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Flyingbaby
VIP Member
Definitely the saying you can’t choose your family is very true and I’ve also learnt that
I rented a house from my cousin his wife turned nasty about a payment that missed because of a bank holiday (out of my control) I’ve not spoken to them since - 10 years ago
shirleymaclaine1
Active member
Likewise, Those seeking revenge should dig two graves
bunnyboo
VIP Member
1. If something sounds too good to be true, that's because it probably is.
2. Life is random, derived from chaos. No amount of believing in the 'law of attraction' (and equivalents) will change things. It may be tempting to believe that we are in control of our destiny and can change our lives through the power of thought, but this will ultimately lead to disappointment and self-blame. Sometimes, shit happens. Bad things happen to good people every single day.
3. If you start comparing your true self to other people on social media, you are setting yourself up to be depressed/upset/anxious. Everyone's online 'persona' on social media is a false narrative of what their lives are probably really like. The person we pretend to be on social media is far different from who we actually are
4. I say this as someone who suffered greatly with mental health.. be wary of anyone selling a course, book, lifestyle based around the concept of "being happy". I hear so many people saying their goal in life is to be happy. Well that's deeply flawed, because no-one can truly be happy all the time. And if someone is 'happy' all the time they're either mentally ill themselves or a liar (probably a social media influencer!).
5. Listen to your god damn gut. This is something I really wish I did more of in my early twenties. I made friends with shitty people, stayed in a terribly abusive relationship, did a degree I didn't even really want to do.. because I was scared of my own intuition. Don't be like this, it's shit.
2. Life is random, derived from chaos. No amount of believing in the 'law of attraction' (and equivalents) will change things. It may be tempting to believe that we are in control of our destiny and can change our lives through the power of thought, but this will ultimately lead to disappointment and self-blame. Sometimes, shit happens. Bad things happen to good people every single day.
3. If you start comparing your true self to other people on social media, you are setting yourself up to be depressed/upset/anxious. Everyone's online 'persona' on social media is a false narrative of what their lives are probably really like. The person we pretend to be on social media is far different from who we actually are
4. I say this as someone who suffered greatly with mental health.. be wary of anyone selling a course, book, lifestyle based around the concept of "being happy". I hear so many people saying their goal in life is to be happy. Well that's deeply flawed, because no-one can truly be happy all the time. And if someone is 'happy' all the time they're either mentally ill themselves or a liar (probably a social media influencer!).
5. Listen to your god damn gut. This is something I really wish I did more of in my early twenties. I made friends with shitty people, stayed in a terribly abusive relationship, did a degree I didn't even really want to do.. because I was scared of my own intuition. Don't be like this, it's shit.
Misbehaving
VIP Member
The biggest lesson i've learnt is to try and keep my distance from narcisissts and virtue signallers.They are needy vacuous people with an already inflated self confidence and you will only be used as supply and their demands are never ending.
Its a difficult one though as they are often highly articulate attractive and seductive people and draw others to them like a magnet.Its that feeling i get about being the loner at school and suddenly the popular kids or gang show an interest and that nagging doubt i have about myself and wanting to feel as if i belong...well lets just say that has been used against me very often.
Its not enough to just say the right thing though is it? Those that really care will back it up with actions.Its so obvious isn't it but its taken me 42 years to finally get it!
I think when you grow up with a sense of deprivation for whatever reason you are always trying to fill that void become acceptable be cherished finally?
Its so easy when clever smart people show an interest to get blindsided and even place too much emphasis and importance on their words even to idealise a little bit (guilty!) only for the inevitable disapointment that follows when people cannot live up to your expectations and you cannot live up to theirs either.Except its horribly imbalanced isn't it?
As if they dangled a carrot in front of your face (the promise of a self love or good opinion that you lack) and then sensing your need pulled back withdrew at the last minute.
