NUMBER 100 TROLLS!! A whole baby century of threads.
Well done to @Eyeofthetiger for the most excellent thread title.
We move..
Our favourite village idiot told us the story of how she’d lost her contact at the back of her eye, despite this being pretty much impossible to do. It was accompanied with the tale of how she’d attempted to get it out which included almost every known way to give yourself an eye infection and stopped short of her popping her eyeball out on the end of a knife to try and retrieve it, leaving us all with the question how can someone so stupid still have teeth? She didn’t update us any further so the poor contact is still probably floating around the almost empty vacuum of her skull, occasionally banging into the three brain cells and the marble that also reside there.
Friday started with a live during which she was extremely excited to let us know that she’d planned a really unusual date night for herself and Deirde Barlow’s hair inspiration. Later that evening with Delo wearing a fantastic pair of blag trainers and Kate dressed as a cross between a hospital porter and the Sheriff of Nottingham, she surprised him with the extremely romantic and private Life and Business seminar hosted by the author of HER favourite audiobook that she’s read twice, James Smith. You lucky, lucky boy Delo. Thought you were off for a free feed and the chance of a legover, but instead you got to spend the night with a thousand other deluded weapons chanting like a group of teenage girls casting a boyfriend spell.
Busy weekend for the North West’s 127th most popular makeup artist as she traumatised another bridal party by painting them like the last survivors of Chernobyl, before performing the ‘last’ of her Maid of Honour duties for her cousin sister best friend, Hollie. You not going the wedding then, Kate? Not content with a Hen night out in Liverpool and a weekend in Ibiza, cousin auntie sister niece was treated to a party in her mum and dad’s mansion (now we know why it was them who paid the Savers money back) with the standard party essentials of the moment - a grazing table that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Louis XIV’s breakfast bar, a ‘DJ’ who spent most of the night filming them in between pressing play on ‘Now That’s What I Call Pretentious Dickheads’, and of course, a failed LIPA student who’s had a couple of saxophone lessons and thinks he’s Duke Ellington. The theme was obviously ‘white’ - Kate is saving her white dress for the actual wedding so went in white and blue, and decided on ‘mermaid’ hair. Looking at the state of it, I can only assume she modelled her look on the Fiji Mermaid. Highlight of the evening was of course Mez’s Bez dancing and Kate (looking somewhat different to the pictures we’d seen only hours earlier) barging everyone out of the way like a walrus after the last sardine at Seaworld. Luckily for the furniture in the house and the eyesight of the guests, she chose not to follow Hollie’s lead and dance on the table...
It’s Monday so of course it’s now time for the traditional ‘you can change your life’ motivational speech as she huffs and puff her way along the street. Despite sounding like Ivor the Engine getting up Moel Famau on her way to the gym, she somehow managed to ‘spirt’ 5k in 21 minutes on the gym’s treadmill. One can only assume the treadmill exists on a different plane of time to the rest of us because no way on God’s Green Earth can she run as quick as Tom Daley. And if, on the off chance that she can, then NASA need to get involved because she’ll be able to be used to deflect comets using her gravitational pull.
In a disturbing turn of events, she once again proved that she’s so dense light bends around her by revealing during a fabricated Q&A response to Tattle event that Mini Matt wants her to have another Caesarean when they manifest their next baby as though it was a loving and caring thing to say. Kate love, your live-in paneller wanting you to be cut open from hip to hip before your organs are shoved to one side and a baby is pulled from you, then for you to be stitched back up and then to be in intense pain for the next 6 weeks is not romantic and caring, it’s weird and quite frankly something you’d hear in the background information in a serial killer podcast. Hard to believe that she beat 10,000,000 other sperm, isn’t it??
Tuesday brought us another pretend gym class that she managed to get to and back quicker than she can run 5k. Desperately trying to sound relatable to those mothers who actually do real work and raise a family, she made a big performance about needing ‘me time’ even though she was child-free and bladdered for most of the weekend. During her ‘me time’ she shocked us all by actually spending her own money for once and buying her daughter some clothes. From Sainsbury’s. In the sale.
And finally, in honour of thread 100, here are my top 10 Truff moments:
As always, Read the Wiki..
Well done to @Eyeofthetiger for the most excellent thread title.
We move..
