Getting over an ex

[RedMagnolia]

You need to write down a list of all the bad things - laziness, a skinflint, not good with your kids, sexting other women etc etc and every time you feel yourself yearning for him, read it out loud. You deserve better, you really do.

I had a horrible boyfriend once, we were together almost 3 years, and for whatever reason I forgave him for all his faults. He was crap with money, constantly in debt, he had a nasty temper and the most horrific road rage. He once got arrested for getting out of his car and punching the driver behind us. He lost his job for taking too many days off sick. He drank heavily. He didn't like me wearing make-up. He criticised my weight - I am 5ft 5 and around 9st, hardly a chubber. Why did I stay with him for so long? I'm not a stupid woman, but I think I felt I could rescue him from his bad boy ways, and he was good looking and charismatic.

The final straw came when he lost his temper with me when I refused to call his latest boss with some made up excuse as to why he wasn't going to work, and he whacked me over the head with a pewter tankard, fracturing my skull. I ended up in the same hospital where I worked and I had to stay in for observation for 3 days. During that time, something inside me changed and I never went back to him. I left everything of mine at the house we shared, and I moved in with a friend. Bizarrely though, I felt heartbroken at the time, and it took me months to get over him.

But life got better, I changed where I worked, dated some different guys, then met the man who is now my husband. I am so glad I saw the light and didn't settle for such a loser.

 

[Lovethesun]

All these stories are really helping me , I can’t thank you enough ! It’s funny how we only remember the good once they are gone . But there were lots of bad times too . I know I sound such a massive sap but I miss his voice , his smell , but it’s so good to hear it gets easier . My only fear is I’ll start feeling better then bam I hear he’s with somebody else & I’ll be back to square one . I just need to keep saying to myself , well at least he will be making his constant tit stains in her toilet

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Times a healer, it's not the worse thing in the world though you think it is right now. You will get over it, I promise.
I was in a 8 year relationship and I thought my world was ending when he left, over time you notice their bad flaws (which in your case it sounds like he kinda did have some) and that's all you will think about. Focus on yourself and try to enjoy yourself, I know it's hard to do right now.

I've since had another boyfriend, which wasn't too serious and had a 'thing' with a couple other. Did I love them? Maybe in a strange way. Was I IN love? Not at all, but I thought I was. Sometimes lust can be mistaken for love.

It's also missing going home to someone, falling asleep, date nights out or spending time together cuddles up. I miss it. But sometimes that's what you miss more than the actual person

If you ever feel down, comment on here!! There's always a thread going you can get involved with!

 

[bookworm1403]

Honestly, everything you fear when a relationship ends (him getting someone else, never forgetting him etc) are never as bad (imo) when they actually happen.

My ex was an amazing partner, and I'll always stand by that. But he was a tit ex boyfriend. He broke it off with me after 2 years quite suddenly the day before we were due to celebrate his gran's birthday in a big party away. He broke his family's hearts as well as mine and it truly was horrific. I had all the usual fears - what if he finds someone else? How will I ever cope without him? How do I not reach out? It was hell - I didn't sleep for 48 hours, had emergency sleeping pills (the stuff they give to bereaved people after a massive shock lol) and didn't eat for 9 days (bar some haribos that were bought for me on day 1 and lasted til day 9).

But he did move on first. Within a month actually. With a waitress he met at his gran's birthday meal. They'd been 'seeing' each other for 7 days before they went public and me and him still had each other on social media at this point. It was horrendous. I thought I'd never ever get over it. I hated her and I was so upset with him. I'd get this falling feeling in my stomach whenever his name was mentioned. Never thought I'd move on.

Moral of the story is - I did move on. I don't get the falling feeling anymore. I am passive towards him now, so much so we wish each other happy birthday and there's definitely no animosity. He split up with the new girlfriend after 3-ish months and is with someone new now. He sometimes shows up in a dream and there are very brief moments (usually around an anniversary or something) where he crosses my mind, but otherwise I am completely happy for both myself and him. Moving on is always associated with finding someone else etc, but honestly moving past a betrayal, a breakup is the best thing you can do. I'm so far past it I barely remember that heartbroken feeling anymore... but that may have something to do with the sleeping tablets

Sending lots of love your way. It isn't easy - but get a glass of wine, cry and sing it all out (as many times as you need - there's no shame in it) and I promise, with time, you will forget those feelings you're so afraid of having right now xx

 

[LaurieLaurie]

So what if he meets somebody new? There’s men out there that will not text other women, they will make an effort with your kids etc. Seriously... he’s no loss.

 

[Babyyoda88]

So here goes ....... Was seeing someone on & off for a year and a half & would say I did love him . Lots of things tested our relationship mainly caused by him , exes texting him , sending sexual texts to other women , could turn nasty sometimes , wasn’t particularly good with my kids , bit lazy , paid no money to help with bills although he practically lived with me ....... I could go on . It’s finally come to a definite end & although it wasn’t right , I miss him terribly , just little things like sharing a bed , hate coming home to an empty house , especially when my kids are with their dad . I miss the little texts throughout the day . I don’t want him but I can’t bare the thought of him with someone else . I’ve not eaten properly since the split & my sleeping isn’t great , just feel sick to my stomach constantly, how do I change my way of thinking , I’ve never been through a break up like this before .

