Dealing with an awful sister in law

[Hinchhater1442]

Can you speak to the aunt about it and ask what they want you to do? That way you can say to her I’ve spoken to the aunt and they want me to keep it. I’d just be very hesitant at refusing a blood relative, even if she is annoying and entitled, you’re not actually in that family and the optics of it are quite bad even though I get now where you’re coming from. if you speak to the aunt about it and can say to her no they’ve said I should keep it sorry then it shifts the decision away from you and back into the family.
Can your husband not speak to her about it or the aunt themselves?

This was my initial thoughts- I just didn’t know if I looked like a bit of a bitch running to the aunts for back up. I don’t want it to cause a family drama. Honestly when it went around the rumour mill last year I asked then what I should do and they told me to keep it. I told her that when she came over but she was very pressing saying how she doesn’t think it would be wrong for me to hand it over there and then etc. I’m not a confrontational person and I felt very awkward sat in my house knowing it was within my reach but it just didn’t feel right.. I’m not sure if that’s because I let the wrong feelings cloud my judgement though

edit to add: I understand it might look like handing over the ring would eliminate any family drama. But I actually think it will kick start an argument with the aunts about how spoilt and entitled they think she is....

Don’t let SIL manipulate but pick your battles. It may well be important to her. Did she explain why it was?

So she said something along the lines of one day just the two of them were at Nans. Nan was going through her box and SIL said she liked it so it was just a nice memory that day and Nan said she could have it.

 

[footylass2021]

anyone on here who hates their SIL but hasnt yet met them ?

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Does anyone find themselves questioning if they’re being unreasonably hateful when they hate their SIL? mine came to a bbq held by her Dad - my FIL and bought her own buns for her burgers. No dietary reason, she just prefers brioche. Given that they’d supplied and paid for all the other food does anyone else find this weird? And almost selfish? Or am I just a walking hater now I can’t explain it I just dislike 90% of what she does

 

[Ellegee]

Does anyone find themselves questioning if they’re being unreasonably hateful when they hate their SIL? mine came to a bbq held by her Dad - my FIL and bought her own buns for her burgers. No dietary reason, she just prefers brioche. Given that they’d supplied and paid for all the other food does anyone else find this weird? And almost selfish? Or am I just a walking hater now I can’t explain it I just dislike 90% of what she does

My husband is a fussy git & often brings his own things to people’s houses

 

[Mfranks]

I think the background gives a different spin on whether you should have the ring. Everyone sees it appropriate that you have the ring so maybe it is best placed with you. I really don't think your rude to not hand it over, you was obviously close and had a good relationship with them so you deserve it.
Devils advocate - originally it wasn't meant for you, so would you miss it if the aunts gave it to your SIL anyways. For her to still think about it 18 months on and dream about it, I feel a bit bad for her. Are you worried about offending the aunts more than wanting to keep it?

 

[blossombloss]

Honestly it sounds like she's telling a massive lie and if her own blood relatives are telling you not to hand it over, it would seem it definitely is a lie.
However, if you really don't think you want it and it doesn't mean much to you I don't see the harm in handing it over. I guess what the problem will be is how your husband and aunt react to it. I mean I get where they are coming from, if she's as annoying as she sounds it's a case of not always giving in to her, but I think you need to think about whether it would be better with her wearing it or just sat in your jewellery box.

Tbh she sounds so annoying, coming over with her dream and what not...I'd have half a mind to tell her to piss off. Whoops edited this because I read the ring was an extra! It sounds like she's at it, but if it doesn't bother you I'd hand it over. I'd make sure she bloody knew you were being VERY kind by doing this.

 

[Silly Sausage]

This was my initial thoughts- I just didn’t know if I looked like a bit of a bitch running to the aunts for back up. I don’t want it to cause a family drama. Honestly when it went around the rumour mill last year I asked then what I should do and they told me to keep it. I told her that when she came over but she was very pressing saying how she doesn’t think it would be wrong for me to hand it over there and then etc. I’m not a confrontational person and I felt very awkward sat in my house knowing it was within my reach but it just didn’t feel right.. I’m not sure if that’s because I let the wrong feelings cloud my judgement though

edit to add: I understand it might look like handing over the ring would eliminate any family drama. But I actually think it will kick start an argument with the aunts about how spoilt and entitled they think she is....


