Jack Monroe #12 Eight thousand pages from her printer, this could take us through to winter.

[BeautifulTrauma]

So, after waiting patiently for a fascia to arrive so I could go to the garage and have my new car stereo be fitted so I can FINALLY (after a month of waiting) have my Apple Music in the car - only to find the bloke was off and I’d have to wait till Tuesday.

In a flash of inspiration, I went in the house, got the toolkit out and fitted it all myself. Brand new stereo and facia and saved myself £30 on fitting cost. It’s all working perfectly and I think I need a new career

You know why I did it? Because this thread is full of inspiration and people doing random things makes you want to do random things. So I did. And now I’m dead proud of myself.

Despite the fact JM is an idiot and we could tweet about her till the cows come home, we’ve got a merry band of people going on here and I’m thankful to call each and every one of you my fellow Tattlers. I would say when this is over.....but we all know with JM she just gives so much ammunition.

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

With all of this talk of weddings, it reminded me that not long before all the money begging on Twitter, Jack announced she had paid a deposit for her wedding.

Obviously, those Tweets are now deleted, but thanks to Google and some screenshots from @PineappleQueen19, I present to you, March 12th 2020.

And then...

Full Tweets:

So in one day, paid a deposit for a wedding, then went begging on Twitter for money via PayPal and Patreon.

Also worth noting, at this time there was nothing about furlough for workers, so a lot of people only had SSP £94 (and some change) to live off of for the foreseeable.

 

[Saturn.]

@Saturn babes, you're not on twitter now. And @PennyLoafer isn't Jack Monroe #bekind

For the avoidance of doubt, all of this is scripted banter, and both @PennyLoafer and I OK it each morning in rehearsals. OK, babes?

 

[PennyLoafer]

Jack cares about Jack. It is all about Jack and always will be about Jack. Jack is always right, Jack is never wrong.

On that note, one of her cynical manoeuvres that pissed me off the most was her temporary veganism. It was so obviously an act of bandwagon-jumping. Went vegan, made an enormous song and dance about it to generate interest, brought out the cop-out that was 'Veganish', then - lo and behold! - the veganism was dropped altogether. Promoting the book, she said that the 'ish' was because veganism is a privilege and not to forget that her mission is to HELP THE POOR and reach as many of THE POOR as possible (translation: sell as many books as possible) and if she's cooking for HOMELESS PEOPLE and FOODBANK USERS, they don't necessarily want vegan food.

I'd have had a smidgen of respect for her if she'd just said that veganism wasn't for her after all. But because of her dumb book and her need to look saintly and be beyond the reach of criticism at all times, she used poor people like a human shield. So, so offensive.

I get that a lot of people dip a toe into veganism and I agree that small gestures are better than none, but for so many people, veganism is a serious moral and ethical commitment, entered into through thoughtful consideration for animal rights and welfare, not to mention the climate crisis. She could have done so much to raise awareness around those issues but she did fuck all because, of course, it was about Jack and the kerching-kerching. She talked about how she'd never satisfy 'hardcore' and 'militant' vegans, which was also fucking offensive. I don't think she gives a fuck about animals apart from her pets/social media props. Look at my cat snuggling me! It's because I'm so loving and caring! I'm a modern day St Francis of Assissi and yes, you may leave a little something in my begging bowl!

Yours,
A vegetarian of 30 years' standing who was vegan for a few years but couldn't stick with it (see: cheese) but thinks that it really is the most ethical path and really admires committed vegans but also doesn't judge people who eat meat and fish x

 

[skronkywildcat]

Off topic but I hate the way some people think women who support other people being trans but don't want a few spaces (e.g. prisons, women's refuges, SOME changing rooms, SOME loos) being open to anyone are transphobic.

Also it is not transphobic for a lesbian to not want to have sex with someone with a penis.

I shouldn't even have to say that.

 

[lipsticktaser]

The only person who cares that she doesn’t own her house is Jack. Seriously, does she feel like she’ll miss out when the Daily Mail do a story on her ‘JM in her £350,000 3 bedroom tin shed’.

Is the house 36 times more than your real or pretend salary. She doesn’t have a house because she thinks she should have a status home. She could buy a 2 bed flat or similar is being a home owner was that important for her. My first house was small and pretty inexpensive. But she won’t. Maybe her next sugar mumma will buy her one. Or put her on the deeds for hers. Does Louisa own property.

