I've just found this thread and can't express how much I can identify with you all, I feel like I could have written the original post.
I recently changed roles within my company as I wasnt being challenged in my existing role. My new role has a much higher workload and targets to meet. Currently I'm working from home due to COVID but will soon not be. I'm not doing terribly but I'm not doing amazing either and I keep thinking my manager regrets hiring me. I smashed my interview because I prepared really well for it but I feel I haven't delivered. My confidence is at rock bottom to the point where I find myself in tears randomly during the day and in the evenings and I feel so overwhelmed that I sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop frozen, jumping from one task to the other but not really completing anything and before I know it it's 7pm and I've not achieved much at all.
I keep feeling like my clients and colleagues think I'm really tit and I feel like I'm desperate to please all the time. I know I can't go on like this but I don't really know how to pull myself out of it and just work smarter and have a better mindset.
It's now a feeling that's crept into my home life. I feel like a tit friend, a tit wife. I procrastinate so much over things like cleaning and cooking because I tell myself I want to be in the zone, or get it all done in one go, etc. But this happens so often that even when it's my turn to do it my husband often ends up doing it as I've procrastinated so much and so then I feel even worse.
I feel like over the last couple of years I'm so unsure of myself to the point where I can't decide on my style, what to say or even what opinion to have any more so I'm now a shadow of a personality and also really negative. I'm early thirties which I thought were meant to be the years your stop caring what people think but I feel the opposite. I agonise over emails I've sent, things I've said, even Instagram stories I've posted, not that I post much.
I'm not sure whether to seek counselling or not but part of me thinks it won't work because I'm really cynical and just feel like theyll suggest all this mindfulness and meditation stuff which really is not me.
I recently changed roles within my company as I wasnt being challenged in my existing role. My new role has a much higher workload and targets to meet. Currently I'm working from home due to COVID but will soon not be. I'm not doing terribly but I'm not doing amazing either and I keep thinking my manager regrets hiring me. I smashed my interview because I prepared really well for it but I feel I haven't delivered. My confidence is at rock bottom to the point where I find myself in tears randomly during the day and in the evenings and I feel so overwhelmed that I sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop frozen, jumping from one task to the other but not really completing anything and before I know it it's 7pm and I've not achieved much at all.
I keep feeling like my clients and colleagues think I'm really tit and I feel like I'm desperate to please all the time. I know I can't go on like this but I don't really know how to pull myself out of it and just work smarter and have a better mindset.
It's now a feeling that's crept into my home life. I feel like a tit friend, a tit wife. I procrastinate so much over things like cleaning and cooking because I tell myself I want to be in the zone, or get it all done in one go, etc. But this happens so often that even when it's my turn to do it my husband often ends up doing it as I've procrastinated so much and so then I feel even worse.
I feel like over the last couple of years I'm so unsure of myself to the point where I can't decide on my style, what to say or even what opinion to have any more so I'm now a shadow of a personality and also really negative. I'm early thirties which I thought were meant to be the years your stop caring what people think but I feel the opposite. I agonise over emails I've sent, things I've said, even Instagram stories I've posted, not that I post much.
I'm not sure whether to seek counselling or not but part of me thinks it won't work because I'm really cynical and just feel like theyll suggest all this mindfulness and meditation stuff which really is not me.
so can relate 