Last time, on Keeping Up With the Luxes:
Lorna acquired some new hair, from Russian virgins no less. Well, that's what she thought she was buying. It just clips in and apparently blends in beautifully. Phillip Kingsley must be turning in his grave. Anyway, having attached the hair and giving it a once-over with the Dyson Air Wrap, Lorna took her virgin locks on an outing to the local house of worship to mince up and down looking like a looney. The off-the-scale cringe reel included some pretentious strutting outside people's houses, wearing only a blazer. She can only have been drunk.
Speaking of virgin hair, Sky TV actually paid money to Lorna to film a little reel to promote their new miniseries. Out came the old Virgin Atlantic uniform, and a cringey set of photos of her trying to squeeze herself into it. Obviously this was accompanied by a lot of reminiscing about the best years of her life. She then somehow managed to get herself into the outfit, and did a little reel with handy tips about turbulence. Richard Branson must have hours of repentance daily for the day she received her P45.
Mr Luxe, meanwhile, dyed his hair in preparation for going to get his Covid vaccine. Gotta look good for these things. Having come back feeling rather unwell for a day or two, Mr Luxe went to have a little lie-down in a darkened room, while Queen Baby sympathetically filmed herself jumping in and out of H&M shopping bags, with a seriously creepy 'Chucky'-style fake smile on her face, this time wearing some rather bizarre flowergirl dresses.
There was a podcast, which a couple of TITS sat through (one even cleaned her bathroom), which really was dire. It was mostly about how lockdown has done her good, and she's happier with less, and she's pioneering fewer filters on Instagram. To celebrate the great podcast, Lorna treated herself to a new hat in an attempt to channel Michael Jackson, which she put of back-to-front to go to Tesco.
The pièce de résistance then came in the form of two shirts buttoned together to make a dress. No, this is not made-up. I genuinely don't know what to say about that (still), but the double-shirt-dress was almost forgotten when Melanie arrived on the scene. Melanie thought she was Lorna, and gave us all a jolly stern telling-off for being mean. By the time we'd completed our time on the naughty step, Melanie had blocked herself on Tattle and we couldn't engage in any more meaningful conversation. Melanie, if you're reading this, do come back!
I almost forgot the 'Live with Andrew' session with some Instagram wannabe, who was somewhat obsessed with male anatomy and Lorna's enjoyment thereof. They were both pretty dire, and drunk, and the cringe really was off the chart.
In between all of this, there were new Chanel handbags/tote bags, one of which is neon pink and truly abominable. I'd put my money on it being in the next charity sale. There was also an underground car park reel with her boobs hanging out, and an empty Starbucks cup which got a regular outing.
This new thread sees a new reel being filmed with Lorna and Boo wearing headscarves in a car. Take it from here, ladies!
For any newcomers, please read the Wiki here.
Lorna acquired some new hair, from Russian virgins no less. Well, that's what she thought she was buying. It just clips in and apparently blends in beautifully. Phillip Kingsley must be turning in his grave. Anyway, having attached the hair and giving it a once-over with the Dyson Air Wrap, Lorna took her virgin locks on an outing to the local house of worship to mince up and down looking like a looney. The off-the-scale cringe reel included some pretentious strutting outside people's houses, wearing only a blazer. She can only have been drunk.
Speaking of virgin hair, Sky TV actually paid money to Lorna to film a little reel to promote their new miniseries. Out came the old Virgin Atlantic uniform, and a cringey set of photos of her trying to squeeze herself into it. Obviously this was accompanied by a lot of reminiscing about the best years of her life. She then somehow managed to get herself into the outfit, and did a little reel with handy tips about turbulence. Richard Branson must have hours of repentance daily for the day she received her P45.
Mr Luxe, meanwhile, dyed his hair in preparation for going to get his Covid vaccine. Gotta look good for these things. Having come back feeling rather unwell for a day or two, Mr Luxe went to have a little lie-down in a darkened room, while Queen Baby sympathetically filmed herself jumping in and out of H&M shopping bags, with a seriously creepy 'Chucky'-style fake smile on her face, this time wearing some rather bizarre flowergirl dresses.
There was a podcast, which a couple of TITS sat through (one even cleaned her bathroom), which really was dire. It was mostly about how lockdown has done her good, and she's happier with less, and she's pioneering fewer filters on Instagram. To celebrate the great podcast, Lorna treated herself to a new hat in an attempt to channel Michael Jackson, which she put of back-to-front to go to Tesco.
The pièce de résistance then came in the form of two shirts buttoned together to make a dress. No, this is not made-up. I genuinely don't know what to say about that (still), but the double-shirt-dress was almost forgotten when Melanie arrived on the scene. Melanie thought she was Lorna, and gave us all a jolly stern telling-off for being mean. By the time we'd completed our time on the naughty step, Melanie had blocked herself on Tattle and we couldn't engage in any more meaningful conversation. Melanie, if you're reading this, do come back!
I almost forgot the 'Live with Andrew' session with some Instagram wannabe, who was somewhat obsessed with male anatomy and Lorna's enjoyment thereof. They were both pretty dire, and drunk, and the cringe really was off the chart.
In between all of this, there were new Chanel handbags/tote bags, one of which is neon pink and truly abominable. I'd put my money on it being in the next charity sale. There was also an underground car park reel with her boobs hanging out, and an empty Starbucks cup which got a regular outing.
This new thread sees a new reel being filmed with Lorna and Boo wearing headscarves in a car. Take it from here, ladies!
For any newcomers, please read the Wiki here.
Looking back the last thread was pretty funny wasn’t it she did well with bringing us the laughs.
