Jake Quickenden #151 STILL couldn’t get on Strictly...

[Jane_Mcdonald]

Congrats @Philimena cunk for this cracker of a thread title
You win a set of those glasses Flappy was giving away

Recap
Thread 150 started with Fakey taking his favourire son to the latest Paw Patrol premiere, documented on Instagram of course

Next up was the grifted Turkey holiday where he needed to take Mummy Zelda, cos he can't actually look after his own kids by himself!
Posting on the freebie trip was non bleeping stop, Side splitting reels with Zelda, grid posts and stories of the kids constantly

While Fake was in Turkey good old Flappy decided that she was so exhausted she needed her 13456789th holiday of the year. She pissed off to Marbella with some mates to work on her pasty suntan. Including more pictures of her looking in to the distance like a harmless idiot

We also found out Oscar winning actor Jack was treading the boards at 2nd rate theatres for 11 weeks in the n*nce play again Rita, Sue,and Bob Too. So far his only work next year

Flappy's sister came for a visit and she was apparently 'signing off' Insta, lasted about 2 days then she was back!!

Poor old Fakey returned from his holiday so tired and then the poor lamb was straight to work the next day in Leeds for JJFC. Poor love had to work 4 days in a row then had the weekend off and then back again on Monday. That Monday he took Leo to Leeds with him to ge a crowd extra on JJFC and of course Flappy couldn't miss the opportunity of another holiday 48 hours in Ibiza, I wouldn't have bothered. Flaps does love her holidays doesn't she

Then came the news, Fakey wouldn't be on SCD how will we cope without seeing his tombstone teeth on TV for 12 weeks. Nevermind, there's always next year

We ended the thread with his job of 'presenting' the Hair and Beauty Awards for the 3rd year running, amazing The best thing was the disgrace that is Katie Price tried to crack on with him hahahahaaaaa poor Fakey
As you were Fakeys tattle away

 

[JazzFan]

Thank you @Jane_Mcdonald

The poor kids it’s disgusting ruining their future health to have a tan at their age

 

[Vanilla Ice]

Great thread title @Philimena cunk and what a marvellous recap @Jane_Mcdonald

 

[Philimena cunk]

Many thanks for the honour of the thread title!!!
Looking forward to sticking the glasses on vinted for a good cause.

 

[Sarivng2022]

You know what part of me would love to see him and KP together. He'd be living for the publicity. She'd eat him alive. Someone commented on Reddit saying it would never work as he's so kid oriented unlike her his only interest in his kids is using them to get more likes and views on Instagram

 

[Jane_Mcdonald]

Fakey's made The Sun

 

[Wills315]

God what a pairing ! Could you imagine if they got together and how much he would use poor Harvey for content.

 

[Vanilla Ice]

Another ode about Fakey the old sad loser
Enjoy

Wonder if he realises now he has nothing left
Pretending stories look at me being my best
His children only know him looking at a screen
Hardly good parenting just to be seen
Hardly a day go by without a sarky remark
All this from a twit who’s actually a no mark
People are wondering now where he will live
Maybe the tent is best for an untalented div
No money coming and an ex with an addiction
Spending the money without even thinking
Maybe old flapps had some money given
And the sad b new where is was hidden
Who is going to pay them damn bills now
He doesn’t work so god knows how
Maybe she is getting a tent as well
Living like some tramps that will be swell
Universal credit might help a little bit
Even so life will definitely be tit
Do they deserve all this YES they both do
Not a thought for anyone else so boo hoo hoo
I’m not a vindictive person maybe just this once
All they do is scrounge and ponce ponce ponce
Us mere mortals are happy to pay our way
And it feels so dammed good I really must say
At nearly 40 he cannot act sing or dance
This is why he never even given a chance
Hanging around trying to be people’s friend
Surely they all can see he is just a bell-end
He has not one friend apart from his mother
Even though he has a living brother
Seems like he doesn’t like old fakey either
Can you actually wonder please go hither
Both need to grow up and look after them kids
Stop going on holidays and earn decent quids
Here’s a novelty why not get a normal job
And being so arrogant and just being a gob
Me thinks he loves all this on tittle tattle
Pretending we’re trolls but it makes him rattle
Without us you are even more of sad little man
Prove everyone wrong but I doubt if you can
Ten years from now and you will still be a twit
Tombstone teeth and more fake hair poor Jack
What does he look like with his little curl fringe
Twinks look out as he is done with her minge
Exploiting your kids daily with a photo or two
Will her new man be an a wipe just like you
But again we are talking about your Ex dopey
Probably someone like you maybe not as ropey
The tent is a calling so you had better get go
Watch for the rain or even some snow
Winter is coming and us tattlers cannot wait
In our nice warm houses waiting your fate !!

