Pet death - Dealing with the inevitable

[Lunamoon22]

I had some news from family recently that our beloved first family dog might need to be put down soon.

He’s a very old boy and I know he’s lived a very good life, and I thought I accepted the news at the time - but have found as time’s gone on I can’t help but have these overwhelming moments where I can’t stop crying.

I feel a bit stupid grieving already because our boy is still here... but the thought that one day soon it’s going to have to happen and the thought of it actually happening is hard to deal with and I’m having anxiety attacks just thinking about it.

I have always had this weird thing about the whole death thing anyway and try not to think too much about the inevitable... but this is hitting me hard.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with these things?

 

[Facehugger]

Bless you it's always so hard when this happens but it is the inevitable and it's never easy. Have a hug from a fellow dog lover X
We had to have our old lab PTS, he was 15. The hard thing was the front end was still like a puppy, but his back legs were going & he couldn't control them or his functions any more. I knew when the time was right, spoiled him to bits the week before, gave him as many cuddles as he wanted, then laid on the floor with him holding his head to my chest while the vet did the necessary.

Broke me for weeks but I knew he'd had the best life and that I'd done the best thing any pet owner could do for their friend at the end, at least we CAN do that kindness for them, unlike when people are very ill.

I said no more dogs, never again. Here I am 10 years later with a massive 6 year old boy who has filled a space that was so empty, you honestly will come through it and it will get easier as time goes on. I think the fact you know it's coming is what is making it so hard right now. Xx

 

[Lolly505]

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear that. It's a tough situation because it is like losing a member of the family but we can't exactly talk to our pet and rationalise it either.

I'm not a professional but I've experienced it both first and secondhand, but honestly the best thing you/your family can do is just to make sure they're happy and comfortable wherever possible. Obviously can differ by dog/situation, but if you can (and it's okay with the vet, etc), maybe consider taking them to places they like, giving them a few extra special treats, even just talking to/spending time with them while they're here. It might sound cliche but it can really help to focus on the happy memories.
I always now associate chicken nuggets with a friend's older dog, who sadly passed from cancer, because he loved them but obviously wasn't allowed them very often. So when he got sick, he spent his last few months happily munching nuggets (often after treatment) and we always remember him still doing excited tippy taps at seeing a McNuggets box (and our photos/videos of that) than just him being ill.

I do hope you're doing okay. I'm sure your dog knows you all love him very much

 

[Platinumbarbie]

Omg,im in a similar situation with my 11 year old shihtzu,I can see her deterioration just over the past few weeks,I cant bear thinking about what is coming,it is literally breaking my heart,I dont know how I will cope without her,I have had relatives pass away that haven't even come close to how devastated I will be to lose my dog

 

[Lunamoon22]

Aw thank you for the messages everyone, much love to you all.

Honestly I was so hesitant to post on here last night, but I’m so glad I did. I really do appreciate everyone sharing their stories and advice, and take comfort in knowing that how I’m feeling right now is what everyone else has gone through / is going through.

I spoke to mum earlier and we’ve all decided that we don’t want to put him through the trauma of having an operation - the tumour is in his leg and there was mention of a possibly amputation and it’s just something we can’t put him through. But we’ll see what the vet says tomorrow.

Animals are such amazing creatures and it’s sad that it feels like time has suddenly gone so fast. They really do bring so much happiness and joy to our lives dont they

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I've had to make the decision to pts a few times but I've always found that the decision has made itself. They just weren't happy and no longer living the life they were so it was a relief to be able to do something to help them. It wasn't easy but it was the right thing and that helped massively.

 

[MaxieMoo]

I think with animals it's about the vulnerability and how much they rely on us. I remember as a child our much loved elderly cat was PTS on Christmas Eve. I had presents in my sack from him and that was my first experience of loss / grief. I still feel upset just writing that now and it was 35 years ago.

 

[Facehugger]

How lovely, cats choose their owners. It took a few years before we got another cat. I said never again but then this little rescue cat stole our hearts. Fast forward six years and he rules the roost. Wakes me at 5am to let him out the front door despite having a cat flap. We pander to his every whim. We are merely his slaves. I think the inevitable loss can make pet ownership so difficult. Animals rely on us humans and the ultimate decision at the end is so gut wrenching. The joy they bring us is worth it but my heart goes out to everyone facing the ultimate sacrifice. Making the end so peaceful and making them feel safe and loved is key. Much love to everyone going through this. I know how tough it is xx

Bless you, you're so right. We have another cat, well she chose us as well. A different friend (and I use that term loosely now) was going on holiday. Her cat had given birth to 2 kittens the week before, she was going to leave them at home and juyyst get a neighbour in to feed the mother.

I said no way, and took the box containing mum cat and the 2 babies to mine for a week. By the time the woman came back, I'd decided I was keeping one kitten (as every time I picked her up to clean her bum she sucked my little finger) I'd found a home for the other and the mother as well. When I told her, she didn't seem to care, so thank god I did!

She's 10 now and such a loveable girl. She wants treats, she gets treats. She likes a Sunday dinner & sits waiting for the scraps to be put in her bowl, she's so funny.

