quietly relaxing at home in a taxi delivering presents working behind the scenes with Marcus Rashford doing her taxes in treatment for ouchy mouth on the toilet with more slop-based problems on her secret Mumsnet account posting "Jamie Oliver smells like wee and none of his recipes work"
(L) Jesus fucking Christ. She is awful. Who would put up with that?? That’s not even a joke, a joke would be a normal recipe with one mention of “the knife is the pointy one” or something.
'Dont pick up your phone. Don't. Tit. About.' She's saying this to a woman who has reached one of the highest levels of her chosen profession and who is 1000 times more accomplished, educated, hard-working and intelligent than her. She infantilises and talks down to Louisa, probably for those exact reasons. Manipulative and mean, under the guise of 'joking'.
I'd never make stock in a slow cooker because they don't heat to the intensity you need to boil a stock at. However the aroma of a pot of real chicken or beef stock, redolent with herbs and infused with flavour-full ingredients of carrot, swede, celery and onion is my idea of Nirvana. My "worst nightmare" would be serving my family and friends up a soup or casserole made with an Oxo cube or a sauce created from a chemical cocktail of artificial colourings and flavourings in the form of those disgusting gravy granules. Like I was some chavvy Come Dine With Me contestant from Basildon.
Food snobbery is a bit grim. Without the humble Oxo cube I couldn't recreate my grandma's braised steak recipe. Plus they have their many uses and there's plenty of people in this world who don't really have time/money/inclination to make real stock every time something calls for it. And there's plenty of professional cooks and food writers who would recommend stock cubes/pots for some things, but I am not sure we're dealing in good faith here.
I know, I know, I am a glutton for punishment, but I tried Jack's idea of chicken carcass in the slow cooker overnight. Fool that I am. Do you want to know how it turned out? Of course you do.
It was bloody awful. The flat stunk, it was horrible, it permeated everywhere. It took days to get the smell out of the flat. As for waking up ravenous, it knocked me sick.
The carcass disintegrated into a million tiny pieces of bone which were impossible to separate out from the meat. I ended up sieving the lot and throwing away most of the meat and bone fragments. The remaining stock still had teeny tiny bone fragments, so I had to re-sieve it through a tea-towel. I then had to throw the tea-towel away because the grease was impossible to remove.
I have to admit the remaining stock was good, but by the time you've factored in the electricity for the slow cooker, the money for the tea-towel, the two cans of Airwick Air and Fabric freshener, and the wasted meat off the carcass, it was probably the most expensive stock ever made.
Never mind paying to be one of Jack's recipe testers, you couldn't pay me enough to try another one.
I don't know why I'm so shocked by this, but it def confirms all my suspicions that she's an extremely controlling partner. Not normal, not healthy. Imagine a guy writing like this to his girlfriend. Lots of alarm bells and red flags, but particularly the Don't. Do. Anything. Else bit.
If questioned on this she'd say she was just being caring and thorough because her poor little gf would be so helpless without her careful notes. BS. This is controlling, narc language and there is no justification for it. I wouldn't leave instructions like this to my kids.
The other day I had to have a meeting with the marketing department which I dreaded and the guy had done a similar thing. Started te online meeting holding his cat when the cat didn't want to be there. I have a cat and love cats, and I like unintended pet appearances in video calls, but I completely ignored it as he was trying so hard to get likes. (I don't think colleague is a narc btw, it just annoyed me )
Well thought out recipes, consideration of budget/availability of ingredients and ALL of his royalties went to support UK food banks. This, is how it is done.
Morning all...just briefly read something about octopus dildos (dildoes?) and am terrified to grunk
Hope you’ve all been well, you cabal of bullying ninnies...apologies for the absence, Mrs. B’s sister passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. She will be missed (they were twins, so Mrs. B is struggling a lot. But not enough to tell me to fuck off with comforting regularity )
What, no fish finger lasagnes or tinned mandarin pasta?! And cheap, to boot? Jack must be SEETHING, practically every sentence of that article could be seen as direct shade on her, and her 'niche'. Meanwhile, Tom Kerridge is trending on twitter.
