FeelingPrawny
Active member
I'm going to take some time out from posting on here. my partner has decided to end the relationship via text and I'm heartbroken.
- Notice
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
Re the kids, I’ve had the same thing before... I kind of left it with another (ex bfs) family member to tell the child that I still really cared for them, and then once things had cooled down a bit I was able to maintain a relationship with them that has lasted many years. We’re still in contact regularly now, without me ever having to deal with the dad (apart from the odd special occasion). Not sure how helpful that is, but I know how heartbreaking it is to love someone else’s child and feel like they’ll wonder where you are. I always tell my children, when they’re getting all existential, that love doesn’t go anywhere. If love has been given and received, even if that person isn’t around anymore, the love still exists.
Flumps
VIP Member
Ooo, we need a new thread. This is quite good because I can put my whinging here and maybe it will disappear quite quickly. Sorry, I have nowhere else that feels safe enough to get this out.
Sorry everyone. I don't have a place for any of that and I am really, really struggling to be the things I am supposed to be and not scream at people. It is like my truth and my history and my experience is being erased. I am sure I am being very selfish, and sorry for bringing it here, but you are all v sensible people and as daft as it is, I feel safe to say it here.
I am trying to be supportive of all the people who need supporting after my ex-husband's death. This is not about my daughter - she is 15 and he was her dad and I am prepared for the rewriting of history that I think is temporarily necessary and completely understandable.
But if I have to go on social media and read one more thing about how he was a 'character' but basically a decent bloke I may explode. He was not. He was cruel and drunk and unkind about ALL OF THE PEOPLE currently being sad on their feeds about him being gone. I will never ever open my mouth to tell anyone this in RL, but EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON, especially in his family, who is currently feeling like shit because he selfishly drank himself to death, he would slag off to me all the time when we were married. He did not 'love his family', he was not 'supportive of you' in your time of need - I talked him in to behaving like a decent human being for 5 fucking minutes because that was the right thing to do. He was selfish and mean and abusive and felt that his life had been ruined by events that had happened when he was young and he blamed you all for it and looked down on you all. I do not think you deserved any of that. I love you all, but he fucking did not.
Oh, also, special mention to his ex-girlfriend from his teens who he got back together with for a bit after we split. If you are going to spend a weekend afternoon on Facebook posting maudlin (and I assume alcohol assisted) posts about your precious memories of a wonderful man, here are my thoughts...
1. Cognitive dissonance much. I can remember the long conversations I had with you after you split up because he was just as much of a cunt to you as he was to me. And, you know, all the fucking grim cider drinking. And the stalking you. And the emotional manipulation.
2. If you really have to do it, please don't fucking tag my 15 year old daughter in your posts while you are. She doesn't need to see your grief or sad little remembrances of when you were young and stupid. She is not part of your process, she did fucking mind, and you fucked her evening up and made her feel like you fucking ambushed her grief. Grow the fuck up.
But if I have to go on social media and read one more thing about how he was a 'character' but basically a decent bloke I may explode. He was not. He was cruel and drunk and unkind about ALL OF THE PEOPLE currently being sad on their feeds about him being gone. I will never ever open my mouth to tell anyone this in RL, but EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON, especially in his family, who is currently feeling like shit because he selfishly drank himself to death, he would slag off to me all the time when we were married. He did not 'love his family', he was not 'supportive of you' in your time of need - I talked him in to behaving like a decent human being for 5 fucking minutes because that was the right thing to do. He was selfish and mean and abusive and felt that his life had been ruined by events that had happened when he was young and he blamed you all for it and looked down on you all. I do not think you deserved any of that. I love you all, but he fucking did not.
Oh, also, special mention to his ex-girlfriend from his teens who he got back together with for a bit after we split. If you are going to spend a weekend afternoon on Facebook posting maudlin (and I assume alcohol assisted) posts about your precious memories of a wonderful man, here are my thoughts...
1. Cognitive dissonance much. I can remember the long conversations I had with you after you split up because he was just as much of a cunt to you as he was to me. And, you know, all the fucking grim cider drinking. And the stalking you. And the emotional manipulation.
2. If you really have to do it, please don't fucking tag my 15 year old daughter in your posts while you are. She doesn't need to see your grief or sad little remembrances of when you were young and stupid. She is not part of your process, she did fucking mind, and you fucked her evening up and made her feel like you fucking ambushed her grief. Grow the fuck up.
