Fallen out with neighbours

[GeordieLass]

if anyone has any remotely awful neighbours i thoroughly recommend keeping a diary. write down every single interaction. it may seem overreacting and ridiculous but it really does work at protecting you. One of our neighbours took an instant dislike to us from the day we moved in, again making up lies, she rang environmental health on us ( they took our side and told her to shut up- thankfully!) ordering takeaways to our house - you name it . we then started a diary and wrote EVERYTHING in it , even down to what time we left the house , what time she left etc and when things escalated we had the proof all along of just how vile she was.
she put her house up for sale but never ended up moving, we were the ones that had to move, best decision we ever did!
our old house is always up for sale, we think she just loves the attention and causing pain. very very sad

 

[bubbletea123]

We are not friends with our neighbours, friendly enough that we say hi and small chat but nothing more than that. We live in a nice neighbourhood with big backyards yet all the neighbours like to sit on the driveway/street and drink/socialise. It is really odd and cliquey, and just not us at all. We joke that we are like Margot and Todd from Lampoon's Christmas as we are also the only ones without children.

 

[Tree_]

I have spent another two days worrying about our situation - which actually in some ways seems not as bad as some scenarios described by others - I honestly feel for anyone who has these problems, it’s awful and I completely understand the panic when other neighbours also start ignoring you and you realise you have no control over the narrative of what people have been told about you. I feel like I had a bit of an epiphany last night though which might help us to move on (in case anyone cares, or it might help someone else)

On the day we moved into our house nearly 7 years ago my mum and dad were fixing a broken manhole cover on our driveway - we had completed on the property and were worried about someone falling down it - especially truth be told now we were liable! The neighbour who in a very loose sense knew my mum came out and in conversation asked my mum straight out how we had afforded our house (we bought a semi, in Surrey at the ages of 23 and 29). My mum answered stupidly now in hindsight (but I think she was caught off guard by such a personal question) that my husband had had some inheritance. This is in part true - a not insignificant sum of money left to him with strict instructions it was to be spent on a house deposit - but whilst we were incredibly lucky to be in this situation we had both worked hard and spent very little money in the years leading up to buying the house to be able to afford what we set our hearts on - our mortgage meant that we were very careful with money and budgeting. I am sure that we were gossiped about and assumptions made very early on Fast forward to a Christmas party a few months later and our neighbour the other side turns up pissed and again, in hindsight asked a whole load of inappropriate and personal questions - we were naive at the time and didn’t think much of it, after all had probably had a few drinks ourselves - her questions were odd though and despite exchanging pleasantries have always behind closed doors known that both sides were odd. In the last two years as previously explained triggered by building work and then getting gradually worse the situation is now pretty dire - shouting over the fence at us ‘nobody here likes you, you should just move’ - this is from a mother of 4 children and the other side making eye contact with, but ignoring my husband saying hello. Although seemingly nothing, we knew the relationship with shouty mum of four family was over but thought the other side had adopted a ‘stay out of the politics approach - fair. When they ignored us so obviously it was very upsetting to think that perceptions of us had been shaped by lies - coupled with that other people we have never spoken to who seem friendly with other neighbours also being frosty when exchanging pleasantries. With limited social interaction over the last few months it upset me to think our neighbours think so little of us.

I suffer from crippling social anxiety, to the point I will over analyse every single tiny communication I have had with anyone who isn’t close family of friends throughout my day when I go to bed at night - I am plagued constantly by intrusive thoughts about all the reasons people dislike me and worry about making polite small talk with anyone in fear that I might say something that makes someone upset or is misconstrued. For a number of years now I have been upsetting myself every day mulling over what misdemeanour I have made to upset our neighbours - no more. I feel like this is aturning point. My conclusion I reached last night is thus - on day one,I suspect the narrative started being built that we were entitled rich kids, provided forby mum and dad and having everything handed to us on a plate. We are lucky enough to look young for our ages which I think probably didn’t help. Our mantra of buy once and buy well means that as we have done up the house we have paid for John Lewis to custom make curtains etc which we have scrimped and saved to be able to afford to make our home lovely - I am sure their van being parked outside and my penchant for ocado deliveries serves to reinforce their misconceptions about us all this sounds ridiculous typing it but I take solace from it because they have the problem not me. The fence desperately needs replacing and we haven’t done it - largely because I am dreading having to talk to the neighbour who has clearly been gossiping with the shouty nasty work phoning neighbour and now has also decided to be nasty to us. Again I’m sure this is spun to ‘bloody minted entitled rich kids, got enough money to do up the house, but not fix the fence that is rotting apart’ - no love. I’m not fixing your fence. You have been unapproachable, despite on several occasions me trying to be kind and open a dialogue. The only times you have spoken to us has been to have a go (we no doubt made errors when we moved in - we were once shouted at for doing some sanding on a Sunday - now are very mindful about DIY but we were young naive andboth working long hours in the week!) or ask inappropriate questions. I think it’s all down to jealously. Part of me wants them to know how much they have made us suffer and all the times I have cried over this, the fact they made my entire pregnancy stressful and that this has dominated my thoughts for the last two years, but then I remember they are different people to me. They will probably delight in the pain they have caused.

