I'm miserable

[watermelon sugar]

Just as the title says really...


My 10 month old is not sleeping. He's been like this for 2 weeks now. He fights every nap and every sleep. He just cries and fights us. He'll stay wide awake right until late at night and his routines gone out the window. If we cut his nap or leave him awake earlier on our accord rather than his he'll exhaust himself and fall asleep. If he falls asleep himself he wakes up through the night and screams and cries if we try and get him back asleep. He's just wide awake for houuuuuurs.

Me and my boyfriend are getting on eachothers nerves, the lack of sleep is getting to us both, even though he gets more. He'll get up with the baby then just fall straight back asleep so it'll end up being mean awake for 3 hours watching TV with the baby trying to get him to sleep. When he's fighting his naps during the day, when my boyfriend isn't at work he will walk off frustrated and just leave me to deal with it and go for a cig. While I'm wrestling the baby to sleep.

The house is a tip, my fella doesn't do any of the washing (which I'm behind on) doesn't help with the cleaning. When the baby is asleep he just sits on his phone. I mean I do too but I try and get on top of things while the baby sleeps too!

I'm not near any of my family - we don't have a support bubble. My mum lives too far away and is bubbled with my sister to babysit her 2 kids. My fellas mum is an arsehole and shes high risk anyway. Plus she's a liability. I have no close by friends, even it I did i cant see them.

I have friends with kids but when I talk to them about my problems they just buzz off how good their babies sleep. Which is good for them, im glad they do, but it's hard when I'm exhausted.

Idk what the point of this was. Just to rant I think
I feel so alone
Ive cried the last 3 days by myself
I feel hopeless. I used to be able to talk to my partner but I don't want to
My mum just tells me 'its a phase' which it probably is but it doesn't help how I feel

I think I just wish i was closer to my family
I feel so down and alone

 

[watermelon sugar]

So our talk didn't go well

Just gone to bed feeling even more unhappy than I did this morning. You know it's bad when you'd rather talk to strangers over the Internet than your own boyfriend

I feel so alone

 

[BettyCrocker]

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

Nah. He’s not getting it. You know what I’d do? When he’s at home next, on a day off, you leave him with the baby. Just tell him you are heading out for a while and leave him to it. See how easy he finds it.
Also - stop doing his washing. If he’s so fucking lazy that he claims he doesn’t know how a washing machine works well, he’s not going to have clean clothes now is he.

honestly, he’s being an arsehole. This child is as much his as yours and the responsibility of looking after him is supposed to be an equal split between the pair of you. If he’s not interested in being a parent, get rid of him.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread

I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it jheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!

I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it my fella broke his ankle this morning the wally so it's like I've got 2 kids atm

I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best

 

[BettyCrocker]

Being in lockdown is shit.
I can only speak for my partner but he's so shit around the house, can't cook or clean to save his life.
Having kids can be shit.
Lack of sleep is shit.

All of these will pass. One day you baby will stop being a pain and sleep all night.
We will be out of lockdown so you can go and see you family.
Your partner might never cook you a meal or clean the house.

Try and get out for a walk once a day. I always have a 15 min mad clean whilst the babies eating her dinner secure in her high chair.
Get some washing in and dishwasher loaded before bed. Make you partner sort it before work. (Empty dishwasher pop clothes in dryer).

You've got this DM me if needed, I felt like I was at breaking point on NYE id have enough of the kids and my partner. Now wouldnt say I feel fantastic but I feel alot better


My kids can still be ass holes and my partners still useless

But why do you put up with a partner who is completely useless and who doesn’t contribute?? He’s meant to be your partner - as in the person who shares your life with you. Your not there to be his mother!!!!! I honestly don’t understand this whole attitude of “oh well, he’s a man, he’s useless at household stuff so I’ll just plod along doing everything for him” - nah, fuck that! This is 2021 not 1951!!!!

 

[watermelon sugar]

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I am not a parent, so cannot give you any suitable advice.

All I will say is that I love your posts on here, whether they are funny or sad, and if anything I consider you a friend despite being a "stranger"

I am sure there will be any other people on here, far more qualified than myself, who will give you the support and advice you need. But all I will say is that we're with you every step of the way.

