As misery loves company I thought others might like to share their woes. Or advice. Or even consoling words. I'll go first and will try not to make it too much of an essay.
I'm 50, single for most of my life. Have 2 grown up children as a result of a couple of bad relationships, one of which was physically and emotionally abusive. After those ended, met someone else who was unhappily married/separating but when push came to shove his feelings for me weren't strong enough and he went back to his wife. I was then single for 5 years, went on 100s of dates, got rejected time and again, felt like my self esteem was ebbing away. And then just as I was about to give up I met 'the one'. He was basically 90% or more of all the things I ever wanted in a partner - funny, intelligent, great conversationalist, had a similar sense of humour and cynical view of the world to me. Self sufficient (better cook than me), tall, handsome, broad shouldered (built like a prop forward), and best of all he liked me exactly as I was. He thought everything about me was great. I thought this was it. And for 5 years it was.
3 years ago we split up, because he was unhappy and basically suggested an open relationship. After we split up I found out that he'd been shagging some grotbag he met on a no strings sex site. She contacted me and gave me chapter and verse about her shagging 100s of blokes including him and going to sex clubs and wanting him to go with her. She made out that I was boring and dull and that any man would rather her swinging lifestyle than be with me and ended up harassing us both to the point I had to threaten her with the police. Despite all this, we did eventually get back together, after he ended it with her. I loved him, I thought he was going through a midlife crisis, and he sort of admitted as much. His mum then became terminally ill, and that was another thing that pushed us back together. And then it was mostly fine, not perfect but still great. I loved him and he was my best friend.
And then 2 months ago we had a row (we rarely rowed as we used to agree on most things, we've probably had less than 10 rows in 8 years). And he said 'oh Grotbags said you'd say that'. And then it came out they'd been in contact for 6 months. Even though she harassed us, was bleeping vile to me, and similar to him, while his mum was dying. He said she was his friend and she has a partner now, but the way she had behaved previously I said showed she was no friend to him. And I ended it. He shouted, told me I was being crazy, turning it all on him etc.
I left and I've not heard from him since other than to collect his stuff (I left it in the porch and didn't see him) We didn't live together which makes it easier, but still I'm just so sad that its over. I know I made the right decision but I miss him so much. I try to keep busy but he was of course a huge part of my life. The rest of our lives was planned out and he threw it all away and for what? What was the point? Thanks to some social media stalking I know he' not with her, she's still with her partner. So what was it all for? To get his ego massaged? I told him every day that I loved him, how handsome he was. I complimented him all the time. Yet that wasn't enough.
And now I just miss him so much, I don't have any family other than my kids, I have some friends but we're not close and they're all in relationships. A few of them have been pretty clear they don't have time for me, which is why I find myself baring my soul on here!
I know time will help and it is getting better, I don't cry every time I think about it all now. But the thought of doing the whole dating thing again fills me with horror, but then being on my own for the rest of my life doesn't appeal either. People keep telling me he'll contact me again, try and get back together, I don't think he will but even if he does I can't forgive this, not again.
Sorry for the essay TLDR: we broke up after 8 years and I'm sad.
I'm 50, single for most of my life. Have 2 grown up children as a result of a couple of bad relationships, one of which was physically and emotionally abusive. After those ended, met someone else who was unhappily married/separating but when push came to shove his feelings for me weren't strong enough and he went back to his wife. I was then single for 5 years, went on 100s of dates, got rejected time and again, felt like my self esteem was ebbing away. And then just as I was about to give up I met 'the one'. He was basically 90% or more of all the things I ever wanted in a partner - funny, intelligent, great conversationalist, had a similar sense of humour and cynical view of the world to me. Self sufficient (better cook than me), tall, handsome, broad shouldered (built like a prop forward), and best of all he liked me exactly as I was. He thought everything about me was great. I thought this was it. And for 5 years it was.
3 years ago we split up, because he was unhappy and basically suggested an open relationship. After we split up I found out that he'd been shagging some grotbag he met on a no strings sex site. She contacted me and gave me chapter and verse about her shagging 100s of blokes including him and going to sex clubs and wanting him to go with her. She made out that I was boring and dull and that any man would rather her swinging lifestyle than be with me and ended up harassing us both to the point I had to threaten her with the police. Despite all this, we did eventually get back together, after he ended it with her. I loved him, I thought he was going through a midlife crisis, and he sort of admitted as much. His mum then became terminally ill, and that was another thing that pushed us back together. And then it was mostly fine, not perfect but still great. I loved him and he was my best friend.
And then 2 months ago we had a row (we rarely rowed as we used to agree on most things, we've probably had less than 10 rows in 8 years). And he said 'oh Grotbags said you'd say that'. And then it came out they'd been in contact for 6 months. Even though she harassed us, was bleeping vile to me, and similar to him, while his mum was dying. He said she was his friend and she has a partner now, but the way she had behaved previously I said showed she was no friend to him. And I ended it. He shouted, told me I was being crazy, turning it all on him etc.
I left and I've not heard from him since other than to collect his stuff (I left it in the porch and didn't see him) We didn't live together which makes it easier, but still I'm just so sad that its over. I know I made the right decision but I miss him so much. I try to keep busy but he was of course a huge part of my life. The rest of our lives was planned out and he threw it all away and for what? What was the point? Thanks to some social media stalking I know he' not with her, she's still with her partner. So what was it all for? To get his ego massaged? I told him every day that I loved him, how handsome he was. I complimented him all the time. Yet that wasn't enough.
And now I just miss him so much, I don't have any family other than my kids, I have some friends but we're not close and they're all in relationships. A few of them have been pretty clear they don't have time for me, which is why I find myself baring my soul on here!
I know time will help and it is getting better, I don't cry every time I think about it all now. But the thought of doing the whole dating thing again fills me with horror, but then being on my own for the rest of my life doesn't appeal either. People keep telling me he'll contact me again, try and get back together, I don't think he will but even if he does I can't forgive this, not again.
Sorry for the essay TLDR: we broke up after 8 years and I'm sad.
Our relationship wasn't perfect, in retrospect there were issues that I ignored because I really did love him, I was so 
I always knew there was someone out there for me, never settled (I could have stayed in past 