I can’t think of another 30 instances/comments etc which support this conclusion that we are seen to be entitled and I also know that the problem is that once someone has a belief it’s very hard to change nor is it my job too. Whilst we live comfortably and have a decent income between us, we are by no means loaded - I suppose this is relative though and you don’t know other people’s struggles All our behaviour will now be shoehorned into this narrative. I used to fantasise about having the opportunity to set them straight and point out their misconceptions, but everyone’s responses on here have made me reialise that I don’t need to do that, they have the problem, not us and i can’t waste another day of my life worrying about it. Karma comes around and all I can do is continue to teach my children the importance of being kind and non judgemental.
This is all very boring, but it’s been cathartic so thank you so much to all those who offered advice. To those still struggling - don’t be a victim. Speak to the police and the council. Make records of problems and don’t beat yourself up about it. Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

Next time she looks at you put a big grin on your face very deliberately flip her the vs. She sounds like a silly cunt to me ngl

 

[Instagram Sham]

Crumbs this is like reading our current situation, so much so I wondered if your post was older than it was and related to my neighbours before we moved onto this new estate.
I’m so sorry you were in such a pickle but hope things have much improved now a year on? Have you managed to feel less anxious? I’m in a right knot at the moment unable to sleep because of it and the fact I’m getting so stressed is making me cross with myself!

Hiya! Try not to stress about it! We are now 2 years down the line and about to start a lost conversion in the new year (they don’t know this yet!!). The anxiety etc has hugely lessened - I just don’t care anymore! The situation is much less tense and whilst we do all tend to ignore each other, my husband has commented that the woman next door has been ‘warm’ when he has handed over parcels wrongly delivered to us for them etc. the advise I would give is stay cool as a cucumber and reasonable. This worked for us as now 2 years on, we have no embarrassment and feel like we can rise above it. If I were my neighbours I would be mortified! Just stay classy!

 

[murphmc]

Our neighbour came round fuming I thought he was going to have a heart attack. We’re newish to the road and currently having a wrap around extension. Upto now he’s been ok but he’s furious we’re going for a different tile on the roof we’re semi detached and have tried to stay sympathetic with style but the colour grey he’s disgusted with, he’s rang the council to complain.I haven’t slept it’s upset me so much, our other neighbours have said we should have just told him to F off

 

[Hereforthehottea]

Our neighbour came round fuming I thought he was going to have a heart attack. We’re newish to the road and currently having a wrap around extension. Upto now he’s been ok but he’s furious we’re going for a different tile on the roof we’re semi detached and have tried to stay sympathetic with style but the colour grey he’s disgusted with, he’s rang the council to complain.I haven’t slept it’s upset me so much, our other neighbours have said we should have just told him to F off

Sounds like a silly man with too much time on his hands, taking his annoyance at something else out on you! Let the council do their thing and be sure to look him in the eye when you see him, even if you’re shaking inside.

 

[JD-Morgan]

I moved house because of arsehole neighbours.

The guy joined to us had 2 dogs he left for upto 12 hours a day and they barked constantly for those 12 hours.

Numerous conversations with him and nothing done. SSPCA wouldn’t do anything as the dogs had shelter and water and they weren’t left overnight. Council wouldn’t do anything cause he owned his house.

Caused my partner to have major anxiety attacks and he had to go and stay with his parents for a while. People might think it’s ridiculous and it’s just barking dogs. Try living next door to it for 6 months.

Other neighbours mother (who didn’t live there may I add) was verbally abusive to landscape gardeners we had in doing our garden whilst we were at work. She was still there when I came home and I seen her spraying weed killer over the fence at the workers, so I phoned the police but nothing was ever done.

