I would hate to hear someone in the house unannounced, so tell her it’s making you feel uneasy and you’d rather have the key back but she’s still welcome to come around but maybe a text in advance would be best as you have a lot of important calls with work. You can ignore her texts or say you’re busy and be in control of her being around more. Good LuckThank you so much for all this advice. I feel like I’ve been slightly gaslit into believing I’m the bad one so confirmation her behaviour isn’t ok and I should take more action is really comforting
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So many things to say but most have already been said. The absolute nerve of her, I'd be livid and wouldn't hold back tbh.Just need to come here to rant like many of you because my partner won’t listen to me and tells me to not talk badly of his precious mummy. We have recently bought our first house together and (stupidly) gave her a key as she lives close by and we thought it would be good for emergency purposes. Without fail she turns up everyday to “use the toilet” on her way back from work, as well as any other time she feels like it, with no knocking and no prewarning. We have a door that you unfortunately can’t put a key in from the inside so I can’t keep her out that way. I feel as though her marriage is breaking down and daily she will come and sit on the sofa and cry for an hour after using the toilet, despite me often still working (WFH) and being in important calls. She has come many times when my partner isn’t there and I will be in the shower, I have anxiety and this has reduced me to tears on a few occasions, as when I hear the door fly open from upstairs I assume the worst. I have begged my partner to take the key, but he says he doesn’t want to cause an argument.
She also continuously calls me his ex’s name and brings her up at any time she can (they have been broken up 5 YEARS and she was abusive and cheated) as silly as this might sound, I know what went on behind closed doors and the constant mentioning of her makes me feel sick with anger, but in the moment I am always too scared to tell her to get ducked.
I have found her snooping through our drawers and also throwing food away from our cupboards that she doesn’t deem healthy, as well as constant comments on mine and my partners weight. There is 100 other niggles, but my mom couldn’t be further from this and it’s getting to the point where I’m not enjoying my first bought property because of her behaviour, on top of it causing argument after argument with my partner. Any advice?
A suggestion that might have her running for the hills would be for her to walk in whilst your partner and yourself are doing the deed in the hallway/siting room/kitchen. Mind you, she sounds like she'd step in and give advice.
Don't hold this in, it's a complete invasion of privacy and will be detrimental to your well being if not stopped soon. Get a chain/lock for the front door in the meantime. Also if she has the audacity to throw out your food, tell her you'll expect the money you paid for it from her. I'm gobsmacked at the liberties this woman is taking.
Can you get something like these in the meantime if your partner is refusing to speak to her properly?Just need to come here to rant like many of you because my partner won’t listen to me and tells me to not talk badly of his precious mummy. We have recently bought our first house together and (stupidly) gave her a key as she lives close by and we thought it would be good for emergency purposes. Without fail she turns up everyday to “use the toilet” on her way back from work, as well as any other time she feels like it, with no knocking and no prewarning. We have a door that you unfortunately can’t put a key in from the inside so I can’t keep her out that way. I feel as though her marriage is breaking down and daily she will come and sit on the sofa and cry for an hour after using the toilet, despite me often still working (WFH) and being in important calls. She has come many times when my partner isn’t there and I will be in the shower, I have anxiety and this has reduced me to tears on a few occasions, as when I hear the door fly open from upstairs I assume the worst. I have begged my partner to take the key, but he says he doesn’t want to cause an argument.
She also continuously calls me his ex’s name and brings her up at any time she can (they have been broken up 5 YEARS and she was abusive and cheated) as silly as this might sound, I know what went on behind closed doors and the constant mentioning of her makes me feel sick with anger, but in the moment I am always too scared to tell her to get ducked.
I have found her snooping through our drawers and also throwing food away from our cupboards that she doesn’t deem healthy, as well as constant comments on mine and my partners weight. There is 100 other niggles, but my mom couldn’t be further from this and it’s getting to the point where I’m not enjoying my first bought property because of her behaviour, on top of it causing argument after argument with my partner. Any advice?
Just put them on when you're home alone and the door literally won't move an inch if she tries to get in when they're on
This reply is a little late and the situation may have changed, but it might be wise to be selective about what you post on Instagram. Your Inlaws sound like a nightmare.