Sorry everyone. I don't have a place for any of that and I am really, really struggling to be the things I am supposed to be and not scream at people. It is like my truth and my history and my experience is being erased. I am sure I am being very selfish, and sorry for bringing it here, but you are all v sensible people and as daft as it is, I feel safe to say it here.
FeelingPrawny
Active member
Thank you Cabal. I think what I'm finding hard is i haven't really got anyone else around me. Honestly just can't stop crying. Plus, I'd grown close to both his kids. Especially the eldest and I don't want them thinking I've abandoned them.
Falkor
VIP Member
She must have had them just before our first morning check, the second one was still damp, but she lambs, cleaned them up and suckled both with no need for help, which is exactly what you want to happen
Navel strings have been dipped in iodine to prevent infection and I've numbered the lambs, but the ewe isn't letting me anywhere near her with a spray can - they go a bit feral when they've got lambs, especially first timers. Boy and a girl.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
They're no brownies but would anyone like a look at my shiny buns?
Only made half the batch because the first (and last) time I made hot cross buns they were dreadful (it was at least eight years ago, definitely pre-veganism). I haven't had one yet, I'm hoping they're going to be better than black crisps.
Only made half the batch because the first (and last) time I made hot cross buns they were dreadful (it was at least eight years ago, definitely pre-veganism). I haven't had one yet, I'm hoping they're going to be better than black crisps.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Does anyone else get their pets birthday presents? It's my cat's sixth birthday today (they grow up so fast ) so I got her some sushi toys from Etsy and she flippin loves them, especially the shrimp. Here she is in the middle of her massive bender, the face of a cat who's had too much catnip.
) so I got her some sushi toys from Etsy and she flippin loves them, especially the shrimp. Here she is in the middle of her massive bender, the face of a cat who's had too much catnip.
Nottonightbabe
VIP Member
Hey Fraus, just popping my head in. Haven't been around for a while, as I had a bit of a mishap. During a spell of depression recently, my sodium levels dropped so low I had seizures and landed myself on a ventilator in intensive care 
Have been keeping up with the recaps on the MT which has been keeping me entertained! Haven't managed to keep up on here as well though, I hope everyone is all good, will catch up properly with you all soon
@Falkor am especially interested to know if there's lamb news yet!
Have been keeping up with the recaps on the MT which has been keeping me entertained! Haven't managed to keep up on here as well though, I hope everyone is all good, will catch up properly with you all soon
@Falkor am especially interested to know if there's lamb news yet!
FeelingPrawny
Active member
Just got totally confused at the fact my posts got moved to the f+d thread, but I can understand why.
So it appears that he can't cope with my disability, (which mainly just affects my walking, which I manage to control quite well) which he knew fully well what he was getting into as I got poorly the first time we got together. (over 5years ago). We rekindled things again over a year ago. He hasn't told the kids by the looks of it as I've had tiktoks off the stepson. I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for him, as it isn't his fault so I've replied as I normally would.
The fact it's not even because of something I've done that he's ended it about is what hurts the most. Apparently didn't want to make it into a big argument
. No idea on that one.
It's honestly made me feel completely unlovable because of something out of my control. I only came back from his, as I had hospital appointments closer to mine and I didn't want to put pressure on him to get there. It's made me hate my disability even more that I already hated it as it took away so much.
So it appears that he can't cope with my disability, (which mainly just affects my walking, which I manage to control quite well) which he knew fully well what he was getting into as I got poorly the first time we got together. (over 5years ago). We rekindled things again over a year ago. He hasn't told the kids by the looks of it as I've had tiktoks off the stepson. I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for him, as it isn't his fault so I've replied as I normally would.
The fact it's not even because of something I've done that he's ended it about is what hurts the most. Apparently didn't want to make it into a big argument
. No idea on that one. It's honestly made me feel completely unlovable because of something out of my control. I only came back from his, as I had hospital appointments closer to mine and I didn't want to put pressure on him to get there. It's made me hate my disability even more that I already hated it as it took away so much.
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Nottonightbabe
VIP Member
I'm finally home! Also, the hospital MH team have given me a diagnosis of PMDD, with regards to my cyclic bad spells I have, they've written to my GP to advise a treatment plan and referral to gynecology services. So I might finally get some help that works this time 
.
