Ex boyfriend's behaviour is baffling me

[at-the-disco]

I'm sorry this is long, but i am at my lowest point and have no idea how to proceed. desperate for advice
We have now broke up twice, and now possibly 3 times in the space of 5-6 weeks, and he keeps coming back. for context we have been together for a year and 2 months, "broken up" for like a month now.

First time was my decision, i deeply regretted it and tried to reach out but got no response. then a few days later he finally responds and we meet up and decide to try again. we agree we love each other a lot and after lockdown we can start going back to normal.

A week or two passes and we meet up, have a nice time, but made excuses to go home early. things started feeling a bit off so i confront him, he says that it's boring just spending time in the car (covid restrictions) and tells me i'm reading into things and creating problems. I can't see us having mature adult conversation about my feelings so i didn't reply to his last message for a few days. I eventually messaged him 3 days later asking are we still together?, he says no and blocks me. reason being that i "ghosted him" for 3 days without telling him why. thought it was pretty clear why i did but i accepted responsibility for it in the end.

i spend the next 2 weeks absolutely distraught. then he reaches out to me after 2 weeks saying there's no getting over me and he wants us to work. ok, feeling extremely pessimistic but we start talking again. we have plans to meet Friday but last night he ignored my text from 8pm but continued posting on instagram and being online on whatsapp. i forget about it and go to sleep.

i then wake up at 1am to see that he has started following his ex girlfriend on instagram (who he had an abusive relationship with, and supposedly hates her guts and never wants to speak to her again). i FREAK the duck out and send him a message saying to never contact me again and get ducked. blocked him.

a few hours pass and i see that he's unfollowed her, then he contacts me AGAIN with the excuse of he was high on painkillers and other medication and didn't know what he was doing. he says he wants me and only me.

we argued for a few hours, i slept on it and woke up proposing that we meet up in a few days to talk. he says "im exhausted of talking about our issues" but he has not made any plans or effort to try and rekindle things in person.he of course is still trying to speak to me as normal.

can anyone offer insight? why does he keep coming back if he's making no effort whatsoever to fix things? has this happened to anyone else

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

It sounds toxic and if I were you I would speak to an (online?) therapist.

Your reactions seem quite extreme (blocking, telling him to eff off) and he sounds like he das a somewhat disorganized attachment style

 

[LunaLovegood]

What a head duck. To be honest though can you really see yourself being happy with this guy long term when this is what you would be building from? Think I’d be thinking it’s time to move on. You have my full sympathy trying to date during a pandemic it must be really difficult x

 

[at-the-disco]

It sounds toxic and if I were you I would speak to an (online?) therapist.

Your reactions seem quite extreme (blocking, telling him to eff off) and he sounds like he das a somewhat disorganized attachment style

i do have a therapist at the moment, it helps a little. i am suffering with depression at the moment, maybe situational depression due to this mess. thank you for your advice

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

May I ask how you old you both are?
He seems to be acting very immaturely. If he actually wants to make it work he’ll discuss the issues you have. If he point blank refuses I think you know you can’t carry on. As the issues will keep coming up.

 

[at-the-disco]

May I ask how you old you both are?
He seems to be acting very immaturely. If he actually wants to make it work he’ll discuss the issues you have. If he point blank refuses I think you know you can’t carry on. As the issues will keep coming up.

i am 26, and he's 2 years younger than me. yes i agree, i feel there is no effort being made to actually try and work on things together, and every time i bring it up i feel like im walking on eggshells

 

[Lauz666]

Babe. Run a mile. Block all contact. Or you'll be dealing with this on off relationship pain for the years to come.
He's not the one for you

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

i am 26, and he's 2 years younger than me. yes i agree, i feel there is no effort being made to actually try and work on things together, and every time i bring it up i feel like im walking on eggshells

It’s sounds very messy. And once you start blocking each other it gets toxic really messes with each other’s heads.
Perhaps tell him what you are feeling and if he wants to give it another try then communication is key.
I’ve had a few messy relationships and an ex who refused to discuss anything of meaning. It’s frustrating and ultimately lonely.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Block and move on. It’s beyond fixing and all that’s left to do.

