Funny/odd phrases

[Marcinabolan]

I can’t find an existing thread for something like this, although I could swear that I saw one months ago!

Have you got any funny/odd/strange phrases that you’ve heard people use?
I’ve heard a few lately that made me laugh and had to share!

“If brains were gunpowder, he wouldn’t have enough to part his hair.”

“He’s 5 cans short of a six pack.”

“He was acting like Barry Big Lips on the phone.”

“When I made my first chapatti it looked like Superman’s underpants.”

Does anyone else have any daft comments that have made them laugh recently?

 

[Romy]

"Christ on a bike" makes me chuckle. (English is not my language).

 

[Lord Voldemort]

"He couldn't run a bath let alone a business!"

 

[mirrormirror20]

If you burn your arse on the fire you’ll sit on the blisters

 

[Millennial Pink]

"He's about as useful as a fart in a jam jar"

 

[Rosie glow]

My dear old nan always used to say to me and my mum if we were arguing
"You will never solve it as long as you have a hole in your arse"

My grandads fave saying was (if someone farted)
"Merryest are the lips that speaketh without the tongue"

 

[abelleza]

‘Built like a brick shithouse’ will always be my favourite.

 

[Marcinabolan]

Heard another one at work today 'Talk about taking your eyeballs out and coming back for the sockets.'

 

[Hollie Day]

One I heard a few years ago at work 'He's about as useful as the 'g' in Lasagne'.
I know its a bit old now but it made me laugh at the time.

Also, not a funny phrase as such but I was listening to eminem yesterday and my four year old made me laugh when he said 'That noise is breaking my ears'

 

[Ineedmorecoffee]

When you can see a storm is coming: ‘It’s black over Bills mothers’

When you hear a piece of shocking news: ‘Well, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs!’

My favourite from round where I live. If you say something and someone thinks what you’ve said is crazy, they’ll look at you ‘gone out’. For example ‘I said to him, I thought Donald Trump was brilliant as president. He looked at me gone out!’

 

[Bob93]

The late Sean Lock describing then BNP leader Nick Griffin “He’s got one eye going down to the shop, and the other one coming back with the change”

 

[Potatopotaato]

You'll have to get up earlier to catch me out made me chuckle this week!

 

[Rockin' Robin]

One of my favourites is it is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

 

[Happy Lady]

One of my favourites is it is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Similarly - They're as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Well, you could knock me down with a feather.

 

[Rosie glow]

My husbands favourite saying is

"They have a face like a bulldog liking piss off a thistle"

 

[Dolphingal]

This isn't a phrase but my god, I've nearly wet myself laughing at this The main answer to that question has had me in stitches!!!!

Have you ever had a boyfriend that was good looking, confident, attractive but whenever you're in bed, has a horrible butt smell? Is that...

Answer (1 of 9): It can't be, it's wrong on so many levels! I'm so sorry for you & his behind stench. Maybe he just sweats a lot, doesn't bathe enough or wipe well & maybe if you're intimate with him then you're in the position to say, “Look, you're so special to me, I don't want to be without yo...

www.quora.com

 

[Sibz]

Face like a slapped arse an oldie but a goodie

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Scousers often say “See you after.” ( translates as as “See you soon.” or “See you later.”)

Whenever I hear someone say it I want to shout “See you after WHAT??” Eh? Finish your sentence you twit. I know; my anger on this matter is entirely irrational!

I feel better for getting that off my chest; sorry scousers

 

[emerald]

Face like a slapped arse an oldie but a goodie

My favourite too.

"Fell/went down like a sack of tit."

 

[hehehe]

Face like a Manchester morgue

As useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop

Can start a fight in an empty room

Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

As thick as two short planks