Ner ner na ner ner you can't have it but if i reeled you in even furthur what would you do to get it right? So trying to please people who are basically unhappy people themselves becomes your forte.
You become adept at sensing those needs and even anticipating them bending over backwards to accomodate an unreasonable tyrant who is pulling your strings and taking advantage of your good nature.
The very worst of this has to be that one way or another you will end up being a scapegoat (virtue signallers in particular love this as they get off on being the good guy in the eyes of the world) and you find yourself being both gaslighted and shunned by others even though actually you haven't done anything wrong (except been too nice or accepting of others?).
This has happened many times to me and its sad but true that the path to hell is paved with good intentions.
The one thing i will say to myself and others who feel the same way is that one of the consolations of this situation is increased self awareness and also the sense of satisfaction when the narcisisst who basically brain fucked you starts to show their true colours not only to you but to others as well.Sooner or later the mask slips and people catch a true glimpse done often enough the truth comes seeping out.? (in social media in particular there is no place to hide and highly judgy critical nasty people show who they really are sooner or later.
Then breathe a sigh of relief move on with your life and realise that nobody ever lost anything being kind (you gain wisdom at least) but negative or cruel people always lose in the end because they are actors and the worlds a stage but they have little of real value or substance.
Its a difficult one though as they are often highly articulate attractive and seductive people and draw others to them like a magnet.Its that feeling i get about being the loner at school and suddenly the popular kids or gang show an interest and that nagging doubt i have about myself and wanting to feel as if i belong...well lets just say that has been used against me very often.
Its not enough to just say the right thing though is it? Those that really care will back it up with actions.Its so obvious isn't it but its taken me 42 years to finally get it!
I think when you grow up with a sense of deprivation for whatever reason you are always trying to fill that void become acceptable be cherished finally?
Its so easy when clever smart people show an interest to get blindsided and even place too much emphasis and importance on their words even to idealise a little bit (guilty!) only for the inevitable disapointment that follows when people cannot live up to your expectations and you cannot live up to theirs either.Except its horribly imbalanced isn't it?
As if they dangled a carrot in front of your face (the promise of a self love or good opinion that you lack) and then sensing your need pulled back withdrew at the last minute.
Ner ner na ner ner you can't have it but if i reeled you in even furthur what would you do to get it right? So trying to please people who are basically unhappy people themselves becomes your forte.
You become adept at sensing those needs and even anticipating them bending over backwards to accomodate an unreasonable tyrant who is pulling your strings and taking advantage of your good nature.
The very worst of this has to be that one way or another you will end up being a scapegoat (virtue signallers in particular love this as they get off on being the good guy in the eyes of the world) and you find yourself being both gaslighted and shunned by others even though actually you haven't done anything wrong (except been too nice or accepting of others?).
This has happened many times to me and its sad but true that the path to hell is paved with good intentions.
The one thing i will say to myself and others who feel the same way is that one of the consolations of this situation is increased self awareness and also the sense of satisfaction when the narcisisst who basically brain fucked you starts to show their true colours not only to you but to others as well.Sooner or later the mask slips and people catch a true glimpse done often enough the truth comes seeping out.? (in social media in particular there is no place to hide and highly judgy critical nasty people show who they really are sooner or later.
Then breathe a sigh of relief move on with your life and realise that nobody ever lost anything being kind (you gain wisdom at least) but negative or cruel people always lose in the end because they are actors and the worlds a stage but they have little of real value or substance.
1001 others
VIP Member
There are so many great posts in this thread 
The narcissism one struck a chord for me ... these people are so dangerous and once they get into your psyche ... well, it's hard to escape. My mother, sister and father were all narcissists (Leos, which are the worst kind! [not saying that all Leos are narcissists, just that the Leo narcissists are the worst]), and it made for an extremely unhappy childhood. It's interesting watching my sister's family - from a distance - inherit the same traits, living the same miserable lives. Awful. I can spot them from a mile off though, so it was a valuable lesson.