 

[TrashleenMoron]

He'd say he had a "Harv son"

 

[Whazgoinin]

He'd say he had a "Harv son"

Early doors but next thread title

 

[drmortimer]

Fakey presenting the HAIR and BEAUTY awards is like me being the host for the national GINORMOUS pen show.

Alanis Morissette should have sung about that in her list of ironies.

 

[Jane_Mcdonald]

Another ode about Fakey the old sad loser
Enjoy

Wonder if he realises now he has nothing left
Pretending stories look at me being my best
His children only know him looking at a screen
Hardly good parenting just to be seen
Hardly a day go by without a sarky remark
All this from a twit who’s actually a no mark
People are wondering now where he will live
Maybe the tent is best for an untalented div
No money coming and an ex with an addiction
Spending the money without even thinking
Maybe old flapps had some money given
And the sad b new where is was hidden
Who is going to pay them damn bills now
He doesn’t work so god knows how
Maybe she is getting a tent as well
Living like some tramps that will be swell
Universal credit might help a little bit
Even so life will definitely be tit
Do they deserve all this YES they both do
Not a thought for anyone else so boo hoo hoo
I’m not a vindictive person maybe just this once
All they do is scrounge and ponce ponce ponce
Us mere mortals are happy to pay our way
And it feels so dammed good I really must say
At nearly 40 he cannot act sing or dance
This is why he never even given a chance
Hanging around trying to be people’s friend
Surely they all can see he is just a bell-end
He has not one friend apart from his mother
Even though he has a living brother
Seems like he doesn’t like old fakey either
Can you actually wonder please go hither
Both need to grow up and look after them kids
Stop going on holidays and earn decent quids
Here’s a novelty why not get a normal job
And being so arrogant and just being a gob
Me thinks he loves all this on tittle tattle
Pretending we’re trolls but it makes him rattle
Without us you are even more of sad little man
Prove everyone wrong but I doubt if you can
Ten years from now and you will still be a twit
Tombstone teeth and more fake hair poor Jack
What does he look like with his little curl fringe
Twinks look out as he is done with her minge
Exploiting your kids daily with a photo or two
Will her new man be an a wipe just like you
But again we are talking about your Ex dopey
Probably someone like you maybe not as ropey
The tent is a calling so you had better get go
Watch for the rain or even some snow
Winter is coming and us tattlers cannot wait
In our nice warm houses waiting your fate !!

Bloody brilliant Vanilla

 

[mollyann]

The amount of women he is following is so creepy.Wait until you move out Jack before acting like a weird old man and adding young attractive women.Find him so disrespectful and I can’t stand flaps but don’t see her following loads of men.In London with Fred and Leo are those boys going to be made to film some crap to line her pockets.

 

[OnlyJustSaying]

Fakey's made The Sun

Jack only made it into the Sun cos of the Pricey! They wouldn’t have cared if it was just about Jack being at the hair awards. You gotta feel sorry for him. Nothing seems to work out for the bellend.

 

[drmortimer]

Jack only made it into the Sun cos of the Pricey! They wouldn’t have cared if it was just about Jack being at the hair awards. You gotta feel sorry for him. Nothing seems to work out for the bellend.

Like a reverse Midas. Everything he touches ages a decade overnight.

 

[ShowMeTheHoney]

Excellent thread title Philimena cunk - can't beat one that has a direct dig at bleep And as always great, detailed thread opener Jane_mcdonald - many thanks

Wonder when his big move is going to be, you just know his mum is heavily involved & poor old Matt financing some/all of it.

 

[mollyann]

Why is he suddenly telling complete strangers that kit is not speaking.I honestly think that nothing is ever private with this wick and maybe if the pair of them stop filming the kids and actually parent them he might meet his milestones quicker.

 

[Jane_Mcdonald]

So, we were all right, Kit doesn't speak. Instead of telling us though why not try your doctor or health visitoryou know people who can actually help him. Fakey is too busy filming the kids every minute of the day and Flaps is too busy going to the gym or on holiday. Leo was also a late developer in some milestones, all the parents fault. Just parent your kids you pair of clowns

 

[Essy84]

Probably a new angle for content - probably hoping Kit has a condition that means he has delayed speech. Imagine all the possible content and attention that would give

 

[cazellie]

So, we were all right, Kit doesn't speak. Instead of telling us though why not try your doctor or health visitoryou know people who can actually help him. Fakey is too busy filming the kids every minute of the day and Flaps is too busy going to the gym or on holiday. Leo was also a late developer in some milestones, all the parents fault. Just parent your kids you pair of clowns

He definitely reads here. Calling him Kitkat
It says something when both their children are severely behind with milestones. Poor kids