It seems that he can only see women (in particular) in terms of their use to him and how they puff him up. Their role is to support, dispense adoration, bolster his colossal ego, they are “attentive” to him, “dutiful” to him, etc. Even professional women are reduced to terms of how they are aesthetically pleasing to him. You never get a real sense of what these women are actually like - it’s like they are just support animals to himself.
Jason Arday #3
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They are high value women - smarter than the average woman,5 degrees slimmer, all the guys fancy her, unusually long hair and eyelashes…of course only the best women would be helping Jason.
I'm sorry but that's just not true across the board. Narcissists often do kill themselves when they are exposed. It's why so many people predicted JA's death - someone whose lies were about to be exposed and had no internal mechanism to accept blame, so he collapsed entirely. There are even people who commit suicide as a "duck you."
Look up narcissistic collapse and suicidality.
"Suicide risk is not rare in patients with narcissism, particularly in the context of severe narcissistic injury, where the patient feels shamed and/or vilified."
A DSA needs assessment is just that - they ask you what you have issues with and then they make recommendations for reasonable adjustments and interventions based on that. They don’t diagnose
Good point. I'd also add that the majority of people 'mask' their true feelings all the time whether autistic or not just to navigate society. Who amongst us hasn't smiled at a colleague we secretly despise or have let rudeness pass because we don't want to start an open row with someone. If people didn't disguise their true feelings for the sake of politeness we'd all be in open warfare all the time!
I think there is a difference in the effort it takes to adhere to social norms (or in the worst case, 'mask' for the purposes of manipulation, as narcs do), as well as the understanding of why you might need to do it. People with autism may find it exhausting, or simply not possible.
At the risk of derailing the thread, I think a big part of the issue is the pathologisation of a broad range of normal human behaviours in high functioning people. When my friend in her 50s with a degree, published novels, a long career in IT, husband, kids, friends and complains about having to 'mask' at work and my cousin's 12 year old who screams and melts down when he leaves the house and needs one on one support at school both have "autism", the category description is essentially useless.
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There's also the more recent uptake of people's general usage of psychological terms in everyday life, even if it doesn't apply.
You are not just a little bit ADHD because it's been overwhelming for you this one day. It's being exhausted every day and struggling with "normal" things on the regular and still having to power through.
There's a lot of medical gaslighting going on by people who are as medical as my dog's bag of treats
You are not just a little bit ADHD because it's been overwhelming for you this one day. It's being exhausted every day and struggling with "normal" things on the regular and still having to power through.
There's a lot of medical gaslighting going on by people who are as medical as my dog's bag of treats
I thought the same. I 'mask' at work every day dealing with mats, I 'mask' at parties talking to dullards, etc. one has to draw the line between ND and neurotypical behaviours.
ETA I realise autistic masking is different - what am pointing out is the growing trend of neurotypical attention seekers adopting ND issues to excuse their behaviour and make them feel special.
It's less of a thing now, but I seem to remember people being "triggered" was quite common.
There's also a fair amount of algorithm beating phraseology like unalived instead of killed, for example, which annoys me. Lots of mealy mouthness.
He might have had average intelligence but not enough to justify the positions he got. He didn't have the work ethic either that might have compensated. I am guessing he was the golden child of a narc mother who believed he was the best in the world at everything. It takes a lot of confidence and entitlement to do what he did. The eyeliner suggests he was very concerned with his appearance too, and he was fairly good looking.
They really do think they are superior to others - it reminds me of Alice Evans again who laughably said that she was the smartest person in the room!
I have only known them take their own lives in a rather spectacular way, not quietly, at home, after being clearly unwell such as losing weight.
To be honest, we have no idea how he died. (Which I think is totally right, we don't need the lurid details.) He could have been ringing his ex screaming that he was going to do it and it was her fault, or left a horrific note blaming everyone. I'm not saying that he did those things, I'm just saying we have no idea if it was quiet and private.
The effect has been pretty spectacular.
I mean the ones I know have been either very public (motorway) or for maximum hurt (public SM posts, widespread emails to whole workplace)if I were to guess I’d have expected something like Cambridge or The Times/Telegraph to have been the location or subject of an online rant posted seconds before, some kind of “by the time you read this” or “you have blood on your hands” or letters received the following days etc
Don’t think this link/article has been posted here before, but apologies if so. It’s from The Atlantic this past week and is a really good read.
Here’s an extract from the beginning and the link bypassing the paywall.
There might have been a suicide note but it was wisely kept private. The family closed the GFM too iirc.
It’s the “to be honest, I thought you’d just believe me” which seems devoid of narc manipulation and makes me feel he may actually be lacking in sophistication.
I know the quote may not be direct (newspapers do that. I know it looks like a direct quote but it may not be. What was he going to do if it’s a bit wrong, complain to the Guardian?)
I know there could be more content than we know.
But it’s just not the kind of thing a narc would ever say.
I know the quote may not be direct (newspapers do that. I know it looks like a direct quote but it may not be. What was he going to do if it’s a bit wrong, complain to the Guardian?)
I know there could be more content than we know.
But it’s just not the kind of thing a narc would ever say.
I think it’s more telling when you learn that Arday himself contacted the Guardian journalist (as the G recently clarified to the grotesque Jolyon), rather than vice versa. He does seem in many ways to be lacking in sophistication-I mean, he comes across as a vacuous adolescent in his woeful memoir and in a lot of his dreadful ‘inspirational keynotes’, but he was also fully capable of seeking and getting multiple senior academic positions, of using his backstory in manipulative ways, of using lawyers and the police/weaponizing mental health and accusations of racism to intimidate multiple people who legitimately questioned him- and he was also capable of being incredibly manipulative beyond that. eg
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