Funny childhood stories

[bolimepipi]

just today i answered a question on another thread and remembered that as a child i wanted to be a stripper, because i saw one on tv, she was wearing a golden bra and panties and i was hypnotized, i told my mom i want to do what this lady is doing when i grow up my dad commented something about it probably being a good decision and today i agree with him, i kinda wish i'd gone down that path

i also hated that i had to hold people's hands when walking. once i was walking with my grandma around a kind of foresty-mountainy area and i was picking flowers. when we got closer to the road, i had to give her my hand. so i dropped the flowers on purpose so that she'd have to pick them up for me and leave my hand, and then i started running away from her while turning around and laughing at her trying to catch me she still mentions this today and how scared she was, poor nan

i'd love to hear funny childhood stories about you that your family always retells, i have so many, but let's leave it at this for now

 

[Anon_Miss]

I had not long started primary school, I was told i had to playing Mary in the Christmas play and I had this doll which I was meant to gently place in the crib..
Yeah that didn't happen. I threw the doll down and the head popped off and rolled away.
I didn't see the big deal but apparently that isn't how you do it.

That even makes me giggle now when I think of it.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I used to want to be a stripper too

 

[Anasnake]

Projectile vomiting in church, I was 7 and on brownie church parade. The girl in front wasn’t best pleased.

 

[SavvyBee]

My uncle took me on a train journey once, he bought me some sweets and said I could have them once we were on the train. I was around 4-5 and had been in the playground and somehow picked up that “have sex” meant giving someone a cuddle. We get on the train and I ask if I could have my sweets yet. My uncle said no because we were stood up, and he said once we got to the next stop people would get off, we could sit down and then I’d be able to open my sweets. Being a little madam, I loudly declared that if he didn’t let me have my sweets I wouldn’t let him have sex with me (ie, I wouldn’t give him a cuddle). He said the entire carriage looked like they wanted to lynch him and he wanted to die then and there. It was only when we got to our destination he had my Mum ask me what I’d meant and they figured out what I’d learned in the playground!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I was a nightmare child not bad naughty but just had my own mind and always did what I was not supposed to.
Somebody left a ladder next to the house when I was 3 and I climbed on the roof.
I used to hate people talking to me like I was little (just because your small don’t make you stupid) and I used to embarrass my mum no end when I would give people sarky comments when they asked me what I considered stupid questions

 

[drewydrop]

A couple of weeks ago my mum was telling me that my 6yr old niece could go to school in either a Christmas jumper or something sparkly. My niece opted for something sparkly although every other kid wore a Christmas jumper and my niece was really upset. Cue my mum’s well your sister should’ve took a Christmas jumper just in case blah blah blan. I said mum, do you not remember when I was in reception and my sister was in the junior school that you got us dressed up for fancy dress day, only to discover that it was for the junior school only and I spent the day dressed as a clown amongst everyone in school uniform She conveniently couldn’t remember that (was well over 30yrs ago now).

Another story, a very windy day in 1984, dad took me and my sister to the park to fly a kite. My sister was 6, I was 1 and strapped in a buggy. Dad didn’t put the brake on the buggy and I ended up face down in the pond, dad had no idea until people started shouting at him and he had to jump in to pull me out, had to walk home soaking wet with my sister crying as she wanted to fly her kite

 

[Monkeybum]

I was a strange child so I'm sure I'll revisit this thread a lot.

One that always makes me cry laughing when I tell people is my favourite Teddy bear was called Little Ted (playschool era). But I also had a second name for him.... Prince Edward. Who the duck names their toy after a Prince and Edward at that Mum says they used to try and get me to stick to little ted but I'd proudly introduce him as Prince Edward

A couple of weeks ago my mum was telling me that my 6yr old niece could go to school in either a Christmas jumper or something sparkly. My niece opted for something sparkly although every other kid wore a Christmas jumper and my niece was really upset. Cue my mum’s well your sister should’ve took a Christmas jumper just in case blah blah blan. I said mum, do you not remember when I was in reception and my sister was in the junior school that you got us dressed up for fancy dress day, only to discover that it was for the junior school only and I spent the day dressed as a clown amongst everyone in school uniform She conveniently couldn’t remember that (was well over 30yrs ago now).

Another story, a very windy day in 1984, dad took me and my sister to the park to fly a kite. My sister was 6, I was 1 and strapped in a buggy. Dad didn’t put the brake on the buggy and I ended up face down in the pond, dad had no idea until people started shouting at him and he had to jump in to pull me out, had to walk home soaking wet with my sister crying as she wanted to fly her kite

My cousins once went to a nye party at a bowling alley in fancy dress except the fancy dress part got cancelled because of icy weather. Noone told them, my cousins husband was one of those sit on emu things. Always makes me laugh thinking of him there amongst normal dressed people

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I used to love picking on my younger sister when I was in my early teens.

