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Smiles0121
Member
8am - Sausage and fried egg sandwich or pot noodle/cup noodle
11am - 6-8 Chocolate Hob Nobs with a cuppa
12.30pm - Ham sandwich, sausage rolls, crisps, Twix and a can of coke (diet)
2.30pm - A whole malt loaf with butter washed down with a coffee
4.00pm - Bag of crisps or tube of pringles
7.30pm - A take away (fish and chips, Curry, Chinese) or a ready meal for 2 (just for me)
10.30pm - a small handful of grapes and a protein shake.
I also like a Smirnoff ice or 2 in the evening or a glass of blue nun
11am - 6-8 Chocolate Hob Nobs with a cuppa
12.30pm - Ham sandwich, sausage rolls, crisps, Twix and a can of coke (diet)
2.30pm - A whole malt loaf with butter washed down with a coffee
4.00pm - Bag of crisps or tube of pringles
7.30pm - A take away (fish and chips, Curry, Chinese) or a ready meal for 2 (just for me)
10.30pm - a small handful of grapes and a protein shake.
I also like a Smirnoff ice or 2 in the evening or a glass of blue nun
I have a really really uncomfortable relationship with food. I have Boderline Personality Disorder, Depression, OCD, and a bad case of Body Dysmorphia. Im also a recovering drug user and im on quite a bit of medication- One med being mirtazapine which causes really bad weight gain!
Anyway, ive always been petite and able to eat loads, but when i had kids i went on a strict diet and exercise routine (it was more obsession and control tbh). Then i put on a bit of weight and went up to 10st, i hated it and felt like the biggest and most disgusting person in the world. Then i used drugs and went down to 7st 5ib and i felt my body was amazing (it wasnt). And during that time i lived on fizzy drinks and sweets.
Anyway fast forward to now, and im stable in terms of my mental health, im completely clean, and im eating okay. I still struggle so badly with my body image but im trying slowly to come to terms with it. Mirtazapine causes weight gain because it makes you really hungry, so im the space of 6 months ive gone from being 8stone to just under 10 stone. Ive learnt to take my mirtazapine just before bed so im not starving and my eating is okay now and im not binging on food anymore.
Anyway my food diary is always
*Porridge for breakfast
*sometimes no lunch, or some days i have a sandwich and cup a soup and maybe a packet of crisps
*Dinner is usually fish, sweet potatoes or veg, or something like chilli, or anything ive cooked for the rest of our family. But i always add plenty of veg.
*Im currently obsessed with eating sugar snap peas as a snack. And if i want a snack then il try and eat fruit, or peppers. Sometimes i will have a choc bar or bag of crisps, but im relatively healthy now. And im really mindful of my weight now and because im off sick i dont do half as much exercise than i did do.
I try and drink at least 3 litres of water a day, plus endless cups of tea.
Sorry for the extremely long post! Im just a bit fucked up with food tbh
Anyway, ive always been petite and able to eat loads, but when i had kids i went on a strict diet and exercise routine (it was more obsession and control tbh). Then i put on a bit of weight and went up to 10st, i hated it and felt like the biggest and most disgusting person in the world. Then i used drugs and went down to 7st 5ib and i felt my body was amazing (it wasnt). And during that time i lived on fizzy drinks and sweets.
Anyway fast forward to now, and im stable in terms of my mental health, im completely clean, and im eating okay. I still struggle so badly with my body image but im trying slowly to come to terms with it. Mirtazapine causes weight gain because it makes you really hungry, so im the space of 6 months ive gone from being 8stone to just under 10 stone. Ive learnt to take my mirtazapine just before bed so im not starving and my eating is okay now and im not binging on food anymore.
Anyway my food diary is always
*Porridge for breakfast
*sometimes no lunch, or some days i have a sandwich and cup a soup and maybe a packet of crisps
*Dinner is usually fish, sweet potatoes or veg, or something like chilli, or anything ive cooked for the rest of our family. But i always add plenty of veg.
*Im currently obsessed with eating sugar snap peas as a snack. And if i want a snack then il try and eat fruit, or peppers. Sometimes i will have a choc bar or bag of crisps, but im relatively healthy now. And im really mindful of my weight now and because im off sick i dont do half as much exercise than i did do.