I’m so over her faux poverty. Just because you rent a house, you are not poor. Sure, Rihanna was renting in London. Get your head out your arse you absolute cockwomble.

Eurgh, I live near one of the most deprived areas in EUROPE and I can tell you the gardens don’t look like that. There’s no fucking green space at all. She’s actually really pissed me off. I’m away to pet my dog.

 

[PennyLoafer]

That fucking lists she put up, quite frankly was shit. let the kid be a kid.

Someone tried telling her that. It didn't go well. Here's an idea: don't ask several thousand strangers for ideas for what to do with your kid if you don't want a lone voice reminding you that he is, after all, just a kid.

 

[Excuse Me Laydeh!]

Is it me, or is she gunning on Twitter with the #SchoolofSkills hashtag for a piece of the Joe Wicks lockdown pie?!

And when Wicksy or someone equally as cool gets the gig on national tv, are we in line for another dose of THAT MAN AFTER IVE SPENT TEN MINUTES MAKING A LIST.

Given the list, it looks like she’s preparing her son for an apocalypse.

"Getting lost somewhere with a compass and a flask of tea".....
What the fuck!
In my experience when I'm lost it is usually not with a compass and a flask of tea on my person!
My previous experiences of being lost tended to focus on me scrambling into the morning light out onto a street I don't recognise with a bad hangover and my knickers hastily stuffed into my handbag.
A hot flask of tea would have been a blessing during those times!
Instead I had to settle for a can of Diet Coke from the corner shop and a swift taxi ride home.

 

[HarderFaster]

Here's an interesting nugget:

View attachment 121781

That sounds like a deposit on a purchase, no?

Anyway, here's the full interview. It's pretty excruciating so if you go in, do not do so on a full stomach:

https://www.pressreader.com/uk/diva/20150201/282918088872055

So.... she willingly spunked (or should that be bechameled?) a mortgage deposit to eagerly move to London with Allegra? If you're moving into the millionaire founder of Leon's home why not just keep hold of the bungalow for posterity? A second home by the sea, maybe? Although Allegra probably had one of those, too. She's being punished for her hubris in thinking sugar mummy #1 [citation needed] would be her meal ticket for life.

When I was younger, I made a really stupid decision about not taking a fantastic opportunity for a bloke (who turned out not to be worth it, duh). I can't blame anyone but myself for that. Every time Jack moans about renting, she's refusing to take accountability for her own decisions. And that's before we even get onto uprooting her son so rashly, but the less said about that, the better.

 

[Pocahontas]

Even when she’s gushing about how lucky she is she has to keep it on brand “cheap”

Oh for crying out loud - she really needs to pack it in. ‘A cheap pop up tent in just a rented garden ...’ blah blah blah. Cry me a river! You just need to be happy with where you are right now, you don’t have to keep winding up the violin-playing monkey. LOTS of people have had shit parts of their lives - and they never got over that hump - she clearly has - Christ alive, she had a two-week slot on a BBC show not that long ago - you are not poor love. It’s ok to say you’re comfortable. It doesn’t always need a caveat of poor me.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Jack's 8000 pages of comments - has she made a mistake and printed ALL of Tattle? That will be confusing in court when Ant and Dec and Zoella are dragged into it too.

 

[Carrotcrunchet]

If I save up for a while, I hope one day I may be that poor

 

[Wiggy]

i’ve seen the mention of that and as someone who struggles with anxiety every day and has been lockdown on my own for over two months now because I was so overwhelmed with everything going on in the supermarkets and outside in general i feel so lucky to have this fucking luxury in my life...this luxury that is so luxurious that I haven’t seen or hugged my mum, dad or sister for almost 9 weeks as we all have an array of health problems as we know we have protect each other and the wider public...but now Jack has pointed out its a luxury I feel so much better I’m obviously a fecking lockdown drama queen.

Not just you hen, I feel for you, I've been my mums main carer for like 9 year or so, since my dad left her. She has very limited mobility, can't get out of the house unaided and the highlight of her week used to be me taking every weekend (both days for this mammoth task) to take her around all the shops.
She's one of those old dears who likes specific things from specific shops.
Seafood has to be from M&S.
Cooked meats and fresh vegetables have to be from Morrisons Market street.
Her cat litter has to be the budget stuff from Tesco because "they are picky and wont use other stuff".
+many many more examples of pickiness which is blatantly just an excuse to having me come round for two full days of shopping, but makes no sense to the layman.

