Fake friends

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How do you deal with fake friends? Cutting them off is easier said than done. Im tired of this one friend. She makes no effort, constantly leaves me out of outings but when asked she comes up with an excuse or if I dont message her for a few days she then messages me asking if im okay and why im not talking.
She seems to stalk our other mutal friend, bending over backwards to help her, turning up at her house to take her children for the weekend, even though the other friends said no previously she just tells her she wont take no for an answer.
Our friend went on her first family holiday in July and she invited her self along and went with them.
I feel like shes jealous of my health issues, whatever I have she has worse but yet doesnt display any of the symptoms she should and carries on life as normal where I feel like im trying to walk through mud most days.
I honestly think she has an undiagnosed mental health condition, although I cant put my finger on what it would be.
 
sounds just like an ex-friend I had I ended up messaging saying I have enough everyday stress I don't need your shite on top of that but it's amazing you remember me when I message you but couldn't be arsed to message me good luck while going through IVF when I need support don't contact me again because your not worthy of my time unless it was about you then you don't care harsh but true
 
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It seem to be worse the older i get? Or maybe just more obvious?! I had a " friend" who was anything but...I was nothing but kind to her, Yet she did nothing but dig at me try to cause trouble and encroach my other friendships! We don't speak now, I just wish I hadn't allowed myself to treat the way I was.
 
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I just stop engaging. I’ve done it recently with two.
felt like the friendship was one sided. It’s funny how little you get back when you stop putting the effort in with some people.
I’d simply stop messaging her. If she messages with a whiny ‘aren’t you talking to me’, I would respond with a ‘sorry been busy’.
She’ll probably sadfish initially, but if correspondence is curt she’ll soon piss off.
I just got sick of how these friendships made me feel. And you know what, I don’t miss them.
 
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I try to limit my engagement as much as possible but its hard and shes relentless. I need to be stronger though.
 
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Its trickier that you have mutual friends, will she get them involved? I would say because you have mutual friends then I agree with above. Google 'the grey rock method' and keep your replies as short and dull as possible.

If she starts getting to you come back to us for support as if she's particularly good at manipulating you may end up feeling guilty (even though you shouldnt).

If you're not bothered about mutual friends and wouldn't bump into her often then I would be brutal and block her completely once and for all before you go stir crazy.

sounds just like an ex-friend I had I ended up messaging saying I have enough everyday stress I don't need your shite on top of that but it's amazing you remember me when I message you but couldn't be arsed to message me good luck while going through IVF when I need support don't contact me again because your not worthy of my time unless it was about you then you don't care harsh but true
You have great boundaries 😍
 
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Its trickier that you have mutual friends, will she get them involved? I would say because you have mutual friends then I agree with above. Google 'the grey rock method' and keep your replies as short and dull as possible.

If she starts getting to you come back to us for support as if she's particularly good at manipulating you may end up feeling guilty (even though you shouldnt).

If you're not bothered about mutual friends and wouldn't bump into her often then I would be brutal and block her completely once and for all before you go stir crazy.



You have great boundaries 😍
Im gonna look this up, thank you. It is difficult as we do have mutal friends and she sticks to the other friend like a fly on tit 😂.
 
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Ah I emphasise with your struggle. Sometimes I’ve wished it was socially acceptable to break up with a friend as with a partner. It’s just as conceivable you can grow apart from a friend, notice that you just don’t like them as much as you used to. But if they don’t feel the same, what do you do? It’s tough.
Your so-called friend sounds like they are very insecure, worried your relationship with the other friend is stronger than theirs so conspire to squeeze you out and put you down. And i can see this kind of person being jealous of your health problems like you say, ludicrous as that sounds, because they are desperate for attention.
The fact that they get on your case if you don’t speak to them for a few days shows to me they know they are treating you wrongly and don’t want to be held to account for such bad behaviour so it’s important they confirm you aren’t annoyed with them - as you would be well within your rights to be. But I think they likely feel a bit bad too - and don’t want the guilt.

What about the mutual friend though? I’m always suspicious of someone who claims to be powerless and refuse to rock the boat however badly you are being treated. And you say the annoying friend invited themselves on holiday with the mutual friend? I’m sorry I don’t believe that at all. I’m sure you can always prevent someone coming along if you truely don’t want them there. Sounds like the mutual friend might be playing you both a bit to keep in your good books..

But I don’t want presume too much of your life. I agree you need to say something short and simple to annoying friend - don’t give them lots of material to respond to but maybe say “I think we’d both benefit if we take a bit of a friendship break. No hard feelings whatsoever- but I think it’s best for now.”

Bear in mind annoying friend will probably run straight to the mutual one....

Good luck !
 
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I hate fake friends. I had this one friend who would constantly text me and call me and want me to hang out with her (great) but because I'm not all about getting drunk all the time, she doesn't want to know anymore. I wouldn't mind but i was there for her ALOT. All her issues she was going through, i was there. Went to "save" her late at night when shes having a mental breakdown and hasn't anyone else to turn to. Now shes best friends with some other mum and i never, ever hear from her any more. I feel like shes purposely avoiding me.

Second fake friend, it was all one sided and it was always me making the effort. Me making the conversation. Me inviting her out (she always said no anyway). She only wanted me when she "got" something out of the friendship. Something that benefited her.
So i stopped making an effort with her and 6 months down the line shes gone and deleted me off all social media without a word.