You can’t block and then run back. He’s coming back to see if he still has access to you, that’s all.

 

[BettyCrocker]

This is not a relationship. The two of you aren’t meant to be together. Just accept it now, stop all the back and forth nonsense- it’s all unnecessary drama that you don’t need. It’s not going anywhere. Delete and block him across all social media, change your number and just move on. Save your time - he’s honestly not worth all of this agro.

 

[laughing]

Be the grown up and tell him this relationship does not work for you.

Wish him well.

And move on.

If he keeps texting you, block him again but this time, don't unblock him again.

 

[BettyCrocker]

i am 26, and he's 2 years younger than me. yes i agree, i feel there is no effort being made to actually try and work on things together, and every time i bring it up i feel like im walking on eggshells

hes 24..... so he’s a baby!!!!!!!! He’s just a daft little boy who has absolutely no clue about real life or real adult relationships or anything else. He’s not worth your time.

 

[at-the-disco]

hes 24..... so he’s a baby!!!!!!!! He’s just a daft little boy who has absolutely no clue about real life or real adult relationships or anything else. He’s not worth your time.

honestly...i am a 26 year old grown woman having to deal with this crap! i have never been in a relationship as invested as this one, i saw my future etc. so i think that's why im struggling to let go. i feel like i should've dealt with a painful breakup like this back in my late teens/early twenties haha

 

[under the ivy]

It doesn’t sound a healthy relationship. Think of your needs - if he’s not giving you want you want then respectfully get rid. Break-ups aren’t nice (I know, I got dumped in first lockdown) but you need to think about yourself in the long-run. Take care x

 

[BettyCrocker]

honestly...i am a 26 year old grown woman having to deal with this crap! i have never been in a relationship as invested as this one, i saw my future etc. so i think that's why im struggling to let go. i feel like i should've dealt with a painful breakup like this back in my late teens/early twenties haha

you don’t have to deal with this crap though, that’s the whole point. You are not at this guys beck & call. Your relationship is over. That’s obvious. So just stop. Stop with all the drama. Stop with the social media stalking - seeing who he’s following etc. Just stop. It’s over so take the high road - draw a line under it and move on with your own life. There’s absolutely nothing to be gained here by giving this nonsense anymore of your time or energy.

 

[Isa Drennan]

No contact, definitely disorganised attachment style, unless he’s willing to actively change and engage in therapy run a mile!

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

honestly...i am a 26 year old grown woman having to deal with this crap! i have never been in a relationship as invested as this one, i saw my future etc. so i think that's why im struggling to let go. i feel like i should've dealt with a painful breakup like this back in my late teens/early twenties haha

I feel for you, but I went through the same thing after being with someone over 8 yrs and I was in my early 30’s. If a man wants you he will make the effort it’s that simple. Words are cheap as chips and if he has no actions to back up his words, it sounds like he wants his cake and the cream on top hun. Don’t concentrate on what he’s thinking because you’ll never know. Have a think about what you want out of life and a relationship. If he won’t give you what you want, there will be someone else that will, I promise. Decide what it is that you want and how you want to be made to feel. A relationship is meant to enhance your life and this guy is just taking bits of it away x

 

[TheScarletgirl]

I don't think he is for you. Reminds me of a toxic person i dated years ago , lucky i got out within months rather than years. I got to the point i didn't eat because i was worrying so much over this person. You can do so much better Take care .

 

[LaurieLaurie]

You’re forcing something that isn’t right.

When I was younger I had a thing like this with a lad. We were firey but we clicked but he would blow up and fall out and then have a fresh start and then the cycle would repeat.
It never gets any better. Learn to ignore them the first time and your life gets easier.

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I don't think he is for you. Reminds me of a toxic person i dated years ago , lucky i got out within months rather than years. I got to the point i didn't eat because i was worrying so much over this person. You can do so much better Take care .

Nice name!