How to not be permanently single

[YellowLadybird]

I'm 30 and I've been single for 8 years. I had a couple of relationships at university, but nothing since - didn't help that I went into the all-female, antisocial hours job that is nursing after having been at an all-girls secondary school! I've tried online dating and been on some first dates, but never on a second. I'm fairly outgoing and have always had a decent social circle, but somehow never seem to progress to anything more serious. I'm a confident person with quite a strong personality, which maybe intimidates some people, but I'd say I'm conventionally at least fairly attractive. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I haven't been 'looking' for a while but the combination of being 30 and the pandemic resulting in my temporary stay with my parents looking very permanent (and the whole being banned from going out and doing things part) has made me think about the future. I have a good job, although it's super full on, but I'd love to have a family of my own as well.

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong. I've been single so long that I'm sure people think I'm a closeted lesbian, but I'm not. I like men but it's just never reciprocated!

 

[Zenchick101]

I'm 30 and I've been single for 8 years. I had a couple of relationships at university, but nothing since - didn't help that I went into the all-female, antisocial hours job that is nursing after having been at an all-girls secondary school! I've tried online dating and been on some first dates, but never on a second. I'm fairly outgoing and have always had a decent social circle, but somehow never seem to progress to anything more serious. I'm a confident person with quite a strong personality, which maybe intimidates some people, but I'd say I'm conventionally at least fairly attractive. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I haven't been 'looking' for a while but the combination of being 30 and the pandemic resulting in my temporary stay with my parents looking very permanent (and the whole being banned from going out and doing things part) has made me think about the future. I have a good job, although it's super full on, but I'd love to have a family of my own as well.

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong. I've been single so long that I'm sure people think I'm a closeted lesbian, but I'm not. I like men but it's just never reciprocated!

I met my current boyfriend randomly online, so I guess I got lucky. But have you tried going to meetups? taking a class where you may run in to a man? I had disastrous experiences online dating up until then! Also no matter what no guy is going to be perfect but you have to find one who's qualities make up for his faults.

 

[Definitelyme]

You’re not doing anything wrong at all!

I was convinced I was going to be single forever. Nobody was ever interested in me, I only seemed to fancy guys who were way out of my league, and watched all my friends have relationships and date as “normal”.

Then I met my now husband, and we’ve been married 9 years and have 3 kids and another on the way.

I know it’s hard not to think there is something wrong, but you will find the right person, and when you do you’ll be glad you dont have a whole string of the wrong ones and heartbreak behind you.

Do you have any hobbies where you may meet similar minded guys? Although tricky at the minute I guess. And I’d persist with the online dating too

 

[cosmo girl]

As soon as you stop looking and stop thinking about finding someone. It will happen when you least expect it. Going out with friends and keeping yourself busy with interests away from work can help meet someone. I met my husband when I was 29. We got married at 30 and had our first child at 31. I had been single for years before that. You're not doing anything wrong!! Just not met the right person yet. I went on so many dates and could write a book about them. Also blind dates that were awful and have no idea why my friends did that to me I met my husband on holiday and decided to meet up when we got home. We clicked straight away. Our parents were both from the same area. Turned out they knew each other. I did think I would never meet anyone that was right for me. I've never experienced online dating. But does seem very interesting. As long as you keep safe. I've heard lots of success stories from online dating though.

 

[TheMeg]

I’ve been single coming up to 14 years. People always say once you don’t look it’ll happen. I’ve never looked....never happened. Another good one is “you’re too choosy”. Impossible to be choosy when there’s nothing to choose from. I’m happy being single...good job I suppose.

 

[Belulah]

I’ve been thinking about starting a thread exactly like this! Like you I am 30 and I work a very female heavy job (English teacher). I think many people think I’m a lesbian but I just do not seem to attract men.
When it comes to online dating I can seldom be bothered but I know deep down that’s because I think “what’s the point?” As I know we will only chat for a few days then it will fizzle out.

 

[265]

I'm single by choice, I mentioned in another thread "The Ick" I've been single since 1992, down to relationships that ended badly so for the sake of my health I became single. Around 1995 by pure chance I met a girl, there was a possibility of a little romance but sadly no. I was thinking about trying again but I was enjoying my lifestyle too much. It seems that women get bored with me which is why my relationships were like my underwear....Brief!

I did read the OP a few times and I can't understand why she's single, she's not doing anything wrong, perhaps there is something in the lifestyle that could be changed which could help.

 

[Blondie123]

I’ve been thinking about starting a thread exactly like this! Like you I am 30 and I work a very female heavy job (English teacher). I think many people think I’m a lesbian but I just do not seem to attract men.
When it comes to online dating I can seldom be bothered but I know deep down that’s because I think “what’s the point?” As I know we will only chat for a few days then it will fizzle out.

I hope you don't mind my advice.. but you've got to put the effort in? Like if you want a new job/house/hobbies etc you don't just wait for your house to sell by itself you know?

As bullshit as online dating can be (I met my husband on Tinder and went on a hell of a lot of rubbish date first) you've got to give it a proper go and with a positive attitude. It will happen, but in the meantime just write them up as good stories!

One thing I found really good was making sure dates were at cool places I wanted to try, exhibitions I wanted to see etc so if the guy was a total that it wasn't a total waste of an evening.

 

[Belulah]

I hope you don't mind my advice.. but you've got to put the effort in? Like if you want a new job/house/hobbies etc you don't just wait for your house to sell by itself you know?

As bullshit as online dating can be (I met my husband on Tinder and went on a hell of a lot of rubbish date first) you've got to give it a proper go and with a positive attitude. It will happen, but in the meantime just write them up as good stories!

One thing I found really good was making sure dates were at cool places I wanted to try, exhibitions I wanted to see etc so if the guy was a total that it wasn't a total waste of an evening.

I know- I guess I’m hoping that if the right person comes along the conversation will just flow but I think that’s a bit of a fantasy!

 

[Caramel Latte]

I'm telling myself that it would be easier when things get back to normal (wouldn't say when the pandemic is over cuz when is that? )
Personally, since i moved last month, i am hopeful that there's at least a decent guy i can meet.
I find it easier to start somewhere where people don't already have an opinion of you which could be wrong.

 

[Blondie123]

I know- I guess I’m hoping that if the right person comes along the conversation will just flow but I think that’s a bit of a fantasy!

Tbh it can happen, it's not just a fantasy but at the same time not everyone is super great on the first few dates so sometimes you've got to warm up a bit before you see someone's true potential!