In a similar vein to being careful what you tell, and share with, people - you really do have to guard who you let into your life. I don't mean for that to sound paranoid, but you really do.
I have an acquaintance who likes to call me and just dump a whole truckload of negativity on me, before saying it felt good to do that and hanging up ... she's an energy vampire, pure and simple. She called me three times today; on the third time I told her enough is enough; I don't want to hear from her again and hung up. Just to add, she is not depressed and does not have anxiety; I just think she mistakes my kindness for weakness. So, goodbye to her! (But I suspect she'll probably try her luck in calling again; even though I have blocked her, the calls will just go to message service so she'll probably try to leave a few ... I might need to change my number). It felt good to do that but I acknowledge I am to blame for letting it go on for so long.
~ ~ ~
Another one - I seem to be a magnet for these types!
I am doing some part-time study at the moment via distance learning. There is a very small number of participants on this course, and we are encouraged to communicate via a forum if we have any questions or need help with any of the topics (which they keep reiterating is not cheating as it's the equivalent of asking classmates for help if we were attending in person). The training academy gave my personal email address to one of the students, and she contacts me constantly asking this, that, the other. I really wish I'd complained to the academy as soon as that happened, as it's a breach of privacy. Anyhoo, I didn't, and too late now.
After receiving her first email (in which she moaned about how hard the work is, how she doesn't feel she's cut out for it, etc., [she is constantly seeking assurance and validation - it's exhausting!]), I suggested to her politely that she post her questions to the forum as I might not always be able to answer her emails directly, which she started doing for a bit but now she's reverted to emailing me directly ... which I suspect she's doing as a couple of the questions she asked on the forum put her in a negative light (she didn't read the instructions properly and started mouthing off about a few things, which the tutor responded to quite abruptly).
At this point it's feeling like harassment - every morning I wake up to emails from her probing into my personal life (I don't share anything), telling me about hers, and then closing by asking a stream of questions. She's constantly on the back foot with her assignments and has taken to copying bits of mine after I've submitted them (the other classmates get to see what you've done).
I received my grade and feedback for the latest assignment today, and was horrified to see the tutor commented that my chosen topic and much of the narrative was the same as that of this other woman and that although we are encouraged to help each other, we shouldn't be copying each other's work, and as it would appear that's exactly what I did on this occasion, I would only be receiving 20% for my effort! I responded immediately, pointing out that the time of my submission was several hours earlier than hers, and attaching a copy of an email conversation that we had, where she asked what the instructions actually meant as she was confused, my response, her subsequent response to that saying she thought as much, but just wanted to check, and then a further response from her saying that after seeing my assignment I must have had the same idea as her, as she's been working on the same sort of thing. So I asked that my grade be revisited in light of all this. The tutor responded to say she would have to take it up with her supervisor as there have been a couple of concerns raised in the past. At this, my stomach sank - issues to do with me? This is the first I've heard of it. I do not have any reason to copy anyone else and always submit work that is 100% original, authored by me. I have just batched up all the emails she's sent me over time to plead my case as they clearly demonstrate that she has been struggling all the way through and I have only tried to help.
I'm feeling so angry about it all. There's six months left of this course to run and I feel exhausted - not by the course or work involved itself - but by this woman. She is toxic! I fired off an email to her just now asking her not to contact me via email anymore - that all communication is to be via the forum, which I may or may not respond to. If my grade does not get revised then I feel like dropping out - seriously, I'm so upset about it all.
At this rate I'll have no callers, and no emails, and that will be wonderful!
So, be careful of who you let into your life and give your precious energy to. Again, I do have myself to blame in part, for not setting clear boundaries from the outset. But, as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished.
The narcissism one struck a chord for me ... these people are so dangerous and once they get into your psyche ... well, it's hard to escape. My mother, sister and father were all narcissists (Leos, which are the worst kind! [not saying that all Leos are narcissists, just that the Leo narcissists are the worst]), and it made for an extremely unhappy childhood. It's interesting watching my sister's family - from a distance - inherit the same traits, living the same miserable lives. Awful. I can spot them from a mile off though, so it was a valuable lesson.
