Deborah James - bowelbabe

[Jvuddie]

So glad someone started this thread. Cancer does not give you a get out of jail card to avoid criticism (and I had it at 30 now have it terminal at 42 - different cancer mind). I don't know if she cares about being relatable, but she's meant to be fighting the good fight for people with stage 4 cancer yet doesn't acknowledge the fact that her experience of cancer is DRAMATICALLY different to the vast majority of crap normal NHS experiences. And instead flaunts and flaunts this discrepancy. Ooooh Dior, ooooh Wimbledon, oooooooh the housekeeper. I couldn't afford to pay for anything beyond what the NHS offered so am on my last treatment line now. I also can't afford to holiday in my luxury home in France once a year, so my last view will be a grotty, rainy British one. Am I jealous, absolutely!! But mainly because this was being shoved in my face as a 'normal cancer fight' and 'for the people'. And if you flaunt your infinitely more privileged cancer existance while pretending you are fighting the good fight for the masses then you are pretty morally represensible. And watching a privileged wife of a banker taking and taking and taking brand freebies that she could so easily afford galls. Especially when you are living on the breadline and slowly dying. But thanks for rubbing it in
and making me feel even worse about my (limited) existence and what is likely to be my pathetic, non Emma mattress death Deborah. Ironically, I have no real hard feelings towards this woman. Just sadness really. I don't know why people would want to rub this inequality in people's faces - you're meant to be on our side!?

*morally reprehensible

And I want to add to the above that I am in NO WAY trying to be nasty. I just wish these influencers would think about what they are doing beyond making a bit of extra cash. While they are no doubt helping some people, they're making others feel so much worse.

 

[michellew]

I’ve been following this thread for a while now but since the latest scans decided that I would create an account and chime in. My mum has ovarian cancer and I have lost a few friends and relatives to cancer. Perhaps naively I’ve not thought that much about the private health care thing before. As we all love the nhs, I presumed that my mum was getting the best possible care. I was totally blindsided that bowelbabe had her scans on one day and had her results about two days later. On the nhs (where my mum lives at least) it takes weeks. She has a scan and hopefully gets the results a month later. Due to covid this is currently more likely 6 weeks. That’s 6 weeks of being on treatment that isn’t working, 6 weeks of the disease progressing while you sit and do nothing. Whilst waiting for scan results is always awful, her talking about scanxiety when she has to wait 2 days is quite frankly insulting to those of us who have to wait weeks, all the time their disease potentially progressing. The time between scans and results are a time when our family sit and collectively chew our nails - I hadn’t realised that the more privileged don’t have to do this and can get onto new treatment quicker. Oh, and get back to posting their sweaty Betty discount codes and show-off tik-tok dances (that as many people have pointed out are especially inappropriate when she is attached to dangerous and/or expensive chemo drugs in a ward she is sharing with others - stop standing on the furniture and shaking your bu

Also - for someone who is so body positive you don’t have to go that far back through her insta to find obvious photoshopping.

Sorry for the rant. It’s been a long time coming. She is obviously pretty poorly right now and I don’t wish that on anyone. Cancer is cruel and soul destroying. But she is tone deaf. Her cancer experience is, I would wager, nothing like 99.9% of people out there, and to suggest that when you are in the depths of this disease you should be behaving like she does is unhelpful at best, and downright damaging at worst.

 

[Panacotta]

I'm glad there's a thread as a couple of things haven't say right with me about her account.
I think the first thing is that her view of tackling cancer is so unrelatable that I'd argue it now does more harm than good. She hasn't had to worry about meeting the mortgage payments or paying for childcare during treatment. I appreciate she's making the best of her situation, as she's entitled to, but her public persona just cannot reflect the very real pressures that most people in the UK will have to contend with. Privately, do whatever the hell you want and good luck to you. But don't put it out publicly under the pretext it's for public benefit.

Secondly, it has previously really grated with me when she's spoken about how it's unfair she got bowel cancer as she was a vegetarian, active, slim. I hate the rhetoric that any illness is in some way your 'fault' and she feeds into this. Everyone is entitled to care and respect regardless of their body shape or lifestyle.