 

[TruffleTrifle]

how are you doing @TruffleTrifle? You've been in my thoughts.

Thank you so much It turned out she is ok for now but had some stomach problems which made her seem like she was struggling more than she was, so effectively it’s a false alarm. She had some fluids and rest and she’s much better. This week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I was thrilled she is still here but I know there’s going to be more scares like this now she’s so old. For now I’m just enjoying every day I can with my princess!

 

[Definitelyme]

We’ve had a lot of dogs, and lost a lot. Most recently we got our oldest girl out down (3 weeks ago) and it really came from nowhere. She deteriorated very rapidly and it was a matter of days. My biggest love was oput to sleep while I was travelling, I cried for days and days afterwards almost solidly, and for months after that I cried every night (I was 23 btw, not a kid).

Dogs are a loved one. A part of your family. And you grieve them as a very real loss, because they are. The only tip I have is spend as much time together as you can before he goes, and when he does, let yourself feel it all. Don’t try and minimise it because he’s “just a dog”.

 

[MaxieMoo]

Cats are no different to dogs, unless you factor in that half the time they bloody decide who they want their caregivers to be! Only when you've been the chosen one do we really feel appreciated

My friend went on holiday and I was supposed to look after her 10 year old cat for a week. Well, she fell in love with my son and refused to leav, on pickup day, she hid in his wardrobe. My friend worked full time & to cut a long story short, we ended up keeping the cat as there was no shifting her.

We had her another 8 years, then she lost all her weight and her back legs failed, she couldn't get to her tray or anything, poor old gal. So, the vet came out. She was here 2 hours while son gave her food, cuddles, and till he was ready for the job to be done, she'd have stayed longer if we'd wanted. We've put her in her favourite corner of the garden. Honestly, they bloody break your heart at times don't they x

How lovely, cats choose their owners. It took a few years before we got another cat. I said never again but then this little rescue cat stole our hearts. Fast forward six years and he rules the roost. Wakes me at 5am to let him out the front door despite having a cat flap. We pander to his every whim. We are merely his slaves. I think the inevitable loss can make pet ownership so difficult. Animals rely on us humans and the ultimate decision at the end is so gut wrenching. The joy they bring us is worth it but my heart goes out to everyone facing the ultimate sacrifice. Making the end so peaceful and making them feel safe and loved is key. Much love to everyone going through this. I know how tough it is xx

 

[Meh]

Thank you so much It turned out she is ok for now but had some stomach problems which made her seem like she was struggling more than she was, so effectively it’s a false alarm. She had some fluids and rest and she’s much better. This week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I was thrilled she is still here but I know there’s going to be more scares like this now she’s so old. For now I’m just enjoying every day I can with my princess!

My tabby boy did the exact same to us in August. He’s 13, lost 1/2 his body weigh rapidly, wasn’t eating and generally just wants himself. Vets prepared us for the worst and we were heartbroken. Couple days in the vet on his drip and he turned a corner big time. Started wolfing food. What followed was back and forth checks every week, antibiotics for 6 weeks and he’s just last week been “signed off” no further checks required. He’s gained 2kgs and is his usual self. We are so grateful.

Point of this is please please don’t despair. Your girl is getting stronger and on the mend. What our experience has taught us to slowly start to accept the fact there will be a time when he goes over thw rainbow bridge. But it’s not this year, and hopefully not for your girl either.

Pets, love the bones of them but they will prematurely age us!!!

 

[CherryBakewell]

We lost our dog the week before Christmas and it has absolutely devastated us. Pets are truly part of the family and losing them is so painful. I wish they could live as long as humans

 

[Facehugger]

I feel for you. You have to be selfless and do what is best for them despite the fact that you know it will break your heart. When our cat became so unwell they said we could take her to a specialist and they would do various tests etc (she had some internal bleeding but they couldn't be sure why). I knew it would have been selfish to put her trough that. The vet was very kind. Between us we decided that putting her to sleep was the kindest thing. It was a Saturday morning (emergency appointment). They said they would keep her until Monday and she would go to be cremated. I went out of my absolute mind over that and refused. The vets managed to reach the owner of the crematorium who agreed we could take her straight away. My husband and I drove there with her body. I told her over and over how loved she was. It was one of the worse days of my life. It was 9 years ago and I still miss her so so much.

She was an ex feral cat. We gave her the best life. Even at the end we did everything right by her. I take comfort from that but the loss doesn't ever really go away for me.

Sending you strength and a huge hug. It's ok to feel like this xx

Grief is always the price we pay for loving. So very true x

Cats are no different to dogs, unless you factor in that half the time they bloody decide who they want their caregivers to be! Only when you've been the chosen one do we really feel appreciated

My friend went on holiday and I was supposed to look after her 10 year old cat for a week. Well, she fell in love with my son and refused to leav, on pickup day, she hid in his wardrobe. My friend worked full time & to cut a long story short, we ended up keeping the cat as there was no shifting her.

