Dealing with abortion

[Eureka]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

I had an abortion for similar circumstances to you, we were in a bad way money wise and close to losing our home. I didn't feel we could cope with a baby on top of everything else. We had an older child at the time and I was thinking of her too. I'll be honest, the months after were quite hard. Even though I knew it was the right choice for everyone I felt awful and I was very triggered by anything pregnancy related. I felt a lot of anger that my circumstances had led to this, in any other situation I would have been over the moon to be pregnant and it was just rotten timing. I also felt that this was happening to me and my partner and people around me didn't get it, it felt like we were in this really tit place in life but I was the one who had to make the biggest sacrifice and I was just so mad and hurt that nobody could understand it.

I feel it got better once I reached what would have been my due date, it was like I could finally close the book on the "I should be pregnant" feelings and move on a little and its got so much easier that I barely think about it now to be honest. But that took time and a lot of work on myself. I went to see a counsellor at the time and that was really helpful. It was good to have that space to work though my grief and give myself permission to feel that grief which was something I struggled with. Its 15 years since I had the abortion and life has moved on and I'm able to look back and feel peace with the decision. Distance reassures me it was the right thing to do and that I can feel both sadness for what could have been while also feeling glad it wasn't if that makes sense?

Just on a practical sense remember you are still dealing with the hormonal shift that comes with an abortion so its natural you are going to feel like this for a while until things settle physically. Keep talking to your partner - that really helped me to just feel like I wasn't dealing with all this on my own. The counselling should really help too but give it time, it can feel worse before it starts to feel better. You will get through this but don't rush it. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings but trust that it will be okay.

 

[Galaxy1994]

I had an abortion for similar circumstances to you, we were in a bad way money wise and close to losing our home. I didn't feel we could cope with a baby on top of everything else. We had an older child at the time and I was thinking of her too. I'll be honest, the months after were quite hard. Even though I knew it was the right choice for everyone I felt awful and I was very triggered by anything pregnancy related. I felt a lot of anger that my circumstances had led to this, in any other situation I would have been over the moon to be pregnant and it was just rotten timing. I also felt that this was happening to me and my partner and people around me didn't get it, it felt like we were in this really tit place in life but I was the one who had to make the biggest sacrifice and I was just so mad and hurt that nobody could understand it.

I feel it got better once I reached what would have been my due date, it was like I could finally close the book on the "I should be pregnant" feelings and move on a little and its got so much easier that I barely think about it now to be honest. But that took time and a lot of work on myself. I went to see a counsellor at the time and that was really helpful. It was good to have that space to work though my grief and give myself permission to feel that grief which was something I struggled with. Its 15 years since I had the abortion and life has moved on and I'm able to look back and feel peace with the decision. Distance reassures me it was the right thing to do and that I can feel both sadness for what could have been while also feeling glad it wasn't if that makes sense?

Just on a practical sense remember you are still dealing with the hormonal shift that comes with an abortion so its natural you are going to feel like this for a while until things settle physically. Keep talking to your partner - that really helped me to just feel like I wasn't dealing with all this on my own. The counselling should really help too but give it time, it can feel worse before it starts to feel better. You will get through this but don't rush it. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings but trust that it will be okay.

Thank you so much for such an honest but kind and empathetic response. That does fill me with hope that again it’s possible to now have that regret/sorrow (even though it was the right decision) but to not feel consumed by this for the rest of my life. I’m glad you’re able to look back without those feelings anymore, and I look forward to being able to do that too. Thank you again 🤍

 

[anonesk223]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

Hello, I had EXACTLY the same feelings back in April. I’m in a happy relationship, and rent a flat, and I found out I was unexpectedly 5 weeks pregnant.
We had a chat and ultimately it wasn’t the right time financially. We know we want kids in the future, but right now we’re only just finding our feet, and found job security - we also rent a tiny one bed flat.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and I still get triggered by pregnancy announcements, feeling guilty/like a failure. However things have got a lot easier and I know it was the best thing for us at the time - when the time does happen, it’ll be full of excitement

I also have PCOS but this was a hugely positive sign that I can get pregnant.

Let yourself feel all the emotions in the world. You’re going through a hugely hard time emotionally (and physically!). I had a session of counselling and found it hugely helpful.
And don’t let anyone tell you it’s not a big deal or just to get over it.

Hugs

 

[Galaxy1994]

Hello, I had EXACTLY the same feelings back in April. I’m in a happy relationship, and rent a flat, and I found out I was unexpectedly 5 weeks pregnant.
We had a chat and ultimately it wasn’t the right time financially. We know we want kids in the future, but right now we’re only just finding our feet, and found job security - we also rent a tiny one bed flat.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and I still get triggered by pregnancy announcements, feeling guilty/like a failure. However things have got a lot easier and I know it was the best thing for us at the time - when the time does happen, it’ll be full of excitement

I also have PCOS but this was a hugely positive sign that I can get pregnant.

