He’s coming across as a young lad. Too young for the intensity. They are at different stages.
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I’ve been the person that’s ‘blew hot and cold’ and wanted to leave a relationship but got stopped by the other person. We love them to death but dealing with their issues breaks our hearts and makes us feel like we can’t do it anymore. We aren’t villains, we’re torn between loving them and knowing these problems don’t work. Let him go because each time we love you that little bit less.
I agree lovely. You can't fix someone. They have to fix themselves. There's a saying. Don't chase the butterfly. Fix your garden and the butterflies will come. We all want the rainbow to come that would be lovely but in between we have to dust ourselves off and live a good life and accept whatever comes our way and more important, learn to live by yourself.Get on with living. Gotta go I'm off on a mini break. Love MrsC xxxx
mine cheated and got their ex pregnant- just had their baby and live down the road! It has been torture to say the least
I just read your comment, and i couldnt react without writing you a little comment.
I was shocked when you said you are only 21 as you seem really mature; and you have been through such a lot and it breaks my heart that someone so young has been through all this tit.
Please dont ever blame yourself for any of this, your ex is the biggest bleeping bleep and a complete waste of space; he is a bleeping scumbag and you are well rid of him. I really hope that in 10 years time (or even 5 years time) you will be able to look back on this and see it for what it is. And you will hopefully think why the duck did i waste my time on that bleep- it may not seem like it yet, but trust me you will.
I wish you all the love and happiness, and i have no doubt that when the time is right you will meet a man, or men who are respectful, would never use your health issues against you, and that are decent humans. xxx
I hope you don't mind me chiming in with my own tale of woe...and wondering when time is going to get around to healing things! I was with a guy for about four years and he left me for someone else over five years ago. He actually broke up with me by text at first, I pushed for a phone call and he told me he'd met someone else, she was amazing and that was that. He suggested trying to stay friends and I said no as my heart was literally broken - he told me to bin anything he'd left at mine and wished me good luck. I got busy with 'no contact' and it was a really rough few months for me as we'd been incredibly close and his absence was everywhere. In the years since he's reached out a couple of times, culminating in a declaration of his undying love for me a couple of years ago, she meant nothing, I was what he wanted etc. etc. Needless to say I didn't give in, and when he didn't get the answer he wanted he spewed a few expletives at me and that was that (all of this was in call/text, I've never seen him in person since before he broke up with me). Since the breakup I've dated here and there but nothing has stuck, and this guy is in my mind most days. Not in a 'I want him back' kinda way, more a 'how could he do what he did to me' kind of way. We don't really have any shared friends anymore so I don't know what happened to him after...or rather I didn't until I googled him today.
Do not google them! It turns out he's still with the woman he left me for, and I can't explain how that makes me feel. I had hoped karma would catch up to him and he'd get his so to speak...but no, they're still together all these years later. Rationally I know he's no loss to me and I've seen the lengths he will go to to hurt me. So why am I still stuck thinking about what happened, what he did?! Will I ever be free of him? I'm almost mad at myself for not being able to fully get over him, all these years later. I don't think he's the one that got away....at least I hope not. When does this get better? xx
Do not google them! It turns out he's still with the woman he left me for, and I can't explain how that makes me feel. I had hoped karma would catch up to him and he'd get his so to speak...but no, they're still together all these years later. Rationally I know he's no loss to me and I've seen the lengths he will go to to hurt me. So why am I still stuck thinking about what happened, what he did?! Will I ever be free of him? I'm almost mad at myself for not being able to fully get over him, all these years later. I don't think he's the one that got away....at least I hope not. When does this get better? xx
Honestly, sounds like the guy’s an absolute hole… which can make you think ‘how did I not see it, why did I waste my time?’ And lots of other self doubting things but the sooner you can see that the problem was his and not you, the sooner you can be free of the legacy of that relationship.
I may have totally missed the mark so apologies if this is wrong but It sounds like you’re fixating on this guy as a symbol of your own feelings rather than any interest in him himself. I’m no psychologist but it seems like there’s a lot tied into that relationship and how it broke down in terms of feelings of inadequacy, questioning your own actions, comparisons, wondering if you’re unworthy due to how he ended it etc
Like the guy is inconsequential but you’d really benefit from tackling the bigger emotions and how he’s made you feel.
