How to fit it in when you have kids?

[Riggs]

This thread is just for fun and was something that got me thinking the other day. I love my family and wouldnt change a thing about them but also as someone with 3 children who are rapidly growing it can be increasing difficult to get 'alone time' together with my wife. When children are young and cant wander the house of their own accord or come stumbling into your room at the most inappropriate times its not too difficult but as they get older and have free reign it gets increasing harder to find the time/space for that 'alone time' before someone comes flying into the room.

Most of us cant afford frequent child free 'dirty weekends' and dont want to spend too much time away from the kids.

So my question is, how do most people manage it? What are your funniest stories? Have you been seen by the children and had to make up some lame excuse as to what you were doing?

 

[Practically Perfect]

I have one - we were not doing anything but..... we were all playing toy fighting on a sunday morning and I had a hole in the knee of my PJs and the then husband ripped them to the top. No biggy. A few hours later i was upset about something and he was comforting me, again no biggy.

The next morning at nursery the teacher asked my eldest (she was 3, now 28) if she had had a nice weekend to which she replied loudly
" My daddy ripped my mummy's pants off and made her cry" The more I tried to explain the bigger the hole I dug.

Another occasion she gleefully told her grandma (my mother in law) that mummy and daddy were fighting in the shower (cubicle) and mummy broke the door.

Ahhh kids.

 

[Riggs]

I have one - we were not doing anything but..... we were all playing toy fighting on a sunday morning and I had a hole in the knee of my PJs and the then husband ripped them to the top. No biggy. A few hours later i was upset about something and he was comforting me, again no biggy.

The next morning at nursery the teacher asked my eldest (she was 3, now 28) if she had had a nice weekend to which she replied loudly
" My daddy ripped my mummy's pants off and made her cry" The more I tried to explain the bigger the hole I dug.

Another occasion she gleefully told her grandma (my mother in law) that mummy and daddy were fighting in the shower (cubicle) and mummy broke the door.

Ahhh kids.

The innocent things that kids make sound seedy.

My wife once told her mum that she wasnt feeling well and asked if she could pick the girls up from school, really she wanted me to finish early from work so we could spend the afternoon together. However later that afternoon we were on the sofa together and her mum out of nowhere comes wandering into the room with some soup (I hadnt locked the front door).

I was underneath the blanket and couldnt move an inch while she had to explain to her mum she had fell asleep naked on the sofa (hence why she looked all hot and bothered) and had a fever. When her mum asked why my car was on the drive she had to say I hadnt been well either and had finished early and I was actually in the shower getting ready to come and pick kids up from her. Then from under the covers I had to turn the lights on upstairs in different rooms from my app to make believe someone was up there so her mum didnt hang around.

 

[Gingercream]

My eldest (would have been about 6 at the time) once wandered in when my husband and I were mid shag - luckily under the duvet. I was way more traumatised than he was, I don’t think he really grasped what was going on. I refuse to have sex now unless I know the kids are properly asleep!

 

[Riggs]

My eldest (would have been about 6 at the time) once wandered in when my husband and I were mid shag - luckily under the duvet. I was way more traumatised than he was, I don’t think he really grasped what was going on. I refuse to have sex now unless I know the kids are properly asleep!

Hard to completely concentrate on what you are doing when you have one eye and ear on the door opening.

I think most people have had at the very least an awkward near miss. At least at that age you can make excuses, my oldest is 16 so getting more awkward now in regards to keeping quiet as they always seem to be awake & they will know what’s going on.

 

[That3babieslife]

3 under 5s sleep through the night the moment we even think about getting intimate suddenly one wakes up to use the toilet the other start having a coughing fit the last one wakes up crying and I swear it's only the time we think yeah let's get it on other nights no problem at all

 

[Riggs]

3 under 5s sleep through the night the moment we even think about getting intimate suddenly one wakes up to use the toilet the other start having a coughing fit the last one wakes up crying and I swear it's only the time we think yeah let's get it on other nights no problem at all

Yeah sounds about right, it’s like as soon as the thought enters your mind and you move an inch in partners direction the kids jump up.

Normally the moment my lips touch my wifes we are greeted by a cough, a toilet flush or door slamming loudly.

 

[judsmum]

We thought our son slept like a log and were safe in the knowledge that our ‘activities’ were secret. Until recently when he said a boy at school had been talking about sex. He’s 8. I casually answered his questions in an age appropriate and informative manner. He then stated ‘well at least I know what those noises are at night now’

 

[Riggs]

We thought our son slept like a log and were safe in the knowledge that our ‘activities’ were secret. Until recently when he said a boy at school had been talking about sex. He’s 8. I casually answered his questions in an age appropriate and informative manner. He then stated ‘well at least I know what those noises are at night now’

Amazing what they pick up on especially when you are unaware of just what they know. Kids grow up so fast these days & I wonder how a conversation about sex gets started at school at that age. Never mind how you could explain it in such a manner and keep a straight face.

