Okay. So, an unusual summary, due to Loony going completely AWOL prior to Xmas. Aside from announcing 2 giveaways, ( we’ll come back to those..), Lorna went missing mid December, after a short trip to Chiltern Firehouse.
After the first few days of silence, she bobbed back on to stories ( without showing her face) and declared “ I’m alive!”
By way of validating said life, she posted an old picture from 2 years ago, on to her grid. Sadly the picture had been so badly filtered, the faceapp filtered hair had attached itself to a neighbouring tree. But never mind. Who cares about attention to detail.
Further silence followed. No shilling over Xmas, no seasonal wishes or thanks to the impressionable Fawnas that support her various addictions & ITS monstrosities. And even stranger, no gift based gloating.
No revival at New Year either!
Wow. The TIT’s were really confused. The Fawna’s were frantic and began posting in their droves
“ How are you ?” “ Is John okay?! “ Hope Boo is well!”
To which Lorna replied ;
“ Ahh, Thanks darling xx”
To pretty much every single one.
Obviously this lengthy, Insta-engagement exercise took significantly more time than it would have done to simply concoct a brief statement announcing that she would be taking a break over Xmas.
The sceptics amongst us might have thought that disappearing without explanation would be more lucrative. Not to mention the inevitable come back..( which could coincide with a new collection ?) It’s like we’re psychic.
But one of Instagram’s greatest narcissists doesn’t just go missing! She needs the adoration, validation and most importantly the £££.
So what was it?
Surgery / fillers gone wrong?
Had OMR finally grown some balls in those resplendent yellow shorts and fled to find someone that shares his own love language? Was there trouble in the Luxe-camp?
Or.. could it be mental illness?
Covid ??
The dog ?
By way of context, prior to “The Great Disappearance” Loony had a significant competition underway. “Her and John” were giving away a brand new Chanel Trendy from the Paris store.
Now, there’s been quite a few of these giveaways ( of which Lorna can gain up to 200k followers each time..
) so some might say it’s worth the outlay given what she will gain in return… it’s far from a selfless deed. However, only one winner ever has shown proof. Absolutely no sign of any others. Same for the Dior. And the Gucci. And the Celine… And the Manolo’s… And the Hermes... 
So, prior to Xmas, the Chanel Bag winner was announced. (Incidentally the winner hadn’t even liked the original competition post which was a requirement of the competition). Unsurprisingly the winner immediately switched her account to private and to date there has been no sign of the winning bag. Was the prolonged absence an excuse not to send the bag? Was the bag even sent? Was there even a bag? All we do know is that Lorna’s followers went from 1.2- 1.4 million.
Draw your own conclusions!
On the 9th January Lorna finally reappeared, sitting in the Bentley with the standard set of miscellaneous vermin attached to her head. She was seemingly hiding behind a big jumper & filtered to the max. She said she’d been a “bit poorly” and did a bit of a sad face betwixt the gurning and exaggerated swallowing.
On 11 January, she posted stories of Boo on her bed, shilled some bed linen and clothes racks for her hall, and showed images of their revamped bedroom.
On 12 January she announced that their poor little dog Boo had died.
3 days later, she’s much better , needs to keep busy & is off to London, to shoot her next ITS collection of “jewel-toned, furry, flammable filth”. But don’t worry, it feels expensive.
She posted a picture at Scott’s where she claimed she was treating John to a nice lunch. However the picture was old, as the Xmas decorations were still up in neighbouring Creed. A new TIT questioned her about this and was immediately blocked.
Queen Baby is back.
RIP Boo.
After the first few days of silence, she bobbed back on to stories ( without showing her face) and declared “ I’m alive!”
By way of validating said life, she posted an old picture from 2 years ago, on to her grid. Sadly the picture had been so badly filtered, the faceapp filtered hair had attached itself to a neighbouring tree. But never mind. Who cares about attention to detail.
Further silence followed. No shilling over Xmas, no seasonal wishes or thanks to the impressionable Fawnas that support her various addictions & ITS monstrosities. And even stranger, no gift based gloating.
No revival at New Year either!
Wow. The TIT’s were really confused. The Fawna’s were frantic and began posting in their droves
“ How are you ?” “ Is John okay?! “ Hope Boo is well!”
To which Lorna replied ;
“ Ahh, Thanks darling xx”
To pretty much every single one.
Obviously this lengthy, Insta-engagement exercise took significantly more time than it would have done to simply concoct a brief statement announcing that she would be taking a break over Xmas.
The sceptics amongst us might have thought that disappearing without explanation would be more lucrative. Not to mention the inevitable come back..( which could coincide with a new collection ?) It’s like we’re psychic.
But one of Instagram’s greatest narcissists doesn’t just go missing! She needs the adoration, validation and most importantly the £££.
So what was it?
Surgery / fillers gone wrong?
Had OMR finally grown some balls in those resplendent yellow shorts and fled to find someone that shares his own love language? Was there trouble in the Luxe-camp?
Or.. could it be mental illness?
Covid ??
The dog ?
By way of context, prior to “The Great Disappearance” Loony had a significant competition underway. “Her and John” were giving away a brand new Chanel Trendy from the Paris store.
Now, there’s been quite a few of these giveaways ( of which Lorna can gain up to 200k followers each time..
) so some might say it’s worth the outlay given what she will gain in return… it’s far from a selfless deed. However, only one winner ever has shown proof. Absolutely no sign of any others. Same for the Dior. And the Gucci. And the Celine… And the Manolo’s… And the Hermes... So, prior to Xmas, the Chanel Bag winner was announced. (Incidentally the winner hadn’t even liked the original competition post which was a requirement of the competition). Unsurprisingly the winner immediately switched her account to private and to date there has been no sign of the winning bag. Was the prolonged absence an excuse not to send the bag? Was the bag even sent? Was there even a bag? All we do know is that Lorna’s followers went from 1.2- 1.4 million.
Draw your own conclusions!
On the 9th January Lorna finally reappeared, sitting in the Bentley with the standard set of miscellaneous vermin attached to her head. She was seemingly hiding behind a big jumper & filtered to the max. She said she’d been a “bit poorly” and did a bit of a sad face betwixt the gurning and exaggerated swallowing.
On 11 January, she posted stories of Boo on her bed, shilled some bed linen and clothes racks for her hall, and showed images of their revamped bedroom.
On 12 January she announced that their poor little dog Boo had died.
3 days later, she’s much better , needs to keep busy & is off to London, to shoot her next ITS collection of “jewel-toned, furry, flammable filth”. But don’t worry, it feels expensive.
She posted a picture at Scott’s where she claimed she was treating John to a nice lunch. However the picture was old, as the Xmas decorations were still up in neighbouring Creed. A new TIT questioned her about this and was immediately blocked.
Queen Baby is back.
RIP Boo.
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. AND let’s not forget it’s LAUNCH DAY 
