Feeling like an imposter at work

[Octopies]

Does anyone else feel the same as me?

I work really hard. I offer to do extra work. I constantly feel the need to prove myself at work (by taking extra work on). I agonise over emails as I’m worried how I will come across. I want to please everyone at work. I take it really personally if someone gives me feed back that they are not happy for some reason (I work in HR, so this is often, and I am often delivering bad news). I really really care what people think of me. I want to be good at my job (I hope I am). I really want to be liked and popular above anything. I want to make people happy. I get feedback that I am doing well at work. I like my colleagues.

But I feel like I am constantly waiting for a tap on the shoulder and someone telling me I’ve cocked up and I’m sacked. Or I’ve made a massive mistake and I’m sacked. I lay awake at night worrying about my emails and I hold my breath when I log on every single morning as I am convinced there will be a horrible email waiting for me. My rational side knows I am doing OK but my confidence is at rock bottom. I know this is holding me back and is starting to affect my personal life. Does anyone feel the same and get the same feelings, if so how do you manage this? How normal is this?

 

[Blondie]

I feel EXACTLY EXACTLY the same! I have no idea what to do about it. The rational part of my brain tells myself I haven't done anything wrong, I am good at my job and I made all the right decisions when I had to so if asked I know I can justify myself.
You just have to keep reminding yourself that there isn't anything you have done wrong.

I think it's normal to feel this way but some will feel worse than others.
I think it's a form of anxiety, always thinking the worst and constantly worrying you've done wrong.

I will be following this thread intently for some tips!

 

[Annie101]

Both you ladies sounds like amazing workers. I recognize myself in what you are saying. My only advise is - i am now 49 and have never felt more secure and happy in my career and wish that i had this confidence when i was younger. You will look back and wish that you didnt worry as much.

 

[Sp20191]

Yep in every job I’ve ever had, I have had imposter syndrome, like I shouldn’t be doing that job, even now I’m self employed, I still have it

 

[my_escape_from_the_ads]

I would like to say that you will never have everyone liking you and being popular with everyone, that is an amazing achievement and bonus if you do ! In some jobs it is impossible as you cannot please everyone, and whilst you try to be fair and explain stuff etc some people will always see things from their own perspective and may take some time to understand etc. As long as you are doing the best you can, and you are learning and growing within your profession, you should be rightly proud. Treat everyone well and with respect and fairness and you are doing a grand job. Don’t worry!!! at the end of the day it is only a job, I know you will meet great colleagues and create lifelong friends, but you are there to do your job and you shouldn’t worry so much. Sorry I have so many thoughts about this, being over 50 now myself and looking forward to retirement in 10 years!! Hope that all makes sense

 

[Serious_Susan]

I could’ve written this myself. I work in HR also and it’s been worse than ever recently. I feel like I’m not good enough.

I have also determined that imposter syndrome exists in all areas of my life. And the reason I’ve sabotaged many friendships because I believe the all secretly hate me.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Oh my god that’s literally me! I live in fear of making a mistake and losing my job. I sometimes go through my registering bodies website and read the reasons why people have been struck off and panic because in my head I could so easily make a mistake like that (I never actually have! Just to clarify). I feel so incompetent most of the time, I feel so sorry for the people I supervise and wonder what they must think of me! I wish I was more confident and decisive but I agonise over everything.

 

[my_escape_from_the_ads]

Oh my god that’s literally me! I live in fear of making a mistake and losing my job. I sometimes go through my registering bodies website and read the reasons why people have been struck off and panic because in my head I could so easily make a mistake like that (I never actually have! Just to clarify). I feel so incompetent most of the time, I feel so sorry for the people I supervise and wonder what they must think of me! I wish I was more confident and decisive but I agonise over everything.

How funny !!! I do that — go through my professional bodies website and see the competency hearings. Is a bit unnerving.

 

[cosmo girl]

Does anyone else feel the same as me?

I work really hard. I offer to do extra work. I constantly feel the need to prove myself at work (by taking extra work on). I agonise over emails as I’m worried how I will come across. I want to please everyone at work. I take it really personally if someone gives me feed back that they are not happy for some reason (I work in HR, so this is often, and I am often delivering bad news). I really really care what people think of me. I want to be good at my job (I hope I am). I really want to be liked and popular above anything. I want to make people happy. I get feedback that I am doing well at work. I like my colleagues.

But I feel like I am constantly waiting for a tap on the shoulder and someone telling me I’ve cocked up and I’m sacked. Or I’ve made a massive mistake and I’m sacked. I lay awake at night worrying about my emails and I hold my breath when I log on every single morning as I am convinced there will be a horrible email waiting for me. My rational side knows I am doing OK but my confidence is at rock bottom. I know this is holding me back and is starting to affect my personal life. Does anyone feel the same and get the same feelings, if so how do you manage this? How normal is this?

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job at your work. There are so many that don't do a good job at work but just suck up to the right people just to get along.. Maybe take an assertive course? This could help with your confidence? Try not to stress too much. Sounds like your work is lucky to have you.

 

[Guacamole123]

This is me! I can spend ages looking over emails to check the tone is right and that it reads well etc. I compare myself to others at my pay grade and convince myself that I’ll be demoted because I’m shite.

