It's a very long story of how we got into such a mess but here is the short version (which is still quite long
)
All my debt of £20,000 with various creditors (loans/credit cards/store accounts) was written off on medical grounds when I had to give up work five years ago due to a serious, chronic, lifelong illness.
My partner has almost £30,000 worth of debt, which is over half his annual salary, on three credit cards. None of them are on any kind of balance transfer and we are so hopelessly overcommitted, he cannot get another further credit.
We have been living beyond our means for years and I also developed a crippling spending addiction, which is barely under control even now. I am really trying though but it is HARD. Instagram has fuelled it too big time. We were trying to make inroads into his debt but getting nowhere.
Earlier this year, we had to finally admit defeat, after all his credit cards were finally pretty much maxed out, and we moved from our rented flat into a house owned by my partner's father. He's letting us live here rent free in order to sort ourselves out. We are saving well over £1,200 just on rent and my boyfriend's travel costs alone. His father has actually repaid two of the credit cards, to avoid the interest payments, and is deferring paying him back until we clear the other one ourselves (which we are doing by £1,000 a month) We are only spending what we have in our current account now.
We don't smoke, drink or take drugs. We eat out rarely and get a takeaway a couple of times a month. We are not extravagant at all really except for my compulsive spending. I also suffer from depression/anxiety/agoraphobia and my partner is effectively my carer even though he's never here as he works long, long hours. The last three years have been pretty grim and I have barely left the house. I was seriously thinking about suicide about eighteen months ago.
But it is a massive relief having a bit of breathing space every month now and we are even starting to having a bit of a life again. His parents are supportive of this and I'm told there will be "no judgement" from them about what we spend our money on. I think having had a snapshot into our lives, since living here, when they have stayed with us, has really opened their eyes to how fucking shit things have been. They told me recently they wished my partner had said something sooner so they could have helped earlier.
I have been awarded standard rate PIP (hoping this will be increased to enhanced at an upcoming tribunal) and I also have a very small pension. I am determined to do something nice for both of us every month next year and have a few things booked already. I have realised I need to have something to live for, for my mental health, and my partner needs a break from work (he is a workaholic and never takes leave unless I book something and effectively force him to) We are going to lose my Mobility car in March - hoping to win that back at tribunal - but his parents have also indicated they will help us out with that too if we don't get back on the scheme. They are not particularly demonstrative people - upper middle class, stiff upper lip types - but I honestly cannot thank them enough for what they have done for us. I realise we are VERY lucky to have had this help.
Hopefully, all being well, we will be debt free by May 2022 and I am determined not to ever get into this situation again. His father has also put some money aside to help us with a deposit for our own home but that is a long way off and I have no idea what or where we'll even be able to afford by then.
Edit: just remembered we owe his parents another £3,500 from when he changed job a couple of years ago and didn't get paid for three months due to an administration issue and they had to sub us. They haven't mentioned that though!