I try and drink at least 3 litres of water a day, plus endless cups of tea.
Sorry for the extremely long post! Im just a bit fucked up with food tbh
Penelope Strawberry
VIP Member
We're the polar opposite then. When I'm stressed, I try to push down/numb my anxiety by shoveling down slab after slab of chocolate. If I'm in a good mood, that amount of chocolate would make me feel sick, but when I'm stressed/worried/anxious I don't even register the sweetness of it; I just get into this zombie-like state.
Thankyou for the kind words in relation to my comment, i didnt know if it was appropriate for me to mention the things i did. But once again, tattle proves me right about humans (even though we are all haters and bullies!! ha ha).
Ive been thinking, and the other thing i struggle with is my sense of self. That is pretty common with BPD. But ive always been seen as petite and slim, and for a long time i thought that was the only thing i had going for me. Its so sad that i place so much on my physical self but i do. Anyway, my mum has always been extremely slim and being a size 6 or 8 was normal in our house and anything bigger than that was big. Now im just under 10 stone, and i honestly struggle with just being average when for so long i had my body (i hope that makes sense) being nice and slim. The irony being im so much more healthy now than i ever was being smaller! My partner tells me i look better now, people compliment me and tell me im still slim yet i still feel that im big! The really sad thing is when im being logical i know i cant be fat- i can still just about fit into some of my size 8 jeans although im more of a 10 now, ive had 2 kids, and im 34. Its just my mind and my own thoughts can be so skewed and frankly dangerous for me. But im getting there! xxx
Ive been thinking, and the other thing i struggle with is my sense of self. That is pretty common with BPD. But ive always been seen as petite and slim, and for a long time i thought that was the only thing i had going for me. Its so sad that i place so much on my physical self but i do. Anyway, my mum has always been extremely slim and being a size 6 or 8 was normal in our house and anything bigger than that was big. Now im just under 10 stone, and i honestly struggle with just being average when for so long i had my body (i hope that makes sense) being nice and slim. The irony being im so much more healthy now than i ever was being smaller! My partner tells me i look better now, people compliment me and tell me im still slim yet i still feel that im big! The really sad thing is when im being logical i know i cant be fat- i can still just about fit into some of my size 8 jeans although im more of a 10 now, ive had 2 kids, and im 34. Its just my mind and my own thoughts can be so skewed and frankly dangerous for me. But im getting there! xxx
Nolongerjustalurker
Chatty Member
I had an eating disorder from 17/18 until I was about 24. I know the calories of literally every food and I’ve been using my fitness pal to log my meals for 8 years. When I met my partner is probably when I stopped focusing on eating tiny amounts and ate what he ate. This was great for a few years as I gained a healthy amount of weight and started exercising regularly. However now I’m nearly 30 my metabolism has definitely slowed down (cry) and I’ve gained more weight than I would like. I think that after the years of under eating. when I gained that freedom to eat what I wanted, I never learned to eat intuitively so now I’m prone to bingeing which feels just as disordered as my university days. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never have a normal relationship with food!
Justreading
VIP Member
Genuinely interested...
From threads I follow I see lots of "she barely eats", "is that all she feeds the kids", "she doesnt stop eating", "is she going to eat it or climb it" etc...
So what's normal, how much do you eat? What do you eat?
I never used to eat breakfast so by 10am I'd be starving and gorge on shit food!
Then I'd miss lunch because I'd had the snacks. And then have a huge evening meal to make up for it
Now I'm WFH I have a better routine of breakfast (cereal), lunch (sandwich and crisps with a piece of fruit) then dinner will be your usual spaghetti bol/lasagne/curry - pretty standard family style meals. But usually with garlic bread or similar!
I do tend to pick at stuff during the day from the kids treat box though
My downfall is pepsi max, I go through too much of that!
Writing it down has made me realise my diet seriously needs changing!!
From threads I follow I see lots of "she barely eats", "is that all she feeds the kids", "she doesnt stop eating", "is she going to eat it or climb it" etc...
So what's normal, how much do you eat? What do you eat?
I never used to eat breakfast so by 10am I'd be starving and gorge on shit food!