Hi everyone. I’m in need of some advice because I’ve had ongoing issues with my MIL since I’ve been married. To avoid making this into a huge post, I’ll bulletpoint some of the things that have really pissed me off and then I’ll mention the latest issue further down:
- Commenting on my choice of bras, specifically telling me that padded bras make me look ‘bigger’ and that I should go for non padded ones
- Commenting that I should wear a lighter shade of foundation as the rest of her family do (I am tanned skin and comfortable in my own skin, why would I want to look ashy?)
- Trying to pick clothes out for me.
- I have lines on my neck and she’s constantly trying to tell me that I have a hormonal problem.
- She tried to keep the gift money me and my husband received from guests at our reception for herself and her husband, stating that it was ‘tradition’ in the family. She screamed at my husband when he rightfully tried to get this back from her.
- Now that I am pregnant, she’s tried to undermine the symptoms I have been experiencing constantly and also asks why I am experiencing these, morning sickness for example.
- Tries to make the pregnancy about her by saying it ‘feels like H all over again’ (my husband is her eldest child)
- She despises her tit stirring sister in law, yet runs off and rings her five times a day and also tells her what I’m up to or what’s going on in my life.
- My husband will try to speak to her if she says something that I don’t like, but then she will say ‘well she doesn’t understand our humour, but I’m sorry if she’s upset’ and then to me, she brings this up twice to try and justify her crappy behaviour. The latest instance of this involved her also telling my Mum about how I reacted and also told her how she feels I am distant and doesn’t understand why I am not close to her???? (This really really annoyed me and my husband)
The latest that has happened involves me and my partner asking her and my in laws to pop over. Since we have moved out last year, I can count on one hand the amount she and her family have been round. This is something that upsets my husband and he tried to mention it to her yesterday, but she shouted at him and instead asked him to take her out (he was super tired from work and said no) and she screamed at him and told him to leave. This upset my husband even more and I can’t see him this way. I personally think she has a chip on her shoulder about us moving out because she wanted us to stay in that house until my brother in law got married.
If I try and call her out on things, it’s useless because she turns it around on me and says she has to walk on ‘eggshells’ because she can’t say what she wants to say. She also gets defensive and starts screaming at me if I try and defend myself. I find her extremely volatile to deal with and just being around her and trying to justify myself affects my mental health. She is on medication herself for her mental illness and is dealing with a poorly husband, which I can sympathise with, but it’s no excuse for how she treats me or my husband.
It has come to a point where I don’t even answer her phone calls and I dread going to her house. She makes my anxiety go through the roof at the fear of what she’ll say next.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and have tips on how I can deal with this? It doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic and I hate that I’m not treated or respected enough as an adult by her.
- Commenting on my choice of bras, specifically telling me that padded bras make me look ‘bigger’ and that I should go for non padded ones
- Commenting that I should wear a lighter shade of foundation as the rest of her family do (I am tanned skin and comfortable in my own skin, why would I want to look ashy?)
- Trying to pick clothes out for me.
- I have lines on my neck and she’s constantly trying to tell me that I have a hormonal problem.
- She tried to keep the gift money me and my husband received from guests at our reception for herself and her husband, stating that it was ‘tradition’ in the family. She screamed at my husband when he rightfully tried to get this back from her.
- Now that I am pregnant, she’s tried to undermine the symptoms I have been experiencing constantly and also asks why I am experiencing these, morning sickness for example.
- Tries to make the pregnancy about her by saying it ‘feels like H all over again’ (my husband is her eldest child)
- She despises her tit stirring sister in law, yet runs off and rings her five times a day and also tells her what I’m up to or what’s going on in my life.
- My husband will try to speak to her if she says something that I don’t like, but then she will say ‘well she doesn’t understand our humour, but I’m sorry if she’s upset’ and then to me, she brings this up twice to try and justify her crappy behaviour. The latest instance of this involved her also telling my Mum about how I reacted and also told her how she feels I am distant and doesn’t understand why I am not close to her???? (This really really annoyed me and my husband)
The latest that has happened involves me and my partner asking her and my in laws to pop over. Since we have moved out last year, I can count on one hand the amount she and her family have been round. This is something that upsets my husband and he tried to mention it to her yesterday, but she shouted at him and instead asked him to take her out (he was super tired from work and said no) and she screamed at him and told him to leave. This upset my husband even more and I can’t see him this way. I personally think she has a chip on her shoulder about us moving out because she wanted us to stay in that house until my brother in law got married.