 

[Riggs]

Had an awkward moment this morning when our eldest was searching for some batteries for their TV remote. Instead of searching in the drawer downstairs where they are usually kept it seems they may have decided they couldnt be bothered to head down there and we think they have started searching through the drawers in our room while we were out.

Most people have questionable things in the drawer closest to their bed but seem as though my wife used to test for Lovehoney (as stated elsewhere) she has a larger than most variation of things in her bedside drawer. We know the layout of the drawer (so we arent fumbling around for things in the dark) and things seem to have been moved around. Now there is that awkward situation where no-one has said anything about it and no-one has brought it up.

Nothing is safe anywhere these days, going to have to get a combination safe next to the bed at this rate.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Our kids are only 6 and 4 and thankfully are both deep sleepers so night time activities aren't a problem but the mid day fumbles are now saved for school days when we're safe in the knowledge they are out haha!

 

[Riggs]

Our kids are only 6 and 4 and thankfully are both deep sleepers so night time activities aren't a problem but the mid day fumbles are now saved for school days when we're safe in the knowledge they are out haha!

My youngest isn’t at school yet so mid day fumbles are a distant memory at the moment. Can fully appreciate taking any time you can fit it in however.

When both of our younger children were less mobile we would make most of bath/shower time but now they can open doors (lack of locks on bathroom door becomes a problem).

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

We’d just got down to do the dirty when my daughters dog ran into the room and jumped up on my partners back
And then said daughter (at the time aged 18) came wandering in to find the dog!
Then for some reason sat at the end of the bed for a chat!
She killed that one dead

Another time we got down to it at about 1am thinking they where asleep
We’d just finished the deed when we heard a noise
Both froze-thinking it was either a burglar or a ghost
Nope-my son had got out of bed for a pee-somehow while half asleep had crawled under our bed and crashed out
We’d shagged on top of him...

 

[Riggs]

We’d just got down to do the dirty when my daughters dog ran into the room and jumped up on my partners back
And then said daughter (at the time aged 18) came wandering in to find the dog!
Then for some reason sat at the end of the bed for a chat!
She killed that one dead

Guess thats one way to style out the awkwardness rather than running out covering her eyes. Maybe she was trying to make out she had seen nothing and played it cool by staying for a chat. Meanwhile both of you inside are currently like ...

Another time we got down to it at about 1am thinking they where asleep
We’d just finished the deed when we heard a noise
Both froze-thinking it was either a burglar or a ghost
Nope-my son had got out of bed for a pee-somehow while half asleep had crawled under our bed and crashed out
We’d shagged on top of him...

Had he woken up or was he still asleep while you had been going on? Imagine if he had popped his head out from under the bed while you were just finishing up... I mean how do you stop when that moment comes (pun intended).

Some stories that are making me feel better at least, keep them coming.

 

[Twinkle485]

School hours or 3 in the morning.

 

[Riggs]

School hours or 3 in the morning.

3 in the morning is a very specific time, you have to set an alarm for that one or are you so in sync that its sex'o clock you instinctively wake up for it?

My wife is a little self concious about daylight sex so im glad the UK gets dark really early at this time of year, just a shame the kids dont get the memo.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Guess thats one way to style out the awkwardness rather than running out covering her eyes. Maybe she was trying to make out she had seen nothing and played it cool by staying for a chat. Meanwhile both of you inside are currently like ...



Had he woken up or was he still asleep while you had been going on? Imagine if he had popped his head out from under the bed while you were just finishing up... I mean how do you stop when that moment comes (pun intended).

Some stories that are making me feel better at least, keep them coming.

Haha she didn’t even notice we where at it-she just wanted her dog and a rant about her mate!

He was asleep-and very grumpy when his red faced parents shifted him!

 

[Riggs]

Haha she didn’t even notice we where at it-she just wanted her dog and a rant about her mate!

He was asleep-and very grumpy when his red faced parents shifted him!

Sounds like you got away with it pretty well on both counts then at least, could have been much worse.

Had an image of the dog jumping on bed and trying to join in and your daughter coming in at that moment.

 

[Twinkle485]

3 in the morning is a very specific time, you have to set an alarm for that one or are you so in sync that its sex'o clock you instinctively wake up for it?

My wife is a little self concious about daylight sex so im glad the UK gets dark really early at this time of year, just a shame the kids dont get the memo.

No I just meant like as early hours a possible no specific

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Sounds like you got away with it pretty well on both counts then at least, could have been much worse.

Had an image of the dog jumping on bed and trying to join in and your daughter coming in at that moment.

That’s not an image you want lol
Thankfully he’s a small lap dog not a Great Dane or we’d have been squashed

It took her about 20 mins for the penny to drop in her head-and then she called us ‘mucky bastards’
We would have been if we’d had the chance to finish!