Then I'd miss lunch because I'd had the snacks. And then have a huge evening meal to make up for it
Now I'm WFH I have a better routine of breakfast (cereal), lunch (sandwich and crisps with a piece of fruit) then dinner will be your usual spaghetti bol/lasagne/curry - pretty standard family style meals. But usually with garlic bread or similar!
I do tend to pick at stuff during the day from the kids treat box though
My downfall is pepsi max, I go through too much of that!
Writing it down has made me realise my diet seriously needs changing!!
Nebbymoo
Well-known member
My eating is out of control. I dont eat big portions but I do eat all the time. I haven't hardly finished chewing and I'm already thinking about what I'm going to eat next. It's something that iv struggled with for my entire life. I'm totally obsessed with food. I used to suffer with anxiety and be sick alot years ago which evened out my eating in terms of maintaining my weight but once i got a handle on the sickness i never dealt with my food obsession. I will be overweight for life i dont believe it's something i will ever deal with unfortunately. Which makes me incredibly sad.
My eating habits are....odd.
I don't eat breakfast, never have.
I have more liquids than solids- coffees with a dash of milk in the morning, teas with a dash of milk in the evenings, 3L of water minimum, sometimes a protein shake if I notice that my calories are too low for the day. If I could never chew food again, I'd be thrilled.
For lunch and dinner it's usually a single meal split into 2 portions because I get full and fed up of eating, can never finish my plate at once no matter how small the portion. So I prepare whatever I want for lunch that day (soup or omelet, or salad with cottage cheese for example) and put half aside for dinner immediately. That's me done.
Some days I forget to eat entirely. Some days I graze on fruit and nothing else. When I'm stressed I can stop eating for days and not notice. When I am eating a solid meal, I inhale it, often eating in under 5 mins. It drives people mad but I can't help it.
It's a very healthy (homemade, lots of fruit and veg, always some sort of protein) yet extremely unhealthy way of eating. Been like this since childhood.
I envy people who enjoy food and really tuck in. I've never been able to savour anything, I just do it because I must.
I don't eat breakfast, never have.
I have more liquids than solids- coffees with a dash of milk in the morning, teas with a dash of milk in the evenings, 3L of water minimum, sometimes a protein shake if I notice that my calories are too low for the day. If I could never chew food again, I'd be thrilled.
For lunch and dinner it's usually a single meal split into 2 portions because I get full and fed up of eating, can never finish my plate at once no matter how small the portion. So I prepare whatever I want for lunch that day (soup or omelet, or salad with cottage cheese for example) and put half aside for dinner immediately. That's me done.
Some days I forget to eat entirely. Some days I graze on fruit and nothing else. When I'm stressed I can stop eating for days and not notice. When I am eating a solid meal, I inhale it, often eating in under 5 mins. It drives people mad but I can't help it.
It's a very healthy (homemade, lots of fruit and veg, always some sort of protein) yet extremely unhealthy way of eating. Been like this since childhood.
I envy people who enjoy food and really tuck in. I've never been able to savour anything, I just do it because I must.
In all honesty, my diet is poor.
If I do eat breakfast it is a big bowl of cereal or a bagel and peanut butter or both.
Weekends it is pancakes or a cooked breakfast.
Lunch is sausage rolls, or chicken goujons or noodles and cheese. Sometimes a sandwich.
Dinner is takeaway or pasta or pie or roast.
I eat loads of crisps, chocolate and biscuits. I drink fizzy drinks but no alcohol.
I am about 7 stone overweight and feel terrible. I am tired all the time and depressed. I have eaten badly since I was in my early 20's, I am now 40.
I feel like I am killing myself with food and I don't know how to stop. I am addicted to crap food and honestly am scared about the future.
If I do eat breakfast it is a big bowl of cereal or a bagel and peanut butter or both.
Weekends it is pancakes or a cooked breakfast.
Lunch is sausage rolls, or chicken goujons or noodles and cheese. Sometimes a sandwich.
Dinner is takeaway or pasta or pie or roast.
I eat loads of crisps, chocolate and biscuits. I drink fizzy drinks but no alcohol.
I am about 7 stone overweight and feel terrible. I am tired all the time and depressed. I have eaten badly since I was in my early 20's, I am now 40.
