She should not see your baby alone then if she is not going to respect your boundaries. We've had problems with my MIL and boundaries (we do not have kids yet) and we would not put up with this tit. In fact my husband didn't speak to her for over a year. Your MIL is showing a disregard for your parenting. If she asks to see baby alone bring up the boundaries if she shows no sign of following them you say: "okay but you can not have him alone as you are not following xyz." Start now when they're young as otherwise she will keep being a nightmare. Don't let her gas light or manipulate you. Check out JustNoMIL on reddit. They offer good advice too.
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I don't have any advice. I have been there not only with inlaws but my own parents too. I had no choice but to rely on them for childcare and that made it difficult to raise my daughter how I wanted. I chose not to have anymore children as didn't want to go through it again.
The other thing to consider is if you put your foot down on it, means that you’ve got to stick to it also.
Weaning is cute and a novelty at 6 months. I loved weaning my son, watching him try all the different flavours and giving him loads of nice things to try.
Now I’m back at work full time, with a job that full time is more like 60 hours rather than 40. Sometimes I haven’t had chance to stock the fridge up with fresh fruit and veg etc so it’s a packet of pombears for a snack and fishfinger and waffles for tea. I’d hate to feel the pressure of not being able to do that because I’d been so strict with everyone else about what he could eat.
Weaning is cute and a novelty at 6 months. I loved weaning my son, watching him try all the different flavours and giving him loads of nice things to try.
Now I’m back at work full time, with a job that full time is more like 60 hours rather than 40. Sometimes I haven’t had chance to stock the fridge up with fresh fruit and veg etc so it’s a packet of pombears for a snack and fishfinger and waffles for tea. I’d hate to feel the pressure of not being able to do that because I’d been so strict with everyone else about what he could eat.
It doesn’t really matter if anyone thinks you’re uptight or not - it’s your baby and what you say goes. If not they don’t get to look after the baby alone.
I do really agree with everyone who has said having ‘treats’ off limit messes up your food though, I struggled with an eating disorder for a long time (binge/purge) and it was obviously linked to the way we weren’t ‘allowed’ things so I could only have them at other people’s houses.
I do really agree with everyone who has said having ‘treats’ off limit messes up your food though, I struggled with an eating disorder for a long time (binge/purge) and it was obviously linked to the way we weren’t ‘allowed’ things so I could only have them at other people’s houses.
I agree that banning sweet things entirely is a bad idea and will set the baby up for a sugar addiction.
But the MIL's behaviours will contribute to this, by being the place to binge on junk, which will make OP feel she has to compensate by being stricter, to make up for the damage caused.
It is not unreasonable to not want your kid to eat junk. Also I don't think OP ever said it would be banned entirely? Anyway, no one *needs* junk. It is OPs choice in how she approaches this and what boundaries she sets.
But the MIL's behaviours will contribute to this, by being the place to binge on junk, which will make OP feel she has to compensate by being stricter, to make up for the damage caused.
It is not unreasonable to not want your kid to eat junk. Also I don't think OP ever said it would be banned entirely? Anyway, no one *needs* junk. It is OPs choice in how she approaches this and what boundaries she sets.
So I do quite agree with your baby, your rules! If you do feel strongly then you're absolutely within your rights to tell them no firmly!
But what I will say is, with my first I was very much like this, very strict on food choices, also not OP but another commenter mentioned strict routine/schedule etc. He is the fussiest child to feed, wont eat veg, would live on bread and chips if he could, he refuses most foods and trying something new is a battle. If he sees sweets he will cram them in before anyone gets a chance.
With my youngest, I was very relaxed! A 5 year gap meant I was completely different as a person in that time, nothing was banned, we followed BLW, no routine regarding meals etc, just fitted in around our lives, his main and pudding were served together 80% of the time. He will now eat anything! He would take a spag bol or chilli or omelette etc over chips, he will eat half the sweets of his brother and walk away. Will give anything a go!
Same regarding the routine, while I do like my evenings without children. My first was 7pm bedtime like clockwork, I'd meltdown if it was later. Hes now the one walking around until 10pm having 300 wees! My youngest again had to fit in, sometimes an activity for my eldest meant bedtime was 8-8:30pm. He sleeps like a dream! Don't sweat the small stuff
But what I will say is, with my first I was very much like this, very strict on food choices, also not OP but another commenter mentioned strict routine/schedule etc. He is the fussiest child to feed, wont eat veg, would live on bread and chips if he could, he refuses most foods and trying something new is a battle. If he sees sweets he will cram them in before anyone gets a chance.
