Fake friends

[Orange Creme]

Okay, yeah maybe I was wrong doing it through face book but she wouldnt listen otherwise. Anything you say to her goes in one ear and out that other, shes read this though, knew it was about her and shes obviously taken it in because shes not said anything back.
Ive since deleted the post, so its not up for everyone to see anymore.

At least you can ignore her now and she doesn't need to wonder what she's done.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Bit late to the party here but well done for mentioning something to her. I have no friends literally. After I had my child a few years ago me and my best friends of over ten years fell out. My mental health was shocking after having a baby, I literally felt like I had nothing and no one and I just stopped speaking to them because the constant ignoring me, not asking how I am, not making an effort with my baby, I was just so done with them. I cried every day for about a year after i cut them out, but now in hinds sight a couple of years later, I am the happiest I've ever been. Sure I would love some girlfriends, but I have a beautiful child, a partner who loves me and is a great dad, I'm closer than ever with my own parents and I'm content with life. They are still doing the same shit they were 5, 10 years ago, I'm better off ! Even though it still makes me sad.

That is very sad. But as a person with no children and not planning on having any I can tell you that people with kids are not interested in childless friends. I get it though, they want people with other kids to keep the children entertained.
I would love just one good friend though and not just fair weather friends. I find people don’t want to make an effort anymore. I guess with the rise of social media and netflix most people are happy by themselves

 

[Orange Creme]

Realise that she is an aquaintance and not a friend.

I had a 'good' friend but it would bug me that whenever we spoke it was always 'me. me. me . me" and always complaining about her other half. When things were good with them i hardly heard from her.

Anyway, my mum was dying and she was nowhere to be seen, no calls, texts etc. A few weeks later i got a call, this is exactly how it went:

Her: OMG you will not believe what the Fwit has done.
Me: My mum died
Her. OH. Well that bastard.....
Me: Hung up.

She was never my friend. I was an ear to listen to her crap when she needed. My friends were the people by my mums grave holding me up. There were very few of them but they were my REAL friends.

Sorry to hear about your mum xx

 

[gene210]

I have no fake friends. They're gone.

 

[GiggleBee]

Its trickier that you have mutual friends, will she get them involved? I would say because you have mutual friends then I agree with above. Google 'the grey rock method' and keep your replies as short and dull as possible.

If she starts getting to you come back to us for support as if she's particularly good at manipulating you may end up feeling guilty (even though you shouldnt).

If you're not bothered about mutual friends and wouldn't bump into her often then I would be brutal and block her completely once and for all before you go stir crazy.



You have great boundaries

Im gonna look this up, thank you. It is difficult as we do have mutal friends and she sticks to the other friend like a fly on shit .

 

[Horatio]

The mutual friend has alot going on in her life that I wont discuss as its not my issue to discuss.
So when she said she was going on holiday and the other friend then booked the same holiday (it was only butlins!) the mutal friend couldnt be bothered to change the holiday for her and her family as it would be more hassle than its worth. Mutual friend just wants an easy life but sadly with all the issues she has going on her life is anything but easy.

Fair enough and I hope I wasn’t out of line sticking my nose in your business. I just feel sad hearing about people deliberately not invited to things, seems so petty and immature and I don’t get why your mate wouldn’t stick up for you - is a quiet life worth the suffering of your friend? Ok ok sorry I’m doing it again... I fully accept I don’t know everything

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I think that's a little misjudged. I've lost touch with several childless friends since I had kids - nothing to do with wanting other kids around to entertain mine. In my experience non-parents don't get "it" ; mine would still invite me on holidays, weekends, nights out, shopping trips, would cancel plans last minute etc...life isn't like that when you're a mum, not for me anyway. I do have some wonderful child free mates still but they tend to have a lot of kids around them to give more of an insight. Just my take

I 100% hear you but I've always been very accommodating with my friends with kids and I just found that I got left out of more and more. They'd rather spend their time with other families. Saying that, I might be the problem who knows

 

[Blondie]

Do 1st and 2nd friend know each other?

Yes they do.
I feel like I've missed some warning signs along the way but i was a good friend to both of them

 

[GiggleBee]

Ah I emphasise with your struggle. Sometimes I’ve wished it was socially acceptable to break up with a friend as with a partner. It’s just as conceivable you can grow apart from a friend, notice that you just don’t like them as much as you used to. But if they don’t feel the same, what do you do? It’s tough.
Your so-called friend sounds like they are very insecure, worried your relationship with the other friend is stronger than theirs so conspire to squeeze you out and put you down. And i can see this kind of person being jealous of your health problems like you say, ludicrous as that sounds, because they are desperate for attention.
The fact that they get on your case if you don’t speak to them for a few days shows to me they know they are treating you wrongly and don’t want to be held to account for such bad behaviour so it’s important they confirm you aren’t annoyed with them - as you would be well within your rights to be. But I think they likely feel a bit bad too - and don’t want the guilt.

What about the mutual friend though? I’m always suspicious of someone who claims to be powerless and refuse to rock the boat however badly you are being treated. And you say the annoying friend invited themselves on holiday with the mutual friend? I’m sorry I don’t believe that at all. I’m sure you can always prevent someone coming along if you truely don’t want them there. Sounds like the mutual friend might be playing you both a bit to keep in your good books..

But I don’t want presume too much of your life. I agree you need to say something short and simple to annoying friend - don’t give them lots of material to respond to but maybe say “I think we’d both benefit if we take a bit of a friendship break. No hard feelings whatsoever- but I think it’s best for now.”

Bear in mind annoying friend will probably run straight to the mutual one....

Good luck !

