Jack Monroe #442 He’s only vulnerable coz you’re his parent

[People-huv-tae-know]

Thank you to @HotesTilaire for creating the title and @Ooointitot for nominatiing it. Jellied eels and mis-delivered shopping for both of you.

Welcome to the new thread. In short (5'1 smol pixie size) Jack is back and as sarky as ever. She's been nasty, won an award, got a new agent and told more lies.

Voting for the Sloppies is live and running until the week after next.

Please check the pink wiki for more info on Jack's past antics and remember no crossovers on Twitter.
I think that covers it but please feel free to add more recaps

 

[pumbilical cord]

Some of the Canal (I admit I was one...briefly) felt bad that The Grocer put up a poll asking if awarding Jack their food hero award was right.

Initially it looked mean, and unnecessary. then our favourite slop gibbon sent her adoring fans to vote in her favour.

She hasn't shut up since. She's being a mega boring dick and most of us who felt bad probably no longer do and instead wish she'd shut her insufferable suet pie hole.

 

[imBUSY]

LOL

 

[Valiofthedolls]

As the year draws to a close and I put my sewing down for the night (and as she most definitely doesn’t read here so it won’t spoil the surprise), I can now reveal that I have crafted a little Christmas gift for Jack, from my little craft business “Toast and Lurpak”.

Spoiler: Merry Christmas, Jack

Jenny NumNums,

Spoiler: A gift to Jack from you too?

JUSTICE FOR IQBAL 2023!

Spoiler: Finally, I made some Canal Art.

 

[jf99]

Jack is not having jellied eels for Christmas dinner. I doubt Jack has ever had jellied eels in her life, let alone from the fish counter in a supermarket when she worked there as a teenager.

Acting like she's some sort of proper cockney when she grew up in suburban middle class Southend is so embarrassing. Won't go to a book festival without her bodyguards (LOL) or to a music festival without a stabproof vest...she'd be shaking like a shitting dog walking round the East End.

Tedious bleeping bleep

 

[HotesTilaire]

Last week the UK suffered terrible weather and snow. It had cleared up, yet it hit Southend just before bedtime Tuesday? Wednesday? night. It’s barely stopped since.
She has been arguing with randons about mince pies for about 3 hours.
she has ordered shopping to an address she doesn’t live at, for the Christmas she isn’t hosting. Luckily she rang ocado Sainsburys Asda and it’s coming tomorrow.
she’s planning to go renegade by making pie n mash n jellied eels for the Xmas dinner she isn’t hosting.

 

[binkbonk]

Even her attitudes towards potatoes pisses me off; she doesn't like fresh ones? Yet has a million tweets* about how she loves potatoes? But also didn't make roasties for Christmas despite SB and LJC asking for them? But she also loves roasties? I'm going to bed

*slight hyperbole but just search from:bootstrapcook potatoes on twitter, I cba screenshotting

 

[elepal]

Sounds perfectly horrif', dear heart x

 

[Jelly Bean]

I'm sure this has been covered numerous times, but she is supposedly a food writer. Why couldn't she make her own mince pies? I don't. Most people I know don't but this is her LITERAL living and supposed area of expertise. Then she could control the contents without a having a hissy fit about it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Have your self
a renegade Christmas
moan about mince pies

 

[Cookiecookie]

My mum is allergic to alcohol, and has been since she had my brother. She likes mince pies, and never once, in all those almost 39yrs, do I ever remember her having a reaction to them.

 

[LavaFlake]

I'm sure this has been covered numerous times, but she is supposedly a food writer. Why couldn't she make her own mince pies? I don't. Most people I know don't but this is her LITERAL living and supposed area of expertise. Then she could control the contents without a having a hissy fit about it.

Especially as it literally involves spooning some alcohol free mincemeat (ie https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/254915940) into some premade pastry and then baking. Even I can manage that lol.

Can't even be arsed commenting on the eel shite aside from to say until she posts a picture of the food with the cooking pans and her botox free face in it I won't believe she's cooked and made that. Pure cockney urchin cosplay when she needs to behave and remember she's commuter belt middle class x

 

[I'm not actually here]

Jack is not having jellied eels for Christmas dinner. I doubt Jack has ever had jellied eels in her life, let alone from the fish counter in a supermarket when she worked there as a teenager.

Acting like she's some sort of proper cockney when she grew up in suburban middle class Southend is so embarrassing. Won't go to a book festival without her bodyguards (LOL) or to a music festival without a stabproof vest...she'd be shaking like a shitting dog walking round the East End.

Tedious bleeping bleep

I can't find my way backto the last thread, but her liquor recipe was the biggest load of shite I've read in many a year. Not even adjacent. Clueless bleep

And I'm a bleeping Northerner and know what it should be. (Ridley Road, Brick Lane etc stall holder tho... Once upon a long time ago! #JimmyNail)

And somebody go tell her if you are self-employed, you don't get a wage. It isn't called that, at all. And I'll lay a bet she hasn't a clue, even after all these years, what it is called. Pls don't tell her... We know she is lurking... See if you can get it right, Jack..... You bleeping useless plonker

 

[All I've Ever Wanted]

Have your self
a renegade Christmas
moan about mince pies

From now on our grifting will be off the scale
[Honk]

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I need to correct something I said at the end of the last thread about the “crappy bank fraud”.
This is the crappy 2015 bank fraud

I mixed it up with the crappy 2019 bank fraud

Neither of which should be mixed up with the crappy “£50,0000 of royalties“ crappy agent fraud of either 2015-2018 or 2014 onwards, and for either one or two books and that she either noticed right away or didn’t notice for months, depending on when she’s telling the story. At least she’s over that one now and happy to write off the loss as long as he’ll enable her to be a complete bleep on Twitter.

Also not to to be mixed up with the multiple crappy burglaries of many and varied outbuildings by whimsical burglars who come back to return the things they stole (as evidenced by Jack’s posting of pics where allegedly stolen items are clearly visible)

 

[Bugger13]

Remember when Jack thought she could do stand up? The absolute cringe of this unfunny, embarrassing attempt at humour makes me want to kick someone down a staircase. The giddy, gleeful, awfulness of it all. Like the Cratchits of Thorpe Bay and just as cliched and annoying.

 

[jenny2603]

My mum is allergic to alcohol, and has been since she had my brother. She likes mince pies, and never once, in all those almost 39yrs, do I ever remember her having a reaction to them.

It's almost as if alcohol free mince pies are pretty standard and easy to get. Though, I suppose we must remember that life is much harder for Jack than it is for the rest of us because she is so very, very stupid.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Remember when Jack thought she could do stand up? The absolute cringe of this unfunny, embarrassing attempt at humour makes me want to kick someone down a staircase. The giddy, gleeful, awfulness of it all. Like the Cratchits of Thorpe Bay and just as cliched and annoying.

She wasn’t welcome over the bridge before, then she just dissed your place name - Scottish frauen RISE!

 

[Bugger13]

And also, trawling through your own tweets to post Maya Angelou’s poem on her own appalling hardship because some people called out your bullshit & scamming?
Beyond parody Jack. Such a ridiculous, awful, needy prick.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Is it normal for people in recovery for more than a few days to talk so much about booze. I drink ( rarely) but i do drink and my partner drinks yet we very rarely mention it during general conversations.