We had her another 8 years, then she lost all her weight and her back legs failed, she couldn't get to her tray or anything, poor old gal. So, the vet came out. She was here 2 hours while son gave her food, cuddles, and till he was ready for the job to be done, she'd have stayed longer if we'd wanted. We've put her in her favourite corner of the garden. Honestly, they bloody break your heart at times don't they x

 

[dressagediva]

This is a lovely thread. Pets are so special and it's nice to hear others find their deaths just as hard as I always do.

I've had a pretty rough year losing my 31-year-old mare Poppy, who has been part of my life for so long that I now have to learn how to live without her with no real memory of life before her. She was truly the perfect horse and the best friend I could have asked for. Just after she went, my 9-year-old collie started to deteriorate and unfortunately we had to have him PTS too, way before his time but he was a rescue with very sad inbreeding issues so the vet said we were lucky to have him reach 9.

What keeps me going whenever I lose a pet is the knowledge that I did the best I could to give them the perfect life, and all the joy they brought me over the years. It's harder than losing family in a way, as you are responsible 100% for their life, wellbeing and death. Not an easy thing to process. Take it easy on yourself <3

 

[Gembo]

The loss of my cat was harder than the loss of my parents. I didn’t have a close relationship with them to be fair and I think the reason my cat meant so much to me was because I had her from when I was 14 and I felt like she was my family. Her death devastated me, I can still cry if I think about her too much. The day after she died we took her to be cremated and waited to bring her home, her ashes are in a little cat casket and have been on my pillow since that day. She slept on my pillow every night it was her favourite spot. Its been over a year and a half now and I can’t bring myself to move them even though I sometimes bang my head I know it’s probably not normal but it brings me comfort and it’s in my wishes to be buried with her
My heart goes out to you all, it is their vulnerability and how we are responsible for them that makes it so hard xx

 

[Upintheair83]

I had some news from family recently that our beloved first family dog might need to be put down soon.

He’s a very old boy and I know he’s lived a very good life, and I thought I accepted the news at the time - but have found as time’s gone on I can’t help but have these overwhelming moments where I can’t stop crying.

I feel a bit stupid grieving already because our boy is still here... but the thought that one day soon it’s going to have to happen and the thought of it actually happening is hard to deal with and I’m having anxiety attacks just thinking about it.

I have always had this weird thing about the whole death thing anyway and try not to think too much about the inevitable... but this is hitting me hard.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with these things?

I’m so sorry to hear this. And don’t feel silly for feeling this way just because it hasn’t happened yet. It’s probably just the start of you getting your head around it and you are allowed that. Of course you will be heartbroken because our pets are family. All I can say is that no one is ever ours for keeps, everyone even animals have to leave us, and even though it sounds cliche and naive, but be thankful you’ve had that time with him and he’s been part of your life. You’ve been blessed. Maybe, as another poster suggested, spend extra special time with him and treat him if you can, say your goodbyes in a special way and treasure those moments and let him know he isn’t alone.
I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that you will be ok.
Just allow yourself to feel these things and allow the feelings to come when they do, and accept them as your grief. It sounds like he’s had a lovely and happy life and I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way than being with you and tour family. You’ve made your dogs life very happy and that’s something to be proud of and to hold on to.
Grief is always the price we pay for loving- but god it’s worth it. God bless and sending you lots of love xxxx

 

[Kandy floss]

Being upset about it beforehand is normal!

I had my 13 year old dog put to sleep almost 3 years ago, and I’d been dreading it daily for around 3-4 months prior because I just knew it would happen soon and the thought made me cry.

When it suddenly came it was a quick decision as he started having seizures and after a few we couldn’t watch anymore knowing one would take him from us and let him go peacefully at home.

It was horrendous, but hopefully you’ll know when he’s ready and take comfort that you were doing what’s right for him, even though it hurt you so much.

I now have a 2 year old chocolate lab who’s helped to heal me so much and I already dread losing him. They are so so special. I hope you get to spend lots of time with your boy

 

[Gembo]

Struggling so much with a pet bereavement today, I wish I could explain more but I could be identifying myself, I tried to help someone’s pet and it died and I feel like there was more I could have done. I’m absolutely devastated and have been balling my eyes out all day, I feel like an animal died because I didn’t make a phone call that I could have. I hate myself beyond words. I don’t know why I’m posting I am just in bits. I tried to do a good thing and it ended so badly, if I had just done a little bit more they might still be here. I know to some this might sound so silly but I adore animals and my heart is shattered

 

[MaxieMoo]

Bless you, you're so right. We have another cat, well she chose us as well. A different friend (and I use that term loosely now) was going on holiday. Her cat had given birth to 2 kittens the week before, she was going to leave them at home and juyyst get a neighbour in to feed the mother.

I said no way, and took the box containing mum cat and the 2 babies to mine for a week. By the time the woman came back, I'd decided I was keeping one kitten (as every time I picked her up to clean her bum she sucked my little finger) I'd found a home for the other and the mother as well. When I told her, she didn't seem to care, so thank god I did!

She's 10 now and such a loveable girl. She wants treats, she gets treats. She likes a Sunday dinner & sits waiting for the scraps to be put in her bowl, she's so funny.

Fancy looking after my cat while I'm on holiday . I could do with a few weeks off the 5am starts . I always connect with animal lovers. I always judge people by how much they love their pets.