaries, remembering various things my parents did that I wasn’t happy with as a young parent. Your MIL needs to know her boundaries, know what’s ok to promise your kids and what isn’t, as well as learning to let tantrums run their course.