New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Good lord, there are so many reasons here why she shouldn’t be bridesmaid - or even just your friend or acquaintance tbh (and definitely not best friend)
And please tell me you didn’t actually become her guarantor?!
And please tell me you didn’t actually become her guarantor?!
My friend demoted a bridesmaid and they don’t talk now so that’s what will happen which could be a good thing
I wish I hadn’t bothered asking my friend to be bridesmaid she didn’t and never wishes me happy birthday and also been a bit tit and patronising.
After our wedding I’m not making any effort with her and tbh she’s not a close friend anymore.
personally I would bite your lip and let her be bridesmaid and then after the wedding just make no effort
Unfortunately some friends are just not forever
I wish I hadn’t bothered asking my friend to be bridesmaid she didn’t and never wishes me happy birthday and also been a bit tit and patronising.
After our wedding I’m not making any effort with her and tbh she’s not a close friend anymore.
personally I would bite your lip and let her be bridesmaid and then after the wedding just make no effort
Unfortunately some friends are just not forever
It’s made me reflect a lot!
I didn’t become guarantor and just said I wasn’t in the position to be able to do so, which might even be where the frostiness has come in
sorry to hear that! Part of me thinks just leaving it a bit and not mentioning it and then letting the friendship fizzle out might be the way to go but I supposeit depends if you would still have them as a normal guest
If you fall out after the wedding would you want her in your photos though? I know some people just can’t bear any confrontation but…not for me 
I’d have the convo pre wedding, besides if she’s being this much of a cow to you now then god only knows how she might behave at the wedding itself!
I’d have the convo pre wedding, besides if she’s being this much of a cow to you now then god only knows how she might behave at the wedding itself!that is true. I think it’s maybe too short a time now to let the friendship just fizzle so I might have to just say somethingIf you fall out after the wedding would you want her in your photos though? I know some people just can’t bear any confrontation but…not for me
I regret having one of my friends as a bridesmaid. She acted the same, zero interest in the wedding and me in general. I confronted her and said if she wanted to just be a guest and wear her own thing etc then that would be fine, and one less for me to pay for hair and makeup. She insisted she did. The last time I spoke to her was my wedding day 5 years ago 
she’s totally ghosted me since then. Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, I would get rid, I wish I had
she’s totally ghosted me since then. Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, I would get rid, I wish I hadthat’s really odd, why on earth did she not just drop out? What a bloody waste considering how expensive it is and you pay hundreds for them to be thereI regret having one of my friends as a bridesmaid. She acted the same, zero interest in the wedding and me in general. I confronted her and said if she wanted to just be a guest and wear her own thing etc then that would be fine, and one less for me to pay for hair and makeup. She insisted she did. The last time I spoke to her was my wedding day 5 years ago
Kill it off sooner rather than later.
Demote her from being a bridesmaid but also drop her completely from your life - she isn’t a friend to you at all. Sounds like she just uses you for whatever she needs. She doesn’t respect you or genuinely care about you at all.
I have a good friend (net friend, so I won't be at the actual wedding) who was going through similar. Her MOH (who she'd known for years) was super disinterested in anything to do with the wedding, while one of her newer friends, who is going to be a bridesmaid, was being incredibly helpful. She didn't know what to do and asked me for advice. I said that it sounded like the MOH didn't really want any of the responsibility and it might be better to demote her and promote the new friend. She ended up doing that and her planning is going SO much easier now. The original MOH was actually relieved to step down, in the end.
Then I had another friend who was getting married and his wife-to-be asked her 'then' best friend to be a bridesmaid. Unfortunately him and her best friend had a falling out, and they asked her to step down, because, as he put it "These were going to be photos of the happiest day of my life and I didn't want to be standing beside someone I was potentially no longer going to be speaking with in all of them." He was right, too.
It doesn't sound like your friend is actually there for YOU, and just wants you when it's convenient for HER. Do you want someone like that in your wedding party?
Then I had another friend who was getting married and his wife-to-be asked her 'then' best friend to be a bridesmaid. Unfortunately him and her best friend had a falling out, and they asked her to step down, because, as he put it "These were going to be photos of the happiest day of my life and I didn't want to be standing beside someone I was potentially no longer going to be speaking with in all of them." He was right, too.
It doesn't sound like your friend is actually there for YOU, and just wants you when it's convenient for HER. Do you want someone like that in your wedding party?
Just a little reminder that just because people are bridesmaids doesn’t mean they want to be heavily involved. It’s your wedding not theirs. They are allowed to express an opinion on their dress and say no to hair and make up.
Nobody should be expected to be as excited and involved as you are. It’s boring to us and an inconvenience to have to be available to sort plans for months.
Bridesmaid plans don’t need to be anymore complicated that picking a dress and shoes.
Reading it back is just bizarre and petty
She’s either your best friend or she isn’t. She can’t be if she had to guilt you into it in the first place and people have their own lives and worries going on. It’s hardly the end of the world forgetting a birthday. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.
Nobody should be expected to be as excited and involved as you are. It’s boring to us and an inconvenience to have to be available to sort plans for months.
Bridesmaid plans don’t need to be anymore complicated that picking a dress and shoes.
Reading it back is just bizarre and petty
She’s either your best friend or she isn’t. She can’t be if she had to guilt you into it in the first place and people have their own lives and worries going on. It’s hardly the end of the world forgetting a birthday. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.
Last edited:
I don’t think you’ve read any of my post properly.. hence your quite rude reply.Just a little reminder that just because people are bridesmaids doesn’t mean they want to be heavily involved. It’s your wedding not theirs. They are allowed to express an opinion on their dress and say no to hair and make up.
