Driving - Anxiety

[J3N1800]

I'm almost 35 and I still don't have a license. I grew up in the middle of a city, I didn't need to drive anywhere as public transport was very much readily available and we didn't have a car, so I never had the interest or the need to get my driver's license as soon as I was 18. However as I postponed, my anxiety about driving got worse and I don't know if I'll be able to learn or pass the exam. My attention span is a mess, people drive like lunatics around here and since I still live in the city, nothing is pushing me to learn. I feel embarrassed whenever this comes up as people tend to be shocked as if I just told them I have a hostage living in my basement, but the fear still holds me back.

One of my best friends is in a similar position - mid 30's and never needed to drive. Attempted lessons, but her anxieties around driving made her less consistent - long periods of time would pass before plucking up the courage to try again.
She was single last year and embarrassed telling people on dates she didn't drive because she'd feel judged, or it deterred them from pursuing a relationship with her - I tried to encourage her to benefit her self-esteem but she recently met a boyfriend who drives and I think it no longer bothers her!

 

[Thank(space)you]

hi everyone, hoping this is the right place for this post!

the other day, while stationary in traffic, the car behind me drove into me. we'd been stuck in traffic for a while so he wasn't going fast, but was enough of a bump for me to feel it and for there to be some marks left on my car.

I called the insurance company, as I know you're meant to report all incidents, and now I think i've made a claim - perhaps naiively I didn't realise this until after the call when I was getting lots of emails through about repairs to my car and getting a hire car etc. Also mention of physiotherapy as I said I had a headache afterwards (from the stress! and I only mentioned it cos the insurance person asked me if I had a headache after)

I was so shaken up by the whole thing, having to get out my car and talk to the man who was reluctant to give me his details as he didn't see it as a big issue as he 'hardly touched me' and now i'm doubting myself - should I retract the claim because it wasn't a big crash and the damage was very minimal? I'm feeling really guilty and anxious about the whole situation and i'm not sure what to do. Don't want to be seen to be making a big deal out of nothing - what do you think I should do?

If you want to make a claim you're well within your rights to, but it will affect your insurance renewal quotes. Is there damage to the car, if so would the other person be willing to settle directly outside of insurance? I hope you're okay

 

[Millennial Pink]

Got the rescue remedy and had a pastille already. They worked for me for some uni exams so even if its a placebo I'll take it
My sons a great companion in the car and will encourage me if I panic a bit. I've told him we can get a celebratory mcdonalds on the way home so I'll reward myself with that!

That sounds lovely. You're going at a nice quiet time so it'll breeze by!

 

[Ensay]

It was actually fine! I saw the blue sign and my heart literally stopped (had to turn my music all the way down and focus), luckily it was fairly quiet so had no issues merging or anything. I stayed in the left lane and took the first exit off, I actually think it’s helped! I wouldn’t be as scared if I had to do it again - this was my first time on a motorway baring in mind still got a fear though

I came to a massive roundabout after (with about 5 lanes) which was 10x harder but I did it, I was probably in the wrong lane but luckily there was only a few cars about 10/10 do not reccomend, I need a boyfriend to drive me about… passenger princess life is the life for me

I still remember my first time on the motorway after I passed my test. I was really nervous, because I'd obviously never driven on one before and then I was alone in the car on a busy road.

But I was fine and found I enjoyed it because it's actually quite straightforward. You just have to watch out for last minute lane changers and most of them tend to drive like maniacs down the outside lane anyway.

I'd driven on plenty of dual carriageways when learning and a motorway is really just the same but with one or two more lanes.

 

[coconochanel]

I can't parallel park either - I finally mastered it in 2019 when I used to drive to work every day (and parallel park at least some of those days). Then lockdown happened and we didn't go to the office for 2 years, I've now lost the knack completely.

Tip for this is pull up next to a parked car then reverse until you are halfway back from the parked car then start to turn your wheel to maneuver into the space.

 

[Ceebee]

Does anyone here have an issue with driving a little too close to the left? I started learning to drive in 2019, then the pandemic hit and I gave it up. Trying to pick it back up again but my anxiety is terrible. Doesn't help that my partner is a very nervous passenger. He tells me I'm too close to the left & this is what happened when I started driving it took me months to get my road positioning correct. Just wondering how I can fix it sooner than that. Thanks everyone!

 

[MsGilmore]

This week I drove from Teesside to Manchester and back in my new car for the first time. It is about 120 miles each way.

My new car is a little faster on acceleration and breaking compared to my old one ( both 1.0 automatics, but old was a 2008 108 and new is the 2018 version), so it made joining the motorway and changing lanes much easier.

What is funny, is I do this drive once a month and I would rather drive to Manchester than drive to somewhere 15 minutes from my house if I have not been there before.

I did come back a day earlier than planned though, I don't trust the weather,l forecast for tomorrow, especially where the motorway crosses the moors just outside of Manchester (where a sign tells you that you are on England's highest motorway). No matter the weather, it is always worse up there.

I live about five miles away from the summit of the M62 and I wouldn’t want to be stuck up there in the snow!