In a similar vein to being careful what you tell, and share with, people - you really do have to guard who you let into your life. I don't mean for that to sound paranoid, but you really do.
I have an acquaintance who likes to call me and just dump a whole truckload of negativity on me, before saying it felt good to do that and hanging up ... she's an energy vampire, pure and simple. She called me three times today; on the third time I told her enough is enough; I don't want to hear from her again and hung up. Just to add, she is not depressed and does not have anxiety; I just think she mistakes my kindness for weakness. So, goodbye to her! (But I suspect she'll probably try her luck in calling again; even though I have blocked her, the calls will just go to message service so she'll probably try to leave a few ... I might need to change my number). It felt good to do that but I acknowledge I am to blame for letting it go on for so long.
~ ~ ~
Another one - I seem to be a magnet for these types!
I am doing some part-time study at the moment via distance learning. There is a very small number of participants on this course, and we are encouraged to communicate via a forum if we have any questions or need help with any of the topics (which they keep reiterating is not cheating as it's the equivalent of asking classmates for help if we were attending in person). The training academy gave my personal email address to one of the students, and she contacts me constantly asking this, that, the other. I really wish I'd complained to the academy as soon as that happened, as it's a breach of privacy. Anyhoo, I didn't, and too late now.
After receiving her first email (in which she moaned about how hard the work is, how she doesn't feel she's cut out for it, etc., [she is constantly seeking assurance and validation - it's exhausting!]), I suggested to her politely that she post her questions to the forum as I might not always be able to answer her emails directly, which she started doing for a bit but now she's reverted to emailing me directly ... which I suspect she's doing as a couple of the questions she asked on the forum put her in a negative light (she didn't read the instructions properly and started mouthing off about a few things, which the tutor responded to quite abruptly).
At this point it's feeling like harassment - every morning I wake up to emails from her probing into my personal life (I don't share anything), telling me about hers, and then closing by asking a stream of questions. She's constantly on the back foot with her assignments and has taken to copying bits of mine after I've submitted them (the other classmates get to see what you've done).
I received my grade and feedback for the latest assignment today, and was horrified to see the tutor commented that my chosen topic and much of the narrative was the same as that of this other woman and that although we are encouraged to help each other, we shouldn't be copying each other's work, and as it would appear that's exactly what I did on this occasion, I would only be receiving 20% for my effort! I responded immediately, pointing out that the time of my submission was several hours earlier than hers, and attaching a copy of an email conversation that we had, where she asked what the instructions actually meant as she was confused, my response, her subsequent response to that saying she thought as much, but just wanted to check, and then a further response from her saying that after seeing my assignment I must have had the same idea as her, as she's been working on the same sort of thing. So I asked that my grade be revisited in light of all this. The tutor responded to say she would have to take it up with her supervisor as there have been a couple of concerns raised in the past. At this, my stomach sank - issues to do with me? This is the first I've heard of it. I do not have any reason to copy anyone else and always submit work that is 100% original, authored by me. I have just batched up all the emails she's sent me over time to plead my case as they clearly demonstrate that she has been struggling all the way through and I have only tried to help.
I'm feeling so angry about it all. There's six months left of this course to run and I feel exhausted - not by the course or work involved itself - but by this woman. She is toxic! I fired off an email to her just now asking her not to contact me via email anymore - that all communication is to be via the forum, which I may or may not respond to. If my grade does not get revised then I feel like dropping out - seriously, I'm so upset about it all.
At this rate I'll have no callers, and no emails, and that will be wonderful!
So, be careful of who you let into your life and give your precious energy to. Again, I do have myself to blame in part, for not setting clear boundaries from the outset. But, as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished.
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