Is anyone here aromantic or asexual? (never wanted a relationship/sex)

[newtoyou]

Hi,

I don’t really like the term aromantic but I’ve just learnt it’s a thing so I’m using it.

Wondering if there’s other people on this board that don’t get romantic feelings towards people?

Growing up, people used to think it was weird that I didn’t fancy any boys at school. I kind of thought that would happen when I grow up. But it never did. As I went through my 20s I wondered if I should join dating sites (I guess the idea of being in my 20s and never even kissed anyone made me think I should). Now in my early 30s and realised I just don’t want to share my life with anyone. I haven’t ruled it out completely but at this age ive still never fancied anyone.

However I love the idea of romance! I love chick flicks/lits and Taylor Swift songs. And think certain couples are adorable/ship people.

I do occasionally worry about being alone when I’m old but I’m saving up for a good old people’s home haha.

Btw this is different to being asexual (where you don’t have sexual desires). People can be either or both.

Interested to hear from people who identify with either.

 

[w3bgoss3]

Hi,

I don’t really like the term aromantic but I’ve just learnt it’s a thing so I’m using it.

Wondering if there’s other people on this board that don’t get romantic feelings towards people?

Growing up, people used to think it was weird that I didn’t fancy any boys at school. I kind of thought that would happen when I grow up. But it never did. As I went through my 20s I wondered if I should join dating sites (I guess the idea of being in my 20s and never even kissed anyone made me think I should). Now in my early 30s and realised I just don’t want to share my life with anyone. I haven’t ruled it out completely but at this age ive still never fancied anyone.

However I love the idea of romance! I love chick flicks/lits and Taylor Swift songs. And think certain couples are adorable/ship people.

I do occasionally worry about being alone when I’m old but I’m saving up for a good old people’s home haha.

Btw this is different to being asexual (where you don’t have sexual desires). People can be either or both.

Interested to hear from people who identify with either.

Hi hope this doesnt come off the wrong way or it may not give you any help but I’m glad I came across this?
I am in a relationship I have been for almost two years, I like the companionship and having someone with me and someone to do things wiht but I am not a sexual person at all if that makes sense? I am not really interested in sex it doesn’t excite me and I could go without it to be honest but i haven’t really spoke to anyone about this? Obviously it’s something i participate in but i don’t instigate it and it makes me feel like im a bad person (which it shouldnt)

 

[newtoyou]

Hi hope this doesnt come off the wrong way or it may not give you any help but I’m glad I came across this?
I am in a relationship I have been for almost two years, I like the companionship and having someone with me and someone to do things wiht but I am not a sexual person at all if that makes sense? I am not really interested in sex it doesn’t excite me and I could go without it to be honest but i haven’t really spoke to anyone about this? Obviously it’s something i participate in but i don’t instigate it and it makes me feel like im a bad person (which it shouldnt)

Im glad you found it! I wouldn’t class myself as completely asexual. I do have sexual urges but I don’t think that would ever want to have sex with someone. I don’t know if that makes sense. I would never look at someone and want to have sex with them.

But I think how you feel is totally normal. Does your partner know/suspect how you feel?

 

[w3bgoss3]

Im glad you found it! I wouldn’t class myself as completely asexual. I do have sexual urges but I don’t think that would ever want to have sex with someone. I don’t know if that makes sense. I would never look at someone and want to have sex with them.

But I think how you feel is totally normal. Does your partner know/suspect how you feel?

Yeah he knows what im like by now, its not that when it happens i dont enjoy it because i do but i never instigate anything as i dont have the desire too. He can get a bit frustrated as he is always having to come onto me but i think hes used to it and hes adapted well and excepted that im just not that bothered and a relationship to me has more important values

 

[Tabula.rasa]

Hi everyone!

I identify as asexual-ish but I’ve been in a few relationships - I’m still learning more. I find people good looking but wanting to sleep with them and finding them sexually appealing, is always missing. For me, I was always confused how people hook up and have one night stands, especially at uni!

It might happen very rarely if I’ve developed some sort of emotional connection, I might then want to sleep with them. This connection doesn’t have to be long-standing though. I think this is labelled demisexual but honestly I don’t find it super helpful to label my feelings. That being said, I’m sexually active (I’m not sex repulsed) but I could definitely go without forever.

my next steps are how I explain my feelings to future partners - it left my ex feeling like I found them ugly, which wasn’t the case.

 

[newtoyou]

Hi everyone!

I identify as asexual-ish but I’ve been in a few relationships - I’m still learning more. I find people good looking but wanting to sleep with them and finding them sexually appealing, is always missing. For me, I was always confused how people hook up and have one night stands, especially at uni!

It might happen very rarely if I’ve developed some sort of emotional connection, I might then want to sleep with them. This connection doesn’t have to be long-standing though. I think this is labelled demisexual but honestly I don’t find it super helpful to label my feelings. That being said, I’m sexually active (I’m not sex repulsed) but I could definitely go without forever.

my next steps are how I explain my feelings to future partners - it left my ex feeling like I found them ugly, which wasn’t the case.

There’s so many different labels aren’t there! That’s why I don’t really like aromantic.

This maybe too personal but have you slept with partners because you want to as part of the relationship, but not necessarily because you want to jump their bones?

I could definitely go without ever having sex but not without satisfying myself (sorry if this is TMI, I don’t know how to say it delicately!). Obviously your mind wonders when you’re alone but I don’t think I could do any of it in reality.

 

[Tabula.rasa]

This maybe too personal but have you slept with partners because you want to as part of the relationship, but not necessarily because you want to jump their bones?

