Message his new partner or leave it

[ClockworkDolly]

Hi guys.

I know this might seem like I’m on the wind up but I’m not.

Some of you are aware of my situation as I’ve mentioned it a few times, an ex partner emailing me now and again, forwarding on old emails and just using “.” Or “” as the header. Once two weeks ago then again last Tuesday and again on Friday.

He either does it for a response, a reaction or to try and just get into my head - who knows. I’ve got him blocked everywhere, email is a bit trickier though as he just makes new emails. I responded on Saturday to him and told him I’d contact his girlfriend and ask her to ask him to stop if he didn’t, I’ve received no response from him and I’d like to think that’s it but I know what he’s like and he always comes back in some way, shape or form and has done for the past 3 years.

Part of me has been on egg shells since, fed up that yet again he’s getting into my head. I just feel so angry that he gets on like this.I’ve never hated someone so much. Why does he do it.

I sat earlier and composed a message to his new girlfriend but haven’t sent it as don’t particularly want the drama or any kind of backlash. I was also going to send proof of these emails and my message basically asking him to stop sending me full stops. I know it’s easier to just ignore and not give him any kind of reaction but then part of me thinks he will just continue as he is doing and in a week il get another email.

I feel for his girlfriend too, who’s likely seeing the nice side of him like I did at the start but behind her backs he’s being an oddball still sending his ex cryptic messages. I genuinely don’t want to hurt the girl or cause any drama but I feel like if she were to say something he would realise he can’t get on like that and stop. I just want an easy life and to get on with my life.

Sorry, I know this is probably laughable, and many would and should laugh it off but as I’ve said on previous threads, there’s been nearly 3 years of all sorts of mental abuse from him. If it wasn’t for all of that I would just laugh this off. it’s like he’s always there.

I’ve been honest with my partner who’s gotten tit from my ex in the past too. He’s said I need to get the police/solicitor involved again but I feel like that’s a waste of more of my life spent on him while he just does what he wants plus I’d feel like a fool when it’s just a handful of full stops, Jesus saying it like that makes me feel so ridiculous.

advice please.Should I just leave it and if it happens again say something?

Having been where you are and the intense hatred I have for my ex, I would say that it would be best to leave emailing her. You will only be stirring up a hornets nest and it will give him the upper hand of knowing that you are affected by his emails. However, I do think that your boyfriend is right and you should get the Police involved again. I know it is tedious and emotionally draining, but if you can do this, without his knowledge, you will feel as though you are back in control again. Otherwise, he continuously gets the upper hand of control.

Your ex does it to intimidate you, more than likely knowing it will affect you psychologically. These people are bullies and cowards and my ex is exactly the same kind of person. (I had to move house to get away from him).

I think you should change your email address. Let him continue to send emails with his punctuation marks to the email address he knows. Rack them all up, print them out and present them to the Police and make sure that they are prepared to take you seriously about this issue, because it is an issue. He is still in your life, nasty little tit that he is.

You can’t let him control your life. This kind of thing wears you down, chips away at your soul.

He has done but my ex has actually made a fake profile and is on there somehow, we both went through all the followers and couldn't work out who it was, you honestly couldn't write it. I think its probably a bit of a hobby now for my ex. I hope one day his gf goes through his phone and see's how obsessed he is. Thankfully my boyfriend doesn't really post on there that often. I have asked my boyfriend not to post about bars/restaurants/plans etc until after we have done them and aren't there anymore, just in case. Its mad.

My ex “follows” me on Twitter. Not an official follower as far as I’m aware, but lurks and watches my tweets. His ex-wife texted me one day and told me that he watches me on there. On occasions I have padlocked my account, but then I thought, “duck it, why should I have to hide from him.” However, I am very careful about locations and where I have been, etc. Some things are just not worth revealing, especially if you have a nutjob stalker following your every move.

He did the same thing with his ex-wife though, on a slightly less sinister scale, but the intention was always the same. He would get his hair cut in the town she lived in, he would follow her Instagram and show up in places which she had visited, hoping that her and her husband and daughter “just happened to bump into him” type of scenario. He is a stalker, a watcher of women. He used to be a car salesman and kept old phone numbers of his female customers, which I used to find really odd.

He would often say to me that he was going to ask my friends and family members about me, so that he could use it against me at a later date. He said the same thing about my ex-boyfriends, would often ask their surnames and where they lived. I soon cottoned onto his motives and would give him a red herring to throw him off course!

People do think it is all harmless, but that kind of behaviour never is harmless. It is sinister and can really affect you even years later.

 

[Bae56]

Call the police each time it happens. A harassment order costs about £3000-£4000 but if there's enough evidence then the crown can arrange it for you without a fee. Build up a case. He's obsessed.

