Dreaded BF step mother

[The Dowager]

Hi this is an advice forum not a pull the poor lady apart when she has asked advice . Give advice but no need for any nasty comments!

We are all going through it at the moment and need support

Support doesn’t mean telling someone only what they want to hear.

 

[Raininvain]

I'd stay away personally, you also shouldn't have left a razor in the shower. Its not your home and some people are worried about BBVs and Covid etc. Its her home as much as the Dads.
Just see your boyfriend elsewhere, I personally wouldnt set foot in a house again if someone spoke to me like this. Short of telling you to fucking get out what more can she say?

 

[jazyblu]

I think it’s incredibly disrespectful of your boyfriend and his dad to treat her like this in her own home, but if a red flag from bf if this is how he treats family. Particularly mentioning she doesn’t pay the mortgage. Wtf if you go on maternity leave and your partner pays the mortgage do you not get a say in your own home? If she doesn’t feel comfortable with someone coming and going in the middle of a pandemic that is fair enough.
It’s annoying but it is her home not yours. Maybe your boyfriend should stay at yours instead.
Everyone in story is being a dick and this is a really weird family dynamic.

 

[Whaaaaat]

I don’t know how you can be that brazen to stay in someone’s house who doesn’t want you there tbh.

It sounds as though you’ve essentially moved yourself in without her permission if you have enough stuff to be “stuck” there and your work things so you can work.

I’m sure you can get home if you really wanted to. Someone must drive - your parents, your boyfriend, his dad? Taxis are still running. I personally think you should leave because no one should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I'm starting to think this is a bullshit post trying to wind people up. Trains are still running despite what the OP is saying.

 

[jazyblu]

I don’t feel comfortable going up to her and asking her even if I am polite because I don’t want her to feel in an awkward position even though she prob already feels like that. It may sounds strange but I’ve text her and explained that I would never intentionally disrespect her and apologised. The thing is with covid is that I’m worried to so I’m extra cautious and I work from my laptop that comes with me when I come. I know I should leave but I’m kind of stuck here in a way because I don’t drive and the trains are cancelled

I honestly don’t understand why you insist on going, and bringing your laptop to work from HER home. If you and your bf need to see each other then go home and have him stay with you. If you are close enough to constantly go backwards and forwards you are close enough to just get a taxi and go home.

Covid aside it is a bit weird that you’ve only been seeing this guy a hot minute but you are working from his parents home, leaving your gammy razor in his parents bathroom and staying over for days at a time when his step mum doesn’t want you to.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Covid criticism aside (and it’s a big one let’s face it) this woman doesn’t want you in her home so if you want to build a better relationship with her, continuing to go round and leave your stuff there isn’t the way to go about this regardless of what new boyfriend and dad say. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want you there for whatever reason, I would stop going and try to build a friendship once covid is over and you can meet outside of the house. Leaving stuff like razors in the shower of the home of someone who’s made it clear you’re not welcome is obviously going to fuel the fire as well.

As others have said it’s pretty grim the way your boyfriend and dad are saying ‘she doesn’t pay so it doesn’t matter what she thinks’ so if you had a baby with this man and were on pitiful mat leave pay for a year or didn’t go back to work full time would they not care about your feelings in your home because you’re not paying? This would be a huge red flag for me personally.

 

[Whaaaaat]

Why are you staying there though? I don’t get it? Do you have nowhere else to go?

If she’s that bad then why is the dad still with her? This all sounds dodgy IMO.

It’s her home regardless of who pays the mortgage, she has the exact same rights.

And it’s extremely disrespectful to leave your stuff in their shower. I would be raging if someone who I hardly knew was shaving their stuff in my shower, do it in your own or at least hide it.

 

[mermaidexoxo]

I think I need to elaborate a little bit more. I’ve said to my BF I really don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone because that is not me at all. I was brought up better than that. Both him and his dad have sat me down and said it isn’t anything to do with covid it’s because she doesn’t like his children. And I am welcome to stay as long as I like. It’s just all very strange. I think she isn’t being personal towards me. It’s almost like I’m being used as a pawn to try and annoy my BF and his dad as she has said she is jealous of their relationship. Strange.