I feel like I am killing myself with food and I don't know how to stop. I am addicted to crap food and honestly am scared about the future.
I eat WAY too much. My problem is I love food, I'm greedy and like large portions and I have major issues with certain foods that I will binge on. Also a total emotional eater, I eat whether I'm sad/happy/bored etc. Altogether it means I've had issues with my weight for years.
I love a big breakfast, usually I have toast though with either pate, jam or peanut butter. Nothing I like more than a McDonald's or a breakfast roll.
Lunch could be anything from a sandwich to soup, a ready meal, leftovers etc. Usually with fruit and a packet of crisps.
Dinner again quite varied, I make roasts, fajitas, curry, freezer dinner, pasta dishes etc. All with loads of veg etc.
I prefer big meals to lots of snacking but do like something sweet with a cuppa later on in the evening. I calorie count most of the time so I'm generally aware of how many I'm having in a day but I can go over so easily.
I love a big breakfast, usually I have toast though with either pate, jam or peanut butter. Nothing I like more than a McDonald's or a breakfast roll.
Lunch could be anything from a sandwich to soup, a ready meal, leftovers etc. Usually with fruit and a packet of crisps.
Dinner again quite varied, I make roasts, fajitas, curry, freezer dinner, pasta dishes etc. All with loads of veg etc.
I prefer big meals to lots of snacking but do like something sweet with a cuppa later on in the evening. I calorie count most of the time so I'm generally aware of how many I'm having in a day but I can go over so easily.
lemonlime
VIP Member
When I start snacking I keep going so I'm sticking to main meals. Three main, three snack arrangement has never worked for me.
I can't eat a sweet breakfast, it makes me nauseous so I tend to have a piece of cheese, some tomatoes and maybe a boiled egg in the morning with a slice of toast. If I'm feeling indulgent, I'll have some jam too but usually I skip it.
Lunch is usually a veggie stew dish or soup and toast as I eat at my desk and don't have the time to savour my meal properly. On weekends, it depends but it'll be some kind of protein, pasta or rice or salad. My main meal is lunch, I feel so uncomfortable when I eat a big dinner so I tend to have a lighter dinner or have dinner early. If I am very hungry by dinner time, it will look similar to my lunch meals but in smaller portions. If I'm not as hungry, I usually have a veggie dish (hot or cold) or nibble on a bunch of different things like cheese, veggies, hummus etc. If I'm lazy, I'll make an omelet but sometimes it'll be just pizza on my mind, lol. I am trying to cut back but I usually have something sweet to wrap things up too. I like fish but I don't cook it very often at home.
This is my usual decent plan but when I'm tired/upset/stressed, I tend to go heavy on carbs and junk food like crisps, etc. Such couple of weeks have left me feeling very lethargic and generally 'meh' so I have started to pay attention to my meals again. I'm not too active, I just walk everywhere I can and do light exercises at home so I could probably eat lighter but food has always been a tricky issue for me so I try to focus on eating something nutritious rather than fixing on the amount of it.
All of this with many cups of various tea and water
I don't really drink soda; I'll crave a diet coke once in a blue moon but I mainly stick to still water or mineral water. Not a heavy drinker either. Once in a couple of months I'll be in the mood for cocktails maybe but I usually enjoy wine or a g&t if I'm drinking but just a couple of glasses. I'm a bit of a lightweight and get violent hangovers as well so getting drunk is no longer on my list of fun things lol.
I can't eat a sweet breakfast, it makes me nauseous so I tend to have a piece of cheese, some tomatoes and maybe a boiled egg in the morning with a slice of toast. If I'm feeling indulgent, I'll have some jam too but usually I skip it.
Lunch is usually a veggie stew dish or soup and toast as I eat at my desk and don't have the time to savour my meal properly. On weekends, it depends but it'll be some kind of protein, pasta or rice or salad. My main meal is lunch, I feel so uncomfortable when I eat a big dinner so I tend to have a lighter dinner or have dinner early. If I am very hungry by dinner time, it will look similar to my lunch meals but in smaller portions. If I'm not as hungry, I usually have a veggie dish (hot or cold) or nibble on a bunch of different things like cheese, veggies, hummus etc. If I'm lazy, I'll make an omelet but sometimes it'll be just pizza on my mind, lol. I am trying to cut back but I usually have something sweet to wrap things up too. I like fish but I don't cook it very often at home.