For example before she went to school of a morning I would replace some of her text & exercise books with comics or newspapers in her school satchel.

Or I would tie the laces of her PE shoes together into a knot and stuff them in her changing bag.

And on one other occasion I replaced a couple of apples from her lunch box with a couple of imitation plastic ones

Lots of laughs at her expense, but she soon got her revenge....but that's for another thread, lol

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I used to want to be a stripper too

I was 15 when Goldeneye was released, and I wanted to be a Bond girl. Pierce Brosnan was hot at the time. Goldeneye is still my favourite Bond film.

 

[Kim Mild]

I was really into style and beauty products/ make up from about the age of 10. I used to play 'clothes show ' and dress up or pretend I was writing reviews for magazines with my mum's face cream.

It actually reminds me of how influencers go on on Instagram . Thank duck there wasn't any social media back in those days.

 

[openbook1]

My uncle took me on a train journey once, he bought me some sweets and said I could have them once we were on the train. I was around 4-5 and had been in the playground and somehow picked up that “have sex” meant giving someone a cuddle. We get on the train and I ask if I could have my sweets yet. My uncle said no because we were stood up, and he said once we got to the next stop people would get off, we could sit down and then I’d be able to open my sweets. Being a little madam, I loudly declared that if he didn’t let me have my sweets I wouldn’t let him have sex with me (ie, I wouldn’t give him a cuddle). He said the entire carriage looked like they wanted to lynch him and he wanted to die then and there. It was only when we got to our destination he had my Mum ask me what I’d meant and they figured out what I’d learned in the playground!

Howling. Oh my God. If this was today your poor uncle probably would have been arrested.

I was about 5 years old and a friend came over. She had lovely curly hair. She told me she wanted a haircut...so what did I do? I cut it into an uneven BOB. I don't know how her mum wasn't livid at me. I'm sure she was secretly seething.

 

[Pinkblush]

This isn't a funny story as such and any parent will probably shudder reading this.
In the days before health and safety and helicopter parenting, when kids could climb trees and lauch themselves three foot in the air off home made bike ramps, I climbed up on to the shed roof which was a concrete structure with a flat roof.
I was 7 years old at the time and I'd set all my cindy type dolls out in a row to read them a story. It was in the days when all the kids were allowed to play out without parental supervision so when everyone got called in for dinner I didn't show because I'd fallen asleep on the roof. My dad drove round the streets and knocked on the doors of the kids I played with. There was no sign of me. He returned home frantic and called the police. By this time it was getting to dusk. The police were driving round the streets and because we lived near an army barracks at the time they got soldiers out to search the local heath and woods. A doctor had to be called to sedate my mum because because she was such a mess. I eventually woke up, climbed down and walked in the back door. I can't even formulate into words what the reaction was when everyone saw me. I was really confused by it all. My mum collapsed hugging me so tightly that it hurt and then to add further confusion she started screaming at me and shaking me. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. The police family liaison officer had to pull my mum off me because she was shaking me so hard with rage . Also it caused a lot of embarrassment for my parents that I was so close by and the police and army had wasted their time even though they were delighted I was found.

 

[LittleMy]

Back in the 90’s my little brother and I (only 2 years between us) embarrassed the tit out of our mum by singing the tune to the Bodyform advert at the top of our lungs on a packed bus. Obviously we had no idea what it meant because we were so young. Still makes us laugh to this day.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

This isn't a funny story as such and any parent will probably shudder reading this.
In the days before health and safety and helicopter parenting, when kids could climb trees and lauch themselves three foot in the air off home made bike ramps, I climbed up on to the shed roof which was a concrete structure with a flat roof.
I was 7 years old at the time and I'd set all my cindy type dolls out in a row to read them a story. It was in the days when all the kids were allowed to play out without parental supervision so when everyone got called in for dinner I didn't show because I'd fallen asleep on the roof. My dad drove round the streets and knocked on the doors of the kids I played with. There was no sign of me. He returned home frantic and called the police. By this time it was getting to dusk. The police were driving round the streets and because we lived near an army barracks at the time they got soldiers out to search the local heath and woods. A doctor had to be called to sedate my mum because because she was such a mess. I eventually woke up, climbed down and walked in the back door. I can't even formulate into words what the reaction was when everyone saw me. I was really confused by it all. My mum collapsed hugging me so tightly that it hurt and then to add further confusion she started screaming at me and shaking me. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. The police family liaison officer had to pull my mum off me because she was shaking me so hard with rage . Also it caused a lot of embarrassment for my parents that I was so close by and the police and army had wasted their time even though they were delighted I was found.