Love & warm wishes to you, your guy and your baby

 

[Lady Macbeth]

My ex- husband used to call looking after our children as “ babysitting” - total asshole.

 

[birdiefly246]

get him a wheelchair for his broken ankle, wheel him to the bloody sink and leave him there to wash the dishes.

I was thinking dump the baby on him now cause he can't go anywhere

 

[Saddlesoap]

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

I'm sorry that's a bullshit excuse. My husband is disabled and in a wheelchair and he still manages to do things around the house. Not specifically the washing machine cos he can't get to it, but empties dishwasher (even if it does take him 20mins!) and vacuums.

I agree with another post. Stop doing his washing.

Out of interest did you plan to get pregnant or was it an accident? (don't feel you need to answer!)

 

[Whaaaaat]

I found being a Mum a lot easier when I stopped looking too far into the reasons my baby was acting how he was acting. Yeah he could be teething, he could be going through a leap or a development stage or he could just be being a pain. Either way, it is what it is.

It’s SO hard, and I really feel for you. My son has never been a particularly good sleeper and he still wakes most nights in the night now even though he’s getting towards 2. I hate the smug parents who are like my baby slept through from 6 weeks.. PISS OFF!! Even more so when they’re like “oh my baby has slept through since xyz but the past 2 nights has been waking - help”. Get a grip!!

It sounds like a bit of resentment between you and your partner - him because he’s working so he’s tired from that and you because you’re doing 99% of the childcare and your tired. I’d say that’s pretty normal.

Are you going back to work? I found that helped our family a lot when I returned to work because he could no longer throw work at me and I felt I had more footing to demand help.

I hope you’re ok x

 

[Raininvain]

Wow. I'd be packing my bags personally. Its not for you to do everything, he sounds really childish and dismissive. You dont have to put up with this at all.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Aw @watermelon sugar, I'm just seeing all this now. I swear sometimes I think we'd all be better off single How are you feeling now?

I'm okay! Had an overall better day with my partner but he can still be a bit of an arsehole

I felt so unhappy yesterday and very alone but I don't feel that way today! Hopefully the baby gets better with his sleep and I get more sleep because I get all emotional when I've not had enough sleep

 

[Pinkblush]

I'm rubbish at relationship advice but my heart goes to you. I hope there are better days ahead
@watermelonsugar
@Annie101

 

[watermelon sugar]

Hiya, yeah I did i rang up and got told the mental health nurse would ring me. She finally rang and gave me a 2 week prescription of sertraline and referred me to Access Sefton for talking therapy. Told me to ring back in 2 weeks i feel a bit better today but the weather/lockdown doesn't help

 

[Titntat]

Being in lockdown is shit.
I can only speak for my partner but he's so shit around the house, can't cook or clean to save his life.
Having kids can be shit.
Lack of sleep is shit.

All of these will pass. One day you baby will stop being a pain and sleep all night.
We will be out of lockdown so you can go and see you family.
Your partner might never cook you a meal or clean the house.

Try and get out for a walk once a day. I always have a 15 min mad clean whilst the babies eating her dinner secure in her high chair.
Get some washing in and dishwasher loaded before bed. Make you partner sort it before work. (Empty dishwasher pop clothes in dryer).

You've got this DM me if needed, I felt like I was at breaking point on NYE id have enough of the kids and my partner. Now wouldnt say I feel fantastic but I feel alot better


My kids can still be ass holes and my partners still useless

 

[BettyCrocker]

Can you sit down with your partner and just explain how you feel? Tell him you need him to help- around the house/with the baby. It’s all as much his responsibility as yours and it’s not fair that he does next to nothing. Does he have any idea how you feel??

ETA: baby could be teething. Try some calpol paracetamol to see if that helps him settle.

 

[Raininvain]

I'd say to your partner either he steps up or leaves basically. Its miles harder looking after a baby all day than going to work especially when they are screaming and carrying on all the time. He needs to be doing at least half of all the chores etc.
You might as well be a single parent as it is at the moment. Its not on.

 

[bolimepipi]

now break his other one!

 

[Whaaaaat]

I don’t agree that a go to should be leaving.

Relationships go through difficult stages, if you cut and run as soon as things get tough then you’re never going to get very far. Especially when there’s a child involved.

I don’t think there will be many things you go through harder for a couple than a first baby - especially in a pandemic.