If I try and call her out on things, it’s useless because she turns it around on me and says she has to walk on ‘eggshells’ because she can’t say what she wants to say. She also gets defensive and starts screaming at me if I try and defend myself. I find her extremely volatile to deal with and just being around her and trying to justify myself affects my mental health. She is on medication herself for her mental illness and is dealing with a poorly husband, which I can sympathise with, but it’s no excuse for how she treats me or my husband.
It has come to a point where I don’t even answer her phone calls and I dread going to her house. She makes my anxiety go through the roof at the fear of what she’ll say next.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and have tips on how I can deal with this? It doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic and I hate that I’m not treated or respected enough as an adult by her.
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Tell her NO! The old dragon MIL MkI used to snatch my son as soon as we got through her door without so much as a "Hello" until one day she copped-it both barrels.
That is Your Child - not hers - she has no right to dictate to you about you being there but to be frank your child would not miss out on anything with an old hag like that removed from their young life. Don't be bullied by her because that is Your Child and not hers.
And this one too.Hi everyone. I’m in need of some advice because I’ve had ongoing issues with my MIL since I’ve been married. To avoid making this into a huge post, I’ll bulletpoint some of the things that have really pissed me off and then I’ll mention the latest issue further down:
- Commenting on my choice of bras, specifically telling me that padded bras make me look ‘bigger’ and that I should go for non padded ones
- Commenting that I should wear a lighter shade of foundation as the rest of her family do (I am tanned skin and comfortable in my own skin, why would I want to look ashy?)
- Trying to pick clothes out for me.
- I have lines on my neck and she’s constantly trying to tell me that I have a hormonal problem.
- She tried to keep the gift money me and my husband received from guests at our reception for herself and her husband, stating that it was ‘tradition’ in the family. She screamed at my husband when he rightfully tried to get this back from her.
- Now that I am pregnant, she’s tried to undermine the symptoms I have been experiencing constantly and also asks why I am experiencing these, morning sickness for example.
- Tries to make the pregnancy about her by saying it ‘feels like H all over again’ (my husband is her eldest child)
- She despises her tit stirring sister in law, yet runs off and rings her five times a day and also tells her what I’m up to or what’s going on in my life.
- My husband will try to speak to her if she says something that I don’t like, but then she will say ‘well she doesn’t understand our humour, but I’m sorry if she’s upset’ and then to me, she brings this up twice to try and justify her crappy behaviour. The latest instance of this involved her also telling my Mum about how I reacted and also told her how she feels I am distant and doesn’t understand why I am not close to her???? (This really really annoyed me and my husband)
The latest that has happened involves me and my partner asking her and my in laws to pop over. Since we have moved out last year, I can count on one hand the amount she and her family have been round. This is something that upsets my husband and he tried to mention it to her yesterday, but she shouted at him and instead asked him to take her out (he was super tired from work and said no) and she screamed at him and told him to leave. This upset my husband even more and I can’t see him this way. I personally think she has a chip on her shoulder about us moving out because she wanted us to stay in that house until my brother in law got married.
If I try and call her out on things, it’s useless because she turns it around on me and says she has to walk on ‘eggshells’ because she can’t say what she wants to say. She also gets defensive and starts screaming at me if I try and defend myself. I find her extremely volatile to deal with and just being around her and trying to justify myself affects my mental health. She is on medication herself for her mental illness and is dealing with a poorly husband, which I can sympathise with, but it’s no excuse for how she treats me or my husband.
It has come to a point where I don’t even answer her phone calls and I dread going to her house. She makes my anxiety go through the roof at the fear of what she’ll say next.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and have tips on how I can deal with this? It doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic and I hate that I’m not treated or respected enough as an adult by her.
If this is how she wants to Play The Game then so be it. Cut her out completely. At least your husband is trying to keep the peace (many don't) however yours seems hell-bent on causing trouble irrespective of her son desperately attempting to appease her and his wife, and OK she's got mental problems and her sick husband to deal with so how does taking it out on you work in that equation I wonder?
Tell her a firm NO although she can see the child at your place whenever she wishes, but this is not for her to dictate the situation whether she likes it or not because this is YOUR CHILD!