 

[Lollipop1990]

My brother is 16 years older than me so quite a big age gap. He got a girlfriend at 19-20. So I was only 4-5 years old. I looked up to her. As we got older the age gap seemed to shorten if that makes sense? We became absolute best friends. Closer than I am with my actual sister because she didn’t have the side that would tell me off. She was just my best friend. I’ve been through hard times and she would turn up at my house with bottles of wine to have a chat over. Weve had 5 children between us and it’s all been quite chaotic.
In 2019 she was diagnosed with bowel cancer after I pestered her to push her doctor to send her for further tests. It was a bad time for her but she was told it was treatable. She had chemo and it was clearing up. It had spread to her kidney so they operated on that over Christmas 2019. It was a success so we had a great Christmas. Then Covid hit. She was so so scared of getting poorly that we couldn’t see her in order to protect her. During this time, the hospital stopped her chemo because the risk of catching Covid was higher than the cancer. That was march 2020. Fast forward to June 2020, I was the first phone all my brother made when he told me she hd just passed away at home. The cancer hd grown rapidly during that time off chemo and just took her.
I followed bowel babe when my sister in law was diagnosed as I thought it would help me have an understanding.
But I still can’t get my head around how bowel babe can hve cancer so bad but she’s still out partying and doing ads? I don’t begrudge her for it. I’m happy for her that she’s doing ok. I just can’t help but compare.
I didn’t intend for the long post but that’s the first time I’ve wrote it all down and it was therapeutic!

 

[Lovely]

The You, Me and the Big C podcast was an amazing idea and Rachael Bland, who was a very competent and experienced journalist, did a brilliant job of getting it going and making it a really honest and valuable resource for so many people. But since Rachel died, everyone else involved in the podcast has completely exploited their little bit of fame to make money/raise their own profiles.

Most ridiculously, Rachel's husband Steve (who got together with another woman who looks exactly like Rachel so fast it was just SUPER AWKWARD...they're now getting married) is now part of the podcast...WHY? Lauren Mahon also has a merch range as well and is big into her own version of self-promotion, and of course Deborah is just an Instagram version of a QVC presenter at this point.

It's just really disappointing what it's become and I can't believe for a second that it's what Rachael ever would have wanted.

 

[Maggidimps]

I am a recovering bowel cancer NHS patient. I really don't think Deborah Bowel babe is promoting a true reflection of living through cancer chemo etc. Firstly anyone who is not receiving private health care is given a time limit of receiving chemo, which is usually three years, radiotherapy surgery etc. But after three years you are offered very little only palliative care. Deborah's constant ops and ongoing chemo is paid for for example Avastin which can put the cancer to sleep is very expensive. Many people, reading her posts will think they can receive the, same treatment. And, as for all this prancing about after chemo she must be drugged up to the, eyeballs to even have the energy to get out of bed.! And don't, start me on her plugging all the freebies I think she has lost her way with regard to what she, started her blog about in the first place. I did follow her on Instagram. When I told her very politely that, she should state its only cause she has private health that she's getting this treatment she blocked me, say no more!!!!

 

[Ellyjelly]

This thread should be shut. It’s crossing a line.

Why? She has cancer and we have all said she does amazing things with promoting and raising awareness, but it’s not always a true representation and I think people are allowed to say that. Remember for all her praise of the NHS Deborah has private health care and I truly believe that has helped her still be here, many do not get that opportunity, I’m not begrudging it her at all but there is a difference. The original poster stated they found it hard to watch the constant dancing around whilst saying how ill they were, again nothing wrong with that. I think it’s crossing a line that someone who makes a living from their illness is suddenly not allowed to be spoken about.

 

[littlepinkhearts]

This thread should be shut. It’s crossing a line.

Please could you clarify what line it is crossing? No one has said anything inappropriate just that they don’t agree with the fact that Deborah is avidly using her cancer to sell things and gain for herself monetarily and also that her insensitivity on occasion is inappropriate. She is perfectly entitled to do this but, we are also perfectly entitled (I’m also a current cancer sufferer) to say that we find it unsavoury.

Via very close friend connections I can say that it is not just us that feels like this about Deborah more and more lately (and another reason her husband stays out of it he is not fond of this limelight she seeks). There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors that goes on, just as mentioned above, one minute she is in hospital breaking her heart that no one can visit her telling us how close to the line she is (then suddenly her mother is allowed into the hospital room (I wonder how many other Marsden patients were allowed this?) and next minute she was up and dressed glammed to the nines and at an event… wow she really does enjoy a miraculous recovery often!
And this is what people find so inappropriate/insensitive. Not to mention when poor dear Hatti Gayner just suddenly passed away this weekend, someone who she often me talked about being a great friend etc, literally in the next clip she’s selling us face creams. Now that really was VERY inappropriate, thoughtless and insensitive. Particularly for Hatti’s family. Deborah is not everyone’s cup of tea and whilst she has raised an inordinate amount of money and awareness for the Marsden which is fantastic I know they too find her flying close to the wind on occasion. Awkward! It is is her journey and a remarkable journey if all she tells us is absolutely true and not embellished (she is a writer now, of course, so needs to fill a column). But as time goes on we find her more and more picking up free dresses, new boots, exercise clothes, pretty things, free tickets to A list events… all in the name of cancer. Unsavoury… insensitive… crass… perhaps she should be more transparent and separate the two personas one business and one genuinely helping cancer patients.

