Do you think about death?

[thetis]

I'm afraid of losing my parents, and I'm afraid of dying full of regrets. I've felt suicidal many times but at the bottom of it, I've never really wanted to die; I just wanted to stop being, or stop being me. Around the time I had a lot of anxiety (there were multiple terrorist attacks, it was a constant fear) it pushed me to declutter, a Swedish Death Cleaning if you will, because I didn't want my parents to deal with a mess when they were grieving, in case something awful happened. I guess the thought of death is the reason why I'm more minimalistic.

Death itself is interesting to me but it also makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to 'learn' about it more when my nerves are in the right place, so I'll be more comfortable around the subject but I don't think anything can really prepare you for the finality of death. I'm not religious, so I don't know what comes after. Strange thing to think about, I often wonder how soldiers or doctors must feel about it, having been around it often.

One of my favourite quotes is about death, it actually calms me when I'm anxious about it.

 

[Louisej3]

Terrified of losing my mum, I lost my nana and grandad in 2015 a month apart when I was 17 and that broke me

 

[Ells321]

I sometimes think about dying and anxious it could be a slow and painful one. I have dealt with death through my life when I was younger, I lost my mum to cancer when I was 9 and my auntie who was a family friend when I was 12. I saw how the cancer affected them and how much pain they were in and it scared me. I worry for my other family members I have often said to myself I could never go to another funeral. I mean I know death happens but it’s the thought of it can happen at anytime and the not knowing.

 

[Blonde_moment]

Terrified of my parents dying, not sure how I’ll cope.

Same here. I am a single Mum with an 8 year old. My parents are like my rocks. I literally don’t know how I would get by without them and it’s something I can’t think about because I find it too traumatic. It would be hard with my son too because he’s so close to his Grandma and Grandad, he would be beyond devastated

 

[Fidah]

The older I become, the more I think about death, and it's disappointing me.

 

[Betty701]

Yes I am scared and think of dying quite a lot I’m also really scared of my husband and parents dying even more so than myself.

 

[LittleMy]

Yes. Over the years it’s been hard not to think about death when I was surrounded by it due to my line of work. I’ve been to more funerals than I can count, and at more deathbeds than I’d like, and I’m only 32.

I can’t really say that I fear the actual dying; we’re all dying, just some sooner than others. I do fear a painful death and losing any of my loved ones though - grief is so hard. I also don’t like the idea of leaving my children, especially while they’re young.

I like talking about it, I think it can be good to talk about it, but my husband doesn’t as it makes him uncomfortable and is too morbid for him.

 

[Babyyoda88]

I’ve always been worried about grandparents and parents dying. I remember as a kid praying that all my grandparents live until they were 99 as I thought that was a reasonable age to ask God for . Now all my grandparents have passed away I absolutely dread my parents dying. I don’t know what I’ll do without them. The pain of loosing them will be too much.
I’ve always wondered about death and never got my head round the fact you’re dead for eternity. Again as a child I asked my mum when we die are we born as babies again because I couldn’t understand the point of why we should die and that be it.
Now I’m a mother I do think of my own death and health a bit more because I’d be terrified of leaving my baby behind.

I know death is inevitable but it really does scare me.

 

[Pineapple glitter]

I just find it hard to comprehend that when you kick the bucket there's absolutely nothing else after death.

 

[Rainbow Blossom]

In many ways I don’t think we have the capacity to understand these things. I feel really envious (maybe not the right word) of people with faith in their life. Sometimes I wonder if it’s this fear of death that lives within many of us, that was the birth of religion so to speak. People can’t bare not knowing…
I’m not an atheist, I’m open minded, but sometimes I wish I had absolute faith in a god, so I didn’t have to feel so frightened by death.

 

[judsmum]

No. The only potential ‘death’ that gives me anxiety is my sons, so I don’t think about it.
Death, for me, is entirely normal - my family has run a funeral directors since the 1800’s, my mum and dad had it and since they’ve retired my cousin runs it, I grew up in funeral directors house and the rest room was attached to our house and if wanted our mum we’d go in there. I grew up around death every day.

 

[Tatooine_legend1]

I was thinking about death again recently, so I was reading up on death in ancient times and life expectancy around the world. I think of the dying going on in Ukraine, in Africa, in the middle east etc. I came across this saying and it's very true:

Too often I moan about getting older (I'm 33), but I really shouldn't. I need to be more grateful every day I am alive and kicking. There are younger people dying every day, so I often think about this.

I think about how I want to live my next few years. Tomorrow isn't promised. I want to learn guitar, I want to travel more, and I have ideas I need to put into action rather than procrastinating.

 

[Northern northener]

This may sound morbid. Each morning I check funeral notices of my local area. My husband thinks it's unhealthy. But i wake up glad to be alive especially when I see those who die so young. It also reminds me of good people I went to school with, seemingly forgotten, but are burying their parents, who I remember as middle aged people (my age). It makes me appreciate each day and hug my loved ones. Call my daughter and say I am proud of you.

 

[Milktray]

That's a tough one.
I see it being similar to the days before you were born and going back to pre-born state. But I can't imagine my mind not being here anymore. It's the 'nothingness' that I fear.

I do think about how my death might happen. I fear tragic death but also prolonged pain.