I don’t know where you start tbh with healing from how someone has made you feel but I guess recognising it is a good first step.
I can relate to this so much. I dated a guy for almost 6 years and found out he’d got engaged to a girl whilst with me. I’ll admit I kept tab, they got married and 5+ years on they still appear to be married. He’d begged me to stay. Similar to you, it was never in an “I miss you” way or that I wanted him back. But him being in my head was frustrating. It wasn’t until I started therapy when I realised it was mostly just pure rage. I was waiting for karma, for some kind of retribution. I felt like he’d completely ruined me, that I’d never trust again. Once I realised it was anger and could express it I found it much easier to move on and not spend my energy waiting for him to get his comeuppance. So I guess my advice is talk about it- as much as you want and keep talking about it. Work out the emotions and feel them.
Hi everyone. My partner of 12 years and father of my daughter told me he didn't love me last week after a rough patch. He did the same last year and the year before but came back after a few months both times. This time he won't even speak to me there is no going back he says, he doesn't love me, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and that's that. It's always been a bit toxic, we don't have an awful lot in common anymore, we barely spend any time together and any try on my part to push for more time / commitment / progression has always been met with a no so I've gradually grown very resentful of him and had thought of ending the relationship myself more and more over the last few months, I haven't been happy for ages. He also has a real problem communicating with me, he let's things fester and then it all comes out at once and he ends it like this when he says he's fallen out of love with me and isn't happy. Thing is I've taken it really badly, we had a brief chat and he blamed me for the unhappiness, I was crying and shaking and hadn't eaten for days and he was so cold and just shouted at me that it was my fault and listed every way I'd made the relationship unhappy. It was a rough patch but I had no idea he was ready to end it. I can see it is an unhappy and broken relationship and that we had drifted apart but I'm absolutely devastated now. All I can think of is our memories and life together and I'm broken, I've cried for two full days now, I've begged him to reconcider, told him I'll fix me, fix anything but he won't budge, I feel helpless, I said I didn't want to live without him and told me to drive to the hospital and they will help me and went offline (I'm not suicidal I love my kids too much!). I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I've lost my dignity and pride, I'm so embarrassed but my heart aches for him now he's gone 
. I don't know what to do. Sorry if it's a jumble of words, I'm really struggling rn, not just with the pain but also why I'm feeling so much pain when I know the relationship doesn't work.
. I don't know what to do. Sorry if it's a jumble of words, I'm really struggling rn, not just with the pain but also why I'm feeling so much pain when I know the relationship doesn't work.Really relate to some things you’ve said here.Hi everyone. My partner of 12 years and father of my daughter told me he didn't love me last week after a rough patch. He did the same last year and the year before but came back after a few months both times. This time he won't even speak to me there is no going back he says, he doesn't love me, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and that's that. It's always been a bit toxic, we don't have an awful lot in common anymore, we barely spend any time together and any try on my part to push for more time / commitment / progression has always been met with a no so I've gradually grown very resentful of him and had thought of ending the relationship myself more and more over the last few months, I haven't been happy for ages. He also has a real problem communicating with me, he let's things fester and then it all comes out at once and he ends it like this when he says he's fallen out of love with me and isn't happy. Thing is I've taken it really badly, we had a brief chat and he blamed me for the unhappiness, I was crying and shaking and hadn't eaten for days and he was so cold and just shouted at me that it was my fault and listed every way I'd made the relationship unhappy. It was a rough patch but I had no idea he was ready to end it. I can see it is an unhappy and broken relationship and that we had drifted apart but I'm absolutely devastated now. All I can think of is our memories and life together and I'm broken, I've cried for two full days now, I've begged him to reconcider, told him I'll fix me, fix anything but he won't budge, I feel helpless, I said I didn't want to live without him and told me to drive to the hospital and they will help me and went offline (I'm not suicidal I love my kids too much!). I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I've lost my dignity and pride, I'm so embarrassed but my heart aches for him now he's gone
I honestly recommend paying for some counselling or see if you can get some on the NHS depending on your area. I went through a horrible break up after a much shorter, toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and honestly didn’t think I was/wanted to live through it. I loved him so much I had lost myself completely. I couldn’t accept it was over. I was in university at the time and dragged my broken self to the counsellor as I didn’t know what to do, where to go or how to go on. She taught me that everyone deserves to be happy in a relationship. It should be much more good than bad. Everyone has ups and downs but no one should ever feel anything less than total love and acceptance from a partner. It sounds like your partner is not supplying any of that to you and you have to learn that it’s what you deserve. It was the hardest thing I ever did but when you start to see the problem isn’t with you and some of these situations are textbook cases of toxic partners that others have been through, life becomes much clearer.