I could definitely go without ever having sex but not without satisfying myself (sorry if this is TMI, I don’t know how to say it delicately!). Obviously your mind wonders when you’re alone but I don’t think I could do any of it in reality.

omg don’t worry - I’m an open book I find it refreshing because I’m in my early twenties and felt like an outsider for so long! Yes exactly - I have sex for intimacy with the other person, rather than this overwhelming desire where i need to sleep with them I’ve always found it interesting how people describe this particular feeling!

I’m the same - I do enjoy solo time (excuse the phrase!) I first had sex out of curiosity - I thought because I hadn’t experienced it, everything would fall into place when I did. No I was just like is this it?! There’s a disconnect where I’m just going through the motions but there’s little enjoyment really.

Now, I’ve been with different partners and experimented so it’s not a case of finding what I like, with the right person (what I’m often told!). I’ve also been in love and while I enjoyed sex with him, again, it was mostly for his benefit. I wish there was a lot more visibility for people with a different relationship with sex and romance. I felt abnormal for so long during my teens.

 

[newtoyou]

omg don’t worry - I’m an open book I find it refreshing because I’m in my early twenties and felt like an outsider for so long! Yes exactly - I have sex for intimacy with the other person, rather than this overwhelming desire where i need to sleep with them I’ve always found it interesting how people describe this particular feeling!

I’m the same - I do enjoy solo time (excuse the phrase!) I first had sex out of curiosity - I thought because I hadn’t experienced it, everything would fall into place when I did. No I was just like is this it?! There’s a disconnect where I’m just going through the motions but there’s little enjoyment really.

Now, I’ve been with different partners and experimented so it’s not a case of finding what I like, with the right person (what I’m often told!). I’ve also been in love and while I enjoyed sex with him, again, it was mostly for his benefit. I wish there was a lot more visibility for people with a different relationship with sex and romance. I felt abnormal for so long during my teens.

Haha good to know I’m not missing out on much!

I actually think it’s probably more common than we think. The whole stereotype/joke of husbands always wanting it and the wife only giving it to them on their birthday comes from somewhere I reckon.

It’s definitely more of a mental thing for me. I’ve chatted to men online who’ve gone into great detail about all the things they’d do anatomy wise and got so bored. But if they’re good at describing a particular scenario I can go with it.

 

[Tabula.rasa]

Haha good to know I’m not missing out on much!

I actually think it’s probably more common than we think. The whole stereotype/joke of husbands always wanting it and the wife only giving it to them on their birthday comes from somewhere I reckon.

It’s definitely more of a mental thing for me. I’ve chatted to men online who’ve gone into great detail about all the things they’d do anatomy wise and got so bored. But if they’re good at describing a particular scenario I can go with it.

haha definitely! Speaking of online dating, do you share this with your matches upfront or wait a while?

 

[newtoyou]

haha definitely! Speaking of online dating, do you share this with your matches upfront or wait a while?

I actually haven’t been on dating apps for years (since I realised I don’t want a romantic relationship). Sorry can’t help with that. But sometimes I’ll go on chat sites just to talk to people (which of course turns sexual from most of the men on there!)

 

[Ally]

Hi. I'm Aromantic, and I think I'm asexual as well, but not 100% sure - I don't really understand sexual attraction

 

[newtoyou]

Hi. I'm Aromantic, and I think I'm asexual as well, but not 100% sure - I don't really understand sexual attraction

Yey I’m glad you found the thread Do your friends and family know/do you still have people assuming you want a partner?

 

[Ally]

Yey I’m glad you found the thread Do your friends and family know/do you still have people assuming you want a partner?

Older relatives always ask if I have a boyfriend
A couple of friends know . No family member know. I don't think I'll ever tell my parents mainly because I don't want to feel judged/disappointment from them

 

[Allthevest20]

I'm asexual. I have had sexual relationships in the past but looking back I feel I only ever had sex because it was the done thing. Never particularly cared about it and I wouldn't care if I never did it again lol I have body dysmorphic aswell so not a fan of showing my body to people which probably adds to it plus I do not want children so it all seems a bit pointless to me. If a relationship came along then I'd be like ok whatever but I am fairly certain there aren't many men who would be happy in a sex free relationship and I really am happy plodding along on my own lol

 

[newtoyou]

Older relatives always ask if I have a boyfriend
A couple of friends know . No family member know. I don't think I'll ever tell my parents mainly because I don't want to feel judged/disappointment from them

I find it interesting and annoying in equal measure how obsessed older relatives are with if people have got a boyfriend yet. Imagine if we went around asking people if they’re going to university yet, and why not!

I'm asexual. I have had sexual relationships in the past but looking back I feel I only ever had sex because it was the done thing. Never particularly cared about it and I wouldn't care if I never did it again lol I have body dysmorphic aswell so not a fan of showing my body to people which probably adds to it plus I do not want children so it all seems a bit pointless to me. If a relationship came along then I'd be like ok whatever but I am fairly certain there aren't many men who would be happy in a sex free relationship and I really am happy plodding along on my own lol

Its great you’re happy as you are That’s not something many people can relate to and I find it quite freeing that I don’t have to suffer the whole dating thing

 

[Allthevest20]

Its great you’re happy as you are That’s not something many people can relate to and I find it quite freeing that I don’t have to suffer the whole dating thing

I still get the whole "when you meet the right man" whenever I say about no children. Maybe I don't want to meet a man? Maybe I don't have to have kids lol people seem to struggle with that as it's not deemed "socially normal" still lol I'm really not bothered and I've always found if people fancy me and I don't like them back I end up resenting them for it it's very odd lol