Why has she never mentioned the private treatment? She was on stories to with limitlessEm. I wonder if she is a private patient too? Another one who had made a living from her disease. Stop with the bloody dancing! If I had done that at the Christie when I had chemo they would have sectioned me!!!

To be fair she has mentioned the private insurance on occasion but you’re right she doesn’t make this clear so other people then don’t understand why they aren’t getting similar care.

View attachment 755969 Dior tote bags cost £2400-£2600.....so relatable when so many cancer patients are just about keeping a roof over their heads and reliant on benefits

Yes, oh thank goodness it wasn’t just me. I found this post so ridiculous. It makes me feel rather like she’s making hay whilst the sun shines… I have followers, companies will pay me money to plug their stuff and in return she is literally making her own little fun pocket money out of us and going and spending it on these frivolities that 99% of the population could not even dream of. Yes she is wealthy (fact) and no one can begrudge anyone that. Her husband has worked hard as obviously has she (admitting herself that it was to the detriment of her own children and marriage… another interesting point… her job was more important than her family!) but the crux of it is she has muddied the lines in this. To start off it was all about sharing the journey, helping awareness, raising money. Now it’s all about sharing HER look at me designer A list journey, awareness about HER and her own self promotion and raising money for HER to spend money on HERSELF!!! Sadly Deborah I fear you have offended many and we may have seen through your smoke and mirrors.
Can I also just say that when hooked up to a chemo machine and literally sitting there with my sick bowl looking and feeling like death, if she’d danced & twirled her chemo pump past me with her pants on show she’d have got shock! honestly there are people in that ward who have genuinely complained about her and her antics as they’re sitting there feeling so ill. She is oblivious. She has an insane appetite for fame and to be looked at. No thanks Debs, put your pants away. We are over it. And whilst you’re at it donate your freebies for all these poor other people that can’t get the drugs they need for a few more precious moments with their family!

 

[jackolantern]

I just can’t get my head around peoples negativity towards the money, the private care, whether or not the children are boarders. I really don’t see the need to be angry at those who are wealthy. Money doesn’t buy you happiness or health, look in Deborah’s case, she might have money and a rich husband but she still has stage 4 cancer.

I’ve always said I don’t agree with monetising cancer, I feel the same when people monetise their kids but with Deborah she’s taking the opportunity she has, well good for her whether I agree or not.

I can completely see why anyone would be negative towards the money and private care. Because simply put, 9/10 people if not more, would be dead now (infact, long ago) if they were in Deborah's position, because the options she has had are not available to them. They are written off. It's a huge injustice and that doesn't mean anyone wants that for Deborah, but she is the 'face' of a very broken system and it's hugely upsetting for people who have had similar experiences either themselves, or have lost loved ones to this terrible disease. Is that Deborah's fault? Of course not, but I think she is hideously lacking in self awareness of how many opportunities she has had, just due to luck of the family she was born into, or where she lives etc. Not even just with treatment, with things like the Wimbledon topic discussed above. Sure she's made memories with her family, but she has the money to do that herself, so I find it telling that she had no desire to share with people less fortunate than her. Is it not just basic human decency?

Yes, at the end of the day she still has stage 4 cancer and none of us would deny what she has been through/is going through is utterly unimaginable, but she comes across as very tone deaf to how privileged she is in *other* aspects such as dancing all over the place or having private rooms, people stay with her because of mental health etc. Don't you think every single person with cancer has poor mental health and would benefit from those same chances? Or in regards to the dancing, negatively impacted by the insensitivity of it? Would you want someone flapping all over the place like a court Jester when you were at your most vulnerable?

I wish her all the love and luck in the world for the longest life possible and truly wish she wasn't going through any of this. But I can completely understand why her behaviour gets to people.

My Dad died of cancer when he was 51, after the most horrendous 2 years. He was treated as disposable from day one, left to suffer and offered none of the chances Deborah has had. No, that has nothing to do with Deborah personally and of course I don't want that for her. But I hugely resent this picture that is being painted that the NHS are providing this level of care, when for most people, it's not even 1% of the truth. Transparency is key.

