EmmyLou Loves #109 Xmas ebook of lies, crimes against our eyes, hovel & gusset filled with flies

[just taking a break]

My Mum now considers me an IT genius because I was able to get their vaccine certs into their Apple wallets. It has eclipsed all my other achievements
@b!tch_eating_crackers
@AlovesnewFezza

 

[#Super Cute]

Fried cheese samich. Buy my ebook

 

[Kalesmoothie]

Peep the order number, if anyone buys a copy they should be able to see how many have sold at that time. Maybe someone should take the hit in a week, once the initial flurry of sales is done.

happy to take 1 for the fezzas i’ll even pop it on afterpay so she loses 6%

 

[SnarkyTart]

I'm bored...where's Lou?!

Theories:
1. A clam fell down and donked her on the head. She's out cold, but the kids finally have some peace and quiet so they won't alert ALove until tomorrow.
2. She's lurking around outside the National Gallery of Victoria, trying to find a a side door to squeeze her melon through and crash their gala event.
3. She's trying to work out how to convert the ebook she made on Microsoft Publisher 95 to Windows 10.
4. She's checked herself into a bewdiful local hosbidal with a mysterious ailment just in time to reel in that cold, hard sympathy ca$h just in time for Christmas.

 

[Female Businesswoman]

Wow that’s some turkey

 

[gemmagucci]

Spotted no balls and the kids in Woolies. Walked past overhead Sage on the phone to mumma asking her if he could have/do something of some sorts. He gets off the phone and laughing says to Alove “Mum says she’s gonna tell you, you are pussy.” Could only gather Aloves has said call mum and ask her if you are allowed to have/do this that or the other. We don’t call him no balls for nothing.

he then says to kids if you want something for lunch there’s hotdogs at home

kids in the chocolate aisle , each grabbing chocolates. Like they need it.

 

[GemmaBish]

It looks like a deformed catfish. I wouldn’t eat anything this grot prepared

How about the evening wear in that 70’s hovel kitchen.

View attachment 2608895

Aah ha ha ha can’t unsee it

 

[gemmagucci]

Hey lazy, your ATO debt info is already circulating on the bookclub/mums whatsaaps!! Keep a low profile in the coming days. You are being gossiped about in the area and surrounding areas.

 

[veganchickenwings]

You forgot to pop the skinny filter on for your shadow, Emmy!

 

[Mslane]

Away in a hovel
No man in her bed
The little lardy lou
Lay down Her fat head
The clams on the wall
Look down where they hang
The little Lardy lou
Asleep on the couch
The doggies are humping
The poor children look spent
But little Lord lardy lou
No crying she makes
I love Thee, Lord lardylou
Bob marley looks down from the wall
And stay away your fridge
'Til morning is nigh

 

[AlovesnewFezza]

Brad on point calling her a filthy animal... Definitely the best placed Die Hard quote I've seen in a while.
---


Chapter 2:

Unfortunately the children couldn't hear me over the dulcet tones of Bob Marley, so I texted my ever faithful companion Charlotte, to see if she'd come and help.

"No response - that's strange, we're so close" I thought to myself.

Racking my brain for solutions (which took all of .4 seconds, there's not a lot happening up there... Yo Yo Mama is not a farkin' scholar!) I decided to give Leah a call.

*To be continued by another Fezza

Chapter 3
I delicately broke the news to the kids by telling them that Aaron had left us all, not just left me but had left them too. I knew it was time to make him regret leaving so I came up with the perfect idea which came to me after devouring a box of cheezels in bed.
I turned up to his apartment complex wearing my latest gifted non-lined bikini, I rolled around on that couch I paid for and spread eagle so he could see the camel toe he would be missing. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed because he just had that same goofy soft cock smile he always had. Anyway I decided to complete my visit with bombies in the complex pool to leave a lasting impression. I left knowing I would return next week at 7am with the kids so he could cut their toenails. I love surprising Alove

to be continued by another fezza

 

[babe#3]

I have deciphered the contents photo:
1. Five Spice Chicken
2. Christmas Peri Peri Chicken
3. Baked salmon with pomegranates and blood orange
4. Lime and Sweet Chili Prawns
5. Simple Summer Calamari
6. Spiced Lamb Shoulder
7. Mediterranean Lamb Cutlets
8. Cherry and Green Peppercorn Glazed Christmas ham (last year’s recipe)
9. Rosemary & Orange Porchetta
10. **** BBQ Pork Belly (old recipe)
11. Hassleback Potato Bake (Jamie Oliver has this in his Christmas recipe book)
12. **** Parmesan Potatoes
13. Best ever potato salad (this has had many features on her page)
14. Cowboy Caviar
15. Apple and Fennel Salad
16. Lou’s Brown Rice Salad
17. 10-minute pasta salad (this has also been done before)
18. Crunch cabbage salad
19. Brad’s Roasted Cauliflower and Chickpea salad (I am certain she has already posted this before)
20. Whipped butter (does anyone actually need a recipe for this??)
21. Christmas Rocky Road (old recipe - the one with the pretzels)
22. Mum’s Christmas Fruit Cake
23. Christmas Cherry Ice Cream Cake
24. Christmas morning scrolls (aka cinnamon scrolls)
25. Christmas crinkle cake
26. Banoffee Pie Triffle
27. Pavlova Wreath (from your local Woolworth)
28. The Summer … Jug
29. Festive Fried Rice (another recycled recipe)
30. Christmas Carbonara (old recipe but with the word Christmas put in front of it)
31. Quick Quiche (old recipe)
32. Christmas *** Pasta Pot

From this list of recipes, all us fezzas can also be cook book authors!

Mr Babe#3 will have Christmas Sate Chicken and Christmas Rice for dinner tonight!

*some words were too hard to make out so I inserted *** but feel free to correct (my eyes are tired after writing a legal blog last night).

 

[I'm A Sellebrity]

Takes money from charity but we need some clarity- is the ebook for christmas dough or money to pay the ATO???

 

[RojoCaliente]

Thread #110
A charity scam, a wallful of clams, the recipe ebook's a plagiarised sham

 

[#Super Cute]

Here FondleLou, I fixed it for you.

* yes that’s her fat minge at the bottom
** can I book in for some free editing lessons please @#Super Cute? This is embarrassing
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Merry Christmas

 

[Bishma]

Okay. I tipped off the DailyMail.

 

[ChunkyCustard]

Taming Twins (look her up on Insta) has just released a Christmas Day plan. It's got easy make ahead recipes, a fully printable time plan so that things aren't in the oven at the same time and the temp doesn't fluctuate, and customisable printable shopping lists which you can scale for 4, 8 or 12 people.

Total cost? NOTHING.

Do better Emmylou.

 

[slap2fish2gether]

It should say dolce and kabana given her penchant for meat

 

[screenfreelookatme]

She already ready with the perfect outfit for when she can’t pay that ATO debt

 

[SnarkyTart]

What in the fucking cheap compression sock has she squeezed her body into today?! Lia's got her work cut out tonight rolling that off Lou!