With my youngest, I was very relaxed! A 5 year gap meant I was completely different as a person in that time, nothing was banned, we followed BLW, no routine regarding meals etc, just fitted in around our lives, his main and pudding were served together 80% of the time. He will now eat anything! He would take a spag bol or chilli or omelette etc over chips, he will eat half the sweets of his brother and walk away. Will give anything a go!
Same regarding the routine, while I do like my evenings without children. My first was 7pm bedtime like clockwork, I'd meltdown if it was later. Hes now the one walking around until 10pm having 300 wees! My youngest again had to fit in, sometimes an activity for my eldest meant bedtime was 8-8:30pm. He sleeps like a dream! Don't sweat the small stuff
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Love this, this is what nutritionists recommend for children as it takes the power away from desserts being special, makes them ordinary like all other foods and allows kids freedom of choice in what they eat.
We don’t always have something sweet with dinner but when we do, it’s served at the same time as the main, on the same plate of possible. So a few days ago they all had a chocolate coin with tea. The wee one ate half hers first then ate some tea then went back. The big two have it drilled in at school unfortunately that it’s “healthy first sweet last” so they are now sadly in that mentality.
We will also always serve seconds of something sweet even if “main” isn’t all eaten. We wouldn’t hesitate to serve seconds of veg, and it is the same principle to ensure the sweet things aren’t seen as special. My husband still struggles with this. But 90% of the time the seconds are barely touched.
Definitely works well!
We do this too. Whether dessert is fruit, yoghurt or something sweeter it comes out at the same time as dinner and, touch wood, we have no issues so fair. My children are actually not all that fussed by sweets and chocolate.
I am generally pretty chilled re: chocolate etc with my toddler but I used to be so uptight when it came to my MIL and having my kids, especially my first. Part of it was PND but part of it was the fact I literally just don’t trust her with my kids (despite the fact she’s had 5 of her own!) She once gave my 7 month old grapes, uncut, and without my knowing. I went mad at her. She couldn’t understand but I just was so panic stricken after that, that she didn’t babysit him again until he was well over 1. Even now I worry so much.
One thing I might suggest is if your MIL babysits, you could obviously discuss with her your wishes (and be absolutely firm) but also pack a lunch for the baby. We used to do this with mine and generally she was pretty good. It means you know 99% of what your kid is eating and any “junk foods” will be on top of a very healthy diet. Although in saying this, sometimes she would feed him whatever the duck she liked and then say “oh I didn’t see you’d packed him a lunch!” Even though it was right at the top of the bag.
I think what I found hardest with parents and weaning is the concept of BLW. I BLW weaned both my kids through pure ease (have weaned so many kids as a nanny) but my MIL would be INSISTENT on feeding my babies purées. Now, I have no problem with the purées themselves - and I have given my kids them on occasion and especially puréed fruits etc but my god. She just did not listen. My poor kids must have been so confused going from eating hard solid food to puréed fish pie. Rancid. Anyway, hope that the situation sorts itself for you. I find the whole MIL + my kids such a tough one to balance and I’m still learning. In last resort, just distance yourself at this time. I’m thanking every lucky star I weaned during lockdown so my parents and in laws couldn’t comment on any of it!! xxx
One thing I might suggest is if your MIL babysits, you could obviously discuss with her your wishes (and be absolutely firm) but also pack a lunch for the baby. We used to do this with mine and generally she was pretty good. It means you know 99% of what your kid is eating and any “junk foods” will be on top of a very healthy diet. Although in saying this, sometimes she would feed him whatever the duck she liked and then say “oh I didn’t see you’d packed him a lunch!” Even though it was right at the top of the bag.
I think what I found hardest with parents and weaning is the concept of BLW. I BLW weaned both my kids through pure ease (have weaned so many kids as a nanny) but my MIL would be INSISTENT on feeding my babies purées. Now, I have no problem with the purées themselves - and I have given my kids them on occasion and especially puréed fruits etc but my god. She just did not listen. My poor kids must have been so confused going from eating hard solid food to puréed fish pie. Rancid. Anyway, hope that the situation sorts itself for you. I find the whole MIL + my kids such a tough one to balance and I’m still learning. In last resort, just distance yourself at this time. I’m thanking every lucky star I weaned during lockdown so my parents and in laws couldn’t comment on any of it!! xxx