Funny/odd phrases

[Rosie glow]

My dear old nan always used to say to me and my mum if we were arguing
"You will never solve it as long as you have a hole in your arse"

My grandads fave saying was (if someone farted)
"Merryest are the lips that speaketh without the tongue"

 

[abelleza]

‘Built like a brick shithouse’ will always be my favourite.

 

[Millennial Pink]

"He's about as useful as a fart in a jam jar"

 

[Bob93]

The late Sean Lock describing then BNP leader Nick Griffin “He’s got one eye going down to the shop, and the other one coming back with the change”

 

[Sibz]

Face like a slapped arse an oldie but a goodie

 

[Marcinabolan]

Heard another one at work today 'Talk about taking your eyeballs out and coming back for the sockets.'

 

[prozacprincess]

‘Thick as mince’ is a favourite of mine

 

[Romy]

"Christ on a bike" makes me chuckle. (English is not my language).

 

[Rosie glow]

‘Thick as mince’ is a favourite of mine

It's always thick as pig shit in our house

 

[Gloria Rostron]

Can you imagine what it's going to be like when Generation Zers graduate university and become doctors & consultants. "I'm like so sorry Mrs Holdthorne, your husband like died. We like tried our best to be fair. We like need to take him to the morgue, do you like wanna see him before we do?"

 

[Lord Voldemort]

"He couldn't run a bath let alone a business!"

 

[Dolphingal]

This isn't a phrase but my god, I've nearly wet myself laughing at this The main answer to that question has had me in stitches!!!!

Have you ever had a boyfriend that was good looking, confident, attractive but whenever you're in bed, has a horrible butt smell? Is that...

Answer (1 of 9): It can't be, it's wrong on so many levels! I'm so sorry for you & his behind stench. Maybe he just sweats a lot, doesn't bathe enough or wipe well & maybe if you're intimate with him then you're in the position to say, “Look, you're so special to me, I don't want to be without yo...

www.quora.com

 

[Happy Lady]

One of my favourites is it is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Similarly - They're as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Well, you could knock me down with a feather.

 

[emerald]

Face like a slapped arse an oldie but a goodie

My favourite too.

"Fell/went down like a sack of shit."

 

[mirrormirror20]

If you burn your arse on the fire you’ll sit on the blisters

 

[Hollie Day]

One I heard a few years ago at work 'He's about as useful as the 'g' in Lasagne'.
I know its a bit old now but it made me laugh at the time.

Also, not a funny phrase as such but I was listening to eminem yesterday and my four year old made me laugh when he said 'That noise is breaking my ears'

 

[hehehe]

Face like a Manchester morgue

As useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop

Can start a fight in an empty room

Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

As thick as two short planks

 

[Rosie glow]

My husbands favourite saying is

"They have a face like a bulldog liking piss off a thistle"

 

[Ineedmorecoffee]

When you can see a storm is coming: ‘It’s black over Bills mothers’

When you hear a piece of shocking news: ‘Well, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs!’

My favourite from round where I live. If you say something and someone thinks what you’ve said is crazy, they’ll look at you ‘gone out’. For example ‘I said to him, I thought Donald Trump was brilliant as president. He looked at me gone out!’

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Scousers often say “See you after.” ( translates as as “See you soon.” or “See you later.”)

Whenever I hear someone say it I want to shout “See you after WHAT??” Eh? Finish your sentence you twat. I know; my anger on this matter is entirely irrational!

I feel better for getting that off my chest; sorry scousers