I could deal with ignoring the neighbours but there was no way to escape those bloody dogs.

I now have absolutely lovely neighbours on either side, and no dogs!!

 

[coconochanel]

yeah, so I am getting to this point. I think things have changed and some people are just not wanting to be friendly anymore and keep themselves to themselves more. We certainly don’t want to have a beautiful friendship with either side but would rather not have a constant atmosphere - although if we were a bit more inclined to chuck it in the fuck it bucket then perhaps the atmosphere would disappear, I think it comes from constantly being on edge!

How often do you see your neighbours though? its not worth getting down over it . You clearly havent done anything wrong so if they are such twats to behave like that they arnt worth talking to anyway.

 

[Instagram Sham]

Sorry, but nobody has to take that crap from a neighbour. You don’t owe them anything. I’d be having it out with them, and if they continued to harass me, I’d be straight onto the police.

sadly the police have such little funding they do t want to know. I have phoned twice and both times very told they a few years ago they may have been able to send a neighbourhood officer to tell everyone to play nice But that they just don’t have the resources anymore. Was told to apply for mediation which I did and heard nothing back. No h times I was sobbing and talking about my mental health being in tatters. They also said they were worried that by Talking to neighbours They may make things worse for us. The police know they are powerless nowadays it’s shocking.The mind boggles as to what the Threshold ia to get the police out nowadays.

to the lady up thread really suffering at the moment, my heart breaks for you.... it really does. You have to do what makes you happy - if that means moving then do it!

 

[purplepixie_3]

I’ve been in a situation with neighbours too. I bought my house at aged 25 albeit with help from my parents, but I also worked many an overtime shift and agency all over the country to save up for it. I’ve slowly changed it from old fashioned to my own little haven.

a few years ago a couple moved in next to me and were horrid. Middle aged, weird and the first thing that was said to me was ‘is this your parents house’ I was like no, it’s mine. All trying to be nice etc.

then it was like I was a child. He parked his works van in front of my house constantly blocking access, would laugh when I said I couldn’t get in or out the drive. He Scratched my new car, made comments about me being inappropriately dressed in the garden (wearing a bikini on hot summer day) would bang on the adjoining walls to hush me (I was never loud. I often watched tv with subtitles just so I was quiet!) complained about me coming in late (I’d been on call for work at the hospital) and referred to me as a ‘Jezebel’!!

Anyways one night they had friends over and and party and it went on till about 3am. I called the police on them as I was up at 5 for work.
next morning I got up to beer cans, wine bottles, rubbish youname it all over my garden. I was fuming so I bagged it all up and emptied it all on their front door step, rang the doorbell repeatedly and when one of them opened the door told them they had lost this stuff (the rubbish) and that I had security footage of them doing this and would be taking it to the police as harassment and suing them for damages to my garden and mental health! I also said if his van blocked my drive again I’d get it towed.


didn’t hear a peep from them again.

funny thing is a few weeks ago they are out clapping for nhs heroes. I got a parcel from the neighbours at the other side with wine, bubble bath, choc and a voucher for a spa as thanks for being a frontline nhs nurse! They delivered this one Thursday night after the 8pm clap - mr and mrs torn face were fuming!! Hahaha fuck you dicks!!

I LOVE IT!

 

[Death2unicorns]

Note to self; check social housing stats more closely on next house move.

Actually I’ve lived in an area where it was mixed social housing and home owners and the home owners were the worst, most disrespectful and disruptive neighbours I’ve ever had
One of my friends lives in a neighbourhood where the properties are all 800k plus and is having major problems with her neighbours, it’s not always social housing tenants who are the ones causing the problems (I’m not a social housing tenant by the way so no agenda in sticking up for them)

 

[113980]

Thanks for the reply. Very long story short, but all was fine until about a year ago our flat (owned) started to smell of cannabis. A lot. Then a couple of month later, flat below (also owned) started to have ‘gatherings’ several nights a week, until the early hours (sometimes 5 or 6 am!) The music would blare from just after tea time all night, our flat would stink of weed and we could actually see smoke, mens loud voices would boom so we couldn’t relax/ hear our tv, lots of banging and laughing etc. We Stupidly put up with it Thinking it would stop. Then after many days of going to work on zero sleep, starting texting polite please can you keep the noise down etc. It continued. We couldn’t even have visitors on a Saturday afternoon because of what was going on downstairs!
I actually spoke very very nicely to the perpetrator, gave examples of how it was affecting us. How tired we were, it was making us ill, I’d had my nephew round but had to take him home when he’d eaten his tea because he was so scared of what he thought were men fighting. My neighbour told me he didn’t care, didn’t give a F and to call the police and social services (they have a child!). Now they have turned all neighbours against us (no idea what they’ve told them!) Lockdown has been unbearable. They all sit and stare at us or call us vile names. They slam doors repeatedly at 3am, stomp across the floor on purpose and other immature behaviour. These are parents in their forties!!! Sorry to waffle on, there’s loads more but that’s enough to bore you I think! I really feel on the verge of a breakdown and my partner who has never suffered with mental health issues is also ill from it.