 

[sharpie69]

Totally agree with all comments so far and am glad others feel as I do about her. I too have cancer same stage diagnosed a couple of months before her. Whilst raising awareness is great, there are ways to do this that don’t involve flaunting naked body around - I can’t think of anything I would rather not do and also for me she sold out when she started advertising everything. Personally though THE most annoying thing and the nurses at the Royal Marsden where I and bowel babe are treated agree is her bloody dancing around whilst on treatment, it’s so undignified and childish she is 40 not 4!! During treatment I sit with my pump and respect others around me not feeling I have to be centre of attention. I think she does a lot of damage to the integrity of this disease.

 

[fusspot]

It’s really been on my mind since reading Deborah’s update (not stalking; it was just on my feed when I scrolled through instagram last night).
We were gently persuaded, by an A&E doctor, that a do not resuscitate on my Dads records would be kinder in the event of his heart stopping (it didn’t happen as it turned out). This was due to the fact that resuscitation is an unbelievably traumatic experience, and - if it had happened and he had come through it, he would still have had terminal cancer.
The thought that Deborah has gone through the trauma of rescuss , as well as more surgeries, brings it home how desperately she is trying to cling to life.
I genuinely feel heartbroken for her.
Also, from a selfish point of view, reading and thinking about it has put me into quite a bad place; it’s utterly depressing.
I wish her and her family well.

 

[Bristolgirl]

Again, on a personal level I resent Deborah nothing. I resent what the image of Deborah stands for, which is that money talks and your life is only worth something if you have it. So when Deborah is dancing around, it's people like my Dad and Grandma who are sat watching her wondering why they aren't so important.

This is what anyone who defends Deborah’s behaviour needs to read, and read again.

The fact that she isn’t using her high profile to call out and condemn the disparity in her treatment compared to most is to her shame. A beautiful young mum called Kelly (kickasskell) died prematurely when her treatment was halted by Covid. Her family are working hard to raise the issues surrounding cancer treatment. Deborah briefly touched on it, but it was a long time ago and before she forgot why she started her account.

And in anticipation of responses that Deborah isn’t obliged to do good, it is my firm belief that people in positions of power and privilege (not just monetary) have a responsibility to help those more vulnerable. Deborah doesn’t give a flying fuck about anybody else. I think she’s horrible.

 

[Brummiebird]

Can’t say I have particular strong feelings about BB either way, but I am absolutely incensed that she has managed to get a visit from her Mother.
My friend’s Mother has been an inpatient at the Royal Marsden since before Christmas. They struggle to even get through on the phone to get their allowed daily update on how she is. Her Mother is 87 and it is very likely that she won’t be coming out of that hospital alive. My friend has sobbed many, many times down the phone asking to be allowed to visit for even just 5 minutes. She hasn’t been allowed.
It’s utterly despicable that BB, who despite her diagnosis, I am assuming is not end of life currently, has been allowed a visit for vanity and social media purposes. I can ensure you that my friend will be raising it with the Board of the Royal Marsden as she is furious.

I’m so sorry about your Dad.

I don’t really have anything to say about the rights and wrongs of BB’s behaviour but I’ve been following this thread with interest.
I’m still very broken mentally by the loss of my Dad and the, at times, dehumanising treatment of him by the NHS.
I’m not currently strong enough or energetic enough to do it, but I’d love to try and start a campaign for the NHS to focus as much on the patient (and their loved ones) as human beings and more than just the elements of the disease being treated. Particularly with terminal cancer.
Your post resonated with me because I felt that there was too much clinical detachment at times towards my Dad. A complete unwillingness to involve him or his family in any decisions made. Culminating in writing him off when the only treatment offered failed.
I’m still quite traumatised and guilt ridden by the fact that he was shut in a hospital room for weeks towards the end of his life, with no stimulation between visiting times. Just laying there staring at a wall until we fought to get him home.
I think this plunged him into depression and hastened his decline.
So I strongly feel that the picture painted of the care given in the NHS system is very inaccurate. Not just on BB’s insta posts but in lots of other areas of media too.
I’m glad for Deborah that seemingly all the stops are being pulled out to keep her alive. I hope it succeeds for as long as possible.
I just wish the very best of care was available for everyone.

This be we is my heart, I am so sorry for what you had to go through.