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I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds incredibly toxic and exhausting. I have been through a similar situation, and because the MIL will never change or seek help we have cut contact for the sake of our own sanity and mental wellbeing.Hi everyone. I’m in need of some advice because I’ve had ongoing issues with my MIL since I’ve been married. To avoid making this into a huge post, I’ll bulletpoint some of the things that have really pissed me off and then I’ll mention the latest issue further down:
- Commenting on my choice of bras, specifically telling me that padded bras make me look ‘bigger’ and that I should go for non padded ones
- Commenting that I should wear a lighter shade of foundation as the rest of her family do (I am tanned skin and comfortable in my own skin, why would I want to look ashy?)
- Trying to pick clothes out for me.
- I have lines on my neck and she’s constantly trying to tell me that I have a hormonal problem.
- She tried to keep the gift money me and my husband received from guests at our reception for herself and her husband, stating that it was ‘tradition’ in the family. She screamed at my husband when he rightfully tried to get this back from her.
- Now that I am pregnant, she’s tried to undermine the symptoms I have been experiencing constantly and also asks why I am experiencing these, morning sickness for example.
- Tries to make the pregnancy about her by saying it ‘feels like H all over again’ (my husband is her eldest child)
- She despises her tit stirring sister in law, yet runs off and rings her five times a day and also tells her what I’m up to or what’s going on in my life.
- My husband will try to speak to her if she says something that I don’t like, but then she will say ‘well she doesn’t understand our humour, but I’m sorry if she’s upset’ and then to me, she brings this up twice to try and justify her crappy behaviour. The latest instance of this involved her also telling my Mum about how I reacted and also told her how she feels I am distant and doesn’t understand why I am not close to her???? (This really really annoyed me and my husband)
The latest that has happened involves me and my partner asking her and my in laws to pop over. Since we have moved out last year, I can count on one hand the amount she and her family have been round. This is something that upsets my husband and he tried to mention it to her yesterday, but she shouted at him and instead asked him to take her out (he was super tired from work and said no) and she screamed at him and told him to leave. This upset my husband even more and I can’t see him this way. I personally think she has a chip on her shoulder about us moving out because she wanted us to stay in that house until my brother in law got married.
If I try and call her out on things, it’s useless because she turns it around on me and says she has to walk on ‘eggshells’ because she can’t say what she wants to say. She also gets defensive and starts screaming at me if I try and defend myself. I find her extremely volatile to deal with and just being around her and trying to justify myself affects my mental health. She is on medication herself for her mental illness and is dealing with a poorly husband, which I can sympathise with, but it’s no excuse for how she treats me or my husband.
It has come to a point where I don’t even answer her phone calls and I dread going to her house. She makes my anxiety go through the roof at the fear of what she’ll say next.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and have tips on how I can deal with this? It doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic and I hate that I’m not treated or respected enough as an adult by her.
It all depends on what you want in the long term. Would getting a mediator help? Would she be willing to look at her own faults in a family counselling setting? Sometimes people can’t see through their own issues and can’t see how unacceptable their behaviour is. I think family mediation or cutting off contact might be the only options
Thank you so much for your response. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been through something similar, but really happy that you’ve managed to find a solutionI’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds incredibly toxic and exhausting. I have been through a similar situation, and because the MIL will never change or seek help we have cut contact for the sake of our own sanity and mental wellbeing.
It all depends on what you want in the long term. Would getting a mediator help? Would she be willing to look at her own faults in a family counselling setting? Sometimes people can’t see through their own issues and can’t see how unacceptable their behaviour is. I think family mediation or cutting off contact might be the only options
Unfortunately, she is the type of person that doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour, so she would overreact at the mention of a mediator. She would also probably end up giving me the silent treatment and making me feel like I’m the one that is crazy and at fault. Her sense of entitlement is ridiculous and she is just like a giant baby. Cutting her off would also be difficult as the rest of my in laws are lovely and are unfortunately also helpless to her behaviour. FIL thinks he probably owes her something as she has been his carer for years and for this reason, probably doesn’t say much to her.
I am thinking no matter how much it may annoy her, we will have to sit down and enforce some boundaries before our baby arrives. I can see her being even more insufferable as a grandmother
I hope you are doing a lot better since as its a horrible situation to be in! X
I too have a "wonderful" MIL who i refer to ( not to her of course ) as Mildred or Martha ( as in Martha Stewart because she thinks shes perfect at everything like martha) . Mine isn't as bad as some but there are so many things she does or instances that drive me bananas.
