Dreaded BF step mother

[Phil McCrackin]

I think it’s incredibly disrespectful of your boyfriend and his dad to treat her like this in her own home, but if a red flag from bf if this is how he treats family. Particularly mentioning she doesn’t pay the mortgage. Wtf if you go on maternity leave and your partner pays the mortgage do you not get a say in your own home? If she doesn’t feel comfortable with someone coming and going in the middle of a pandemic that is fair enough.
It’s annoying but it is her home not yours. Maybe your boyfriend should stay at yours instead.
Everyone in story is being a fool and this is a really weird family dynamic.

My BF isn’t the one that told me this it was his dad. She also kicked his daughter out when she was dying but that’s a whole other story

I think I need to elaborate a little bit more. I’ve said to my BF I really don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone because that is not me at all. I was brought up better than that. Both him and his dad have sat me down and said it isn’t anything to do with covid it’s because she doesn’t like his children. And I am welcome to stay as long as I like. It’s just all very strange. I think she isn’t being personal towards me. It’s almost like I’m being used as a pawn to try and annoy my BF and his dad as she has said she is jealous of their relationship. Strange.

 

[Whaaaaat]

Why are you staying there though? I don’t get it? Do you have nowhere else to go?

If she’s that bad then why is the dad still with her? This all sounds dodgy IMO.

It’s her home regardless of who pays the mortgage, she has the exact same rights.

And it’s extremely disrespectful to leave your stuff in their shower. I would be raging if someone who I hardly knew was shaving their stuff in my shower, do it in your own or at least hide it.

 

[mermaidexoxo]

I think I need to elaborate a little bit more. I’ve said to my BF I really don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone because that is not me at all. I was brought up better than that. Both him and his dad have sat me down and said it isn’t anything to do with covid it’s because she doesn’t like his children. And I am welcome to stay as long as I like. It’s just all very strange. I think she isn’t being personal towards me. It’s almost like I’m being used as a pawn to try and annoy my BF and his dad as she has said she is jealous of their relationship. Strange.

The dad seems very very strange here. Why would he stay with someone that doesn’t like his kids, is jealous of them and is so rude to them?
What tier are you in if you don’t mind me asking?Even if they say it isn’t to do with Covid it still is a bit disrespectful and stupid to stay over and leave things like razors in the bathroom when it isn’t your house. Sorry if I am sounding rude here this is just all very bizzare.

 

[GetOffMyLawn]

My BF isn’t the one that told me this it was his dad. She also kicked his daughter out when she was dying but that’s a whole other story

I think I need to elaborate a little bit more. I’ve said to my BF I really don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone because that is not me at all. I was brought up better than that. Both him and his dad have sat me down and said it isn’t anything to do with covid it’s because she doesn’t like his children. And I am welcome to stay as long as I like. It’s just all very strange. I think she isn’t being personal towards me. It’s almost like I’m being used as a pawn to try and annoy my BF and his dad as she has said she is jealous of their relationship. Strange.

Are you in the UK? I’m only going by English rules but as others have repeatedly said (and you’ve ignored) there’s the very small matter of a flipping PANDEMIC that regardless of personal agendas, is making people a tad unreasonable (understandably).

Furthermore, Don’t leave your razors lying around; that’s just unhygienic and disrespectful.

I also think your partner and his father are a bit out of order; they’re not really showing her any respect and she’s going to resent it. You’re the convenient target. Perhaps leave until things settle down a bit.

 

[Alexaj]

COVID or not, it's her house and she doesn't want you there. Take the hint! I would NEVER stay over in someone else's house where I wasn't wanted. How old is your boyfriend if he's still living with his dad?

 

[SpiceWeasel]

I just wouldn’t go round there. I think the situation will only deteriorate. When I was 17/18 I had a boyfriend who’s mum absolutely hated me but had no real reason to. She would ignore me when I went round no matter how nice I tried to be and make me sit upstairs while they all had dinner. She was a single mum of three and my bf would say it was because she couldn’t afford to feed an extra mouth. In my family (also single parent) everyone would just have a bit less to accommodate an extra plate. I was also referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’, never by my name. I used to go round still but it was incredibly hostile and looking back I was stupid to keep going back. Regardless of how defiant you think you’re being, it’s still her home. I think feelings are amplified at the moment with lockdown as well as if something is getting to you there’s very little else to focus on.

 

[JoeBloggs]

You haven’t really filled in much background.

Regardless if you partner and his dad say it’s ok, it’s her home too. If she is not happy about you being there, ignoring this is fuelling her behaviour. She’s hasn’t gone about this the right way but I feel there must be more to this. Why are you there? If you have somewhere else to stay, stay there for a few weeks until you move. People are going through a hard time right now, why add to the stresses.

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

As much as her message is coming across as rude could the undying reason be Covid? If you live with your family then depending on your area you are breaking the rules by staying at his. Know that’s not what you really want to hear but if that’s the case she has a valid point. The execution of that message is rude but so is you commenting on the dad paying mortgage and bills. His dad might be indulging his son by allowing you around but that doesn’t make it morally right in a pandemic where so many people are losing their lives.

Maybe have a chat with her and see where the issues lie x

 

[Phil McCrackin]

I don’t feel comfortable going up to her and asking her even if I am polite because I don’t want her to feel in an awkward position even though she prob already feels like that. It may sounds strange but I’ve text her and explained that I would never intentionally disrespect her and apologised. The thing is with covid is that I’m worried to so I’m extra cautious and I work from my laptop that comes with me when I come. I know I should leave but I’m kind of stuck here in a way because I don’t drive and the trains are cancelled

 

[Whaaaaat]

I don’t know how you can be that brazen to stay in someone’s house who doesn’t want you there tbh.