Let yourself feel all the emotions in the world. You’re going through a hugely hard time emotionally (and physically!). I had a session of counselling and found it hugely helpful.
And don’t let anyone tell you it’s not a big deal or just to get over it.

Hugs

Thank you so much for sharing, and for the lovely message. I’m feeling slightly better today, last night was the first time I’ve been on my own so I think I was just really starting to process everything. It’s so difficult isn’t it when you’ve been told/felt like this wouldn’t happen and then you make a decision you didn’t think you’d ever have to make. I’m glad things seem a little easier now, and hope they too continue to get easier for you too 🤍

 

[Robyng1992x]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

Sending love, it is so tough at the start. I’m in my 30s but have had two abortions, one when I was 19 and the other when I was about 23. I did not regret the first but I did the second and similar to you, felt I had been influenced by my partner (now my husband). Like you, I have PCOS but since then we have went on to have two wonderful children and in all honestly, I rarely think of my abortions now and deep down know that my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now had I went through with either of those pregnancies.

I found as time went on, the guilt became less and less and in all honesty, I rarely think of them now.

Don’t be too hard on yourself xx

 

[Galaxy1994]

Sending love, it is so tough at the start. I’m in my 30s but have had two abortions, one when I was 19 and the other when I was about 23. I did not regret the first but I did the second and similar to you, felt I had been influenced by my partner (now my husband). Like you, I have PCOS but since then we have went on to have two wonderful children and in all honestly, I rarely think of my abortions now and deep down know that my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now had I went through with either of those pregnancies.

I found as time went on, the guilt became less and less and in all honesty, I rarely think of them now.

Don’t be too hard on yourself xx

Thank you so much, it’s reassuring to read people have felt similar and essentially there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Especially those with PCOS who have then had successful pregnancies (as my brain is taunting me that this could have been my one chance but I know I have no evidence of that). I’m glad things have worked out how they have for you 🤍

 

[whoareyouu]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

My situation was different but I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

 

[Galaxy1994]

My situation was different but I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

Thank you so much x

 

[mushroomprincess22]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

Sending you so much strength and love. It’s never an easy decision to make

 

[Keera]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

it does get easier with time. I’ve moved on now and have other children and it’s something I don’t regret - as it was correct decision for myself and my partner - but look back on with sadness that it had to be that way. However I do not think about it often now, years later.
My advice is to take up the counselling that MSI will offer.
Treat yourself with kindness - imagine what you would say if your best friend came to you with this scenario and speaking of herself the way you are 🩷

and as an aside to your fears over what will be passed, I was around 8 weeks at time of termination and it was little more than an heavy period, after an initial heavy bleed.

 

[Pushyplumb]

Sending love. Accidents do happen. You don't want to abort, you would rather just not be pregnant so be kind to yourself.

You don't need to feel guilty for your children. This is an adult decision for you and your partner to make. Xx

 

[mushroomprincess22]

Thank you everyone for your support and for being there for me, it means so very much to me. I didn’t think this could get any worse but it just has. My partner is in the military and I’ve just found out he’s going away for a couple of weeks so I’m going to have to do this all on my own . X

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Thank you everyone for your support and for being there for me, it means so very much to me. I didn’t think this could get any worse but it just has. My partner is in the military and I’ve just found out he’s going away for a couple of weeks so I’m going to have to do this all on my own . X

Do you have a friend or family member to support you? I had to do it alone last year as my ex walked out when I found out I was pregnant. One of my best friends came to stay with me and took me there and back on the day. I hope you have someone who can support you. If not then please pop on here when and if you need

 

[whoareyouu]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

That sounds like a very difficult decision you’ve had to make and I’m really thinking of you now. As hard as it is, you know it is what is best for your family right now. I have had two procedures, first I was 21 and it was painful; second time I was in my early 30s and it was pain free. I do not know if age or expectation changed that or not.

 

[Pushyplumb]

I had mine on my own too. In a way it made it easier but lean on this group. Many have been through this. It is something not openly talked about in public but you would be surprised the number of women who have been exactly where you are right now.

 

[Dogwithabone]

Sending you lots of love and strength to get through this. 🫶 @mushroomprincess22

 

[mushroomprincess22]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

I have had both in my life, had the surgery last year as I was already 3 months gone when I found out I was pregnant. It was definitely the better of the two, yes it does mean spending most of the day at the clinic and having someone to pick you up but there was zero pain etc whereas years ago when I had the tablets you’re obviously conscious and actively misscarry which is painful and upsetting. I definitely think you’ve made the right choice. Good luck

 

[Eureka]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

I had surgery too and agree with @Lalalalaaaaaa85. It was a lot easier emotionally to wake up and it was done. I'm not sure I would have recovered mentally as quickly as I did if I was aware of what was happening. It is a long day and you will be tired after. Wishing you the very best of luck xx