-likes to just come to my house unannounced and just open teh front door and come in and yell Hello in a tone that is like she expects us all to run to the door with excitement at her arrival.
- ask me the same thing in many different ways. Example : Did you go to the grocery store this morning after you dropped the kids off ?
a- Yup .
AH so you took the kids to school first ?
a- yup
You didnt end up taking the kids with you to the store after all eh ?
a - nope.
-LIkes to ask me questions that she already knows the answer to because they are obvious questions . Or likes to ask me really stupid questions like if I tell her a story she wants to know the other persons emotions or reactions , like how should i know , ask them .
-everything she cooks is done in the quickest way possible. I don't understand the rush . She also uses oven bags and it disturbs me . Doesn't know how to make gravy. I sware she makes cornstarch slurry and its just white gross thinness in a pan . she made a beautiful prime rib at christmas and the gravy was a nightmare. she enjoys frozen vegetables and i just cannot.
- she has lots of weird phrases she likes to use " part and parcel " " teeming down rain"
- she was a lifeguard for one damn summer a life time ago and she really thinks she is swim instructor extroidinare and keeps trying to instruct my kids who just want to swim in the pool .
-likes to just come to my house unannounced and just open teh front door and come in and yell Hello in a tone that is like she expects us all to run to the door with excitement at her arrival.
- ask me the same thing in many different ways. Example : Did you go to the grocery store this morning after you dropped the kids off ?
a- Yup .
AH so you took the kids to school first ?
a- yup
You didnt end up taking the kids with you to the store after all eh ?
a - nope.
-LIkes to ask me questions that she already knows the answer to because they are obvious questions . Or likes to ask me really stupid questions like if I tell her a story she wants to know the other persons emotions or reactions , like how should i know , ask them .
-everything she cooks is done in the quickest way possible. I don't understand the rush . She also uses oven bags and it disturbs me . Doesn't know how to make gravy. I sware she makes cornstarch slurry and its just white gross thinness in a pan . she made a beautiful prime rib at christmas and the gravy was a nightmare. she enjoys frozen vegetables and i just cannot.
- she has lots of weird phrases she likes to use " part and parcel " " teeming down rain"
- she was a lifeguard for one damn summer a life time ago and she really thinks she is swim instructor extroidinare and keeps trying to instruct my kids who just want to swim in the pool .
I’m sorry, I’ve only just seen this! I know, I am done making excuses for her. I have cut her off in my head and I am keeping her at arms length physically, but the rest of my in laws are lovely so she unfortunately comes with the territory too. I used to feel guilty about not calling her and ignoring her calls, but now I don’t as I have to protect my peace. Husband is getting sick of it and has acknowledged that she will end up isolating herself from us with her continued behaviour.Tell her NO! The old dragon MIL MkI used to snatch my son as soon as we got through her door without so much as a "Hello" until one day she copped-it both barrels.
That is Your Child - not hers - she has no right to dictate to you about you being there but to be frank your child would not miss out on anything with an old hag like that removed from their young life. Don't be bullied by her because that is Your Child and not hers.
And this one too.
If this is how she wants to Play The Game then so be it. Cut her out completely. At least your husband is trying to keep the peace (many don't) however yours seems hell-bent on causing trouble irrespective of her son desperately attempting to appease her and his wife, and OK she's got mental problems and her sick husband to deal with so how does taking it out on you work in that equation I wonder?
Tell her a firm NO although she can see the child at your place whenever she wishes, but this is not for her to dictate the situation whether she likes it or not because this is YOUR CHILD!
As far as the child goes, she has even tried to push baby names on us (as well as her daughter, who ‘jokingly’ insisted that the paternal aunt names the child in their family) and MIL even ‘joked’ that she won’t ever let go of our child and won’t give anyone else a chance. This annoyed me to the high heavens and I ranted to my husband about this. I will be calling the shots re: my child, so thank you for this advice as well
That sounds like hell. Personally I would have nothing to do with her. I wouldn't have her in the house and certainly wouldn't go to hers. If you have children, perhaps your partner can arrange to take them to her? Perhaps it isn't that simple, but you can't fix a person like that. I'm sure your husband would understand if you did that, he's put up with her his whole life after all.Hi everyone. I’m in need of some advice because I’ve had ongoing issues with my MIL since I’ve been married. To avoid making this into a huge post, I’ll bulletpoint some of the things that have really pissed me off and then I’ll mention the latest issue further down:
- Commenting on my choice of bras, specifically telling me that padded bras make me look ‘bigger’ and that I should go for non padded ones
- Commenting that I should wear a lighter shade of foundation as the rest of her family do (I am tanned skin and comfortable in my own skin, why would I want to look ashy?)
