I'm being bullied at work

[Gloria Rostron]

As the title says, I think I'm being bullied by my work colleagues. We started around the same time in a new company. All was great for a while, then they turned on me. I was going through a bad time, and was in bad form and they reported me. Then it escalated. They are being really subtle, nobody else would notice, only me. They undermine me when they can, they exclude me from discussions. They were talking about the weather and I commented about a website that I follow, and they keep mentioning it as a dig at me. One of them was being OK with me, then she turned against me again. I tried calling her on teams, and she didn't answer so I messaged her and she replied straight away, so she just didn't want to talk to me.
I feel broken, I don't want to go back to work next week. It is really affecting me. I've tried to ignore their snideness and be nice to them, but I can't do it anymore. I spent most of the weekend crying.
I am looking for another job, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

First of all, remember it is them with the problem, not you. Sadly, many work places have bullies. Adults are just children over 18 basically. You have to document any incidents of bullying and try and gather evidence and then take this to your line manager. Trust me, companies take this very seriously. It might just take the ring leader getting dismissed and the whole posse will break up. You shouldn't be the one to leave.. Try and find alliances in the good people.

 

[Lico]

Wouldn't it be great if someone could call him out on that or acknowledge you.

It would, but unfortunately the rest of the group are bullying me as well. Horrible people. There are 2 that don't say anything, but in my opinion, they are as guilty.

 

[maytoseptember]

That's wonderful that things worked out better for you. It is tempting to let loose in an exit interview but what would it achieve (aside from a few minutes of satisfaction)? I doubt they'd use the feedback to change things for the better.

You’re so right. I guess I felt like a bit of a doormat but you could argue I was just taking the moral high ground I’m really easy going at work and don’t like to rock the boat at all... that’s why I was easy prey I think.

Tell you what was ironic though - the bully got promoted to my role.

 

[Lico]

@Lico how long have you been with the company? Could you not have a case for constructive dismissal if the company don’t take any action and therefore force you out?

I'm only in this job a year and a half. I don't really want to go legal, as i don't want to get a bad name. The industry that I am in is quite small and incestuous.
I completely agree with ye that if I try to tackle them, I will come out of this as the troublemaker.

 

[1001 others]

I went through similar. I started a new job with this other girl at the same time, and thought we got on just fine, but then she turned against me and another girl (who had always been cold and standoffish) joined in. There were only four of us sharing the office so the atmosphere was frosty verging on intolerable. I started job hunting and left as soon as I could. I was only there for 14 months.

My only regret is that I wasn’t candid enough in my exit interview. The supervisor (who knew what had been going on) asked me whether I was leaving due to X. I said something about feeling like it was time to move on. That was a lie, I should have said “yes, I’m leaving because my mental health couldn’t take any more”.

The job I moved onto was the BEST. I’m so glad I took it.

That's wonderful that things worked out better for you. It is tempting to let loose in an exit interview but what would it achieve (aside from a few minutes of satisfaction)? I doubt they'd use the feedback to change things for the better.

 

[Jaxsacoont]

Document everything.

Speak to your direct manager, then HR and then the union (if you are in one) - in that order to make sure you follow procedure.

Meantime, start looking for a new job and try to focus one day at a time on a positive thing about your life, otherwise you will go mad!

 

[Gloria Rostron]

I went to manager. He took their side. I have gone completely quiet and withdrawn, so now they are trying to insinuate that I'm a psycho. Gaslighting me. So I handed 8n my notice. I can't put up with their shite any longer.

How big is the company you work for, can you go above your manager, to HR for example?