Bloody typical that I've sat in that hospital ward looking at the gorgeous sunshine out of the window, now I'm sat at home watching it snow, FFS
. Bloody typical that I've sat in that hospital ward looking at the gorgeous sunshine out of the window, now I'm sat at home watching it snow, FFS
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
@FeelingPrawny I'm sorry you feel so awful, if it's any consolation I asked the oracle about you and while he was quite rude, he was - as usual - eerily correct.
crystaleyesd
VIP Member
Evening fraus! I hope people aren't too fragile after the latest JM chaos - hopefully this will cheer you up a little. Whist browsing the dizzying array of snacks in the Russian supermarket earlier, I saw these; I knew there was only one thing I could possibly do - put myself through potentially gastric hell for strangers on the internet.
Behold!
And later, in a more refined state (the wine is there in case these actually do as they promise and brutalise my taste buds).
WHAT ARE THEY: JUST BRUTAL, apparently. Although despite making it sound like this bag is going to offer the most furious, ferocious spice you'll ever wish you hadn't tasted, the flame-o-meter is barely over half way. This begs the question - are there BRUTALER crisps out there? Are these crisps merely 'just brutal' whereas a flavour exists somewhere in the bowels of Russia called 'I will destroy your colon'? Does Vlad keep this bag deep in his safe and only brings it out when he wants to poison someone? These are questions I fear will never be answered.
Oh right yeah, the Russian bit says 'sweet Thai pepper taste' - so, uh, Thai sweet chilli? Crisps that aren't even a little bit spicy? What a bloody let down.
TASTING NOTES: They smell like salt and vinegar pringles. I gingerly put one into my mouth. The first thing I taste is...potato. Ok fine, they're crisps. Then a musky sweetness comes in, with an undertone of vinegar. What else am I getting? Is that...paprika?! Call me old fashioned but paprika should be nowhere near a Thai crisp. Still waiting for the heat to hit. I wait. I wait some more. Oh, did I feel something there, right at the end? Not sure - I've felt breezes spicier than these things. I check the ingredients list; my Russian is shonky but I know the word for chilli (чили, funnily enough). The ingredients list is concerningly long but - but - but...it's not there. There is no chilli in these brutal chilli crisps. Crestfallen, I drink some wine to feel something.
MOUTHFEEL: I'm still mad about the complete absence of chilli in my chilli crisps, but I eat another one to check how it feels in my mouth. It's basically a pringle, but with none of that pleasing shatter of flavour and strangely moist joy that mean you indeed cannot stop once you pop. I can stop with these things any time I like. They are strangely claggy against the tongue, and the coating of spices (hah) leaves behind an unpleasant furry sensation.
AESTHETIC: Well, they're black. As to why, there seems to be zero explanation. Perhaps this is the appeal. How many unsuspecting spicy crisp lovers have been reeled in by the promise of brutality and the uniqueness of a black crisp? Is the black meant to symbolise the spiralling distress you feel as you desperately hunt for any modicum of piquancy? There's an offhand picture of a cow skull on the back, perhaps as a nod to the wild west (in, uh, Thailand). I suspect they're black because Russia really rode that charcoal trend a few years back hard - when you order a burger in Russia, chances are it'll come on a charcoal bun. Don't ask me why - summat to do with Dostoevsky probably. As for the rest of it, well, the flavouring is scattered across the plane of the crisp with abandon, looking like somebody had a good old scratch and showered dandruff everywhere.
VERDICT: What a disappointment! These aren't even the slightest bit spicy (I should have guessed, Russians are total wusses in that department), and the flavour resembles no Thai food I've ever eaten. They're a sort of sad pringle that's been rubbed with a blend of tomato and paprika powder, doused in vinegar and injected with charcoal. Brutally awful. 1/10.
Behold!
And later, in a more refined state (the wine is there in case these actually do as they promise and brutalise my taste buds).
WHAT ARE THEY: JUST BRUTAL, apparently. Although despite making it sound like this bag is going to offer the most furious, ferocious spice you'll ever wish you hadn't tasted, the flame-o-meter is barely over half way. This begs the question - are there BRUTALER crisps out there? Are these crisps merely 'just brutal' whereas a flavour exists somewhere in the bowels of Russia called 'I will destroy your colon'? Does Vlad keep this bag deep in his safe and only brings it out when he wants to poison someone? These are questions I fear will never be answered.