The mutual friend has alot going on in her life that I wont discuss as its not my issue to discuss.
So when she said she was going on holiday and the other friend then booked the same holiday (it was only butlins!) the mutal friend couldnt be bothered to change the holiday for her and her family as it would be more hassle than its worth. Mutual friend just wants an easy life but sadly with all the issues she has going on her life is anything but easy.

 

[Rosiepie]

How do you deal with fake friends? Cutting them off is easier said than done. Im tired of this one friend. She makes no effort, constantly leaves me out of outings but when asked she comes up with an excuse or if I dont message her for a few days she then messages me asking if im okay and why im not talking.
She seems to stalk our other mutal friend, bending over backwards to help her, turning up at her house to take her children for the weekend, even though the other friends said no previously she just tells her she wont take no for an answer.
Our friend went on her first family holiday in July and she invited her self along and went with them.
I feel like shes jealous of my health issues, whatever I have she has worse but yet doesnt display any of the symptoms she should and carries on life as normal where I feel like im trying to walk through mud most days.
I honestly think she has an undiagnosed mental health condition, although I cant put my finger on what it would be.

A friendship should be balanced and it sounds like your friend is not a true friend. She’s not being respectful. Sounds like she wants the other friend to like her more than you. You don’t need these sort of people in your life - they can be toxic. I’d be civil to her when required but nothing else. With regards to the mutual friend, well if she treats you nicely then spend time with her, but if you see her going off with your other friend, I’d say good riddance and move on and find better relationships that are less stressful and kind.

 

[Blondie]

I hate fake friends. I had this one friend who would constantly text me and call me and want me to hang out with her (great) but because I'm not all about getting drunk all the time, she doesn't want to know anymore. I wouldn't mind but i was there for her ALOT. All her issues she was going through, i was there. Went to "save" her late at night when shes having a mental breakdown and hasn't anyone else to turn to. Now shes best friends with some other mum and i never, ever hear from her any more. I feel like shes purposely avoiding me.

Second fake friend, it was all one sided and it was always me making the effort. Me making the conversation. Me inviting her out (she always said no anyway). She only wanted me when she "got" something out of the friendship. Something that benefited her.
So i stopped making an effort with her and 6 months down the line shes gone and deleted me off all social media without a word.

I have literally done nothing wrong to these women, i was a good and loyal. I know they didn't deserve my friendship.
Thing is, I wouldn't even care but my child is best friends with their children and they are Organising things together outside of school and my child is getting left out. I don't know what to do

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I've moved to a different area and find everyone already has their set friends and family nearby. Not many people seem to want to welcome someone new although I have made one friend.

That's great. You are right, people are happy with the friends they have. I guess I'm used to a place where it is "the more the merrier"

 

[Orange Creme]

That's great. You are right, people are happy with the friends they have. I guess I'm used to a place where it is "the more the merrier"

Where is this place that you speak of?

 

[Horatio]

That's great. You are right, people are happy with the friends they have. I guess I'm used to a place where it is "the more the merrier"

I think that’s half true - but making new friends later in life is exciting too. Because it’s so much rarer. But me and my current friends have discussed this a fair amount and though we love each other we all agree. Have you thought of doing some kind of class - a language, a sport, whatever. That’s a good way to meet people. Don’t give up!

 

[Orange Creme]

I hate fake friends. I had this one friend who would constantly text me and call me and want me to hang out with her (great) but because I'm not all about getting drunk all the time, she doesn't want to know anymore. I wouldn't mind but i was there for her ALOT. All her issues she was going through, i was there. Went to "save" her late at night when shes having a mental breakdown and hasn't anyone else to turn to. Now shes best friends with some other mum and i never, ever hear from her any more. I feel like shes purposely avoiding me.

Second fake friend, it was all one sided and it was always me making the effort. Me making the conversation. Me inviting her out (she always said no anyway). She only wanted me when she "got" something out of the friendship. Something that benefited her.
So i stopped making an effort with her and 6 months down the line shes gone and deleted me off all social media without a word.

I have literally done nothing wrong to these women, i was a good and loyal. I know they didn't deserve my friendship.
Thing is, I wouldn't even care but my child is best friends with their children and they are Organising things together outside of school and my child is getting left out. I don't know what to do

Do 1st and 2nd friend know each other?

 

[GiggleBee]

Okay, yeah maybe I was wrong doing it through face book but she wouldnt listen otherwise. Anything you say to her goes in one ear and out that other, shes read this though, knew it was about her and shes obviously taken it in because shes not said anything back.
Ive since deleted the post, so its not up for everyone to see anymore.

 

[GiggleBee]

How do you deal with fake friends? Cutting them off is easier said than done. Im tired of this one friend. She makes no effort, constantly leaves me out of outings but when asked she comes up with an excuse or if I dont message her for a few days she then messages me asking if im okay and why im not talking.
She seems to stalk our other mutal friend, bending over backwards to help her, turning up at her house to take her children for the weekend, even though the other friends said no previously she just tells her she wont take no for an answer.
Our friend went on her first family holiday in July and she invited her self along and went with them.
I feel like shes jealous of my health issues, whatever I have she has worse but yet doesnt display any of the symptoms she should and carries on life as normal where I feel like im trying to walk through mud most days.
I honestly think she has an undiagnosed mental health condition, although I cant put my finger on what it would be.

 

[GiggleBee]

It's natural to feel guilty when you start setting boundaries! What did say?

She was gonna come round and see me, we had plans all week. Our mutual friend decided she was going to see the christmas lights be put on, so she messaged saying 'Ive decided to see the light switch on, catxh up later'

So i put a statues up about how people are fake friends and only want you when they've no other option. She commented saying 'is this about me?' so I basically said it was and she said "it works both ways" and I basically said that was bullshit because im always asking her to do stuff and she hasnt replied