So she said something along the lines of one day just the two of them were at Nans. Nan was going through her box and SIL said she liked it so it was just a nice memory that day and Nan said she could have it.

Well it’s your husband’s family and there is no reason he shouldn’t have a ring from his nan for his wife Nothing stopping him from bringing that up either if you decide to keep it. I was given my husband’s grandmothers ring shortly after we married and I immediately asked if they were sure his sister didn’t want it. She doesn’t wear jewelry and this ring is really really nice and worth a lot so I had to make sure.

It’s very tempting just to hand it over so she leaves you alone and avoid drama. But it’s likely she’s gonna bring drama anyways for other things if this is such an issue for her. You just have to decide if that’s what you really want to do. How important it is to you and how important she is to you.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Sorry to jump in on your thread! I have a situation with my SIL and I need advice I don’t wanna start my own thread as I’m forever scared of being exposed on here haha!

So my husbands nan passed away last year. When she died she left his aunts in charge of all of her jewellery - nothing of great value, just sentimental stuff. She had actually numbered everything and made a list of who should have what.
But. Husbands ex-wife was still on the list- it appeared that nan hadn’t updated it and she made her opinions on said ex-wife fairly clear so the aunts felt they definitely shouldn’t give her the jewellery

So, alongside the items that were allocated to me, they gave me an extra item- a ring- that was down for the ex wife. FYI it wasn’t a will, just a scrappy piece of paper

Rumour mill went around at the time that my SIL wanted the ring and was upset about it. She never directly said anything to me, but I was told by others not to worry about it and not to give it to her

fast forward approx. 18 months - SIL texts me yesterday asking if she can come over.. says she has something to get off her chest and basically tells me she wanted the ring BUT that apparently before Nan died she had been sat with SIL one day and for whatever reason was going through her jewellery and told SIL that she wanted her to have it. SIL has photos of her wearing the ring- she said that Nan told her to take pics so she could remember what it looked like. However, we don’t believe this is something Nan would say- she wasn’t very technical and it just doesn’t sound like her. Also, the list was within her parameters so she could have easily changed it

I just feel very conflicted. SIL said she had a dream about it the other night which made her realise it was still on her mind so she had to come and say something to me. I think she expected me to just hand the ring over. I don’t feel like the ring is ‘mine’ - and I’d almost feel rude on the aunts if I just hand it over as if it means nothing to me. I said this to her and she was like no I don’t think it would be rude, the ball is in your court.

so, without any history or backstory to our relationship....what would you do?

I’d ignore her unless you didn’t want the ring

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Devils advocate - originally it wasn't meant for you, so would you miss it if the aunts gave it to your SIL anyways. For her to still think about it 18 months on and dream about it, I feel a bit bad for her. Are you worried about offending the aunts more than wanting to keep it?

I can’t say I’d miss it if it was never given to me, because despite our close relationship I didn’t feel entitled to anything. When I was given the stuff I burst into tears that she had even considered giving me anything given I wasn’t her grandaughter.
I just think the aunts see through her, they’ve obviously known her longer than me. I try to be sensitive to everyone’s feelings, and I’m delicate in how I write this... she is very vocal about her feelings and mental health. Her dad regularly says he feels guilt tripped by her and I think she is perhaps trying to do the same to me.

to add: I don’t NOT want the ring. It’s a lovely ring, I’ve worn it since on special days e.g birthday, anniversary. Likewise I understand why she wanted it. I just feel very conflicted

 

[Mfranks]

Is the sister in law the ex wife, another SIL still married to a brother or the nans granddaughter? If the granddaughter I would give her the ring. X

 

[1001 others]

@Bloom95, it sounds to me as if she is taking all her insecurities out on you. Some people are just awful and will never change; unfortunately if they're relatives you're stuck with dealing with, or hearing about, them in some capacity. I'd just 'grey rock' her ... and try and pretend she doesn't exist. It works for me with a painful relative.

 

[Mfranks]

I think you know what you want to do - keep the ring. Tell her your keeping it and that the decision was made for you to have it and not her. If she's lied about the dream then that's awful & she doesn't deserve it x

 

[littlepup]

Speak to the aunts. Let them decide.
Nan never earmarked it for you so it doesn’t go against her wishes and you have other pieces. I’m not sure I’d even particularly be keen on it if it was earmarked for my OH’s ex.
Don’t let SIL manipulate but pick your battles. It may well be important to her. Did she explain why it was?