This is one of thr best stories I’ve ever heard I can just imagine your mum shaking the life out of you!

 

[HockyRorror]

Back in the 90’s my little brother and I (only 2 years between us) embarrassed the tit out of our mum by singing the tune to the Bodyform advert at the top of our lungs on a packed bus. Obviously we had no idea what it meant because we were so young. Still makes us laugh to this day.

To be fair, that’s really catchy! I’m gonna have it in my head all day now.

When I was younger it was my ambition to be a weatherman when I grew up. I have no idea why. I used to draw the map of the country on giant sheets of paper and then drew different symbols on it like the sun, clouds and rain. Then when the weather reports used to come on TV I would stick my map on the wall with blu tack and present the weather to my family

 

[Babyyoda88]

I was an odd bod of a child.

I use to record “shows” on cassette tapes mainly of my budgie who was called Noel, so I would have the Noel Show. The “show” consisted of me singing the song the First Noel to the budgie and then repeating “ding your bell Noel” to the budgie (which it never would). I’d then force my family to listen to the “show”.

I would write musicals and invite the whole family to come and watch it, including intervals and programs.

I had a PC game called Dogz 3 which I was obsessed with and had a little dog family. On a Monday I’d write a fact revision book of the dogz for my nan and she’d have to revise it for the week and on a Friday she’d have a test on how well she knew the dogz (she was a good sporty of love her)

I played the violin but I hated it so much I’d always hide so I didn’t have to go to my violin lessons and spend the violin money on sweets. My mum was furious when she ended up with a huge violin bill and the end of the term.

The only part of my ballet lessons I enjoyed was when we played the “animal game” at the end of a lesson (nothing to do with ballet, a total time killer) when it was my turn to be an animal I would be the beast from beauty and the beast every time. No wonder I made no friends in ballet.

Yeah very very bizarre.

 

[Monkeybum]

One day my Nan was looking after me and my cousin at my Aunties house, this was a complete one off which might be because of this

Me and my cousin were playing in the garden and decided it would be a great game to launch piles of mud at the neighbours windows with tennis racquets (as an adult this completely freaks me out)
We were really getting into it, cheering when we got a hit. Obviously the neighbour wasn't impressed and came round to tell us off. I remember us still laughing hysterically watching her try to clean the windows

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My sister and I are twins and she was always the one who got up to things. I remember her deliberately setting off someone's car alarm; saying "bloody hell, this meat's as tough as old boots!" in the middle of a big family dinner; and going through a stage of addressing everyone as "Mister" which annoyed our mum. We're not identical so we regretted we couldn't pull off "twin switches", although we managed it a few times on the phone or by confusing people as to which was which

Another time, our family was visiting and we, along with our cousin had done something to upset Granny (I don't remember what.) She was very cross and said we were all to stay in my and my sister's room and not come out. I needed the toilet, so I decided to climb out onto the roof and try to pee off it - yes, the neighbours saw and yes, the grown-ups were furious. My sister pointed out afterwards that I would have been allowed out to go to the bathroom

When we were 12 or so, our mum married our then-stepfather and we moved in with him. He lived in a small town whose economy ran off a local company's factory - let's pretend it made biscuits. Mum was sick of us moping around during the summer holidays so she gave us money and told us to do the factory's tour and have afternoon tea there. We couldn't think of anything more boring so we went to the corner shop, bought a packet of the company's biscuits as "proof" we'd been to the factory, and then used the money for a trip into the nearest big town by ourselves which she would never have allowed us to do. We never got caught

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My sister and I are twins and she was always the one who got up to things. I remember her deliberately setting off someone's car alarm; saying "bloody hell, this meat's as tough as old boots!" in the middle of a big family dinner; and going through a stage of addressing everyone as "Mister" which annoyed our mum. We're not identical so we regretted we couldn't pull off "twin switches", although we managed it a few times on the phone or by confusing people as to which was which

My brother used to go out with an identical twin. They weren't together too long when one night he accidently slapped the wrong twins arse. Fortunately for him she had a sense of humour!
They were really impressed by the fact that I could always tell them apart, even by their voices, but I know three sets of identical twins and there's always a slight difference somewhere.

After my brother and his girlfriend split up, he then went out with an identical triplet!