- Trying to pick clothes out for me.
- I have lines on my neck and she’s constantly trying to tell me that I have a hormonal problem.
- She tried to keep the gift money me and my husband received from guests at our reception for herself and her husband, stating that it was ‘tradition’ in the family. She screamed at my husband when he rightfully tried to get this back from her.
- Now that I am pregnant, she’s tried to undermine the symptoms I have been experiencing constantly and also asks why I am experiencing these, morning sickness for example.
- Tries to make the pregnancy about her by saying it ‘feels like H all over again’ (my husband is her eldest child)
- She despises her tit stirring sister in law, yet runs off and rings her five times a day and also tells her what I’m up to or what’s going on in my life.
- My husband will try to speak to her if she says something that I don’t like, but then she will say ‘well she doesn’t understand our humour, but I’m sorry if she’s upset’ and then to me, she brings this up twice to try and justify her crappy behaviour. The latest instance of this involved her also telling my Mum about how I reacted and also told her how she feels I am distant and doesn’t understand why I am not close to her???? (This really really annoyed me and my husband)
The latest that has happened involves me and my partner asking her and my in laws to pop over. Since we have moved out last year, I can count on one hand the amount she and her family have been round. This is something that upsets my husband and he tried to mention it to her yesterday, but she shouted at him and instead asked him to take her out (he was super tired from work and said no) and she screamed at him and told him to leave. This upset my husband even more and I can’t see him this way. I personally think she has a chip on her shoulder about us moving out because she wanted us to stay in that house until my brother in law got married.
If I try and call her out on things, it’s useless because she turns it around on me and says she has to walk on ‘eggshells’ because she can’t say what she wants to say. She also gets defensive and starts screaming at me if I try and defend myself. I find her extremely volatile to deal with and just being around her and trying to justify myself affects my mental health. She is on medication herself for her mental illness and is dealing with a poorly husband, which I can sympathise with, but it’s no excuse for how she treats me or my husband.
It has come to a point where I don’t even answer her phone calls and I dread going to her house. She makes my anxiety go through the roof at the fear of what she’ll say next.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and have tips on how I can deal with this? It doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic and I hate that I’m not treated or respected enough as an adult by her.
My MiL moved into a rest home recently, which really is the best solution for everyone ... I no longer get pressured into driving her to the other side of the city to play bridge (they have a club at the home); her meals are all provided; activities are arranged; the security is top-notch; the accommodation is fresh and modern (not to mention warm and cosy) ...
Yet she is unhappy with it. Of course she is. I went to drop something off to her the other day and copped an ear lashing about how awful the staff are (doubtful) and how she doesn't belong in a place with so many old people (she's in her late 80s). She won't even try to talk to people ... there was a lovely lady sitting along from us, watching TV and minding her own business (I say she was lovely as she smiled warmly at me when I walked in); in my MiL's true style, she said, "Look at her sitting there like that - who does she think she is?" When one of the staff members came around to offer tea, coffee and biscuits (it was afternoon tea time), my MiL whispered - but so the staff member could hear - that a lot of the staff are "dirty foreigners" ... she really is a vile woman, and I felt embarrassed to be seen with her!
Yet she is unhappy with it. Of course she is. I went to drop something off to her the other day and copped an ear lashing about how awful the staff are (doubtful) and how she doesn't belong in a place with so many old people (she's in her late 80s). She won't even try to talk to people ... there was a lovely lady sitting along from us, watching TV and minding her own business (I say she was lovely as she smiled warmly at me when I walked in); in my MiL's true style, she said, "Look at her sitting there like that - who does she think she is?" When one of the staff members came around to offer tea, coffee and biscuits (it was afternoon tea time), my MiL whispered - but so the staff member could hear - that a lot of the staff are "dirty foreigners" ... she really is a vile woman, and I felt embarrassed to be seen with her!
My husband's grandmother got ejected from her trés expensive private nursing home for being like this, treating staff like her personal servants and being vile to other people who were paying exactly the same as she was! She was a horrible embitterred old dragon.
