Jack Monroe #236 You absolute whelksplat!

[traumatised sideboard]

I wouldn't want to go to The Groucho. You can't even see Redcar, what's the point?

 

[For the truth]

Imagine being able to spend a whole day thinking up some sort of trite tweet about your newest and suitably edgy man crush in a bid to bury the fact that Neville Southall publicly totally nailed you.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I kind of want to make the no-meatballs so that if my husband texts and asks what’s for dinner I can reply with “”

He’ll be disappointed in so many ways.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I mean, it really is some serious serial killer shit.

Imagine going to someone’s home and their cushion tassels was made out of human hair, you wouldn’t be able to get out the house fast enough and be on the phone to the police that there’s a possibility they have a body in the freezer.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[TraceyJacks]

Not sure if this has been posted, but the guy who was objecting to her AA tweets now feels uneasy going to meetings lest he ends up in the same room as Jack (I think he lives in her general area).
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“mining the rooms for things to pass off as her own, which pretty much seems to be her MO on everything she does” oooo they know, they really really know!

 

[MancBee]

Does anyone actually LIKE little Owen and his special brand of performative socialism?

Like our Jack, he has a blinkered sycophantic band of followers who seem to be completely taken in.

Also like Jack, he has a fictitious working class background, when in fact he has had a very middle class upbringing.

He pissed me off by pretending to come from a poor area of Stockport. In actual fact he was brought up in a very affluent area of Cheshire, going to what was then a grammar school, then to Oxford, has a university professor for a mother, and his late father had a managerial position with the local authority.

There are many similarities with Jack when you start to look.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

How ironic that they're a firm favourite but they keep falling apart. Wait, is that irony? Or is irony having a hundred knives when you need a spoon? That doesn't sound right. I haven't been sleeping well and I'm very confused, send Opal Fruitos

If you wanted to bind it you could use a flax/chia egg but if you use a real egg it's still 90% vegan which I believe is the acceptable threshold.

 

[Jelly Bean]

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ICO squiggle attacks!

Oh Jack
She walked right into that one didn't she?
Wasn't this one of squiggle's original concerns? That they had sent Jack personal/sensitive info (as requested by Jack) and it was just languishing in emails somewhere? Jack swore blind she had never received it - how the hell would she know?

 

[Falkor]

The squigs definitely seem to be turning, don't they? Will 2022 be the year they finally bite back?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

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Just absolutely shocking “advice” and never ever ever have I heard anyone say that. There’s no way of qualifying that statement for starters, but secondly it’s not good advice to give sick people who are struggling?

One of these Twitter squigs wrote it perfectly she has NOTHING of worth to give away so is better shutting the fuck up? I have never been so angry at her, she’s sick and wrong and considering she was telling people to drink 0.7% ABV drinks in early sobriety with the authority of however many years she’s falsely claimed is actually trash.

 

[Dogmuck]

Strange how she can manage to delete hundreds and thousands of tweets though

 

[MancBee]

This thread has been an awakening for me. I felt like I was alone in my distaste for Owen Jones.

You are absolutely not alone.

He goes on about climate change ad nauseam and yet flies to two holidays within the space of as many months, not giving two about his carbon footprint. What's wrong with a place in the UK if he wants solitude, 'cause he'll not get peace and quiet in Barcelona.

He's another Guardian lovey. Though I think Jack has fallen out of favour with the Guardian.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Why is she air-drying the stuffing then deep-frying it? Where logic?!

Anyway, Jack's website crisis has led to a LOT of her archives suddenly being online. I've been screenshotting my way through them for a few days, without saying anything here in case they mysteriously vanished again. A lot to unpack soon! But today - in the spirit of Jack's recent rants about non-alcoholic drinks - I have a treat for our teetotal Frauen:

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Just imagine turning up to a party, mentioning your sobriety, and being given a glass of Sainsbury's Basics vinegar. Cheers!

And she got arsey over being offered a J20

 

[Veronicaaa]

5 minute phone calls are not more efficient than email. Christ what a world we now live in.

She's that dense she probably hasn't even clocked that this guy is the CEO of the useless app he's recommending.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

If she got paid twice for the same book, and at least one of those times was to the tune of 68k, why didn't she just buy a house?

Also pointing out what a privilege receiving multiple lump sums of cash is - those are windfall sums and allow you to reach financial goals so much quicker but also more cost effectively. Eg bigger deposit lower LTV = access to better interest rates. She’s wasted several chances of a lifetime

 

[colouredlines]

Jack claims that her "not meatballs" are adapted from an Abel & Cole recipe. I found the original - who wants to play spot the difference?

Original:

Jack:

"adapted" is such a strong word...

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

We had Jack as bowls a while back, how about Jack as sick bowl, sick bag and bed pan?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Once and done. Any probs with any of my recipes, just ask me on twitter.
Also thrice tested.

Omg that reminds me of the squig who was making the ”foolproof brioche“ and realised halfway that the recipe didn’t specify how much butter to use.
In my head they’re still standing in their kitchen waiting for Jack to respond to their tweet.