Jack Monroe #214 Obviously not quite such a big name in Southend

[waffle maker]

Both my kids were on Y7 WhatsApp groups. They go:

hi
Hiiii
Hi
hey
hi
(Cat picture)
Hi
Hi
Is it PE TOMORROW?
hi
Hey

nobody sends their dinner.

 

[blurstoftimes]

a very realistic scenario

SB: look at what my mum made for dinner

SBs friends: omg sick bro you’re so lucky, my parents just made me pizza and chips. I wish jack monroe was my mum.

 

[Silver Linings]

Money for old rope, this.

 

[blurstoftimes]

View attachment 818160

omg this is pure fantasy teenagers do not care about what their friends parents are cooking for dinner, my daughters friends look bored to death of me talking after i simply say hello

 

[colouredlines]

I'm desperately catching up after five weeks away (just started #211, please don't do any chaoses until the end of the week, Jack!!!).

I left in a bit of a rush when I went on holiday, and somehow managed to leave a pot with the remains of some creamy homemade chocolate sauce in the sink. Came back to a smell so vile that my first thought was, oh shit, she's finally triangulated me...and she's made dinner!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

“Going hard on the omega oils at the moment, trying to inject some goodness into my wonky head.”

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

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I hope SB learns about nutrition at school while his fried breakfast digests. So, so unhealthy.

Her portion thing is properly bonkers. If one thinks one is cooking four portions, but then consistently finishes these four portions amongst two healthy-weight people and neither person puts on weight, can one not conclude that there never were four portions to start with?

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[traumatised sideboard]

My cat once threw up something that looked suspiciously similar to the mushroom soup.

You can buy prints of this from my new company, Bread and Cheap Wet Ham.

 

[Pocahontas]

SB: Halp.

SB’s mates:
No words, mate.

 

[BlendedSlop]

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Her inner Hyacinth Bucket is showing with this response.

 

[kirkvanhouten]

I am catching up but thought I would mention that one of the fish that she has shown in the tinned fish photo is £10.99 from Ocado.

Thats more than a tenner on a tin of fish my guys.

Ocado

www.ocado.com

Also, thought I would send out my klaxon of JUSTICE FOR THE FREEZER FISH

 

[Susieq22]

I do understand that people cover their depression and can even be the life and soul of a party. My partner says I could have been the greatest actor the way I cover up my true feelings in company. Very few people are aware of my true mental health. You lot know more than most of my friends, 'cause I don't want them to worry. Jack doesn't seem to care that her actions causes others to worry about her, even though most don't even know her.

However, I have never known a depressed person cover their true emotions with a huge smile, take a photograph and then tell everyone that she is masking her true feelings with the happy exterior. Why would you do such a thing? You paint on that smile because you don't want people to see how you are hurting. By telling everyone this is how she looks when depressed (though the other day it was all black and a surly look), she is defeating the object.

Have we seen this conversation recent with her mum?

 

[StringyMango]

Requiem for a bream...

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Tattle moderators before banning Jack on Thread 31…

 

[Silver Linings]

Colour me absolutely shocked that Squid Game’s anti capitalist message went straight over the head of Captain fucking Sideboard. Insufferable woman.

 

[Silver Linings]

She has no idea how lucky she is. I could scream.

 

[blurstoftimes]

i’m at my happiest when jack gets into a cooking zone. She is just so hilariously terrible, i love it.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Have we seen this conversation recent with her mum?

Good god, it must be so upsetting and confusing being gaslit by your own daughter for over a decade.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

'For a start, most of my Twitter feed probably think I’m a bloke anyway. It’s the name thing. And the muscles.' excuse me, what muscles? Where? Mussels, yes. Muscles no. I know it's catty af so I apologise to everyone who may find this gauche, darling but she looks like a stingray in the photos from the Vice article

Also if depressed people are allowed to look happy then why did she dress up as a burglar to illustrate her misery instead of making that point the first time? Just admit you wanted to take a photo of yourself ya prune.