This is my usual decent plan but when I'm tired/upset/stressed, I tend to go heavy on carbs and junk food like crisps, etc. Such couple of weeks have left me feeling very lethargic and generally 'meh' so I have started to pay attention to my meals again. I'm not too active, I just walk everywhere I can and do light exercises at home so I could probably eat lighter but food has always been a tricky issue for me so I try to focus on eating something nutritious rather than fixing on the amount of it.
All of this with many cups of various tea and water
I don't really drink soda; I'll crave a diet coke once in a blue moon but I mainly stick to still water or mineral water. Not a heavy drinker either. Once in a couple of months I'll be in the mood for cocktails maybe but I usually enjoy wine or a g&t if I'm drinking but just a couple of glasses. I'm a bit of a lightweight and get violent hangovers as well so getting drunk is no longer on my list of fun things lol.
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Mulholland Drive
VIP Member
I much prefer ordering my supermarket food via the internet. That way I am not tempting into buying things I really don't want.
These distraction buys are quite hard to ignore when you visit a supermarket because as soon as you step inside you're more or less assailed with a variety of foodie aromas, not least that of bread and fruit. And as you push your trolley around you're bound to come across the usual BOGOF deals for cakes, chocolates and sweets etc. And I just can't say no!
So now I do my shop online whenever I can get a slot.
These distraction buys are quite hard to ignore when you visit a supermarket because as soon as you step inside you're more or less assailed with a variety of foodie aromas, not least that of bread and fruit. And as you push your trolley around you're bound to come across the usual BOGOF deals for cakes, chocolates and sweets etc. And I just can't say no!
So now I do my shop online whenever I can get a slot.
Dancing Dave
VIP Member
The past two weeks I've been brutal with food. No consistently and just more snacking rather than cooking.
Usually this is what I would eat;
Breakfast: 1 slice wholewheat soda bread, 2 turkey rashers and an egg.
Snack: Apple or 10 almonds (yes I measure lol)
Lunch: Wholemeal pitta, filled with tomato, sweetcorn and cucumber and mayo with either a homemade turkey burger or chicken breast
Snack: 0% fat free Greek yogurt (about 100g) with some fruit or some protein balls I batch cook
Dinner: Varies Homemade chilli con carne/turkey meatballs/jacket potato/jambalaya (all homemade sauces)
Snack: 3 rice cakes with some light cream cheese and cucumber with a massive cup of tea
Now obviously my dinners change every day or every 3 days but all the sauces I do are homemade and I find that helps massively with bloating! I have the odd treats at the weekend and I tend to only drink alcohol when Liverpool are playing lol. I try to be really good Mon-Fri and also let myself have one takeaway a month or twice (if I'm feeling down in the dumps). I never cut things out, if I crave a packet of crisps I'll have them life is too short to be too restrictive.
Usually this is what I would eat;
Breakfast: 1 slice wholewheat soda bread, 2 turkey rashers and an egg.
Snack: Apple or 10 almonds (yes I measure lol)
Lunch: Wholemeal pitta, filled with tomato, sweetcorn and cucumber and mayo with either a homemade turkey burger or chicken breast
Snack: 0% fat free Greek yogurt (about 100g) with some fruit or some protein balls I batch cook
Dinner: Varies Homemade chilli con carne/turkey meatballs/jacket potato/jambalaya (all homemade sauces)
Snack: 3 rice cakes with some light cream cheese and cucumber with a massive cup of tea
Now obviously my dinners change every day or every 3 days but all the sauces I do are homemade and I find that helps massively with bloating! I have the odd treats at the weekend and I tend to only drink alcohol when Liverpool are playing lol. I try to be really good Mon-Fri and also let myself have one takeaway a month or twice (if I'm feeling down in the dumps). I never cut things out, if I crave a packet of crisps I'll have them life is too short to be too restrictive.
PenelopeGarcia
New member
Too fucking much 
Usually I would not comment but you saying you've lost hope and it makes you sad is heartbreaking.