That sounds horrendous! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, especially during lockdown! It's not ideal but if you're able to record excessive noise and other evidence of anti social behaviour you're well within your right to speak to the police or local council about it!

 

[Puppys]

Stopped a year ago. To be honest I just think I need to grow a thicker skin. I get quite socially anxious and so overthink even simple social interactions so this is a nightmare situation for me because I hugely overthink what we have done to upset people and then invariably get angry when I come to the same conclusion that we really haven’t done anything wrong I wish there was an easier way to grow a thicker skin!

Well I wish you lived near us we'd welcome a friendly neighbour we have 2 kids with asd who don't like to go out much so spend alot of time at home we also live near some weird people speak one day and not the next with not having family either we would love some community spirit although cant see that happening where we live think them days are over its not like it was years ago plus I always think people who are super ignorant to the point of not saying hi are probably hiding alot don't take it personally its hard not to I know ignore them back and rise above it your too good for them by the sounds of it

 

[Hereforthehottea]

I’ve written on here before about nightmare neighbours who made us ill. Anyway thankfully we managed to move to a new place, quite swanky and guess what?! Nightmare neighbours! They are professionals with their own businesses, in their late 50s, but they party hard. It’s 3.30am now and they are blasting music and banging about.
Are we just really boring?! Or are we just unlucky to have moved next to nightmares again? I’m 30 years younger than them and starting to think everyone’s partying except us?!

 

[Instagram Sham]

What did I tell you in my comment I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Some people are a) nosy AF and b) don’t like to see young people do well for themselves! There’s nothing wrong with receiving an inheritance and using it to invest in your future. Leave the fence if you can, but you could always put one up inside theirs if you wanted to!

Our same neighbours that I mentioned earlier in the thread mentioned that we had let the hedge grow too high and the neighbours before never let it grow that far before (find that hard to believe as they didn’t lift a finger inside or out by the looks of it to us) - I told her the hedge was too wide for us to be able to cut all of it! They have cut it once in the whole time we have lived here (last month, in lockdown, when they realised having a nice bit of outdoor space might be useful). This thread has also helped me realise we don’t need to be best mates with our neighbours and to just get on with our lives

Im so glad it’s helped other people - it’s certainly been helpful for us. Mumsnet hasn’t got shit on tattle life. I can’t thank people enough for their comments and advice. It’s only by taking a step back and considering what people like yourself said that I can see that it makes total sense.... lots of little barbed comments over the years, seemingly illogical behaviour, probably all makes sense in the context that they have created
Ultimately very sad that for some individuals they go through life deriving pleasure from being awful to others!

 

[newtoyou]

This thread makes me feel better about my own issues with my neighbours. It’s horrible to not feel like you can relax in your own home or get anxious about going out in case you bump into one you don’t want to.

 

[Instagram Sham]

My beautiful neighbours reported me to social services after a row over replacing my front fence .... ruined a summer holiday for us. They are blatantly not adhering to social distancing with non household members then going out to clap for the NHS !! When we are in the garden the wife is constantly in the back bedroom curtain twitching. I could write a book at their disgusting behaviour. It used to upset me but I’ve realised they are the ones with the problem and are ignorant twats. I haven’t spoken to them in years other than to politely ask her to stop staring at my children. I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire!! The other side are normal nice people !!

I feel for you on this one - my neighbour shouted that I neglect my children - leave them inside crying whilst I smoke drugs in the garden. All untrue but I think she just said the thing that would upset me the most - mustn’t let it upset me but it’s easier said than done!

 

[Poppykisses87]

I am having problems with my neighbours too and just reading some of these stories make me feel like my own issues are so tiny!