Oh right yeah, the Russian bit says 'sweet Thai pepper taste' - so, uh, Thai sweet chilli? Crisps that aren't even a little bit spicy? What a bloody let down.
TASTING NOTES: They smell like salt and vinegar pringles. I gingerly put one into my mouth. The first thing I taste is...potato. Ok fine, they're crisps. Then a musky sweetness comes in, with an undertone of vinegar. What else am I getting? Is that...paprika?! Call me old fashioned but paprika should be nowhere near a Thai crisp. Still waiting for the heat to hit. I wait. I wait some more. Oh, did I feel something there, right at the end? Not sure - I've felt breezes spicier than these things. I check the ingredients list; my Russian is shonky but I know the word for chilli (чили, funnily enough). The ingredients list is concerningly long but - but - but...it's not there. There is no chilli in these brutal chilli crisps. Crestfallen, I drink some wine to feel something.
MOUTHFEEL: I'm still mad about the complete absence of chilli in my chilli crisps, but I eat another one to check how it feels in my mouth. It's basically a pringle, but with none of that pleasing shatter of flavour and strangely moist joy that mean you indeed cannot stop once you pop. I can stop with these things any time I like. They are strangely claggy against the tongue, and the coating of spices (hah) leaves behind an unpleasant furry sensation.
AESTHETIC: Well, they're black. As to why, there seems to be zero explanation. Perhaps this is the appeal. How many unsuspecting spicy crisp lovers have been reeled in by the promise of brutality and the uniqueness of a black crisp? Is the black meant to symbolise the spiralling distress you feel as you desperately hunt for any modicum of piquancy? There's an offhand picture of a cow skull on the back, perhaps as a nod to the wild west (in, uh, Thailand). I suspect they're black because Russia really rode that charcoal trend a few years back hard - when you order a burger in Russia, chances are it'll come on a charcoal bun. Don't ask me why - summat to do with Dostoevsky probably. As for the rest of it, well, the flavouring is scattered across the plane of the crisp with abandon, looking like somebody had a good old scratch and showered dandruff everywhere.
VERDICT: What a disappointment! These aren't even the slightest bit spicy (I should have guessed, Russians are total wusses in that department), and the flavour resembles no Thai food I've ever eaten. They're a sort of sad pringle that's been rubbed with a blend of tomato and paprika powder, doused in vinegar and injected with charcoal. Brutally awful. 1/10.
blurstoftimes
VIP Member
Oh my dear lord I chose the wrong week to move house - I'm never going to catch up 
Hope all you mithering ninnies are well! I am absolutely over the moon in our new place and never want to leave my wonderful green kitchen ever again! We don't however have a sink yet thanks to an extremely slow carpenter making our island so all washing up is being done in the bath upstairs...on that note I would really appreciate any one pan recipes you guys would recommend? my sister lent me that roasting tin book but none of the recipes are jumping out at me after a first flip through!
here's a little close up of the kitchen so far
Hope all you mithering ninnies are well! I am absolutely over the moon in our new place and never want to leave my wonderful green kitchen ever again! We don't however have a sink yet thanks to an extremely slow carpenter making our island so all washing up is being done in the bath upstairs...on that note I would really appreciate any one pan recipes you guys would recommend? my sister lent me that roasting tin book but none of the recipes are jumping out at me after a first flip through!
here's a little close up of the kitchen so far
FeelingPrawny
Active member
Thank you all for being so kind and caring (too many to tag, otherwise I would), despite not knowing me in real life. I've truly felt completely lost today as I really believed he was my forever. (And I don't actually have that many in real life friends to cry at.) It sort of feels like I've been lead up a garden path and then just abandoned, also makes me think just how long he's felt out of love with me but not said anything..... If I was there, would he still continue to have sex with me despite seemingly not loving me. I have all these questions and absolutely no answers. I try not to let my disability get me down, but this has made me think differently. Also makes me want to know what part of it is unlovable, or is it being ashamed of me. (🔺️Despite the fact I had to relearn how to do everything again including how to walk just over 2 years ago after being completely paralysed, with right sided weakness and unable to do anything myself. Now being independent, so I've come incredibly far.) Sorry for the rant.