Anxiety (which I have also suffered from) leaves us with all sorts of unhealthy crutches (speaking from experience).
If you're preoccupied with food- planning the next thing to eat- it's often a sign you have deep feelings of upset of unrest within you. Our brains protect us by distracting us and focusing exclusively on something other than the unresolved and overwhelming feelings we have; in your case it sounds like a preoccupation with food/eating.
It's not that you enjoy what you're eating or the taste of food, it's that you're focused on the next meal so you don't dwell on any pain or uncertainty you feel. Our minds are great at protecting us from "trauma" this way (and trauma is a big word, but even sickness is a form of trauma), but the flip side is that those mechanisms that protect can also damage if the trauma isn't processed because we're unconsciously avoiding it (by focusing on food, for example).
Don't resolve yourself to a life of unhappiness. You can overcome this and lead a healthy life-> I mean this in terms of mental health which is most important, and once resolved will bring physical health.
There are counsellors and therapists who are trained specifically to treat issues like this, though I understand not everyone is open to that idea. Writing in a journal can also help at least identify what is causing you anxiety, though personally I worry if I do things like this without a counsellor to refer back to, I will trigger more anxiety and not be able to cope.
Hope you don't me sharing my thoughts on this.
Loved your entire post, but this line in particular is so true for so many of us!
bunnyboo
VIP Member
Notes:
1. I'm working from home now, not moving around much so I don't usually feel very hungry.
2. Currently I'm intermittent fasting. I follow the 8/16 rule, so no eating before midday or after 7pm. This doesn't always go to plan lol, but I do my best!
3. I'm a vegetarian, hence the lack of meat haha
Breakfast: A cup of black tea.
Lunch (my big meal): Avocado toast with poached eggs, pasta with pesto, some hack-job bowl of ramen etc. If I'm slammed with work, I'll order some sushi or poké bowl on deliveroo.
Dinner: Sometimes lol. If I feel hungry, I'll have something like tea and toast or a bowl of rice krispies.
I have a terrible sweet tooth, so I do catch myself eating chocolate more than I probably should be! I'm also a diet coke fiend, I have 4 - 5 cans a day.
On the weekends I live on take-out food.. usually pizza or sushi lol. All the carbs. I was drinking 2 - 3 pink gin/fanta lemon concoctions on Saturday nights, but that's only because there was a cannabis shortage. My guy is back selling weed, so no more alcohol (which means no more hungover Sundays!)
1. I'm working from home now, not moving around much so I don't usually feel very hungry.
2. Currently I'm intermittent fasting. I follow the 8/16 rule, so no eating before midday or after 7pm. This doesn't always go to plan lol, but I do my best!
3. I'm a vegetarian, hence the lack of meat haha
Breakfast: A cup of black tea.
Lunch (my big meal): Avocado toast with poached eggs, pasta with pesto, some hack-job bowl of ramen etc. If I'm slammed with work, I'll order some sushi or poké bowl on deliveroo.
Dinner: Sometimes lol. If I feel hungry, I'll have something like tea and toast or a bowl of rice krispies.
I have a terrible sweet tooth, so I do catch myself eating chocolate more than I probably should be! I'm also a diet coke fiend, I have 4 - 5 cans a day.
On the weekends I live on take-out food.. usually pizza or sushi lol. All the carbs. I was drinking 2 - 3 pink gin/fanta lemon concoctions on Saturday nights, but that's only because there was a cannabis shortage. My guy is back selling weed, so no more alcohol (which means no more hungover Sundays!)
Mulholland Drive
VIP Member
Because I calorie count nearly everything, I can be the most boring person to shop with when visiting a supermarket.
I am forever looking at the nutrition details on the sides of canned and packaged food, and working out in my head if that will fit in with today's calorie intake. And if I'm not counting the calories on tins, I'm weighing everything prior to cooking.
No wonder I can never hold down a relationship for very long
I am forever looking at the nutrition details on the sides of canned and packaged food, and working out in my head if that will fit in with today's calorie intake. And if I'm not counting the calories on tins, I'm weighing everything prior to cooking.
No wonder I can never hold down a relationship for very long