The dad seems very very strange here. Why would he stay with someone that doesn’t like his kids, is jealous of them and is so rude to them?
What tier are you in if you don’t mind me asking?Even if they say it isn’t to do with Covid it still is a bit disrespectful and stupid to stay over and leave things like razors in the bathroom when it isn’t your house. Sorry if I am sounding rude here this is just all very bizzare.

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I don’t see any nasty comments, I see support on both sides. Tbf it’s a pandemic, it’s her house. If I was her I wouldn’t like it either, especially if you‘ve left stuff lying around. Is she going about it in a petty way? Yes perhaps. But she’s not in the wrong for wanting her house to herself.

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

She’s ignoring the questions about tiers and COVID on purpose because she’s breaking the rules and the step mum knows it. My advice is be completely truthful otherwise don’t bother asking for advice.

Well seeing as OP posted in another thread in May about being with a partner for 10 years, I would say this is a very new relationship and I think the stepmum is allowed to not feel comfortable

 

[JoeBloggs]

I take it that you're not there full time, therefore as other have said you shouldn't really be there at all and unless you are in tier 1/2 then you also shouldn't be seeing your partner indoors (support bubbles aside).

As this seems to be a new relationship, leaving your items in the shower and staying over could be treading on their toes. Regardless of who pays the bills (none of your business) it's their home. Not your boyfriends and not yours. You need to speak to your partner and establish what the issue is. If you're due to move into your own place, perhaps she thinks you see their home as a free hotel while you're in limbo. Perhaps some more background would help.

 

[Lollipop2123]

It sounds like she's rude but also you shouldn't be in their house anyway and are breaking covid rules.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I agree with the stepmun you shouldn’t fucking be there. We are in the middle of a pandemic and I’m assuming your hopping between places and meeting up with mates

Honestly stay away from their place and have him round yours.

 

[LinaLamont]

If it’s because of Covid then she’s right although there’s no need for her to be rude. Also I think it’s a bit uncalled for to mention that she doesn’t pay the mortgage or bills; as far as you or anyone else is concerned it’s still her house and you should respect that. You’ve said you only recently got back with this guy so maybe leaving personal items in the bathroom was a bit over familiar. I wouldn’t appreciate someone I barely knew feeling entitled to treat my home like a hotel. Just avoid going there until you get your own place in a couple of weeks

 

[GetOffMyLawn]

My BF isn’t the one that told me this it was his dad. She also kicked his daughter out when she was dying but that’s a whole other story

I think I need to elaborate a little bit more. I’ve said to my BF I really don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone because that is not me at all. I was brought up better than that. Both him and his dad have sat me down and said it isn’t anything to do with covid it’s because she doesn’t like his children. And I am welcome to stay as long as I like. It’s just all very strange. I think she isn’t being personal towards me. It’s almost like I’m being used as a pawn to try and annoy my BF and his dad as she has said she is jealous of their relationship. Strange.

Are you in the UK? I’m only going by English rules but as others have repeatedly said (and you’ve ignored) there’s the very small matter of a flipping PANDEMIC that regardless of personal agendas, is making people a tad unreasonable (understandably).

Furthermore, Don’t leave your razors lying around; that’s just unhygienic and disrespectful.

I also think your partner and his father are a bit out of order; they’re not really showing her any respect and she’s going to resent it. You’re the convenient target. Perhaps leave until things settle down a bit.

 

[Bellaboo83]

I'd absolutely hate someone moving themselves into my house, your house is your sanctuary, your safe place, your home. For someone to just come in and just breach that must be very stressful at the best of times but during a pandemic even more so.

You've still not said what tier you are in?

I think she's being disrespected left right and centre here by everyone involved. She's made it clear she's unhappy opening her home to you so you need to leave really or its going to cause even more problems with their delicate family dynamics, if you've got somewhere else to go don't cause unnecessary trouble by staying there any longer....

 

[ItsEmmie]

I wouldn’t want you in my house if you don’t actually live there what with covid. If you do then she’s just being a dick. I’m shocked her partner isn’t telling her to get a grip

 

[Pinkblush]

I could never keep going into anyones home where I wasn't welcome. Whatever the situation. If my family didn't make the person I'm with welcome and it was something I couldn't reslove amicably then they I would see them separately and not put a person thru it.

 

[stopthescams]

She’s ignoring the questions about tiers and COVID on purpose because she’s breaking the rules and the step mum knows it. My advice is be completely truthful otherwise don’t bother asking for advice.