I doubt your MIL's home is terrible in the least because the one my Mother went to was really lovely, they cared for her right to the end and her passing was peaceful even though I was unable to get there due to travel restrictions at the time. Your MIL is just pissed that she no longer has the control factor over the family now
I understand that it must be difficult, families can be so complicated, and it isn’t always easy to cut someone off completely. It’s always dependent on personal circumstances. I think it’s a wise step to set boundaries now, if she doesn’t agree to it and continues to behave appallingly, you can stand your ground and keep your distance until she hopefully realises her negative behaviour isn’t doing her any favours.Thank you so much for your response. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been through something similar, but really happy that you’ve managed to find a solution
Unfortunately, she is the type of person that doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour, so she would overreact at the mention of a mediator. She would also probably end up giving me the silent treatment and making me feel like I’m the one that is crazy and at fault. Her sense of entitlement is ridiculous and she is just like a giant baby. Cutting her off would also be difficult as the rest of my in laws are lovely and are unfortunately also helpless to her behaviour. FIL thinks he probably owes her something as she has been his carer for years and for this reason, probably doesn’t say much to her.
I am thinking no matter how much it may annoy her, we will have to sit down and enforce some boundaries before our baby arrives. I can see her being even more insufferable as a grandmother
I hope you are doing a lot better since as its a horrible situation to be in! X
We are lucky in the sense we live miles away so we can easily keep away from her and have blocked any other form of contact i.e phone calls. She would always ring at the most inappropriate times and cause drama.
Talking of extended family, what was really telling was when my husband contacted his Aunt (MIL’s sister in law) to thank her for the birthday card she sent, her response was “I’m so glad that you didn’t send it back, I know things have been difficult with your mother, I don’t know the full story but I’m so glad we can still keep in touch”. I think that speaks volumes that other family members aren’t willing to support her.
Tell her you’re a package deal. She can like it or lump it.
Change the locks and then hand your partner a key once it’s done. If he doesn’t like it or cuts a copy for his mum, tell him you can’t live in a house where people go through your stuff. No discussion.Just need to come here to rant like many of you because my partner won’t listen to me and tells me to not talk badly of his precious mummy. We have recently bought our first house together and (stupidly) gave her a key as she lives close by and we thought it would be good for emergency purposes. Without fail she turns up everyday to “use the toilet” on her way back from work, as well as any other time she feels like it, with no knocking and no prewarning. We have a door that you unfortunately can’t put a key in from the inside so I can’t keep her out that way. I feel as though her marriage is breaking down and daily she will come and sit on the sofa and cry for an hour after using the toilet, despite me often still working (WFH) and being in important calls. She has come many times when my partner isn’t there and I will be in the shower, I have anxiety and this has reduced me to tears on a few occasions, as when I hear the door fly open from upstairs I assume the worst. I have begged my partner to take the key, but he says he doesn’t want to cause an argument.
She also continuously calls me his ex’s name and brings her up at any time she can (they have been broken up 5 YEARS and she was abusive and cheated) as silly as this might sound, I know what went on behind closed doors and the constant mentioning of her makes me feel sick with anger, but in the moment I am always too scared to tell her to get ducked.
I have found her snooping through our drawers and also throwing food away from our cupboards that she doesn’t deem healthy, as well as constant comments on mine and my partners weight. There is 100 other niggles, but my mom couldn’t be further from this and it’s getting to the point where I’m not enjoying my first bought property because of her behaviour, on top of it causing argument after argument with my partner. Any advice?
Oh and as a small anecdote to this grandmother from hell, OH reminded me last night about the time when we'd just had our son (his first) when he proudly sent her some photos of his baby. Two weeks later when his father visited he had the photos in his pocket still in the envelope - his lovely mother had returned them because she didn't want them and he'd not even had the decency to keep them himself to pretend she had them at her apartment! He said that his mother didn't have photos of anybody in her place except ones of her glorious SELF, ieher doing a Lauren Bacall jobbie on the African Queen lounging there with her cigarette holder,gloves and diamond rings or her being fantastic dancing with Lords and Princes, her posing like Her Maj with her flunkeys grovelling around her. Yep she really was that horrible! I never met her in the 20-odd years of our marriage before she died but the anecdotes I've heard about her merely prove the opinion that she was one truly ghastly old baggage.