 

[Meh]

This is me! I can spend ages looking over emails to check the tone is right and that it reads well etc. I compare myself to others at my pay grade and convince myself that I’ll be demoted because I’m shite.

I used to agonise over tone, ensuring I “come across well” “I don’t want to be seen as bitchy”

A couple years ago I got a couple bits of indirect feedback from external partners (local authority contacts) about my “tone” in an introductory “hey, I’m blah and looking forward to working with you” type email. Was pretty surprised and I killed myself agonising over this.

My boss (male) took me aside and assured me there was nothing wrong with the emails. He also said this: “X can I ask... do you think that he would have made those observations if he had received that exact email from, say, ROBERT (my surname) instead of you?”
He then looked at me, raised an eyebrow and suggested I don’t moderate my tone because that’s exactly what, in his words, this dinosaur was looking for.

I remember it clicked and he was right!! I work on a very male dominated industry and since that day I’ve stopped obsessing over “appearing correctly” If i upset some man child’s ego, that’s just fine with me.

Point of my ramble is: yes, be good at your job, keep improving and be up for feedback but please us women need to stop worrying about appearing certain ways. Guarantee you no man worries about email tone in the work place

 

[SassyShetland]

I could honestly be writing this about myself! I started a new job just as we went into Lockdown. It’s a really worrying time to start a new role, although I’ve felt imposter syndrome in all my previous roles. At the minute I feel even more guilty for these feelings as I know I’m so lucky to even have the opportunity to have started the role under current circumstances!

It’s really sad to see from the comments that so many people suffer this! Although also reassuring.

All I tell myself is I’m doing my best, so long as I can say that I shouldn’t worry because if my best isn’t good enough for them then they’re not the right company for me Honestly It does seem to help me!

I suffered this feeling really badly in a previous role. I was honest with myself that the company and the role wasn’t right for me. I handed in my notice after six months without a job to go to and with minimal savings, maybe a bit silly, but I survived. It gave me a bit of confidence to say it’s just a job and you’re more resilient than you think sometimes.

Gah sorry for the novel but in short, if you can tell yourself you’ve done you’re best if it isn’t enough for people or a company they’re not the right fit for yoy

 

[Serious_Susan]

I’ve just ordered a book called The imposter cure. I need to fix this.

This + anxiety has been amplified by covid. It’s highlighted lots for me.

 

[TheScarletgirl]

I am like this and end up doing more work than others on my pay grade. One seems to nothing and no one notices it really gets on my wick.

 

[Serious_Susan]

I am like this and end up doing more work than others on my pay grade. One seems to nothing and no one notices it really gets on my wick.

I do this too!!! I feel totally invisible. Doesn’t help in really ambitious and then it’s just a vicious circle.

 

[Mamacita]

I feel like that too, especially with worrying about emails at night or how I came across in a meeting, worrying lots that people think I'm dumb. Sometimes feel like I'm genuinely mentally challenged and people are just humouring me or something when they say I did a good job or whatever . The thing is I know there are people who do less then me or make mistakes and no one is firing them, it happens but when it comes to me I just keep thinking I'm terrible at my job, should know a lot more and that other people know so much more than me even if they have similar amount of experience

 

[37BBL]

I'm the same. If I produce a report and I don't get a reply from everyone it's gone too with praise and feed back, I immediately think there is an issue with it.
If I send an email and don't get a reply within the day, I think there may be an issue there.
I work over and above,with little thanks or acknowledgement of it, but I am always seeking someones approval.
I manage a service, so the feedback I want is from those above me. I rarely get it because it's a busy field, but I am always trying to prove myself.
I'm really defensive if I don't get praise for something and take things so personally. It's a massive issue that I need to work on. If I can see someone is online but hasn't replied to me then I get paranoid I am being ignored or something is wrong.

 

[Serious_Susan]

Wow. I can’t believe how many of us feel the same.

 

[tiddles]

This is such a common feeling. I know deep down I am great at my job but, I feel that I need extra validation sometimes. I think it's so normal and it affects more people than you know.

I always try to counter these feelings by either reading over my CV and look at my skill set or by focusing less on myself. I think anxiety is a very 'selfish' emotion to feel because it's all about you and what you're feeling. Sometimes I need to remind myself to be less in my own head and focused on what's going on around me and remember that everyone is just trying to get along in life.

 

[Prodcon21]

Can’t explain how relived (yet also sorry!) that I’m not alone in this mentality.

I was promoted a year ago and was a nervous wreck. I kept telling myself that I wouldn’t feel like that in a year, I’d have more confidence. But here I am, a year later, agonising over things, convincing myself I can’t do it, worrying constantly.

My problem is that I just can’t see a way out. I’m on decent money for what I do, and wouldn’t be able to find another job with similar pay. So I feel trapped.

I’ve taken the leap and are ages counselling. I’m sick of feeling like this. At one point it was manageable - but now it’s creeping into my personal, daily life. And I feel unable to cope with it all.

It’s not just work I’m like this about though. I’ve started to doubt myself as a mum, a wife, a friend. I’m so exhausted from feeling like this.