Thank you so much for your reply. It just helps knowing others have been through similar, I was thinking I was going crazy. Its so lonely. Yes I'll definitely look into councelling, I'm holding so much anger for him and for the situation, I don't know how to let it go, it's so not like me so councelling is a good idea. I can totally relate to needing to understand I deserve better, I know that in my heart but right now I can't get past losing him, perhaps it's just something I need to be sad about until the emotions pass, its only been a week so far. Thanks again for your reply, it's really helped x
When I split with my ex I knew it was for the Best but I felt like didn’t know how to breathe without him, it physically hurt in my chest. So much of my identity was as part of that couple. I realise now is that you’re not just getting over the person, in fact that’s the easy part when it’s not right. You go from a stable place to the rug being ripped out from under you and your whole world and future changing. It’s a massive adjustment.Hi everyone. My partner of 12 years and father of my daughter told me he didn't love me last week after a rough patch. He did the same last year and the year before but came back after a few months both times. This time he won't even speak to me there is no going back he says, he doesn't love me, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and that's that. It's always been a bit toxic, we don't have an awful lot in common anymore, we barely spend any time together and any try on my part to push for more time / commitment / progression has always been met with a no so I've gradually grown very resentful of him and had thought of ending the relationship myself more and more over the last few months, I haven't been happy for ages. He also has a real problem communicating with me, he let's things fester and then it all comes out at once and he ends it like this when he says he's fallen out of love with me and isn't happy. Thing is I've taken it really badly, we had a brief chat and he blamed me for the unhappiness, I was crying and shaking and hadn't eaten for days and he was so cold and just shouted at me that it was my fault and listed every way I'd made the relationship unhappy. It was a rough patch but I had no idea he was ready to end it. I can see it is an unhappy and broken relationship and that we had drifted apart but I'm absolutely devastated now. All I can think of is our memories and life together and I'm broken, I've cried for two full days now, I've begged him to reconcider, told him I'll fix me, fix anything but he won't budge, I feel helpless, I said I didn't want to live without him and told me to drive to the hospital and they will help me and went offline (I'm not suicidal I love my kids too much!). I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I've lost my dignity and pride, I'm so embarrassed but my heart aches for him now he's gone
For me it was grieving what we were & what I thought we might be, losing the future I pictured, questioning why it didn’t work, is there something wrong with me, why do others make it work and we can’t? If I’d done differently, would it have worked? Was I not good enough, did I not deserve it?
Reminiscing about the really good times and grieving the fact that they won’t happen again, realising that part of my life is over.
Who am I if not so-and-so’s partner, how do I be single, how I you explain to people? Have I failed?
Resenting wasting my time, (for me wasting my fertility), maybe my youth & ‘looks’, my ‘prime’, being angry at giving so much of my life and energy to a situation that’s come to nothing.
Being scared of how to be with someone else, how to go about finding someone else, knowing if I even want someone else, what will be wrong with the next one, will I be ‘damaged’ from this relationship and struggle into the next….
All this tit so much more, that really want anything about actually missing my ex himself. I’m sure you situation will be different but equally as mind-bleeping, I just list my thoughts so you know you’re not alone and you might identify with some. It’s not surprising that we go through hell after a breakup but realising what you’re missing, if it’s him or the comfort of him and what he represented might help.
Something better is out there for you and I hope you can quickly get to the point of being excited about that and avoid any self-destruction.