Most of all, I fear for my kids. The thought of anything happening to them is unbearable and the thought of anything happening to me whilst the kids need me is hard.

And still regarding kids, I think about after death, my dad got buried. I have this everlasting guilt that I don't visit the grave as often as I should. I decided that I wanted to be cremated, as I wouldn't want my children having the same guilt.
I feel haunted by dead people, not physically but mentally. I feel constantly judged by those who have passed.

So, yes, I do think and fear death.

 

[Babyyoda88]

I get scared when I think about what death actually is… eternal emptiness. if I think about it too much I feel overwhelmed and panicky. I can’t wrap my head around being gone FOREVER. Just nothing… for eternity.

This is exactly the same way I think about it too!! Just how?? Eternity. I can’t go there makes my head explode

 

[Rainbow Blossom]

My partner died of Covid in 2020. She was 32 and in good health. Not once did she ever talk about the fear of dying apart from than the fear of cancer.
Until that time I never thought about dying because I thought I would have a long life first. Now I am not so sure. I just have to carry on living a healthy life style and hope for a long life without troubles like cancer or some memory problems

I am so sorry for your loss. Life can be so very unfair

 

[jackolantern]

Absolutely, completely and utterly terrified. Since being a very young child I have vivid memories of lying in bed having panic attacks because I just could not comprehend how we go from being alive, to eternal, dark, nothingness. I don't know what happened to me to give me those thoughts so early on, but it was horrific. It's so hard to describe but I'd be lying there and out of nowhere suddenly picture it in my mind and just descend into an almost choking panic and start hyperventilating, like, nothing, forever? Not even 1000 or 10000 years, for ever and ever and ever. Anyway, I lived most of my life like that and only had more significant episodes of fear with specific and generally passing events like pandemics etc. But that all changed when my Dad died of cancer aged 53. A few years later my Grandma met the same fate and I also lost my Grandad, beloved dog and both my partners grandparents within a very short space of time. It was so much death, loss, misery and honestly suffering. None of them died 'peacefully' as we are led to believe/dream of. It honestly has irreparably fucked me and I didn't really have time or the tools to process or deal with it all.

Since then my general anxiety has turned into health anxiety which has literally ruined my life. I spend every single day endlessly worrying about illness (usually cancer and always jumping to worse case scenario and imagining all that comes with that), checking symptoms, googling, looking at photos, reading the same articles over and over and over. I am completely consumed and obsessed over the fear of death and if not mine, losing my partner or now my baby which either would be the end of me if I'm honest. I know people say you cope, but not everyone does and I couldn't, nor would want to live without them. It's also made my own fear of death 1000 times worse because the thought of leaving them without me makes me physically ill, or missing out on my babies life, I can't bare it.

I wish I could say I've found a way to navigate living like this but I'm 30 and still haven't. There's an old quote about "do not let the fear of dying keep you from living" or something along those lines and it resonates so deeply with me because that is completely what I do. I am so scared of dying, I don't live. And I don't know what to do about it. I try and distract myself as much as possible but it only gets so far y'know?

I honestly truly envy people who have religion. My OH doesn't worry because while he doesn't believe in a God as such, he does believe in something because the world is so complex and amazing, it seems too hard to believe it's just chance and all for nothing. But I just don't have the same faith, I do believe we just return to the dirt and honestly, how do any of us process that?

Humans have evolved far past what we should have IMO, we weren't ever meant to consider our own mortality or unhappiness and I think that's the route of alot of evils.

 

[Tatooine_legend1]

I fear death very much. I’m scared of those around me dying especially my children and husband. I worry about that every day and night… but I also fear my own death in terms and the actual act of it. How does it feel? Where do we go? Is there an afterlife? The thought of the blackness terrifies me. And then I also have fears about actually being a dead body and what happens… decomposition, being cremated… it just freaks me out so much.

My husband hates talking and thinking about it and is able to just block out the thoughts. I seem to be quite a deep thinker in comparison.

I do think it's important to talk about it. I have found that we aren't too good at talking about death in this country. We avoid it and dance around the issue, but we are ultimately all going to face it. I guess because I'm 33 now and just thinking about getting older and my health. I hear about people my age or younger dying, and that it could happen to me so I'm always thinking about death. I think I'm coming to terms with death though, slowly. I find that other countries seem to deal with death differently and they embrace it as a normal and natural thing.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I hate the finality of it. It’s done, end, dusted. That’s hard to deal with — I’m currently grieving the death of someone I adored so I think my perception of it is impacted by that. I don’t fear death for myself, but cannot bear the thought of any of my loved ones dying. It’s so heavy.

 

[Pariszai]

I get scared when I think about what death actually is… eternal emptiness. if I think about it too much I feel overwhelmed and panicky. I can’t wrap my head around being gone FOREVER. Just nothing… for eternity.

Ive always felt like this but have never been able to explain it properly. I remember being much younger and pacing in my lounge head in hands trying to get the thoughts out of my brain.

I am lucky to have not had to deal with much death yet. But I don't think I could have children just in case they died. Sometimes I see people being happy or feel very happy myself and something switches inside me and I remember that none of it matters and I become anxious and upset. It's ruined a lot of things for me and I have no idea how or when it started.