Thank you. Its actual hell, I'm very lucky in that I've got a very good support system. I'd honestly have lost my mind by now if it hadn't been for them.
Thank you. Its actual hell, I'm very lucky in that I've got a very good support system. I'd honestly have lost my mind by now if it hadn't been for them.
Hi, from what you've said and from my own experience, this doesn't come across as being a healthy relationship. Classic signs of isolating her by her moving away, questioning her about money, answering her phone etc. It seems you can't really have much contact with her given he seems to answer her calls and may possibly be reading her messages so unfortunately, it may be that she's in a controlling relationship.
Update: she's blocked my phone number today. I think because I asked why she can't answer her own phone the other day and took offence and said I was just "jealous and spewing negativity". Is it usual for the victim to jump to the abusers defence?
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you sure it's not him that's blocked you? It's very common, I used to defend my abuser endlessly until I refused to anymore, my parents disliked my ex but made the effort for myself and their grandson, but when I left him, I opened up about everything that went on and admitted everything. Please remember, this isn't the real her, she's either in denial mode or survival mode.Update: she's blocked my phone number today. I think because I asked why she can't answer her own phone the other day and took offence and said I was just "jealous and spewing negativity". Is it usual for the victim to jump to the abusers defence?
I don't know what to do now
Hi, I'm feeling OK thank you however I've yet to hear anything yet and he's still contacting me. So I'm hoping I'll hear something this week so we can get the ball rolling. I have major anxiety at the moment, but I know I've done the right thing. I don't think mine will take immediate effect like yours as I stated I didn't feel I was in danger.
Yeh he was making threats so I said I felt in danger. Although I mostly knew it was loose threats I just wanted him to duck off because it was relentless. You have definitely done the right thing, this whole situation needs to come to an end. Hopefully it will be peaceful and you can eventually co parent your son without having to deal with his tit x
Very common for victims to jump to abusers defence. Difficult but if you can just let her know via another means of contact that you’re here for her if she needs you without mentioning anything to do with her relationship. And even if you don’t hear back just send a message every week checking in. Sometimes people who are being abused just need time to come to you rather than you pressuring them to open up.Update: she's blocked my phone number today. I think because I asked why she can't answer her own phone the other day and took offence and said I was just "jealous and spewing negativity". Is it usual for the victim to jump to the abusers defence?
I don't know what to do now
Yeah she's blocked me on phone, instagram. Everywhere.
That's really sad however its very much the case that abuse is hidden quite often, I hid it for close to 10 years until the day I threw him out. Life has been pretty much a rollercoaster since then though with constant harassment which is why I'm at the point now of getting this order put in place. Eventually, there will be hopefully come a time where she is able to reach out to you, I actually had a similar situation, had a best friend for a very long time, more like sisters than friends, she met a man, got pregnant, and within 3 months of meeting him, she unfriended me and now we don't speak. I'm not blocked, so I sent her a message once saying I'll support her always and would be there if she needed me, that was ignored, then her mum passed away so I sent her a message and she did reply saying thank you, again we've not spoken since. We may never get that friendship back but as long as she knows your there if needed, you've done what you canYeah she's blocked me on phone, instagram. Everywhere.
We spoke a week or so ago when she had that comment about me being jealous, but I had explained sometimes you want to share things with a friend not their partner.
The comment was uncalled for, she did take it back
Then we spoke a couple days later via text about her kids, plans for the Bank Holiday etc. It had ended quite pleasant but then I tried messaging and saw I was blocked on WhatsApp so I tried going via Instagram and saw our last message was some memes and happy birthday etc. But I was also blocked there too. So I called and yup.... blocked.
As someone highlighted I can't be the one who gets her our of this. All of our mutual friends think I'm overreacting and they saw her a couple months ago (I digged it was 5 months ago) and she seemed "fine"
Extra special shout out to @Gossgirl12 you going through a lot and still had time to respond to me. Thank you
Hi, so a solicitor has been assigned to my case. I won't lie, I felt sick when I read that & wanted to back out. But I've sent all of the documentation they've asked for, they are seeing if I'm entitled to legal aid which I know I probably won't be, if I can't afford the fees, they've said they'll assign it back to court nav but then I'd represent myself in court. Can I do that and be successful do you think or is it best I have legal representation?
I definitely think you can be successful without representation.
www.onlymums.org
It's good to have legal representation if you can but it's not essential. If you don't qualify for legal aid then you can definitely represent yourself at the hearing. Not all hearings are conducted in court in person, some will be remote i.e by video link and some applications just considered on the documentation. There are lots of organisations like Women Aid, Rights of Women etc that will be able to give you guidance and there is a booklet published by Advice Now which might be helpful: https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/when-other-side-has-lawyer-guide-litigants-person-0
I'm sorry that you felt you had to do that. As I said upthread, there is no 'right time' for deciding to do something about domestic abuse. Everybody is different in reaching the point when they are ready to act. Solicitors and other agencies dealing with these issues understand that and will be ready to help when you are ready. You haven't 'blown' anything.
It seems to me like your self esteem has taken a real battering. You are being really hard on yourself and are probably exhausted. Just a thought, have you considered going to counselling. Your GP might be able to refer you if you think it could help. It might help you get some clarity and help you to believe in yourself. From what I've read in your posts, you are pretty amazing. x
Don't beat yourself up about this - it's extremely common for women in your situation to take a few goes with this kind of thing. It's a big and difficult step and you can take all the time you need. You haven't blown anything, if you're entitled to legal aid now you will be again in the future (unless certain things change with your situation but it doesn't sound like that will be the case). Do you have a close friend or family member you trust who you can talk to about this? If you want to give it another go we will be here cheering you on but in the meantime please take care of yourself.
