Jack Monroe #27 Jack's career move after cooking with cans? Who’d have thought it would be OnlyFans?

[Falkor]

Sympathies to those with the draining exes/friends. When I told my emotionally abusive ex husband I wanted a divorce he would say things like 'Make sure you've hidden all the kitchen knives really well, or I might not be here when you get back from work'. One night he dramatically stated he was going to take every pill in the bathroom and I was so fed up with it by then (he refused to move out for ages, so we got stuck in my one-bed flat together for about eight months) that I got him a pint mug of water and told him to bloody well get on with it then. He took 6 ibuprofen (which weren't going to have a huge effect, he was about 17 stone) and then stopped and demanded I drive him to A&E, where I'm glad to say they gave him VERY short shrift.

Do not miss him one little bit and wasn't even slightly sad when I heard he'd died of a heart attack last year, even though we were together for 9 years.

Ooh, I've gone to chatty member!

 

[Caffeine_Queen]

Apols if I’ve missed this in previous posts but the split has been confirmed.

Mrs J walked out on her

 

[blurstoftimes]

Jack does not care about feeding vulnerable children, she cares about exploiting another situation to remind people of her six months of poverty and making a further case for her eventual Sainthood as the working class hero of twitter

 

[Saturn.]

I got bored so I wrote a song that covers the last 3 months of Jack's life.

To the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"

Single mum, not a cook, newfound fame, writes a book
Alcoholic, vegan, trans, immunocompromised
THAT MAN on Channel 4, angry tweets, she's still poor,
Lockdown Larder, spinach cans, Daily Kitchen Live

Coughs a bit, stays at home, tech problems on her phone
Grated corned beef, horse spunk sauce, superhero pose
Cans of veg, cans of roots, passive-aggressive citrus fruits
Rinsed beans, dry cake, now in the studio!

She didn't put out fires
She just answered phones
Although you'd never know
Some would call her a liar
But they're all just bitter
And her lawyer's with her

Fat in mince, bread knife, borrows Matt from his wife
Cheeky duo, rising star, laughing up a lung
Suing Tattle, printing pages, hasn't felt this good in ages
Nigella-lite, wants renewal, phone stays unrung

Big announcement coming soon, superfan is on the moon
Garden camping, buying paint, renovates the shed
Apologies to THAT MAN, camping stove, lots of cans
Youtube show? No but look, now she's shaved her head!

She didn't put out fires
She falls under trains
The Tories are to blame
Her food always looks dire
Salmon paste and rinsed beans
On a bed of tinned greens

On the train, pervy men, same old shit once again
Bloke says "hi", Jack gets mad, kicks him in the shin
New book, depressipes, This Morning, veg and cheese
Uncooked pasta, no chicken, straight into the bin

Posting books, all by hand, anything for her fans
None arrive, what's gone wrong? Blame the Royal Mail
Makeover for Instagram, lifts 93 kilograms
Fridge breaks, begs a Smeg, going off the rails

She didn't put out fires
She's a maverick leader
With a million readers
She's available for hire
Four jobs and patrons online
She's still on the breadline

Hellman's mayo, grey hair, Miguel Barclay sure looks scared
Potato salad, tofu sandwich, comments all turned off
Stays up late, many tweets, tucks her labia, then deletes
Now she has severe hayfever - wasn't it a cough?

Video in black and white, #JackLivesMatter so let's fight
White as mayo, small advance, where is Mrs J?
Racist drama, shielding mother, now here comes her black brother!
Lockdown haircut, Twitter break, lasts less than a day

She didn't put out fires
She supports black dreams
But just behind the scenes
Why do her fans admire
Her suspicious fiction
And Twitter addiction?

Lost weight, overshare, photoshops her body hair
Sexy photos in weird clothes, Stuart's going mad
Mrs J has run away, time for a new fiancée
Sports bra, skin-tight skirt, but she just looks sad

Grenfell Tower memories, nuggets of mince, fat and cheese
536 days off the booze
Marcus Rashford, Twitter fights, thirst trap photos, sleepless nights
Bathing in her own ephemera, hardly any views

She didn't put out fires
Small Boy's dad is helping
But she won't stop yelping
Maybe she should retire
She'll use her Hellman's riches
To sue Tattle bitches
As the lawyers conspire
To pay legal fees, er,
She could sell a freezer?
While we sort court attire
She's triangulating
So let's all stop hating...

Right, someone call that Gareth Malone chap, someone else sort out a premium Zoom account, and someone square this with Billy Joel. Start working on your harmonies, girls - rehearsals start next week. I'll supply the Hob Nobs.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Trust Lisa and Mandy to tell the truth.


Jack, they've got you pegged.

 

[ChilliBean]

Christ does she need toilet roll for the amount of shite she talks, my husband has severe insomnia (non 24) and takes prescribed melatonin and also diphenhydramine, he's also been prescribed zopiclone but prefers not to take it, I've taken it too but don't like the side effects. Need Jimmy nail here as she is clearly lying now and taking the absolute fucking urine. No doctor would believe all that either, if she isn't able to sleep at night then she must be sleeping at some point.

i completely agree, it’s almost as if she is bragging “I don’t need sleep!”

whatever L’s reasons for leaving, you are absolutely allowed to leave a relationship if you are unhappy and it’s incredibly cruel to criticise someone online to thousands of followers because of that.

 

[Silver Linings]

The cooking analogy doesn’t work either when she’s the queen of bunging and slinging.

