My problem with it is that it plays into all the old tropes we (in the autistic community) have been subject to for decades. If we’re not ‘Rain Man’ we’re naïve; if we are open and honest it signifies a lack of mental capacity; we are characterised as gullible, guileless, hopelessly subject to abuse, or the other end of the emotional spectrum: lacking in empathy, cold, callous - which is really not the case. We learn from experience: what we cannot intuit socially, we accumulate knowledge so we can act in a normative manner and in so doing protect ourselves. Claiming that IG seems neurodivergent based on a few anecdotes from his youth hurts *me* as much as it hurts @KikiNY. We come in all shapes and sizes, intelligence levels and abilities: we’re not just a homogeneous mass. As I said before, to gain a diagnosis (even a self-diagnosis, and I know a number of people who have justifiably self-diagnosed because a) they want to make sense of themselves and their world b) because it takes years to even be seen by a specialist c) an official diagnosis wouldn’t make that much difference to their lives) we would 1. Have to be qualified psychiatrists with a great deal of expertise in the field 2. Be with him on a daily basis to see which criteria he would fulfill and 3. Would have to see he fulfilled enough of said criteria in order to receive a diagnosis. This isn’t tone-policing at all, it’s asking for sensitivity in a field where people like myself have been mis- and pre-judged extensively - and that is wounding.
Back on topic, I went back to the beginning of the Malice threads and found not only @welp’s amazing initial summary, but reference to poor Ella’s parentification re: the fender bender incident in the car park. That note she wrote to the other driver, detailing Malice’s sad childhood and bullying, is actually heartbreaking in hindsight. She has been set up to appoint herself her mother’s champion and support; she shouldn’t ever have been exposed to Malice’s self-victimhood. As one who was parentified myself, I really worry about poor Ella: it took years of therapy for me to learn to put myself first. I think this is the time when IG needs to show, more than ever, that he is committed to her, and will not walk away: she has the weight of the world on her shoulders, poor kid.
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