I feel very fortunate that I have a gorgeous relationship with my future-MIL, I absolutely adore the bones of her and I know she does me like I really love her so much 
She has always treated me like I am one of her own (often she has said she has the relationship with me she wishes she had with her daughter) and been like an extra parent to me which is especially nice after my Dad died a couple of years ago. My partner and I adore spending time with her, she really is like a best friend too and I feel she’s just so good for my mental health in the same way that I know that my bf and I are good for hers and I know that out of her 3 children and 2 step children that we are the ones she’s the most comfortable around and that truly understand her anxiety etc (we both don’t think her husband truly does and we’ve witnessed my BIL and SIL take the piss almost) - she is such a kind and generous and wonderfully mad woman and have always felt there are family members that take advantage of her and so often wish that she would put herself first.
She is always so thoughtful like when my boyfriend works lates or is away she’ll ring and check on me, we talk most days. She is absolutely desperate for my boyfriend and I to be back living down south (which we are trying to do) which will be great when we do as we have so much fun together and I know my Mum thinks the world of her too and is so happy that I have my MIL in my life too and my MIL always looks out for my mum and coincidentally they share the same birthday I really am very lucky to have her x
She has always treated me like I am one of her own (often she has said she has the relationship with me she wishes she had with her daughter) and been like an extra parent to me which is especially nice after my Dad died a couple of years ago. My partner and I adore spending time with her, she really is like a best friend too and I feel she’s just so good for my mental health in the same way that I know that my bf and I are good for hers and I know that out of her 3 children and 2 step children that we are the ones she’s the most comfortable around and that truly understand her anxiety etc (we both don’t think her husband truly does and we’ve witnessed my BIL and SIL take the piss almost) - she is such a kind and generous and wonderfully mad woman and have always felt there are family members that take advantage of her and so often wish that she would put herself first.She is always so thoughtful like when my boyfriend works lates or is away she’ll ring and check on me, we talk most days. She is absolutely desperate for my boyfriend and I to be back living down south (which we are trying to do) which will be great when we do as we have so much fun together and I know my Mum thinks the world of her too and is so happy that I have my MIL in my life too and my MIL always looks out for my mum and coincidentally they share the same birthday
I really am very lucky to have her x
This is lovely. Nice MILs do exist after all!!I feel very fortunate that I have a gorgeous relationship with my future-MIL, I absolutely adore the bones of her and I know she does me like I really love her so much
She is always so thoughtful like when my boyfriend works lates or is away she’ll ring and check on me, we talk most days. She is absolutely desperate for my boyfriend and I to be back living down south (which we are trying to do) which will be great when we do as we have so much fun together and I know my Mum thinks the world of her too and is so happy that I have my MIL in my life too and my MIL always looks out for my mum and coincidentally they share the same birthday
they do!!!This is lovely. Nice MILs do exist after all!!
if it’s any consolation my first boyfriends mum wasn’t a vibe - she was perfectly polite and lovely to me but i think i felt awkward in that relationship anyway and she was a bit of a typical scouse mum (if you know what i mean) and there was a snobbyness about her which i didn’t liken
I love this thread.
My ex MIL was very strange. She was only a teenager when she had my ex, and she treated him more like her friend. They always socialised together a lot, and she expected to tag along on nights out with us. Weird. Also, she was obsessed with his sex life. She would ask me how often we did it and whether I liked being spanked
At Christmas she sometimes bought me sexy underwear, she said he would enjoy it.
And when I was pregnant she said he should take some topless photos of me while my boobs were so big. I would tell him this was strange behaviour, he would just say they had always been close!
She also made personal comments about my weight, my cooking, my tea making, my cleaning etc.
I‘m just very glad that she’s out of my life!
My ex MIL was very strange. She was only a teenager when she had my ex, and she treated him more like her friend. They always socialised together a lot, and she expected to tag along on nights out with us. Weird. Also, she was obsessed with his sex life. She would ask me how often we did it and whether I liked being spanked
At Christmas she sometimes bought me sexy underwear, she said he would enjoy it.
And when I was pregnant she said he should take some topless photos of me while my boobs were so big. I would tell him this was strange behaviour, he would just say they had always been close!
She also made personal comments about my weight, my cooking, my tea making, my cleaning etc.
I‘m just very glad that she’s out of my life!
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