This made me giggle lots, so thank you @Into_the_tunnel. I love the fact you won't take no for a granola recipe answer.
This made me giggle lots, so thank you @Into_the_tunnel. I love the fact you won't take no for a granola recipe answer.
Nottonightbabe
VIP Member
Well I didn't go home yesterday 
. Bloods were spot on, but because the consultant didn't look at them I couldn't go anywhere. So I'm due bloods again this morning, and we'll see if they get looked at this time 
. So frustrating.
. Bloods were spot on, but because the consultant didn't look at them I couldn't go anywhere. So I'm due bloods again this morning, and we'll see if they get looked at this time . So frustrating.
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
I had a DM and a few tags so sorry if I worried anyone, I’ve not really been on as much lately and when I am I’m catching up on PTWM and Meldrum but thought I’d drop in and say hi & hope everyone is surviving lockdown 
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
The brownie in question:
Thinking about it, the boxing gloves should've been a dead giveaway.
Thinking about it, the boxing gloves should've been a dead giveaway.
Flumps
VIP Member
Hello loves/evil bitches. Going to pop something under a spoiler, please, please, please avoid it if you are feeling fragile or want to just carry on with nice food chat, but I am short of real life people with handy advice right now and if there is anyone here who can offer any I will be eternally grateful.
It looks like my daughter's dad may be dying. As yet, I don't know if this is imminent, medium or longer term. We are waiting for test results. He's an alcoholic of many years standing and was found a couple of days ago in a very bad way having not left his bed for, we think, a couple of weeks. After two days of trying he is now in hospital. He's yellow, has symptoms of advanced liver failure and is in a very bad way. Atm from what I hear they are doing their best to stabilise him and treat worst symptoms.
It's a complicated situation, we do not co-parent, he was abusive for many years. My daughter stopped seeing him (her choice) for about 3 years. Last year she started talking to him again and saw him once just before Christmas. At the moment he can't have visitors, apart from maybe one, which will be my elder step-child. I am trying to navigate this for my daughter as best I can, but I am feeling lost. I have told her that he is very ill and it is to do with his liver (and she knows that means drinking). I don't quite know what I'm asking really. I don't have any experience with this, both my parents are still alive, and she is so, so young to lose a parent. I want to protect her, but I also don't want to stop her getting closure. I'm not sure where the balance is at all. It is apparently v upsetting to see, my step-son was very distressed. I am hoping that there will be a chance for her to talk to her dad later this evening if stepson can get in to see him and he's in the right condition to talk. I am worried about what he might say to her, he is not good at making things bearable for people and it could go any way. But I don't want to stop her talking to him.
I'm also trying to prepare for this being possibly quite a long term thing, which I suspect would be pretty traumatic. Well, whatever, it's going to be hugely traumatic however it goes.
I just don't know how to work through this *well* IYSWIM. It's hard to lose a parent so young, but the complicated nature of the relationship is making it even trickier to navigate. He doesn't behave reasonably in good times, let alone bad ones.
It's a complicated situation, we do not co-parent, he was abusive for many years. My daughter stopped seeing him (her choice) for about 3 years. Last year she started talking to him again and saw him once just before Christmas. At the moment he can't have visitors, apart from maybe one, which will be my elder step-child. I am trying to navigate this for my daughter as best I can, but I am feeling lost. I have told her that he is very ill and it is to do with his liver (and she knows that means drinking). I don't quite know what I'm asking really. I don't have any experience with this, both my parents are still alive, and she is so, so young to lose a parent. I want to protect her, but I also don't want to stop her getting closure. I'm not sure where the balance is at all. It is apparently v upsetting to see, my step-son was very distressed. I am hoping that there will be a chance for her to talk to her dad later this evening if stepson can get in to see him and he's in the right condition to talk. I am worried about what he might say to her, he is not good at making things bearable for people and it could go any way. But I don't want to stop her talking to him.
I'm also trying to prepare for this being possibly quite a long term thing, which I suspect would be pretty traumatic. Well, whatever, it's going to be hugely traumatic however it goes.
I just don't know how to work through this *well* IYSWIM. It's hard to lose a parent so young, but the complicated nature of the relationship is making it even trickier to navigate. He doesn't behave reasonably in good times, let alone bad ones.