I think he sounds a bit of a waste of space and even though it’s really hard now, you’ll probably end up better without him.
Sounds like what you want is a companion (as you don’t like being alone etc) and you want to be in a relationship. Doesn’t sound like that guy was the right one though.you deserve someone who is supportive and takes interest in your children. There is someone out there who’s like that and you will find him. Staying with your ex would stop you from finding that right person.
sometimes the most toxic relationships are the hardest to get over (May be)
Sending you lots of love x

 

[Lovethesun]

Your right , I let myself & my kids down letting him in my life . My kids deserve better & I’ll never let them down like this again . It’s so hard to love & hate someone at the same time . Think it’s this time of year just makes it worse aswell

 

[littlepup]

I spend my entire day checking to see if he’s online ... I need to get out of my own head

Block him, it's the only way to stop doing it in my experience

 

[Wowitsme]

Lol your ex sounds exactly like my ex, I’m so much happier without him tho. People like this just bring you down in the long run. Time is a great healer.

 

[Ohflogoff]

Sounds like you miss company, rather than him.

Always works that way with loss. We tend to remember the “best” bits or the ideal.

sadly it’s not often the case.

he sounds like a wanker and you’re better off without him.

 

[Miss98]

Oh my. This is me right now. I broke up with my boyfriend at the weekend and I can’t stop thinking about him I spend my entire day checking to see if he’s online ... I need to get out of my own head

Honestly, the best and only thing to do is block him. Then you won't be tempted to check up on him, what he's doing, when he's online etc. My friend was dead against it when I advised him to do it because the first process of blocking her was tough, but in the long run, it actually helped him to move on and stop getting tempted to reach out or mull over her.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Blocking him is definitely the way forward.

 

[Lovethesun]

Oh first thing I did was delete his number , delete all the pictures . Remove him off social media etc . I won’t check up on him either I know I wont .

Another thing aswell , I’d made him this picture book for his birthday with pictures of us & quotes we like etc , once he’d gone I turned the house upside down but he’s took it with him ? . This confused me , why would he take it ? I was convinced he would of left it behind because he’s not sentimental . Unless he just took it & binned it ! Which is what I was gonna do if I found it .

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

When we broke up he kept me on social media and posted a status about some show he was watching on the Saturday night, and the girl he went out for drinks with who was just a ''friend'' had commented on the status, they were having a little flirt and It felt like someone had just ripped my heart out but I was torturing myself, I still wouldn't delete him. I would post selfies of me smiling and looking good... post status' when I was in a bar with my mates... Even though I was heartbroken and miserable.. Nothing good comes of keeping them on social media, getting the urge to check.. its like a form of self harm, you know it will hurt but you look anyway!

Now I always tell anyone, get them blocked.. Do not put yourself through it as you will heal quicker, as the days go on he urge to look will get smaller and smaller, or one day instead of it being the first thing you want to do as you open your eyes, the urge just is not there..

The narcistic Ex I had after the long term one still makes fake profiles to see what I am up to (nearly 2.5/3years on) as I have him blocked everywhere but I have everything locked down pretty much, thats a story for a different day haha. #

Also, Don't overthink him taking the scrapbook you had made. I would question wee things like this too.. When he brought some of my stuff to me, he didn't bring it all so that made me think he still cared. Reality was he just didn't really think to pack it all up at the time... Try not to focus on that now x

 

[Gemgemgemgem]

Oh big hug.
Think of it like this. There isn't room in yours and your kids life for this useless piece of maggot. He had to go to make room for bigger and better things.

Just pity who has to have him next. He'll probably tell her the line about you being a crazy ex....

Give it a month and you'll probably recoil in horror that you let this scumbag near your kids. You deserve better. You deserve so so so much better and so do your children.

 

[Lovethesun]

Oh big hug.
Think of it like this. There isn't room in yours and your kids life for this useless piece of maggot. He had to go to make room for bigger and better things.

Just pity who has to have him next. He'll probably tell her the line about you being a crazy ex....

Give it a month and you'll probably recoil in horror that you let this scumbag near your kids. You deserve better. You deserve so so so much better and so do your children.

Thank you sweetie , I know I was thinking this , wonder what he tells the next one about me , probably all the lines I fell for . Half the time it’s them that make us psycho which he certainly did with me . He changed my personality, it hurts more when I think of my kids , it’s like I didn’t put them first . It’s a good job they couldn’t care less if they ever saw him again , just goes to show , I think kids are much better judges of character x

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Thank you sweetie , I know I was thinking this , wonder what he tells the next one about me , probably all the lines I fell for . Half the time it’s them that make us psycho which he certainly did with me . He changed my personality, it hurts more when I think of my kids , it’s like I didn’t put them first . It’s a good job they couldn’t care less if they ever saw him again , just goes to show , I think kids are much better judges of character x

I wouldn't worry what he tells any future partners, His true colours will show to them eventually too and they will soon realise he was a lying, waste of space.

 

[Lovethesun]

Oh my. This is me right now. I broke up with my boyfriend at the weekend and I can’t stop thinking about him I spend my entire day checking to see if he’s online ... I need to get out of my own head

See I go the other way & delete everything , try to pretend he doesn’t exist .

 

[LucilleBluth]

I feel ya! The conflicting feelings are the worst part of this! Our brains are crazy things.

I know full well that my ex was bad for me and can list several reasons why. I have a realistic view of him now, the rose tint has faded. I don’t put him on a pedestal any more. I don’t want to see him ever again or be in touch with him.

But the thought of him with someone else, loving someone else more than he loved me, still makes my heart lurch. Isn’t it weird?!

 

[RedMagnolia]

Kids are definitely good judges of character. Hold your head high, delete this loser from every social media platform and start being kind to yourself. Get the real you back. 2021 will be a good year.