I just saw the pic and thought the same, or is it a headband?

She borrowed a skull cap Jude Law had on a break from filming The Pope. They were on their way back from FUCKING REDCAR.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Tattle needs a polling option, it'd a


omg story time on this please?!!

Ok I’m try and do a trigger thingy, bear with...

TRIGGER WARNING SORRY I CAN’T DO A SPOILER THINGY

So on Babycentre you are in birth clubs before you have the baby. Everyone chats same stuff (over and over ... parks, feeding/ swaddling).People were buddied up so they could say when they had the baby, one day a buddy posted to say a woman had sadly had a stillborn baby. So next thing donations were set up for her. Lots of emotional expectant woman wanting to help. Then someone got suspicious and flagged it to the Admins who flagged it to the site and they checked IP addresses and the buddy and woman were same person! All very strange and obviously very upsetting

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Aaaaaand it's deleted.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Every time I’m working there’s another new thread! So many posts I would have quoted...sorry to hear that @Flumps. It’s horrible when you’ve just picked yourself up and then you get another kick in the nads...I hope your partner’s ok.

@spirals congrats on your 302 days ! Fantastic! It works if you work it eh. Treat yourself to some grated corned beef .

Towards the end of my drinking, I drank a lot. But I don’t know if it was 200 units per week, actually it wouldn’t have been. I would drink until I felt so ill I couldn’t carry on physically so the sudden stop on multiple occasions meant I had five withdrawal seizures. It’s a miracle I survived! And as another poster said, I didn’t just stop and get my clean on, I couldn’t move! And for me, I could have a drink tonight and it would set off that allergy and I’d be off again, back to square one in no time.

*doing a Jack and turning it around to be about me klaxon* I’ve never more wanted just to be able to have a drink and switch off. All 3 of us in Chez Briscoe have hit the lockdown wall and I need to escape. I’ll stick to Tattle though .

I have no chance of retaining info just now, I had forgotten about the relapses and low percentage beer! I don’t know anyone in AA who would advocate that. But that’s the thing with AA, we have to take people at face value but anyone could come to a meeting and say anything or someone could say another fellow did or say anything...and you can’t prove or disprove it. I maintain she would strongly benefit from working the programme with a sponsor, the 12-Step programme is so awesome I recommend it to everyone

SUPERFAN HAS RECEIVED HER BOOK!

 

[Jelly Bean]

Oh FFS - good riddance?
Why does Jack do this? She knows what her followers are like.
She could easily say it was a mutual decision.
And the childcare thing? She has said numerous times - including to Ruth on This Morning that her son's father takes a very active and equal share in childcare. Why be so horrible about him?

 

[MarmiteExtract]

I have a potential theory as @admin are aware.

Can you imagine the gasps in the courtroom when we get to this stage of the proceedings?

 

[Passive_Aggressive_Lemon]

She’s no stranger to onlyfans type work

edit:
link to tweet behind spoiler. Contains part nudity some might be offended by
tbh

Spoiler: nsfw

tbh

I’m not offended by nudity. I’m offended by the sharing of this bottom of the barrel twitter account. I reported your post because I feel uncomfortable with it and don’t think it has a place here. It’s your first post here too.

 

[Flumps]

I am no fashion maven, oh good lord no (inspects black Primark t-shirt, old grey joggers and Christmas themed slipper outfit), but one of the things that I thought I knew about Vivienne Westwood is that she delights in both beautiful, often opulent design and clothes that sort of, I don't know, *love* the shape of all sorts of women by their very nature. With that in mind, I, despite my leanings towards occasional subversion, kind of think it's a shame that you'd have one of her dresses, and then choose to wear it like that. It doesn't smack of alternativeness to me, just of sadness and of not fully enjoying the pleasure of having something beautiful like that.

Full disclosure: I have promised myself, one day soon, when I've lost all the weight I want to lose*, that I will buy a beautiful dress, probably by VW, and enjoy the fuck out of it.

*Not because I don't think I deserve nice things now, and not saying anything about weight for anyone except myself, please don't think I am being a dick about that, but because I will want to keep it for a long time and get a lot of joy out of it, and buying it now would seem silly when I'm still working my way down the scale.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It's as though J wanted to constantly blame her for everything, and then this. Totally uncalled for.

Also I don’t want to be like Shrek’s mob with torch and pitch forks at all but it also feels uncomfortable because everything is overstated, like you weren’t married so it’s disingenuous to suggest she’s walked out on a wife (after taking vows and legally binding things etc etc) rather than a live in partner?

 

[Cookiecookie]

Mrs J walked out on her

Childcare is also not the main responsibility of Mrs J either, surely?

Absolutely not a criticism of step-parents at all as there are some truly amazing ones out there, but at the end of the day, SB and the majority of his care is between Jack and his dad, not whichever random woman she's engaged to this month.

 

[chocolate choux]

I'm really excited to see which sideboard she uses on Instagram later.

Day 85 of lockdown and this is what we’re reduced to...

 

[MrsOgre]

Mrs J's fault again!

 

[Nottonightbabe]

She is small, 5 bottles of whisky would have made her very drunk all of the time. How she didn't neglect her son during that time is unbeknown to me. (Probably because it was bullshit).

The sounds of Jimmy Nail played softly in the distance...

 

[LucyPeach]

View attachment 155819

33 pounds!

She bloody loves the number 3.