For the last 8 weeks or so I've had to go round there (it's ~100 mile round trip) with various shopping bags and just drop them on the doorstep, I know it's breaking her heart but she's in her late 60's, has many ailments, I can actually see that she is sufferring from anxiety and depression from not being able to see either myself or my brother properly, How do you tell the most important person in your life that you can't just come in and "just" have a cuppa? and that when they say "it'll be alright, I dont care" doesn't really count?
it's F&*king horrible.

Sorry for the rant!

Me too

 

[PennyLoafer]

What I find interesting is Jacks track record with her partners and the fact that the last two have both been rather successful and (on the face of it) financially sound and dare I say it....well off?
I've had friends in the past who have only been interested in certain types of people. So they need to do a certain type of job, have money, own their own house, emulate a certain level of success etc etc.....
The problem is, if that's your basis for a sound and long term relationship with somebody then it's always going to be doomed for failure.
I often wonder if she's looking for some kind of a meal ticket? But she dresses the whole thing up as though she's actually better than them in some weird way and that she doesn't rely upon them at all.

Meal ticket, deffo. Plus status, exposure. Hitching her wagon to a star, as they say. It made a great story - the gobby little urchin from Essex and the rich, posh, Cordon Bleu-trained chef.
But like you say, it generally goes tits up. I used to have a similar-sounding friend who only had relationships with affluent men with all the right trappings. But the relationships always foundered because she simply didn't love them, or even like them, I think.

Incidentally, these - "people can't guess who made what. We do influence each other" - are two of the funniest sentences I've ever read. Her ego is big enough to be seen from space.

 

[maytoseptember]

It's like she's just remembered she has a child and that he can't go to school atm

Here we go again. So poor, lived alone for 14 years. So what about all these relationships over the years?

She’s 32. To have lived alone for 14 years means she would have lived alone from 18 to the present day, which is obviously complete fiction. There’s fiancé 1, fiancé 2 and fiancé 3 to factor in for a start, not to mention the seriously abusive partner (*cough*who probably didn’t exist*cough*) who was around for a few months during her pregnancy.

 

[OhhBacon]

Jack says that the bean trick saves about 30p a tin, so if you wash them you save £120 a year, if you eat a tin a day.

Your Honour, please can I call to the stand...anyone who eats a tin of haricot beans a day. That would be nobody, nobody eats a tin of haricot beans every single day so could save that amount of money by washing baked beans.

Also by not washing them and grabbing two bits of toast you suddenly have a delicious and filling meals.

Utter bollocks.

 

[lipsticktaser]

She’s a charlatan. Louisa ought to be ashamed letting her continue to take money off those who are actually on the bread line. Selling a book fine, tip jar money, crass AF.

 

[SoulRebel]

And I think many people are starting to twig onto the fact that is what she is. She gets worse as she gets older too.

I have a daughter the same age as Jack. My girl had a baby in 2008 and his father fucked off back to the Caribbean shortly after, no loss to be honest. My daughter lived on benefits, did a degree in some arty media marketing thing and got a first. She now has a nice little IG following doing her sewing, about 800 followers but has got a job from it marketing a charity that finds work for women who are marginalised. She nearly got on The Great British Sewing Bee too! Jack Monroe is a cunt.

 

[PennyLoafer]

Congratulations on naming the thread title!! Proof, if any were needed, that if you buy enough tickets at the Fair, you will come home with a prize.

Why are you hating on me, hun? Is it because you are jealous?
I can't help the ideas that come spilling from my weird little brain.
In fact, I'm going to lawyer up and sue you for hate speech against my self-diagnosed neurodivergence.

x

 

[Thank(space)you]

I started reading the Jack threads because I was a fan, I didn't buy her books or try her recipes, but I followed her on Facebook and admired the ideology of her work. (I have a point - I promise)

I was bored one day, all caught up with the hinch threads and decided to see who else I heard of who had threads on here. Which led me to Jack. At that point, this thread was fairly slow moving, but I was absolutely shocked at what I'd read.

Now that the daily kitchen excitement is over, I stay for the food tips. I've learned so much from being on here (like that there are more than two types of vinegar ) so thank you, tattlers