I have literally done nothing wrong to these women, i was a good and loyal. I know they didn't deserve my friendship.
Thing is, I wouldn't even care but my child is best friends with their children and they are Organising things together outside of school and my child is getting left out. I don't know what to do
 
I hate fake friends. I had this one friend who would constantly text me and call me and want me to hang out with her (great) but because I'm not all about getting drunk all the time, she doesn't want to know anymore. I wouldn't mind but i was there for her ALOT. All her issues she was going through, i was there. Went to "save" her late at night when shes having a mental breakdown and hasn't anyone else to turn to. Now shes best friends with some other mum and i never, ever hear from her any more. I feel like shes purposely avoiding me.

Second fake friend, it was all one sided and it was always me making the effort. Me making the conversation. Me inviting her out (she always said no anyway). She only wanted me when she "got" something out of the friendship. Something that benefited her.
So i stopped making an effort with her and 6 months down the line shes gone and deleted me off all social media without a word.

I have literally done nothing wrong to these women, i was a good and loyal. I know they didn't deserve my friendship.
Thing is, I wouldn't even care but my child is best friends with their children and they are Organising things together outside of school and my child is getting left out. I don't know what to do
Do 1st and 2nd friend know each other?
 
Ah I emphasise with your struggle. Sometimes I’ve wished it was socially acceptable to break up with a friend as with a partner. It’s just as conceivable you can grow apart from a friend, notice that you just don’t like them as much as you used to. But if they don’t feel the same, what do you do? It’s tough.
Your so-called friend sounds like they are very insecure, worried your relationship with the other friend is stronger than theirs so conspire to squeeze you out and put you down. And i can see this kind of person being jealous of your health problems like you say, ludicrous as that sounds, because they are desperate for attention.
The fact that they get on your case if you don’t speak to them for a few days shows to me they know they are treating you wrongly and don’t want to be held to account for such bad behaviour so it’s important they confirm you aren’t annoyed with them - as you would be well within your rights to be. But I think they likely feel a bit bad too - and don’t want the guilt.

What about the mutual friend though? I’m always suspicious of someone who claims to be powerless and refuse to rock the boat however badly you are being treated. And you say the annoying friend invited themselves on holiday with the mutual friend? I’m sorry I don’t believe that at all. I’m sure you can always prevent someone coming along if you truely don’t want them there. Sounds like the mutual friend might be playing you both a bit to keep in your good books..

But I don’t want presume too much of your life. I agree you need to say something short and simple to annoying friend - don’t give them lots of material to respond to but maybe say “I think we’d both benefit if we take a bit of a friendship break. No hard feelings whatsoever- but I think it’s best for now.”

Bear in mind annoying friend will probably run straight to the mutual one....

Good luck !
The mutual friend has alot going on in her life that I wont discuss as its not my issue to discuss.
So when she said she was going on holiday and the other friend then booked the same holiday (it was only butlins!) the mutal friend couldnt be bothered to change the holiday for her and her family as it would be more hassle than its worth. Mutual friend just wants an easy life but sadly with all the issues she has going on her life is anything but easy.
 
The mutual friend has alot going on in her life that I wont discuss as its not my issue to discuss.
So when she said she was going on holiday and the other friend then booked the same holiday (it was only butlins!) the mutal friend couldnt be bothered to change the holiday for her and her family as it would be more hassle than its worth. Mutual friend just wants an easy life but sadly with all the issues she has going on her life is anything but easy.
Fair enough and I hope I wasn’t out of line sticking my nose in your business. I just feel sad hearing about people deliberately not invited to things, seems so petty and immature and I don’t get why your mate wouldn’t stick up for you - is a quiet life worth the suffering of your friend? Ok ok sorry I’m doing it again... I fully accept I don’t know everything
 
Just stop engaging with her. They soon get the message.

I wish I had some decent friends. Since moving to the UK I have found it hard as people where I live are just not interested and we don't have kids. The few people I have befriended also don't really make an effort. Would just love somebody to hang out with and go on girly holidays with
 
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Just stop engaging with her. They soon get the message.

I wish I had some decent friends. Since moving to the UK I have found it hard as people where I live are just not interested and we don't have kids. The few people I have befriended also don't really make an effort. Would just love somebody to hang out with and go on girly holidays with
I've moved to a different area and find everyone already has their set friends and family nearby. Not many people seem to want to welcome someone new although I have made one friend.
 
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I've moved to a different area and find everyone already has their set friends and family nearby. Not many people seem to want to welcome someone new although I have made one friend.
That's great. You are right, people are happy with the friends they have. I guess I'm used to a place where it is "the more the merrier"
 
That's great. You are right, people are happy with the friends they have. I guess I'm used to a place where it is "the more the merrier"
I think that’s half true - but making new friends later in life is exciting too. Because it’s so much rarer. But me and my current friends have discussed this a fair amount and though we love each other we all agree. Have you thought of doing some kind of class - a language, a sport, whatever. That’s a good way to meet people. Don’t give up!
 
I used to have a friend who reaaaallly loved herself, she thought she was the most gorgeous woman on this earth and that every boy wanted her. I know it’s good to have self confidence but it was way past the point of arrogance. We’d be in a bar in a group of about eight girls and these men were glancing in our direction and she’d say ‘oh my god those men are looking at me! 😁’ .. like there are eight of us, how do you know they’re looking directly at you?!
She used to piss me off so much that I eventually just stopped speaking to her - do I sound complete ridiculous? Like is this an actual reason to stop being friends with someone or am I an idiot lol
 
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