There is a cat that already has an owner (is very much loved) but the two below us have been feeding him every morning and evening before and after they go to work to the point that this cat now meows at stupid times of the morning as he knows he will be a due a free and sits on the cars in the car park from their encouragement. We recently bought a very expensive brand new sports car and have politely mentioned that scratch marks were found on the paint from when the cat jumps up on it and my soft top roof is covered in cat hair. We had tried car covers but he uses it as a scratch post and it got ruined. We now have to park away from our home in a cat free zone which is less secure and we don’t feel is very fair.

We asked them politely not to feed him due to the noise and him pestering people for food and the fact he already has an owner but they have carried on doing it and are now deliberately hiding cat food behind their backs when they see us and are still feeding him and calling out for him during the day.

She mentioned to me that my washing machine was a loud at times which I never realised and I stopped doing my washing by 3pm to keep her happy but it’s so frustrating that the same respect isn’t being given in return to us. I have heard her screaming at the man next door to her (not entirely sure what the nature of their relationship is) but again I’ve turned a blind eye to it.

Very frustrating when people can’t see the issues in their own actions but are more than happy to complain when others don’t abide by their rules. It does now make me feel anxious living here as the atmosphere is awkward and uncomfortable which is a shame as I worked so hard to buy it !

 

[Gossipgirl20]

I am having problems with my neighbours too and just reading some of these stories make me feel like my own issues are so tiny!

There is a cat that already has an owner (is very much loved) but the two below us have been feeding him every morning and evening before and after they go to work to the point that this cat now meows at stupid times of the morning as he knows he will be a due a free and sits on the cars in the car park from their encouragement. We recently bought a very expensive brand new sports car and have politely mentioned that scratch marks were found on the paint from when the cat jumps up on it and my soft top roof is covered in cat hair. We had tried car covers but he uses it as a scratch post and it got ruined. We now have to park away from our home in a cat free zone which is less secure and we don’t feel is very fair.

We asked them politely not to feed him due to the noise and him pestering people for food and the fact he already has an owner but they have carried on doing it and are now deliberately hiding cat food behind their backs when they see us and are still feeding him and calling out for him during the day.

She mentioned to me that my washing machine was a loud at times which I never realised and I stopped doing my washing by 3pm to keep her happy but it’s so frustrating that the same respect isn’t being given in return to us. I have heard her screaming at the man next door to her (not entirely sure what the nature of their relationship is) but again I’ve turned a blind eye to it.

Very frustrating when people can’t see the issues in their own actions but are more than happy to complain when others don’t abide by their rules. It does now make me feel anxious living here as the atmosphere is awkward and uncomfortable which is a shame as I worked so hard to buy it !

I stopped doing everything because my neighbour was banging down and then my housing officer told me do you washing after 3 actually you can do it till 10 at night since all my problems with my neighbour IV found out alot

I am sorry for everyome having problems but in a way its good to know om not the one. I have had problems with my neighbours for 8 years. They are horrid people that like to intimate people. The man offered my husband a fight as he thought The music which was pepper pig for my boy was to loud. They rang the police when i had family around numerous times saying we were talking to loud. They have now got cctv out the back facing into r garden. They have 3 grown men and a grown woman living there and I have 2 kids that play out the back. I have no privacy they have done to be spiteful as there is no way of gettimg into r back garden no need for the camera I question why they want to see into my back garden. But I try ignore them now as we found by other neighbours 4 people have moved because they have bullied them. There son was in the same year as myself and my husband we r 33 now and he is extremely odd both her sons r unfortunately. So all my love to anyone who is having problems with their neighbours I know how mentally draining it is. Xxx

Phone the police about the camera and they should have a sign honestly I won't be putting up with this much long but I would be calling police about that camera as it's not allowed to look on to others property

 

[Suzesnooze]

We bought a new build property over 20 years ago and it's a small close. When we first moved in, we got on with everyone but over the years, we have had fallings out with quite a few! Luckily most of the ones we fell out with or had trouble with have moved on. One neighbour accused us of objecting to his planning permission when it wasn't us but another neighbour but even when we said it wasn't us he ignored us for years! Out of 13 other houses in our close, I'm close to two neighbours and speak to one or two others or just say hello in passing but of the new people who have moved in over the last few years I don't see much of them or even say hello! One that I fell out with about 16 years ago over our kids, I still don't speak to them! I find it easy to blank neighbours. I might smile or wave but it's not like in the old day when our kids all played together, so now the kids are older it's been easy to avoid most of them. You are right to move on and not let them bother you anymore.