It sounds as though you’ve essentially moved yourself in without her permission if you have enough stuff to be “stuck” there and your work things so you can work.

I’m sure you can get home if you really wanted to. Someone must drive - your parents, your boyfriend, his dad? Taxis are still running. I personally think you should leave because no one should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Are you potentially under tight restrictions and rules where you are, are you tier 4? Could be one of the reasons she is being how she is, especially if you are all working from home and under each others feet. End of the day, it is her and your boyfriends dad's home. i wouldn't stay where I wasn't welcome and I would be making effort to stay elsewhere.

 

[Bellaboo83]

I'd absolutely hate someone moving themselves into my house, your house is your sanctuary, your safe place, your home. For someone to just come in and just breach that must be very stressful at the best of times but during a pandemic even more so.

You've still not said what tier you are in?

I think she's being disrespected left right and centre here by everyone involved. She's made it clear she's unhappy opening her home to you so you need to leave really or its going to cause even more problems with their delicate family dynamics, if you've got somewhere else to go don't cause unnecessary trouble by staying there any longer....

 

[SpiceWeasel]

I'd absolutely hate someone moving themselves into my house, your house is your sanctuary, your safe place, your home. For someone to just come in and just breach that must be very stressful at the best of times but during a pandemic even more so.

You've still not said what tier you are in?

I think she's being disrespected left right and centre here by everyone involved. She's made it clear she's unhappy opening her home to you so you need to leave really or its going to cause even more problems with their delicate family dynamics, if you've got somewhere else to go don't cause unnecessary trouble by staying there any longer....

I think this would literally only be legal if she is not officially in a social bubble with them if they are in the Scilly Isles!

 

[Bellaboo83]

I think this would literally only be legal if she is not officially in a social bubble with them if they are in the Scilly Isles!

I agree, I think that's why the question of what tier they are in is not being answered. It is against rules to stay over or even be in someone else's house.

Rules and covid aside though, I've genuinely no idea why someone would want to carry on making someone else, another woman, feel uncomfortable and upset in their own home, it's the only place she has, she should be able to feel safe, secure and happy in her own home. She might not be handling it all that well, but she still has the right to live in peace and legitimately feel upset that someone has essentially moved into her safe space uninvited and most probably illegally. I feel sorry for her that she's been put in this position and that everyone around her seems to have no regard or respect for her feelings.

If she really is a wicked step mother then that's a matter for the father to resolve, or the son to talk to his father about, its nothing to do with OP, as is their bill situation. I also think being a step mother especially to older children must be a terribly hard role to be in sometimes and there will definitely be two sides to the wicked step mum story.

 

[jazyblu]

I don’t feel comfortable going up to her and asking her even if I am polite because I don’t want her to feel in an awkward position even though she prob already feels like that. It may sounds strange but I’ve text her and explained that I would never intentionally disrespect her and apologised. The thing is with covid is that I’m worried to so I’m extra cautious and I work from my laptop that comes with me when I come. I know I should leave but I’m kind of stuck here in a way because I don’t drive and the trains are cancelled

I honestly don’t understand why you insist on going, and bringing your laptop to work from HER home. If you and your bf need to see each other then go home and have him stay with you. If you are close enough to constantly go backwards and forwards you are close enough to just get a taxi and go home.

Covid aside it is a bit weird that you’ve only been seeing this guy a hot minute but you are working from his parents home, leaving your gammy razor in his parents bathroom and staying over for days at a time when his step mum doesn’t want you to.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Covid criticism aside (and it’s a big one let’s face it) this woman doesn’t want you in her home so if you want to build a better relationship with her, continuing to go round and leave your stuff there isn’t the way to go about this regardless of what new boyfriend and dad say. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want you there for whatever reason, I would stop going and try to build a friendship once covid is over and you can meet outside of the house. Leaving stuff like razors in the shower of the home of someone who’s made it clear you’re not welcome is obviously going to fuel the fire as well.

As others have said it’s pretty grim the way your boyfriend and dad are saying ‘she doesn’t pay so it doesn’t matter what she thinks’ so if you had a baby with this man and were on pitiful mat leave pay for a year or didn’t go back to work full time would they not care about your feelings in your home because you’re not paying? This would be a huge red flag for me personally.

 

[JoeBloggs]

What I think you are missing here is that this is HER home. You have moved yourself in and she’s not happy with it. Therefore the only way to solve this is to leave, you will be able to find a way.

 

[Kaye1976]

Hi this is an advice forum not a pull the poor lady apart when she has asked advice . Give advice but no need for any nasty comments!

We are all going through it at the moment and need support

 

[mermaidexoxo]

I don’t think any of these messages are nasty towards OP. People are just being honest. I can sympathise with OP as nobody should be treated like that by the stepmother, however she can’t expect to stay in someone else’s home, leaving their things around during a global pandemic. (Which is only getting worse in this country)

 

[JoeBloggs]

Hi this is an advice forum not a pull the poor lady apart when she has asked advice . Give advice but no need for any nasty comments!

We are all going through it at the moment and need support

The OP has been given lots of advice, in particular speak to the lady to address the issues or leave the situation. Both of which they seem to be refusing to do. No one is being nasty.