 

[boobies12]

I am 6 years younger than Deborah. Diagnosed one month before her. Similar diagnosis. I asked her to share…to share my fundraising page as I was running the marathon dressed as in 2018 and she refused. She refused to share a fellow bowel cancers fundraising page despite her huge platform. It made no sense to me and disheartened me back into never sharing with others. I think her page, blog and podcast are harmful beyond repair. I certainly wouldn’t follow her if I was in the midst of treatment.
I hope she recovers well but she has turned cancer into a career and that must be an all consuming identity now…

 

[Cariad]

Hubby is a city banker/insurance I think.


Totally agree. I do think over the last 12 months or so she has lost her way slightly with her account. The ads just don’t sit right. It is the amount of ads too that really put me off. It’s seems lately she is nothing but ads thrown in with the odd glass of champagne.

I think she has certainly raised awareness but I do feel this was her secondary goal after raising her own personal profile. Just my view obviously.

The running 5k after “a major op” is also annoying. And please don’t jump on and say some people do this as their way of coping. There is no way Anyone could run 5k after a major op. Just don’t believe it.

I have had a few conversations with Deborah over the years as my brother had metastatic bowel cancer and we discussed her treatments - there's no way my brother would have been able to jog/run to get his treatments
sadly my brother died 2 years ago and didn't have access to the numerous treatment options/ access to clinical trials she has been able to get due to living near the Marsden...unfortunately it's not a level playing field when it comes to cancer and is very much postcode lottery

 

[Cariad]

So today she is so sad a "friend" has died but quickly moves on to flogging the next free goodies - unbelievably shallow.

That 'friend' was a 28yr old woman , Hatti Gayner ,who appeared on the BBC dance programme The Greatest Dancer 2 yrs ago with her dance group 'The Queens' ( Cheryl Tweedy/Cole was her group's mentor ...she was an amazing dancer and had a joie de vivre even when dealing with cancer and treatments
Sadly she was diagnosed with breast cancer last August and then diagnosed with metastatic / secondaries in July and only got home from hospital a fortnight ago after having palliative cranial radiotherapy ....the breast cancer community is devastated because she was so young and her symptoms were ignored because of lockdown and her being so young but she advocated for younger women to be taken seriously with their breast cancer concerns
Deborah should show more respect and not promote grabby skin care on her gram today
#checkyourboobies please everyone ( males too) xx

 

[OliviaL]

Look, the truth of it is she is an utter show off without an ounce of humility. I think that is what irks so many of us.

 

[Jvuddie]

Your post is so spot on. I just wanted to send my love to you, I can’t begin to imagine how hard things must be for you xx

Thank you so much. And look, it is partly the rantings of a bitter dying woman but cancer really makes you extra aware of the division between the 'haves' and 'havenots' of society and instagram only pushes us the 'haves' and it makes me sad. If i tried to start an Instagram page no one would care, because it would be a plump, grey lady eating food from Aldi. Deborah, I am convinced, only has the best intentions at heart and I do not think she is a bad person and she is going through a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. But, ultimately, she won't ever understand the struggle some of us experience, and I wish she would stop reminding us of that so much.

 

[Katiesmale]

I have to agree on the hubby! He seems very pally with Bowelbabe and Lauren which is understandable after he took his wife’s place on the podcast. He has found love again which is nice to see. Although, I have to say I’m always interested to see how people move on after the death of a partner. When I was diagnosed and having treatment I nearly told my hubby that under no circumstances Was he to move on if I popped it. I didn’t say it though. I have said it since though

My husband died last year of bowel cancer and, two days before he died, he made me promise that I would be open to meeting someone new. He didn’t want me and our daughter to be alone and I think that was beautifully selfless. It blows my mind that there is a taboo around widows finding love again. Are we supposed to sit and wear black for a few years? My husband died in May 2020, but essentially I lost my husband in January 2017. That is the day we found out he had terminal cancer and our relationship was stolen from us. I’ve recently met an incredible man and I would never justify myself to anyone.

People have affairs all the time. Yet us widows are judged for trying to piece our lives back together again. I definitely deserve love and my husband wanted that for me.

 

[#previouslygifted]

You cannot accept the sweaty Betty brand ambassador, the Ralph Lauren clothes, the Elemis beauty products, the Elizabeth Arden beauty products and hotel stay, the Emma mattress, the fandf clothing (to name a few!) and then get upset people are discussing you. You’re selling to us but we’re not allowed an opinion because you have cancer?

If only all cancer patients lived the charmed life she feels entitled to!