I wouldn't contact his girlfriend. It will no doubt make it worse, could be another channel for him to use to speak to you. If she left him he would have more time on his hands and more ammunition to goad you. I think the latter would apply even if they stay together. Never respond to him. You've already made it clear that he's not to contact you, he can't use the excuse that he didn't know. All the times you've ignored him become worthless any time you respond.

I sincerely, sincerely hope he leaves you alone.

 

[Dipstick]

Call the police each time it happens. A harassment order costs about £3000-£4000 but if there's enough evidence then the crown can arrange it for you without a fee. Build up a case. He's obsessed.

I wouldn't contact his girlfriend. It will no doubt make it worse, could be another channel for him to use to speak to you. If she left him he would have more time on his hands and more ammunition to goad you. I think the latter would apply even if they stay together. Never respond to him. You've already made it clear that he's not to contact you, he can't use the excuse that he didn't know. All the times you've ignored him become worthless any time you respond.

I sincerely, sincerely hope he leaves you alone.

I just want to clarify that a Non Molestation Order is totally free of charge. There are no fees or hidden costs if you represent yourself. I hate reading mis-information quoting costs of hundreds or thousands of pounds. This sort of mis-information can cause victims of abuse to feel trapped in relationships and make them feel unable to get help and protection, as they think they cannot afford it. It is dangerous and misleading.

A Non Molestation Order is free and is the order that the original poster would need. Protection from Harassment Orders may cost in the region that you are quoting, but that is not the correct order in these circumstances and is not applicable. If you are seeking an Order against someone you are related to, in a relationship with, or previously in a relationship with, then the Non Molestation Order is the correct order. Sorry for being pedantic, but this is a really important message and people shouldn't feel they can't afford the protection of such an order.

For anyone who might need it, here is the government advice in respect of non molestation orders which clearly shows no fees are payable. I think we are allowed to link these things?? https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

 

[Bae56]

I just want to clarify that a Non Molestation Order is totally free of charge. There are no fees or hidden costs if you represent yourself. I hate reading mis-information quoting costs of hundreds or thousands of pounds. This sort of mis-information can cause victims of abuse to feel trapped in relationships and make them feel unable to get help and protection, as they think they cannot afford it. It is dangerous and misleading.

A Non Molestation Order is free and is the order that the original poster would need. Protection from Harassment Orders may cost in the region that you are quoting, but that is not the correct order in these circumstances and is not applicable. If you are seeking an Order against someone you are related to, in a relationship with, or previously in a relationship with, then the Non Molestation Order is the correct order. Sorry for being pedantic, but this is a really important message and people shouldn't feel they can't afford the protection of such an order.

For anyone who might need it, here is the government advice in respect of non molestation orders which clearly shows no fees are payable. I think we are allowed to link these things?? https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

A non harassment order is what I was referring to is £3000-£4000, unless there is a case for the crown to apply through the court on the victims behalf. Not sure if it's the same order, I'm also in Scotland. This unfortunately is something I have experienced myself. When there's strong enough evidence there is no fee which is why I suggested to build a case & call the police each time OP is a victim of his harassment.
Womens aid have been fantastic in guiding me as I was scared to call the police in the first instance. They made me aware of any costs associated with the order although don't provide legal advice.

Edit: not something I want to go into detail, but there's already an injunction for the person I'm referring to but it's not been great. I would hope I'm not being dangerous or misleading, but speaking from experience. I certainly didn't have the money but I did have evidence. All the other orders just haven't been helpful and some people aren't afraid of police or consequences. When you seek advice everyone is upfront about what can be done.

 

[Dipstick]

A non harassment order is what I was referring to is £3000-£4000, unless there is a case for the crown to apply through the court on the victims behalf. Not sure if it's the same order, I'm also in Scotland. This unfortunately is something I have experienced myself. When there's strong enough evidence there is no fee which is why I suggested to build a case & call the police each time OP is a victim of his harassment.
Womens aid have been fantastic in guiding me as I was scared to call the police in the first instance. They made me aware of any costs associated with the order although don't provide legal advice.

Edit: not something I want to go into detail, but there's already an injunction for the person I'm referring to but it's not been great. I would hope I'm not being dangerous or misleading, but speaking from experience. I certainly didn't have the money but I did have evidence. All the other orders just haven't been helpful and some people aren't afraid of police or consequences. When you seek advice everyone is upfront about what can be done.

I'm really sorry to hear you have had to go down this route. I hope you now have the protection you need.

The laws and court system in Scotland is different to England and Wales, so that will be why there are different Orders available, and different fees charged etc. I hope I didn't cause offence in saying that misinformation is dangerous. I simply mean that people should always get proper advice before deciding how to proceed, and i hate to think that anyone didn't seek the protection that they needed, because of a false belief that they couldn't afford it. This is something I have come across time and time again and it is heart breaking. Best wishes to you.