I'd never make stock in a slow cooker because they don't heat to the intensity you need to boil a stock at. However the aroma of a pot of real chicken or beef stock, redolent with herbs and infused with flavour-full ingredients of carrot, swede, celery and onion is my idea of Nirvana. My "worst nightmare" would be serving my family and friends up a soup or casserole made with an Oxo cube or a sauce created from a chemical cocktail of artificial colourings and flavourings in the form of those disgusting gravy granules. Like I was some chavvy Come Dine With Me contestant from Basildon.
Just wanted to defend the humble oxo cube, perfectly acceptable in many dishes. My dad went to university in the 60's. He was in digs. He couldn't believe how nice the mince his landlady made compared to his mothers. The answer
An Oxo cube! I like good food but hate food snobbery
ETA if I made a delicious Beef Bourginion but felt at the end of cooking it needed a bit more body and salt, I would not be beyond throwing a few gravy granules in. I consider myself to be a decent cook, I am happy to be judged!
Owen Jones finally responded to her tweet this morning. Reading between the lines I think his reaction is a kind of hysterical laugh that quickly turned into a scream.
If my partner left those instructions for me he’d be getting a large portion of “Watch me eat my takeaway for one while you have a cheese sandwich RAMMED UP YOUR CONTROLLING ARSE”
Congratulations to @TheDragonWithAFlagon on the thread title.
Welcome to thread 179 cool caballers.
More and more squiggles and our beloved journalist are on the case of Jack's latest pile on. People are waking up and smelling the BS.
DKL episodes no longer available on iplayer but photos of Jack doing awkward superhero stances are.
Jack has ruined Paella by overcooking various plesiosaurs into it and other crimes against food. Spain wants a word in your shell like Jack.
Vegan Paella recipe *impatient foot tapping*
Jack did not delete all of her awful tweets including the threat to sue. This is despite gracious tweets from the victim.
In the absence of Cooper floofy butts, Jack is promoting the slop files and acting like nothing has happened.
Jack is being uncharacteristically quiet on Twitter. She couldn't help but compare herself to Donatella Versace. The poor little rich girl revealing her true blue Tory self again.
Jack and Owen Jones tweet about making test tube whoopie.
Special mention to @traumatised sideboard for bestowing us with the sublime Arsebot. That felt like Christmas and a birthday.
What will this zany chundercunt do next?
Housekeeping
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
I'd never make stock in a slow cooker because they don't heat to the intensity you need to boil a stock at. However the aroma of a pot of real chicken or beef stock, redolent with herbs and infused with flavour-full ingredients of carrot, swede, celery and onion is my idea of Nirvana. My "worst nightmare" would be serving my family and friends up a soup or casserole made with an Oxo cube or a sauce created from a chemical cocktail of artificial colourings and flavourings in the form of those disgusting gravy granules. Like I was some chavvy Come Dine With Me contestant from Basildon.
I'm still sitting in horrified shock at that recipe email to LJC. I feel like she thought they were gentle put downs or jokes she was making with all the "Dont. Tit. About." etc. but it all just read so MEAN.
The odd light hearted jokey comment to your partner in private is one thing, page after page of targeted put downs in public is a different thing altogether. I read Louisa's instructions with horror. It was just all so patronising with the purpose of making Louisa look stupid, pathetic and a bit of a fool.
Early on in my relationship with my partner, he did that thing that some find funny, sarcastic comments when we were in public. He was doing it because every put down got a roaring laugh from friends, even if the joke was only loosely based on the truth. This is particularly prevalent in the Gay men's community. We all know of acidic queens that make everyone roar with laughter with a withering put down, always at the expense of others.
It all got a bit much and I told him how it made me feel. Did he say I was being too sensitive? No he apologised and said he was sorry. On reflection he realised he was getting a laugh at my expense and that you can take things too far. We still make the odd dig at each other, i am not a killjoy, but constant put downs are not funny and really damage your confidence.
In that recipe instruction Jack took it too far. It was neither funny nor warranted.
If a sauce is made up of just a tin of soup, isn't its default state by definition soupy? How's that supposed to be a helpful indicator of when it's done?
I know we're not meant to be giving smol robot man any attention but he's retweeted an 'alpacabot' which was begging to be cockified. It's not just me who sees it right? Shove this one right up your doubleentendrebots.
quietly relaxing at home
in a taxi delivering presents
working behind the scenes with Marcus Rashford
doing her taxes
in treatment for ouchy mouth
on the toilet with more slop-based problems
on her secret Mumsnet account posting "Jamie Oliver smells like wee and none of his recipes work"
)