Our favourite village idiot told us the story of how she’d lost her contact at the back of her eye, despite this being pretty much impossible to do. It was accompanied with the tale of how she’d attempted to get it out which included almost every known way to give yourself an eye infection and stopped short of her popping her eyeball out on the end of a knife to try and retrieve it, leaving us all with the question how can someone so stupid still have teeth? She didn’t update us any further so the poor contact is still probably floating around the almost empty vacuum of her skull, occasionally banging into the three brain cells and the marble that also reside there.
Friday started with a live during which she was extremely excited to let us know that she’d planned a really unusual date night for herself and Deirde Barlow’s hair inspiration. Later that evening with Delo wearing a fantastic pair of blag trainers and Kate dressed as a cross between a hospital porter and the Sheriff of Nottingham, she surprised him with the extremely romantic and private Life and Business seminar hosted by the author of HER favourite audiobook that she’s read twice, James Smith. You lucky, lucky boy Delo. Thought you were off for a free feed and the chance of a legover, but instead you got to spend the night with a thousand other deluded weapons chanting like a group of teenage girls casting a boyfriend spell.
Busy weekend for the North West’s 127th most popular makeup artist as she traumatised another bridal party by painting them like the last survivors of Chernobyl, before performing the ‘last’ of her Maid of Honour duties for her cousin sister best friend, Hollie. You not going the wedding then, Kate? Not content with a Hen night out in Liverpool and a weekend in Ibiza, cousin auntie sister niece was treated to a party in her mum and dad’s mansion (now we know why it was them who paid the Savers money back) with the standard party essentials of the moment - a grazing table that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Louis XIV’s breakfast bar, a ‘DJ’ who spent most of the night filming them in between pressing play on ‘Now That’s What I Call Pretentious Dickheads’, and of course, a failed LIPA student who’s had a couple of saxophone lessons and thinks he’s Duke Ellington. The theme was obviously ‘white’ - Kate is saving her white dress for the actual wedding so went in white and blue, and decided on ‘mermaid’ hair. Looking at the state of it, I can only assume she modelled her look on the Fiji Mermaid. Highlight of the evening was of course Mez’s Bez dancing and Kate (looking somewhat different to the pictures we’d seen only hours earlier) barging everyone out of the way like a walrus after the last sardine at Seaworld. Luckily for the furniture in the house and the eyesight of the guests, she chose not to follow Hollie’s lead and dance on the table...
It’s Monday so of course it’s now time for the traditional ‘you can change your life’ motivational speech as she huffs and puff her way along the street. Despite sounding like Ivor the Engine getting up Moel Famau on her way to the gym, she somehow managed to ‘spirt’ 5k in 21 minutes on the gym’s treadmill. One can only assume the treadmill exists on a different plane of time to the rest of us because no way on God’s Green Earth can she run as quick as Tom Daley. And if, on the off chance that she can, then NASA need to get involved because she’ll be able to be used to deflect comets using her gravitational pull.
In a disturbing turn of events, she once again proved that she’s so dense light bends around her by revealing during a fabricated Q&A response to Tattle event that Mini Matt wants her to have another Caesarean when they manifest their next baby as though it was a loving and caring thing to say. Kate love, your live-in paneller wanting you to be cut open from hip to hip before your organs are shoved to one side and a baby is pulled from you, then for you to be stitched back up and then to be in intense pain for the next 6 weeks is not romantic and caring, it’s weird and quite frankly something you’d hear in the background information in a serial killer podcast. Hard to believe that she beat 10,000,000 other sperm, isn’t it??
Tuesday brought us another pretend gym class that she managed to get to and back quicker than she can run 5k. Desperately trying to sound relatable to those mothers who actually do real work and raise a family, she made a big performance about needing ‘me time’ even though she was child-free and bladdered for most of the weekend. During her ‘me time’ she shocked us all by actually spending her own money for once and buying her daughter some clothes. From Sainsbury’s. In the sale.
And finally, in honour of thread 100, here are my top 10 Truff moments:
- Errr Helllloooooo.
- The fart.
- Going on the bounce and being filmed on the Ring doorbell - ‘We need to have a word about your daughter…’
- Being called out on ‘her best friend’s garden’.
- Olive being ‘too pure for this cruel world’ until she realised what a little money spinner she was.
- The garden rave and propping the car seat up on two patio chairs while she lolloped around the gazebo.
- Every time she gets caught out in her mates’ pictures looking completely different to the picture she chose to post.
- Moon face in the nursing home window.
- The handheld thermometer.
- La Prawn.
As always, Read the Wiki..
Am I missing out on something. Fat tits I see you’ve got a fatter face but you’re still a minty 