Nobody should be expected to be as excited and involved as you are. It’s boring to us and an inconvenience to have to be available to sort plans for months.
Bridesmaid plans don’t need to be anymore complicated that picking a dress and shoes.
Reading it back is just bizarre and petty
She’s either your best friend or she isn’t. She can’t be if she had to guilt you into it in the first place and people have their own lives and worries going on. It’s hardly the end of the world forgetting a birthday. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.
I have a lot of friends which made it hard picking bridesmaids. I ideally wanted 3 to 4 but I couldn’t have some and not others.. this friend as soon as I got engaged begged and begged to be bridesmaid and just told other people she was going to be, so it made it awkward if I was going to tell her actually I’m keeping it really scaled back. This person has insisted they have to be involved but doesn’t like or make easy the most basic parts of being a bridesmaid. All I’ve asked them to do is say yes if they want hair and makeup, told them when we are going to dress shop (well in advance and no messing) and they asked what colour scheme I had so I told them. All other bridesmaids have just said yes, no, done. I’ve not asked any of them to come anywhere or look at my dress with me.
as I said before, her behaviour has just gotten worse and worse since she was asked and she CHOSE to ignore my birthday, she didn’t forget.
Jesus who rattled your cage?!!!! The OP isn’t being a bridezilla here - I’d be the first to call her out if she was. Her “friend” didn’t forget her birthday - she knew fine well, she just deliberately ignored it. She’s just that type of selfish, using witch. Yes, weddings are mostly important to the couple - but Jesus Christ if you AGREE to be a part of someone’s wedding you at least make some effort to engage in the preparations.Just a little reminder that just because people are bridesmaids doesn’t mean they want to be heavily involved. It’s your wedding not theirs. They are allowed to express an opinion on their dress and say no to hair and make up.
Nobody should be expected to be as excited and involved as you are. It’s boring to us and an inconvenience to have to be available to sort plans for months.
Bridesmaid plans don’t need to be anymore complicated that picking a dress and shoes.
Reading it back is just bizarre and petty
She’s either your best friend or she isn’t. She can’t be if she had to guilt you into it in the first place and people have their own lives and worries going on. It’s hardly the end of the world forgetting a birthday. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.
Do what's right for you. I wish I did! I'm married 11 years I had five bridesmaids two of which I had major red flags about, both made no effort regarding the wedding or hens etc, but I let it go and now I really wish I said something. I have barely see either since the day of my wedding, it puts me off looking at my groups wedding photos and wedding video tbh
Thank you!
i’ve been really laid back about planning actually, if I’d have been really demanding and been like I want this this and this I’d have understood it
I’ve said to all the girls we’ll just pick a colour and then you can have whatever style dress you like in the colour, your hair and makeup how you want it and you can have it professionally done or just do your own. All I needed was her to be happy with what I’d booked and then let me know if she wanted things as it would change the time scale of getting ready, cost and deposits and that.it’s like the girl did a total 180, begged to be involved when I’d have included her on my good friend tier when I got engaged (she was really pally for a bit and I would have said she was my best friend- I have quite a few really good friends) and then she’s acted oddly since. It’s almost like now I actually have a wedding date she doesn’t like it!
Thank you! My bridesmaids I love dearly but this one is a newer friend that’s really quite pushy. I’d say at one point we were genuine best friends but she’s been doing things that give me red flags for about a year now. It’s something I need to think about
I think if I was in this situation, I would sit her down and just say that you’re planning on cutting back on things for the big day. One being reducing bridesmaids.
you could involve her in another way ? If you haven’t already picked a witness, could she do that? That’s minimal effort, and you’re involving her in the wedding which she begged for.
she sounds quite needy In my opinion.
You also don’t want the hassle & drama before your big day, so if that was me, I’d demote her but promote her in something else?
I also had two of my friends who aren’t close friends do a reading, so I found some readings in a poem book and they read them out during the ceremony. They were really pleased to be involved in the day but didn’t have a huge involvement if you know what I mean!
I hope you can come to a happy medium all around and you can enjoy your special day! The world has been crappy enough the last few years so it would be nice for you to finally enjoy a lovely day to remember and make memories.
you could involve her in another way ? If you haven’t already picked a witness, could she do that? That’s minimal effort, and you’re involving her in the wedding which she begged for.
she sounds quite needy In my opinion.
You also don’t want the hassle & drama before your big day, so if that was me, I’d demote her but promote her in something else?
I also had two of my friends who aren’t close friends do a reading, so I found some readings in a poem book and they read them out during the ceremony. They were really pleased to be involved in the day but didn’t have a huge involvement if you know what I mean!
I hope you can come to a happy medium all around and you can enjoy your special day! The world has been crappy enough the last few years so it would be nice for you to finally enjoy a lovely day to remember and make memories.
that’s a good idea. When I’ve been talking about the wedding, I’ve always been open that we are keeping it quite small as it’s really expensive to get married here!
Being a witness is a good idea actually, thank you!
it’s just stressing me out a bit that I might be let down or have last minute stress. I’m very low key and I like to just pick something everyone likes and go with that. Plus I’m worried that this might not be a long term friendship given the signs that are cropping up now
I've never been bridesmaid/MOH for someone and found it 'boring for me' or not been excited or wanted to be involved. What a weird, selfish attitude. If someone considers you close enough to be part of their wedding party and you feel that way about it...just say no and let them pick someone less bloody miserable 
I've never been bridesmaid/MOH for someone and found it 'boring for me' or not been excited or wanted to be involved. What a weird, selfish attitude. If someone considers you close enough to be part of their wedding party and you feel that way about it...just say no and let them pick someone less bloody miserable
my thoughts exactly!