 

[Millennial Pink]

I also hate when there’s a bus ahead of me. I never know whether to go around when it stops or just wait. Usually I just wait it out but then there’s more and more cars stopping behind me so stressful!!

I go by indicators and whether I can see anyone getting off or on. If they're indicating right I always let them go, otherwise overtake if it's safe.

 

[Thank(space)you]

My friend is looking after my daughter tomorrow and her road is horrendous to park on, never any spaces, all tight parallel parking spots. My road you parallel park but everyone leaves loads of space for you. Hers on the other hand... she doesn't have any visitor permits either so I'm panicking I'm gonna get a ticket

 

[Codiaeum]

I'm seriously considering buying myself a car but I'm worried I'll waste my money because my driving anxiety will get in the way
My family keep saying 'well it takes practise just do it' but I'm so nervous.

I'm looking at small automatics (small being a big factor because my parking skills are atrocious) but my price range is small (max of 5.5k) - what cars would people recommend?

I'm in the same boat and still contemplating a small car.

I used to drive a Fiat Punto, which I would not recommend, as I kept having funny issues with it.
Smaller cars I have had good experiences with would be
- Twingo (sis had one, loved it and only upgraded because she bought a caravan)
- Zoe, if you're considering electric
- Smart
- VW Up or the derivatives of it by Skoda, it's the same car, different brand


I recently drove a Corsa for a short trip but wasn't a fan. It's small but i didn't like the "feeling".

 

[Millennial Pink]

I was waiting to join a section of the A19 near Stockton-on-Tees. The a19 crosses above the road I was on, so I had to drive up a sliproad . There is a very limited view of the road until the very top of the slip. Some dickhead honked me and I drove straight out onto the road and nearly got hot by a HGV.

I think I know the section you mean. Horrible road design, you shouldn't need to join a fast road from a dead stop because you can't see.

 

[Ceebee]

Thanks for the replies! @Codiaeum I will have to make sure I'm sitting at the right height, I will check tomorrow. I'm really short too (4"11) so that could be an issue. @Cosmo I didn't realize that was where the right tyre was! I'll keep it in mind & hopefully it will help.

 

[Lalla]

I can't parallel park either - I finally mastered it in 2019 when I used to drive to work every day (and parallel park at least some of those days). Then lockdown happened and we didn't go to the office for 2 years, I've now lost the knack completely.

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

Wow I don't even have a license yet and I had never considered that you have to test drive cars with the salesman in the car with you Anther reason to put off taking my test!

Oh god please don't let it put you off! Even though I'm anxious I'm glad I pushed through and got my license!

I'm not sure if it's standard but when my partner bought his car the woman was sat in the back, I don't think she made any comments but was just talking about features of the car etc.
You probably get to choose if they're in the car or not, I'm just overthinking!

 

[TiredOfFakes]

Thanks so much I'm definitely going to ring and change in the morning I feel less anxious even thinking that way hopefully second time lucky

 

[Thank(space)you]

Today is the day I'm driving my son to the academy session. I've checked the route multiple times on maps and feel sick every time I think of the journey.
I keep telling myself it could be worse, I could have to drive him further away, or at rush hour or into a busy city. It's not, it's 13 miles, 25 minutes and I will be fine.
I have to leave at 645 and then coming back leave at 830 so the roads should be quiet. I don't know why I am panicking so much. I'm popping to boots on my lunch break to get some kalms rescue remedy as I think it might help.

How did you get on?

 

[Codiaeum]

The aspect about the aggressive car is interesting!

We (or rather, my BF) has a bigger, aggressive car. I don't like driving it myself, it's too big and I'm genuinely scared of the acceleration. Otoh, I used to drive a Fiat Punto and we used to have a Fiesta before the current car and people really do the most stupid things because you drive a cute, small car and not a baddy aggressive one. BF says that quite often he was overtaken by a hair's width on the autobahn in the Fiesta, but with the BMW, they don't dare. So stupid!

I said I'd actually like to have a "driving shopping bag", like a VW Up. Cute, small enough to fit everywhere, I could use it for grocery shopping or just short errands. But we don't need two cars, we hardly need the one we have. My driving would benefit though.

 

[TheStrawberryThief]

I think I know the section you mean. Horrible road design, you shouldn't need to join a fast road from a dead stop because you can't see.

Yep it will be the place you are thinking of. It is a miracle that people are not killed there on a regular basis imo.

 

[sassquatch23]

If you want to make a claim you're well within your rights to, but it will affect your insurance renewal quotes. Is there damage to the car, if so would the other person be willing to settle directly outside of insurance? I hope you're okay

Thank you! There is damage to the car but nothing major and nothing that affects how the car works etc. just feeling so conflicted between making a claim (and affecting the other person’s insurance payments as well as my own) or just leaving it, but living with the cracked paint etc. i could ask if they’d be willing to accept outside of the insurance, that’s a good idea. Otherwise thinking either leave it to the insurance or let it go.

 

[Kim Mild]

Maybe it depends how much the car costs whether or not the salesperson comes too. I think it might be an insurance thing .I've had them come with us before and not . I've also had them make me leave both our vehicle and keys on their premises whilst going for a test drive.
We've both driven them on test drives, we just pull over and swap.